Been dating this Jewish girl for about 2 months..

OKay so, let me start this off.

So I've known this Jewish girl since high school. We actually started talking about 2 months ago. And have gone on plenty of dates. Now I'm not rushing anything, so I'm cool with the pace that we are taking things at. aka we Haven't had sex, or don't anything intimate. She has kissed me, but we didn't kiss for like a full blown makeout session, but I would love that to happen. Anyways, I need some help with this.

So w.e I've taken her out about a million times, movies, dinners, lounges, you name it we have a blast together. We talk dalily. She speaks and acts as if she is my wife, talks like she's my wife, if were out with other guy friends, I'm the one she comes too, she doesn't go to them.. Anyways.. But I'm just confused because we Haven't gone farther. (not sex) but like she hasn't said anything like, oh I wanna be with you and stuff. Get what I mean?

She has also brought up the fact that she is Jewish. Now she's not like a hardcore Jewish girl that dresses up in uniform all the time and wears a wig. But she does practice the religious aspects. She doesn't eat normal meat, which doesn't bother me, she only eats kosher, which is totally fine. But she has brought up the fact that she wants her kids to be Jewish, and I said that's fine, but they also have to know there Greek. Straight up. Cause I'm Greek.

Anyways we went out Friday night, and she brought one of her gfs out with her. And her girlfriend was being so rude to me because I wasn't Jewish. Like she was saying the meanest things, w/e I didn't just sit there and take it like a little bitch, I stated my points. And the girl I'm seeing also snapped on her friend that she brought out for being so rude to me.. Anyways other then that me and her had an amazing night.. And she apologized to me the next day for everything her friend did..

This Jewish girl, is also a cancer, and I'm a Pisces, so we understand each other very well, and get along very well.

Anyways, I wanna know if this is going anywhere... Like I am spending my money on her. I don't take her out to cheap places, and she knows that... She says to me all the time that I'm such a great guy... But I feel like she won't be 100% with her because I'm not Jewish.. At the end of the day were in 2012. I've even told my cousins about this, and there like, k she's acting stupid if she won't be with you because your not Jewish.

Anyways, some1 tell me what to do.


Most Helpful Girl

  • i am jewish and let me tell you you are in a pickle. I am not trying to be discouraging. but I was in a similar situation. I am jewish and though I am not so religious my family is traditional and would NOT accept me being with a non jewish man. I am sorry to break this to you but it is true. jews are VERY big on no intermarriage. therefore a lot of parents will not even accept their jewish child dating a non jewish man or woman.

    my parents would actually disown me for marrying a man who is not jewish. even if they came around I know my relationship with them would be strained or distant forever. they would be very hurt and likely never accept it.

    if you are very religious jew it is easy but for someone like me it is very hard. sounds like the girl is similar to me. she probably likes you a lot but is in a dilemma because she knows her family will not accept it.

    i was in a similar situation. I dated a non jewish guy for a few months and I kept it very on the down low. some of my jewish friends would not even be accepting, let alone my parents. I liked him a lot but never pushed the relationship issue with him or wanted to commit. emotionally I wanted to but I knew it would not be a smart idea because of the whole family problem.

    it sounds like she likes you but is scared to commit because her family will never accept it.

    she is not acting stupid. people who do not have this type of upbringing do not understand. your friends do not understand but let me tell you it is not an exaggeration, parents will literally disown their children for marrying out!

    in 2012 in America for a jew who is not so religious it can be a big strain. I always feel very restricted in my dating life. good luck.

    • Yes I know.. But I feel like her family would be fine with me... eughh you guys have no idea how stressful this is...

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    • you would be surprised about the jewish family thing. if she is kosher she comes from a religious family and I doubt they would be okay with her ending up with you, unless you convert. jewish parents are VERY insistent upon their children dating jewish, I know from experience :/ my guy didn't want to get serious so that hurt me in a whole different way and also gave him an advantage (because I couldn't push being serious anyway) but you should talk to her.

    • I haven't spoken to her in 3 days... Sundays he called me but I had some family over... And I called her back that night.. And I just really hope she didn't go out and do something with some1 else... I'm pretty sure she wouldn't have, but when I got on the phone with her she seemed very relaxed... like she "released stress". Then she said she had to go.. rushed me off the phone.. she texted me saying she will call me, that she promises she will.. And I've been sitting around for 3 days now...

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 10

  • I think you need to talk to her. Ask her if it bothers her if you aren't Jewish. Ask her if she has any expectations for you or if she wants to seriously date you. I'm not sure how conservative she is, but she may come from a family that "courts" rather than "dates" so you may want to find that out. As for wanting a more intense physical relationship, next time you kiss, try and let it linger just a little longer than she's used to. Not forcefully, but very gentle.

    This girl may assume that you are already in a relationship. The fact that she acts like your wife shows that she wants to be with you, so maybe she doesn't realize that she needs to say it?

    One question that has me curious... She let you take her out on the Sabbath? I'm not Jewish, but I keep the Sabbath, and I wouldn't go on a date or go out with friends on the Sabbath. I guess it doesn't matter, but I'm just curious.

    • I researched sabbath and this is what I found {in Jewish sources by the time of the Septuagint, the term "Sabbath" (Greek Sabbaton, Strong's 4521) also came to mean an entire "se'nnight" or seven-day week, the interval between two weekly Sabbaths.} Is that what sabbath is? If so, then yes

    • no, I'm talking about the weekly Sabbath. Friday at sunset until Saturday at sunset is holy time

    • WEll I did take her out Friday night, till Saturday morning.. She can't be that religious.. Like she's even told me that she doesn't go to the synagogue because she doesn't like how people all gossip there, and I told her its the samething at church. That's all it is, a place to place money and gossip. And she was surprised church was the same. And I told her, that's what all places of worship are, gossip.

  • Definitely do not push sex or mention it. I'm sure you wouldn't but still if she grew up conservative and religious virginity and sex after marriage could have a deep root inside of her. AS for getting serious well you can very easily bring that up. You could take her out on a very special date and romance her and then pull out a special piece of jewelry or seomthing and ask her if she would be your girlfriend. Tell her how you would like to see where this relationship would go and if she says yes, you can talk ith googly eyes about each other and what she thinks of the relationship and things. Don't get into any deep serious religious topics though. That can come later.

    If she wanted you to be jewish then she never would have dated you in the first place. She obviously is open with it, doesn't allow her friends to speak rudely about it, ect. Her family though could be another thing and she may have a hrd time dealing with that. Iw ould know since I am dating a Muslim and I know once my family finds out who is Christian ( which I am as well) .. well they won't be the happiest. So it all takes time but you definitely should be able to take the next step and become known as boyfriend and gf.

    • lol you sort of suggested he give her jewelry when he asks her to be his GF.. Just make sure it's nothing like a promis ring.. Jews don't do that.. He should give something like jewelry to her as a hanukkah gift than tell her he's serious about her in his card... Shows that he's willing to learn about her background.. So he isn't perceived as a phase but someone who doesn't see religion as a big obstacle... It's too soon to talk about converting.. but it's important to hint that you would

    • WEll I don't wanna buy her love... I would get her a veryyyy nice piece of jewelry if she was my gf.. But I'm not gonna do that for her since she isnt.. yet... or if she never wants to be...

    • Ok k I understand. I guess I am a little different than other people but I agree with them. Just talk to her. I'm sure she is willing to be and wants to if she has gone out with you for 2 months already. If she had an issue with you not being Jewish then she wouldn't have said yes in the first place to dating. Good luuuuckkk! :D

  • you need some answers. I've dated jewish guys who wouldn't consider serious relationship because they wanted their family to remain jewish (ie' have a jewish wife), so they played outside the jewish pool, but for serious things would only consider someone inside. I respect their decision, because our cultural values didn't mesh completely, and I wasn't comfortable changing my religion. I hope her views are not as strong, but wtv it if, you deserve to know. just ask her.

  • why don't you talk to her about all this?!?!? why don't you say "so we've gone out so many times, and I'm really interested in you... is this going anywhere?". From personal experience, she is probably waiting for you to mention that... OR she's probably waiting for you to ask to be her girlfriend (if people do that these days - I don't know). I think you guys just really need to talk and you should bring it up. good luck.

    • I want too so badly.. But I'm afraid of pushing her away at the sametime... If I ask...

    • then you're not being honest with yourself. you would feel a lot better if you told her everything. if she pushes away because you're expressing your feelings then her loss...

  • Even in 2012 there are people who won't marry someone because they aren't the same religion. Some of them are OK having a relationship with a person but will never get married. After 2 months I think it's OK to ask be prepared for the answer. Would you consider converting for her? You don't have to know now but it might be worth thinking about before you ask.

    • I have thought about it. I would only do it, if for sure 100% things were perfect and we got to that stage of marriage. I do see that with her, its not like I dont. So I most likely would. I don't know about snipping my piece, mabe later on, but she better make it feel a lot better after that's done LOL

    • Lol didn't really think about that...changing religions is a big deal but might be worth it for the right person

  • The person that insulted you for not being jewish doesn't actually understand Judaism. I'm a reform/humanistic jew and whether not someone is jewish makes no difference whatsoever. It's because Judaism is about being a good person, at it's core. Not just God and going to synagogue.

    • Yea I know.. trust me.. This girl also loves to "night ride" if you get what I mean. I can't wait till something nips her in the butt for that ha! (not trying to be an a**hole or anything, but straight I didn't deserve that from her)

  • I think you're a great guy, and you should ask her because 2 months is enough for her to know whether she wants to be with you or not, so ask her straightly and don't waste time. Maybe she's waiting for you to make a move.

    • Yea I've given hints to the conversation of us "being together" and its like she ignores it sometimes... or like pays attention to something else... I dunno...

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    • well she can get threw to them how she feels about him if she goes about it and takes it slow.. let's her family have time to process this and get to know him rather than see him as just a non jewish boyfriend.. Jews are all about sharing their culture if they see it in a non threatening way.. My gay persian friend stayed over during chanukah once.. He kicked my families butts in dradle, I even joked that only someone with gypsy back ground could be so good at taking money from a Jew haha..

    • Well, they two have serious talking to do lol

  • Hey, so I am a Jewish girl, and I know that my parents will only accept a Jewish boyfriend. It is very common that Jewish parents want their kids to marry Jews as well because there is a major difference in culture and morals just like any other religion. Maybe that step you need to take for her to fall even more in love with you, is to meet her parents formally (if you haven't already). This will put her mind at ease and let her love you. Not to be the bearer of bad news, but if she is really religious, she will end up with a Jewish man. It's just the way the world turns. But, there are millions of Jews that will love who they love disregarding religious beliefs, so keep up the good work!

    • I have meet her mother, and she likes me alot... That's what joslin has told me..

  • HaHa I'm 100% Jewish girl who's mothers fam is from Greece (yes a rare Greek Jew). For starters get her a chanukah gift (it starts on the 8th). BTW only married religious Jewish women do the wig thing and I personally think that they are weird for thinking it's OK to ware someone elses hair and not your own. I'm not really that religious but was raised in a conservative Jewish fam.. It's not that we care that a guy is Jewish as much as it is that our families do and we are told since we are young that our parents would be disappointed if we married someone who isn't Jewish.. If you two were to get serious you would have to convert for her to ever marry you (it's not really a big deal she would prob be OK with a Christmas tree if you decorated it in blue and white and threw a lot of Jewish ornaments on it and also you really can't believe in Jesus as a sun of g-d). It's really about getting her fam to approve of you and showing them that your interested in learning about the Jewish culture (and you can teach them parts of yours Greek culture, being Greek is a a culture more than a religion unless you go to a Greek orthodox church) so that they see that you would convert for her if it came to that.. Also she would be super impressed if you said that you would be OK with raising Jewish kids but that in order to raise them with some Greek culture you would want to raise them to be sephardic Jews (Jews with Mediterranean heritage such as Greece and has more culture that you could identify with instead of ashkenazi Jews (she's most likely ashkenazi meaning of eastern European decent but will be super impressed that you actually put thought into this and care that much). We've had belly dancers at family parties on my mom's side of the fam, baklava, grape leaves, kosher kebob, falafels, hummus, peta bread, tahini sauce... A lot of Greek food and Israeli food overlap so it's really easy to intergade the two cultures. Hope all of this info helps.. I'll friend you in case you have any more questions

    • Yea I know! Yes I have thought about having jewish kids with her.. I would be fine with it, I even told her they would know were they came from! LOL (aka meaning greek) I told her they would be smarter then every1 else, just cause they would be awake! I know the whole food thing, I don't have a problem eating kosher, or switching food diets..

    • I asked her if she wanted me to get her somehting for chanakah and she like giggled.. And she was like noo its okayyy, but if you really wannnt tooo lol

    • that mean's she wants a gift! sweet good girls won't feel comfortable asking for anything.. Best thing to do is to pay attention to what she likes and surprise her with it.. wow you would even go kosher yourself... I use to be kosher, now my family has 3 sets of silverware.. dairy, meat and a who cares haha

  • She may be going along with this for the entertainment of being lavished expensive dinners and stuff, I mean who wouldn't enjoy that? As long as you give somebody is gonna take it.

    So My Aunt married a JEWISH MAN. In order to do that My Aunt needed to study and go through the process of converting.

    Lots of Jewish people are very very strict about who they marry.

    See my aunt and uncle don't go to synagogue or anything. They probably light a menorah and that is about it so Converting was really just a formality that my aunt did.

    If you want this girl, then study up...TELL HER you are thinking about converting.

    Ask her straight out: "What would you think if I wanted to convert to Judaism?"

    • Yes I do want her, I've dated a jewish girl before, and I never had this issue with the other one.. Her family loved me, but w.e we were young, and she ended it. So its cool. But I found this new one.. ANd its like all she can think about is being jewish. I know it doesn't bother her.. But I feel like she makes it a topic just because get what I mean?

    • Well what you are not understanding is that she was raised since childhood with pressure and a religious belief system. What I'm saying to you is that if you want this girl TELL HER THAT YOU ARE WILLING TO CONVERT. The reason why she makes it an issue is because it's on her mind...


What Guys Said 5

  • "but they also have to know there Greek. Straight up. Cause I'm Greek."

    you know that greek is a nationality and judaism is a religion. you also know that there are 'greek jews' right? you don't sound very intelligent.

    and since you are unintelligent I will think for you (because I am intelligent); only a truly ignorant and backwards person cares about religion these days. if your girlfriends friend was actually giving you sh*t for not being jewish it shouldn't really matter to you, but the fact that you got mad actually makes you a little bitch. the only thing on your mind should be that you love your girlfriend and that's all. and plus, be a man (or as much as a man as you can possibly be), and TELL HER that YOU wnat to take things further.

    • Ur annoying. I know the difference. And if you were that "smart" you wouldn't be getting angry in your reply hot shot. Oh right the mind of a 19 year old. How I miss those days.

  • Get a few drinks in her, get some action. If you have to put up with all this crap you should at least get some pleasure from it. As far as long term goes, it sounds like if you wind up with her you will wind up miserable. Just my opinion from what you said.

  • why don't you tell her this little story you told us? you need to talk to her. don't expect anything good though. I've dated a Chinese girl and I wasn't accepted by her parents. so I kinda know what this is about. but I mean maybe you have a better chance. this question should be addressed to her not GAG.

  • F*** her?

    • Whether you take this literally or metaphorically is another matter for debate entirely.

  • I have been in similar shoes as you, though I was together with a Turkish Muslim instead (and I'm an atheist Swede, for the record).

    It really comes down to what SHE feels like having a relationship with you, remember, she has to put up with her family and friends in order to have a serious relationship with you.

    Though, the matter of fact that she's still around you even though you're not of Jewish descent means that she's more liberal than those that are more orthodox. In other words, if she was more "hardcore" within her religion, then she wouldn't have dated you in the first place.

    Even with religion involved, she might not feel you on an emotional level.

    Also, I didn't have (penetrative) sex after half a year we had a relationship. Though we were intimate, but I never rushed it, I never brought it up until she felt ready for it.

    Now, I'm not together with this girl anymore since she had lost her feelings for me and I respect that, however we did have a difficult time with her family and I, especially since I'm an atheist.

    I wish you luck!

    (P.S. Turks are awesome, and Greeks as well! Despite the both of you absolutely hate each other historically :D D.S)

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