Guy I'm dating doesn't call or even text me every day. Is he not into me?

[Anonymous]

dating guy a couple of months we hang out once a week but unlike my other friends whose guys they're talking to every day even if it's still casual, he doesn't contact me every day...usually only contacts me to make plans for date that week and maybe an occassional text here and there but that's it. when we hang out it's great and we talk for hours...but then back to nothing but scraps. I've initiated a few texts but it never really gets anywhere. I kinda don't get it. we have been intimate the last couple of times we hung out so that makes this very upsetting to me. before we were intimate I figured things were just going kinda slow but I was fine with that...but now I feel if he were really into me he'd contact me more. am I right? or blowing it out of proportion at this point?

[WWLifeBegin]

My gosh, no, no, no! You are so afraid of appearing needy that you give up your healthy sense of entitlement. Yes you heard me right, you are entitled to want to feel connected!!! We all need to feel valued, needed, care for, and respected. You are so afraid of losing him that you can't even communicate your needs in a relationship to him? This isn't healthy, if he cannot or is unwilling to give you what you need to be happy in a relationship for whatever reason, you need to dump him and find someone who is willing. Don't settle for something who blow you the hot and cold. You ought to be cherished. Just because you feel strongly about him doesn't mean he is invested in you, you need to value yourself. Tell him nicely, communicate to him what your needs are!

[rachiee]

You thought that getting intimate would rush things in other departments of your relationship? That was your first mistake, intimacy and physical things usually rushes the relationship in the wrong way. It usually slows down any form or emotion, including talking regularly to get to know each other more. I think you should talk to him though. He could be busy or doesn't feel like that's what you want. But if you want to talk to him on a regular basis then you're qualified for that since you have been dating for awhile. Just talk to him. Communication is key.

[Asker]

thank you for your feedback! I agree about me not being allowed to feel just because we slept together he owes me more contact...i didn't mean for it to happen I don't think he did either we were going really slow I mean we didn't even kiss til third date...but I agree I gotta talk to him about this

[rachiee]

You are allowed to feel that way after sleeping with him, it happens. But its hard to change habits like this once sex is involved early. Talk to him and see how it goes. Good luck!

[Asker]

thanks I could use all the luck I can get! :)

[Anonymous]

May he just not ready for anything serious. R you dating too ? Meaning dinners and spending time publicly?

[Asker]

yes..we have spent last few dates at his place or mine but he said next date he's taking me out to do something active because we both like to try different things. he told me that Sunday morning, so maybe I'm freaking out a little too much? and he always says "we" about us...i'm just scared I haven't felt this way in quite some time

[Opinion Owner]

Then you should tell him you like more communication. Explain how a girl feels and it helps to move thing along and get closer. Ur entitled to that.

[Asker]

thank u! gonna try to bring it up next date!

[Ruiner]

If you're 30-35 and this guy is 30-40 then I'm going to say he's not the social media d-bag generation and he can enjoy his alone time and probably focuses on work.

Personally when I'm at work or busy, leave me the hell alone. I will talk to you when I can, but give me some space.

[Asker]

yes he is in thirties too and he has two jobs and has a lot on his plate and I'm fine with that...i guess I just wish he was more verbal with where I stood with him...but I don't wanna bring it up and scare him off. yeah he doesn't even have Facebook and takes forever to call his family back he always tells me so maybe I'm making too much of this lol...he also noted that he had very busy week with both jobs when we last hung out. but still mentioned making plans for next date. so should I just keep cool

[Ruiner]

Without knowing more I'd have to say he's just a busy guy who likes to keep work and play VERY seperate. You already know he plays with you so let him work. When all his stuff starts to calm down some THEN bring up moving the relationship forward and asking for more of his time.

[Asker]

thx I will be sure to do that! one think I meant to run by you...we met online...he said it was weird for him but he never got chance to meet anyone other than going that route...i'm same way about it...we said we'd tell people we met bowling lol. anyway, my friend went online (i've been off because I like him and don't want to talk to anyone else) and she told me he hasn't been back on either...good sign? or don't make too much of it? thx again!

[Ruiner]

Met two girls I've dated online. One is now an ex-wife. My brother met his wife online. Couple friends of mine have met horrible people online. It's a mix bag, just the same as meeting people in person, the one downside being the lack of face to face chemistry.

You just need to sit down and figure out the maximum amount of time you're fine with the status quo, then subtract a month or two. Use that date as the day you ask him to get more serious or break it off.

[Asker]

that's great advice...thank u! I got some things to figure out in terms of timeline that's for sure and then gonna set a date like you suggested!

[Anonymous]

every guy is afraid of the "don't call too much, you'll seem clingy" conundrum. And if he's seen Swingers, he's doing pretty much exactly what they recommended.

[Asker]

so he may be as into me as I think he is when I see him? because when I'm with him I feel a very strong connection and attraction so it's so confusing when I don't get anything during week in terms of staying in touch. I'm very independent myself and have had guys def call too much so I get that it is a balancing act. just wish I knew what he was thinkin lol

[Opinion Owner]

He might like you as much as you like him or maybe he doesn't. Some people like Black Licorice, Some people like Red. everyone is wired differently thanks to genetics and family upbringing.

[Asker]

agreed. is it too early for me to bring up my feelings to him? not about him calling more but asking him where I fit in at this moment?

[Opinion Owner]

Don't ask him what's up yet. After 6 months, yes, but not now.

Just say "Hey, I'd like it if you called me every once in a while. I like hearing your voice"

[Asker]

that sounds good to me...i'll try it thanks!

[Needhelp6]

Texting is the worst thing for relationships, so are hours on end on the phone. Personally, I like talking to a girl every few days on the phone, and maybe a text here and there. Other then that, save it for the dates and enjoy real interaction.

[Asker]

that's interesting to hear...thank you for your feedback. so even if you like the girl a lot you might not necessarily call her a lot in the beginning? when we do hang out it's for hours and hours and we talk about tons of stuff so I think I get what you're saying about that...thank u!

[Needhelp6]

To much of anything in life is not a good thing. Think of the time you spend with him now, do you look forward to it? Do you get excited when he does text/call? well if he did this stuff all the time, you wouldn't feel that way. Consider it a blessing because a lot of guys constantly call/text and I bet you'd eventually wish they didn't :P

[Asker]

lol true I dated a guy who would call and text all the time and I couldn't stand it! as long as I know it's not because he doesn't like me I'm OK with it...if it's because he doesn't like me enough to contact me that's another story...guess I gotta just see what happens!

[tonysodza]

he might not want to scare you or even know that you would like to talk to him more - Have you told him or dropped hints? It might just be the way he was raised. I always was in a rush to get off the phone due to the fact that both of my parents ran a different business out of the house and I grew up saying what had to be said and hanging up. It annoyed my wife when we were first dating.

[Asker]

that's really interesting thanks for sharing. so guys are afraid about scaring us off? I mean I figure the gig is up he knows I like him we've slept together and I always have a huge smile on my face when I'm around him. but we are both in our 30s so I thought he'd be past that stage but maybe not? wld I scare him off if I brought it up? that I'd like to hear from him more?