If a guy asks to split the bill on the first date, is that an instant turn-off or totally fine?

Question

A lot of men say equality = 50/50. A lot of women say effort matters more than money. Which one actually kills attraction?

HawkPerception · Accepted Answer

Women have equality nowadays. Y'all fought for equal rights so hard, but now that you have it, you don't want the equal responsibilities. Why should a man have to pay for your time? Is your time more valuable than his? Are you not also interested in him to go on the date with him?

And going dutch is better because if you pay for yourself, you don't feel obligated to him for anything (if you're a decent human being, you'd think that way to an extent), and he doesn't feel like you owe him AND if she chooses not to go on another date, he doesn't feel used for money.

I would personally never date a girl that isn't willing to pay for herself UNLESS she specified that she wants a traditional dynamic and prefers the idea of being a stay at home partner. If that's the case, I'd be happy to pay.

You can't have your cake and eat it too. Men are waking up from this dynamic, slowly but surely.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Well which one do you want? Do you want equality or no? If so then you need to ante up your part of the bill. Amazing how a lot of women still want men to be traditional upfront, only then will she decided to be feminine or not. Only after marriage will she do wifey stuff but not before. But again the man must still perform his traditional rolls. What a crock of sh*t lol would it be ok for him to say he doesn’t pay for dates until she’s his wife? You know, just so he knows he’s not wasting his money.

Screenwriter · Accepted Answer

I think this needs to be outined BEFORE the date occurs.

"Say, I'd like to go Dutch for the time being. I hope that suits you."

To spring this AT the end of the date sounds off. No one knows how well initial dates will go, and it's burdensome for the man to always pay. Also, this prevents the payer from thinking they are owed something. It's people exploring possibilities.

This is why I think first dates should be coffee dates, and if possible, walk in the park, attend a free concert dates. Later, arrangements may change according to wha the couple feel is fair. Swap paying, one person pays more than the other...

But if the first few dates reveal two people aren't suited, going Dutch means there's no loss for anyone. You pay for. yourself.

DishLady · Accepted Answer

The only time a guy offered to split a bill with me was when we were just friends. (Even with guy friends, they tend to want to pay and get upset if the girl offers. What I've gotten used to doing instead is to offer a preliminary drink or activity before dinner to that the guy isn't paying for everything.)

AviatorTom · Answer

That's totally fine. That happened to me a few times when dating after my divorce, though most of the time I paid. That let me know that she's an independent woman, which is the kind of woman I like. I've never liked insecure , clingy women who think the man is supposed to do everything.

Chazmatazz269 · Answer

The vast majority of women won’t go on a second date with a man who didn’t pay for their first date.

lilBigPotato · Answer

It's a turn off but not for the reason most guys think.

I am perfectly fine with splitting the bill. I never go on a date expecting the guy to pay for my stuff. What I do expect however is some effort. Putting in effort to make it an enjoyable date. That includes avoiding unnecessary questions that might lead to awkward situations.

Asking me to split the bill doesn't achieve anything. What do you expect me to answer? Say no? Guys also don't ask if I'm ok for them to pay for me so why ask for the other way around?

There are many ways to do this in a more elegant way, without asking a stupid question. If you don't manage to do that, yes it's kind of a turn off.

blueonblack22 · Answer

in my opinion whoever asks for the first date should pay the bill. And women shouldn’t expect some $200 dinner on a first date and if they do it’s completely unacceptable.

There have been two separate incidents in the past where I had women ask me “if I like to get dinner” and then expected me to pay the f*cking bill.

Gross and disgusting entitlement is an understatement. NEVER do that to a man ladies. Never. Sure you might get away with pulling a fast one on a man. Especially if you are young and attractive. But long term that to more misogyny which isn’t good for anyone.

Levin · Answer

I'd pay because I'm traditional, and who cares about the relatively pawltry cost of one date.

I'd say it's important for me to not simp though. ie:

I only take a woman out if she's special. I am very selective. No women of loose morals, shall we say.

And obviously, blowing money on going out all the time is not very financially prudent into the long term. She would need to pay a bit, and we shouldn't expect to do expensive things all the time. Just chilling is good, too.

Also, I'm not quite sure what effort means. She expects me to impress her? Sod that. We do nice things together and we vibe. I'm not trying to impress her.

jshm2 · Answer

Depends. It can be a test, it can be a judgement.

Some guys like to "test" by going 50/50 to see how you will react. I. e. was this really a date or you trying to fish for free food.

Some guys make a judgement going 50/50 that you've both spend time, and neither has walked away. So you can both separate equally to think if a second date will be worth it.

Personally I was always a "pay it all" type, as I was like that regardless if it's friends or dates.

HighValue · Answer

Women expecting a man to pay her way is a major turn off. If she wants him to offer to pay or she doesn't want another date, that is her expecting him to pay. Selfish, entitled, greedy women.

If she thinks it is "traditional," then she needs to be a virgin, waiting until marriage for sex, willing to do ALL chores in the home, raise kids, have no car, no internet, no smart phone, etc. No? Then she is NOT traditional and is a hypocrite by expecting traditional treatment.

Telekinetic-Potato · Answer

I go in expecting to pay. Either she's going to put her card down or not. Either I'm fine with that or not. It all depends on how the date went.

You should be able to tell if she's gold digging or entitled just by the way she looks at you when the cheque comes out.

Some women will ask for it themself. Though I have a way of making people feel very comfortable.

Persephone02 · Answer

It's not an instant turn-off but offering to pay would be ideal. I am very traditional. Don't really believe in the 50-50 stuff that much. That doesn't mean I wouldn't pay my side of the bill if he just couldn't or wouldn't want to do it. I'm totally fine with it but again, it's more ideal if he offers to pay at least.

itsnaoxornever · Answer

i think it's okay if that's what we agreed upon. if he had initially told me that he wanted to take me on a date, that implies that he is going to treat me. nothing should be a surprise. in this case, it wouldn't subtract anythig, but if he paid, then it would definitely add points

Theunfadeable · Answer

“A lot of men say equality = 50/50” women are the ones who are constantly harping on equality which is the reason we have to have stupid conversations like this.

dragoblack · Answer

From a guy PoV, first date is pay for your own, unless things are going very well for both of us, then i offer to pay. Other reason for 50/50(if even), is if she is ordering crazy pricey stuff on the menu, she's getting left with her side of the bill. I hate being used and taken advantage of.

msc545 · Answer

I would think that, probably, for the vast majority of women, this would be an instant turn-off, and that would be the last date you would ever have with her. I've never asked a woman to do that because, frankly, it would embarrass me. On the other hand, I've had women insist to me that they wanted to split the bill. And again, I've never let a woman do that when she was out with me because again, it would embarrass me.

laurieluvsit · Answer

I have no money issues whatsoever, but if that were the first date, it would also be the last. Needy relationships are not long term relationships.

aceleon · Answer

it is how it should be. i'm not your bank account it is your bill to pay you drank or ate that shit not me.

fantasticass · Answer

First of all, I would discuss about payment before we arrived at the restaurant. If it's a dinner date, I'm not paying a dime. It's disrespectful for a woman to pay for dinner when she is in the company of a man.

Aubrey97 · Answer

I'd have insisted on it anyway. I'm confident I'm done with first dates but I got the whole "I paid for dinner, you owe me" once that was enough to learn for the rest of my life.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Any decent person will at least make the offer.  Of course, men on here will make the usual misogynistic comments on the subject.

imnoangel90 · Answer

I have split the bill on BAD dates, we're I knew I was never gonna speak to or see her again.

I have also covered the bills for good dates.

And continue to pay my girlfriend, because I want to.
She also does the same for me.

molonski2 · Answer

It's fine , but it's also not something that I would personally do.. For a young guy maybe it's different.

PeachyPie93 · Answer

I personally don't like men who complain or make excuses it's a feminine trait. So yes if he wanted to split it would defo turn me off..

douride2 · Answer

I have no issues with splitting the bill. Usually I insist on it. Years ago I had a date figure I should sleep with him just because he bought me dinner. Maybe it is an age thing.

Katebfun · Answer

💯 YES. I don’t entertain Dusty Men! 😅🤣 .

Kelley1 · Answer

I have not had that experience, as my dates have always paid.

Berethor · Answer

In modern days most women have jobs, no reason why men should still pay for them.

truthteller234 · Answer

argue with me all you want. I am an experienced dater, if a man INSISTS that he won't pay for your meal on a date, he is not interested in you.

Staximus · Answer

That means he's a cheap ass mofo and a scoundrel, or a bum who is broke as a $2 hooker. You're no mud bird, you don't have to put up with that kind of crap.

jahaims · Answer

Are you a hooker? If a guy pays for your time then you are a hooker. Is your time more valuable then his? If it is why does he get paid more. You are brainwashed. Try using logic.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

These days it's not wrong to split the bill 50/50 but personally i'd still pay the bill because i'm old fashioned, i cannot support the housewife role if i'm going to live by the present standards!

slatyb · Answer

I never did. If I couldn't afford to pay for a date, we didn't go there.

Massageman · Answer

Historically, the inviter pays. Else, if they agree it's a "shared date", then share.

Anonymous · Answer

If you're non traditional, feminist, it's fine. Most women aren't worthy of the king of chivalry that covers the whole bill any more. You can't demand a man be traditional and not be traditional your self.

RHK36 · Answer

I'll act and play traditional if she plays too. Unfortunately most women don't even come close to behaving like a traditional woman.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

It kills my attraction when someone expects me to pay for them.  I already pay my taxes. If you need charity, go to the Social Services office.

Vegasrunner · Answer

This is why I always advise guys to follow my rules of never spending more than $10 on a first date.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I don't. I can tell quickly if the girl is all about the free meal and never ask those out again.

Anonymous · Answer

On the first date? Definitely a turnoff. Luckily that’s never happened to me, but then again I haven’t dated that many different guys.

Anonymous · Answer

I always pay because I’m a bit traditional. That being said men tend to ask women out more often than vice verse so men should pay. The same way if I were to invite a friend out for a drink I would pay because I’m the one inviting.

guesswhereivebeen · Answer

Splitting the bill will dry up a pussy so fast… women want equality until it comes to paying for shit or hard work… fact

fish5505_87 · Answer

I guess I missed this boat, it makes sense, but it's been ingrained in my head for so long, she would not pay!

Anonymous · Answer

What kills attraction is female hypocrisy and entitlement.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Answer

Makes him look pathetic and cheap as hell. Why invite her if you don't even like her?

Anonymous · Answer

Splitting a bill on first date sounds great. Is the woman more interested in getting to know the other person or a free meal?

robocop666 · Answer

You are terminated if you do this. Some women want transport provided too.

Hagar88 · Answer

Its a good test.

exitseven · Answer

I would run for the hills.

abutaher · Answer

Calculation is not for any kind of relationship.

WonderingManII · Answer

I don't know because I don't date.

Anonymous · Answer

Turn off and deal breaker.

MissSunshine2 · Answer

Totally fine.

Anonymous · Answer

It depends on how hawt hw is.

BuddyShort · Answer

my god you are shallow.

itsannalee · Answer

Who ask who pay

Shortkay45685 · Answer

Turn offf

Anonymous · Answer

Turn off ditch him

If a guy asks to split the bill on the first date, is that an instant turn-off or totally fine?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Should guy pay the bill or split on the first date?