Is dating a coworker always a bad idea, or can it work out?

Question

There is a guy that I like where I work. I have always heard people say not to date coworkers. Is this always good policy?

ManOnFire · Accepted Answer

9 times out of 10 it's better not to date your co-workers. Even employment attorneys advise the same thing. Sometimes these relationships do work out and I've known some who met as young colleagues on the same job and eventually one or both became managers and got married, but these 'success stories' are rare.

You gotta think about what can happen if the relationship goes south:
- people will talk about it harder than they did when you first started seeing each other.
- you will face embarrassment and awkwardness having to see the person every day.
- it's possible you or him could become obsessed and can't let it go and then it goes to HR and someone is terminated.
- or there's some other drama where you or him try to make the other jealous by openly trying to flirt or talk to another co-worker, stirring up anger in you or him.

All things that could possibly threaten your employment or just hurt your mental health on the job period.

nolabels · Accepted Answer

I once briefly dated a co-worker.
It went nowhere, and there were no adverse repercussions.

I was 19, and she was a few years older.

Things can be very different than the way my scenario turned out.

My first thought, even back then, was how much I valued my employment.

For me, at the time, it was worth the shot.

I'm long retired, and now widowed.

That'd still be my first thought, though, if so entranced by someone, how much do I value my employment, or my membership in any group social situation.

Good luck and cheers! 😊

Alia_Czechgirl · Accepted Answer

I serve in the military and that is a very specific environment. But even here a relationship can work well (my boyfriend is also a soldier). Of course, it has its rules. A superior/subordinate relationship would not work here. My boyfriend and I serve on the same base, but fortunately, each in a different place. In that case, it works very well. Like any other relationship.
But it is clear that in a different profession in a different place, it may not work. And of course, people must not act like idiots. There are always rules in such a small space

Rei13 · Accepted Answer

It can go either way. I know a few people that met their spouse at work, but also a lot of people where it didn’t work and it made things uncomfortable at work for a while. If you like the person enough I say go for it regardless of what the outcome is. Just be prepared that one of you may need to switch the area/place you’re working at

Texaskid1 · Answer

Don't do it. It is too much hassle. It may be exciting at first but you should play the lonIf you break up you have to see that guy at work every. It could lead to gossip and envy from other coworkers. It could lead to your private dating life with this man becoming gossip fodder in the break room. It can get very awkward very fast.

I made that mistake 20 years ago in a different job in a far away city that I lived in and it was bad. I learned well and I have never dated anyone else from any other job after that.

Go to work to get your paycheck and nothing more. Be polite and professional with your coworkers and nothing more. Dating and romance are for off the clock with people you don't work with. My two cents. Good luck.

William7489 · Answer

Well, you can always find out liars or exceptions to any Rule. There’s been situations where coworkers have successfully gotten together and stayed happily with each other. I would say the vast vast majority of the time probably over 90% of the time it doesn’t end well. Nothing to be shocked about because most people we date we don’t end up marrying that’s not uncommon. However, the problem is that you can always break up with a girlfriend or a boyfriend, but you can’t break up from a coworker unless you quit your job. That makes it really rough to see your ex at work every day. And that’s not even getting into the prospect of losing your job if you’re caught. Is it really worth it? All I will say is you better be really sure that it’s safe, between single people, and they are both well aware of the risk. If you’re asking my advice, just don’t go there. Not worth it.

Natasha1995 · Answer

It depends on your company's policy. As long as it stays private, I don't think anyone can object.

It can become problematic when it leads to something more and then the relationship ends. There's no way out if you're going to see him every day. It could also be problematic if he's your direct boss or your subordinate. These things don't mix well.

WindAtMyBack · Answer

I've never figured out what the big deal is. People always cite examples of when it caused problems at work. As if breakups and divorces for non-coworkers never cause problems.

I've been around LOTS of people having relationships with co-workers and never seen a problem with it. I've done it myself.

You just have to stay professional, just like you do when dealing with any other problems in your life.

ArrowheadSW · Answer

Well this is certainly something not to be taken lightly, as I'm sure you are aware since you posted this question. I did this many years ago when I was 25/26 and it ended up ruining my life for a few months until I ended up getting a new job and out of the situation. (It still sends chills up my spine.) My advice would be to get to know the person over a lot of time before considering the next step.

slatyb · Answer

I know two that have been happily married for about 30 years. Many couples meet at work. Ask him to lunch or whatever. You are presumably both mature adults. This is only a problem if you work closely together (same report) and you can't trust him to be civil if it doesn't work you.

Anonymous · Answer

A long time ago I would have said: don’t

Plenty of fish in the sea, why shit where you eat
All these cliché things people say

Then I had the distinct displeasure of catching feelings for a coworker, and what was worse was that she was clearly into me too.
But we didn’t wanna date at work and shortly after she got into a relationship with a guy outside of work

After about 6 months she was let go from the company (unjustifiably but that’s another story)

And to be honest with you never felt so heartbroken.
Even my breakups with girls who were my girlfriend didn’t hurt this much.

So now my answer is different:
The heart wants what the heart wants
Coworker or not.
Many couples have made work

The only thing I would say is: don’t get into a messy casual situation-ship with someone from work
That could backfire easily.
If you’re gonna for it make sure the person is worth a real effort

sage2021 · Answer

Don't get your honey where you get your money!! Don't dip your quill in the company's ink! Don't do it! Trust me on this one! 🙏🏼

whosnumber_1 · Answer

Naw! I dated a girl from my work and I had lots of fun. We did break up though which did kinda suck having to be around her but all in all it was a positive experience. I would shy away from potential love because you are worried about a logical inconvenience. Go for it

TediumIsTheWorstPain · Answer

I mean... relationships that probably won't work out are kinda hot, aren't they? Because they're taboo?

It maybe depends on how closely you work with this coworker. Like is his desk right next to yours, or do you only see him in the hallway two or three times a week?

loveslongnails · Answer

Depends on how closely you work with them. If it's a large company and you don't work directly with them, ok. If you work together on a daily basis, it's not such a great idea. That doesn't mean you shouldn't date, but you need to establish from the start that if it doesn't work out, no matter WHAT the reason, no matter WHO doesn't want to continue, that you'll be adults about it and not behave badly towards one another.

Beckybooboo · Answer

I know a two people that met their spouse's at work and are still happily married, one couple for six years, the other for three years.

Lliam · Answer

I dated coworkers before. A couple of them became steady girlfriends. Work and school are good places to meet people.

Nikki1989 · Answer

Dating a coworker isn't always a bad idea, but it is high-stakes. Don't go public until you're sure it's more than a fling.

LazerBean · Answer

My friend started dating a co worker, and now they're married with 2 adorable kids. It's not always bad

Twalli · Answer

It CAN work out, but the two main reasons not to do it are strong. 1) You may be promoted, or they may be promoted and a relationship with a power imbalance, especially if you work at the same place is bad for a relationship. 2) A good way to keep a strong relationship is to have time to calm down after disagreements. Working separately allows you to do this because you aren't in contact all day. Being coworkers don't allow you to calm down.

beenherebefore · Answer

I personally do not advice on dating anyone you work with. Personally I'm someone who prefers to maintain a professional and serious demeanor at work and prefer not to mix work and personal life.

LC75LC71 · Answer

It really depends on what comes out of the relationship itself. For instance my longest relationship came from a woman I met at work. Granted she got transferred a couple months after.

thegreenyogi · Answer

It can get messy especially if things don't workout. I wouldn't.

Spencer10 · Answer

Oh they can work out I think... but you have to proceed with caution.

molonski2 · Answer

It can work better than some unknown F wit from Tinder , and ' back in the day ' it was how you met , quick count dated 7 from work  .. over numerous years.

RingOfFire · Answer

It's always a bad idea if it is against company policy (as long as you don't want to lose your job that is).

StephanieChick111 · Answer

Go for it. But in today's world it is frowned upon. Just keep it under cover at work. So, as long as you think he can keep a secret, then go for it.

Jeff51 · Answer

Don't date co workers. Most don't work out.

Apulu_backagain · Answer

My parents are coworkers, they do very well.

noohair · Answer

My father had a small factory. His hard rule was I could not date an employee. It was good advice. I have seen men destroy their careers and/or their families dating at work.

ChicoFromThe305 · Answer

Weren't you married? 😂

Anonymous · Answer

It depends some people are good with it and others not so much. Worse case, maybe u can be more than friends. 😌🤷🏼‍♂️🤣

Anonymous · Answer

Sometimes it might work out, but mostly it doesn't work.

MasterKS · Answer

coworker is actually easy and best idea in my experience.

robocop666 · Answer

wokred out well for Triple H. He never dates Stephenie he would be nowhere.

Kelly6 · Answer

@angelbabylips It can work

Unycorn · Answer

Never f*ck your own company!

Zionne · Answer

that's alright

AgentG111 · Answer

It depends on the people involved.

fish5505_87 · Answer

I did, we are married for 20 years!

Is dating a coworker always a bad idea, or can it work out?

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