My girlfriend wants me to apologize to her but I didn't do anything wrong!

Question

So why girl and I were in the car the other day and out of curiosity I asked her how many guys she had slept with.  She told me 8 and I kind of freaked out and yelled "8?!" I was genuinely shocked considering she's only the second girl I've ever had a relationship with. when she asked me my number I just told her it was nowhere near hers and the rest of the night was pretty damn awkward. Now she wants me to apologize but I don't really think I did anything wrong. Admittedly,I could've responded a little better but I was shocked to heart that number. If anything I think she should apologize to me for putting out so easily. Any advice would be welcome on how to make her realize she did wrong not me.

GoesTheRain · Accepted Answer

She's upset with you because of your reaction. She was honest with you and it blew up in her face. Also your response of "no where near her number" probably came across to her as your indirectly calling her a slut.

"Any advice would be welcome on how to make her realize she did wrong not me."

Shame on you. Any relationships and sexual interactions she had with guys before you don't involve you and she shouldn't have to apologize for them. She wasn't dating you at the time, and thus you weren't a weighing factor. It is insensitive, unfair, judgmental and ridiculous for you to expect her to apologize for "putting out so easily". If you couldn't handle her honesty (and she's probably going to be slow to being honest with you on other things you might freak out about and judge her for), you had no business asking. As long as she's sexually healthy, who cares how many guys she slept with before you? Its more of a plus in the sense that she's experienced, probably knows what pleases her and gets her off, and knows fun moves or techniques that you might want to learn from and add to your repertoire.

If you like her and care about her for who she is, not what she did in past relationships, why does the past matter?

Your apology could go something like this:

"I'm sorry that I freaked out on you when you were honest with me about the number of guys you slept with before me. I shouldn't have asked if I didn't really want to know, and I shouldn't have reacted the way that I did." -- If you want you can explain why you reacted the way that you did, but do it in a way that is non-confrontational and respectful towards her, not judgmental or demeaning like "I was shocked because I never knew you'd slept around so much before or that I was dating a slut".

You might also want to add in that you don't think she's a slut, you value honesty in your relationship and you do care about her. If you can't accept her past and expect her to apologize for it when you weren't apart of it, you aren't ready to and don't deserve to be in a relationship. Ditch your pride, grow up and apologize for the reasons listed above or say goodbye to your relationship. She most likely won't stick around for a guy who makes her feel bad about herself and expects her to apologize for things that are in the past and have nothing to do with you.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You are right I don't think you did anything wrong but she feels offended by your reaction and maybe a little judged. The most human response is that she will try to make herself feel less shamed by blaming you for making her feel that feeling. Since you were the one that brought up the question without being fully prepared to handle what you were about to hear then I think you should apologize for your reaction but only if the number from her past doesn't make a difference to you. If you are really hurt by the fact that she had a past with so many people then that is kind of a different problem and you would have to tell her that you aren't comfortable with that and she will have to live with that. Everyone has their weight of baggage that they have to learn how to carry and deal with.

Anyway, the best way to make her feel better without actually apologizing for it directly is by saying "I'm sorry that you felt offended by my response." We use that in customer service to deal with angry clients that blame us for having no control over situations.

Ashley8282 · Accepted Answer

lol @ ->"anything I think she should apologize to me for putting out so easily"...you remember you are screwing her to?

& "Any advice would be welcome on how to make her realize she did wrong not me."

I'll be honest and frank, you sound insecure because she has more experience than you. From your age group 18-24 eight is a pretty standard, average number. My boyfriend has been with 14 women and he is 26...

Don't ask questions you aren't ready to hear the answers to. And as for asking how many people your current SO has slept with or any previous sexual experience should be kept in the past unless it is something serious like cheating or beastility.

brettb · Accepted Answer

Hahahah classic.  8 is a pretty high number though.  To be honest I think its bullsh*t how woman expect men to do anything they want us to.  I never took any of my ex gf's bullsh*t.  I guess that's why they are all ex's :p.  But if you really like her, just find some sorry ass reason to apologize for it and everything will be ok.

prophecy · Accepted Answer

what a loser. you made her feel like a whore being all shocked and whatnot. 8 is not a lot.

tigerlilly29 · Answer

Hahahahaha um I'm sorry I couldn't help but laugh at, "she should apologize to me for putting out so easily. " it was funny. Anyways, yea I do think 8 is a high number personally. But you should not judge her, some people are just more sexually active, and I think women are placed in the negative for that when for men its more socially acceptable to sleep with a lot of women. Either way you did ask her and she replied honestly, so how is she in the wrong. But she could try to understand you too. Just tell her you were shocked and that's why you reacted that way.

RedSmartie · Answer

I kind of think you should apologize. You asked her for the number and she gave you an honest answer. It might not be pretty, but she told you the truth.  I think you apologize for reacting poorly.  And don't expect an apology for "putting out so easily."  What happened before the relationship should not be apologized for.  What's in the past is in the past.

kdizzleforizzle91 · Answer

I empathize with you and your shock about her having so many partners, but it's all in the past. I think the most important thing to you should be that she's with you now. I don't think it's fair of you to want her to apologize for what she did BEFORE she met you. You weren't wrong for being concerned, but might have overreacted.

Anonymous · Answer

r why serious? ummm wow you sound like a total jerk and a**hole... i would break up with you if I was her

NewClassic · Answer

Maybe she's tripping over the little things

johari · Answer

Just apologize

My girlfriend wants me to apologize to her but I didn't do anything wrong!

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