She acts interested, but it seems like I'm doing all the planning? She's also been difficult to do anything with?

[tstarr17]

I started talking to this one lady on Hinge about a month ago. Since then, I have officially decided to stop using dating apps entirely, but that's another story. This lady, for now, is grandfathered in. She lives 2 hours away from me, and she has kids. Early on, like right when we started talking, she gives me her phone number. We agreed to a date at one point that was halfway between us on the condition that she could find a babysitter for her kids. She couldn't do that, and I bring up an idea of a video chat date since we had each other's phone numbers at that point. She waits a week and responds saying "That's a great idea." After a few texts, she unpromptedly says "I feel bad for not replying for so long". I'm trying to be patient and give her the benefit of the doubt. Before she sent that text, I thought she ghosted me and that made me decide to close my Hinge and be done with those apps for good. We also agreed to one video call about a week ago, but she was unable to do that, but texts me unpromptedly saying "Sorry for not reaching out today, the day kind of got away from me". She also sent me a few screenshots of this Facebook post a friend of hers posted that she agrees with and says she thinks it's really good. We also didn't talk much this last week, as she was not the best at responding to texts again. I'm conflicted about this. I understand she's a single mom, and I also understand some people are bad texters. Some of my friends can be like that, but they earned my trust and I know they want me in their life. I also feel if she didn't want to talk to me anymore, she wouldn't. At the same time, it feels like I'm putting in much more effort to make something happen. She has yet to offer a potential counter date, like cancelling out on Monday, but saying "Would Wednesday work?" I've read some women just want the man to plan everything, as they believe in alpha males, but also read if she wanted to meet you, she would've. Your take?

[DreamCrescent]

I would agree that women would like to see the effort and the planning and the investment from the man’s end. Especially at the beginning (and more especially throughout lol)


But this is a case of rudeness. There is no reason to leave messages on read for weeks. You tried, she couldn’t make it happen and then she doesn’t have the decency to carry a conversation. Via text or call or vid or whatever


I think it’s time for you to bow out. She’s a dead end. This isn’t single parenthood or long distance or any of the excuses this is simply nonchalance


I’m sorry your online dating experience has sucked. I’m sorry you had to give up. Such is life. Good luck out there

[tstarr17]

You make a really good point here. I guess unless she really proves me wrong, I may start fazing her out before just getting her out of my life entirely.

[tstarr17]

I have decided that I'll give her one week to prove both you and me wrong, and she has to do it completely unprompted. I don't expect her to do that, but I've been wrong before. But if she proves us right, then I'm deleting her phone number for good and will no longer respond to anything she sends (if she does at all). I originally deleted her number after I thought she ghosted me, but reinstated her number when she started talking to me again.

These kinds of games are a big reason I stopped using dating apps entirely. Even I'm too old for this. I have a PS5 if I want to play games.

[DreamCrescent]

i know 😒 it’s sucky

she might be entertaining another prospect and you could be like second on her list or something like that

there’s a key to online dating easier said than done and that is staying unattached. keep it casual and don’t get your hopes up. stay open but don’t put too much into it. that being said it’s hard to understand the people that message “hi” or take a few days to write back. it’s fine though if the conversation doesn’t start with any type of momentum, it’s not going to build up

good luck out there and enjoy the playstation hehe

[tstarr17]

I won't go into detail about why I quit using dating apps, but she was still talking to me outside of that, so I decided to give her a full chance as she was grandfathered in. But now with her doing this, and it looking like you and that other person are right about me being a backup, then now I'm done entirely. I never committed to her, but I don't meet new women IRL very often anymore. If I did, I still would've kept my options open, even when we were chatting.

[Ariesman81Nshiiit]

Does it matter? If you're not receiving the energy you require, it's not a good match. Stop making excuses for subpar communication and set some guidelines. Either tell her what you need or be prepared to eat the crumbs she gives you.

[In_Trance]

She's fucking someone else. You're a backup plan

[tstarr17]

It's possible, but there could also be other factors, like one of her kids having a medical issue.

[In_Trance]

My money's on another guy