Self-conscious about beach date

My first date or hangout with this guy is going to be at the beach and I just know I'm going to be really self-conscious about my body. I'm not super overweight, I'm just not very toned and have a little belly. Plus I'm very pale and have a mole on my stomach.

I was thinking about just telling him that I don't have the greatest body so that he doesn't get his expectations up but this will probably just make me look super insecure (which I am to an extent). I just want to be straightforward with him. Or is that totally weird for a girl to say that upfront?

What are your thoughts/recommendations?


Most Helpful Guy

  • What do you plan to wear? There's no rule that says you have to wear a bikini or anything as revealing as one. You could wear a more conservative bathing suit, or you could dress in regular clothes unless you plan on going in the water.

    He may feel concerned about your self confidence if you tell him right away about how you feel about your body. I'm not saying you should lie to him, but I think it introduces awkwardness between the two of you if you have a discussion about your insecurities before your first date. You're going to the beach, and the beach is supposed to be fun. He's not going to stare at your body and analyze every possible good thing or bad thing about it. Just relax and have fun, but wear something that will make you comfortable.


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What Guys Said 5

  • You're pale and you have a mole?!?! Quite a horrible crime you've committed there lol. On a more serious note, honesty is always best, period. As a guy, I know that women, as a sex in general, are most insecure about their bodies, even those who are in great shape. Just tell him you're a bit insecure and nervous; I'd be extremely appreciative and even more attracted to you if you came forward like that. It's shows that you've got courage and that you're honest, which speak volumes about you.

  • No, it's not at all weird. The guy should know that this isn't the greatest idea for a first encounter..not that many females look that good that they feel comfortable with bikinis on a date, you know. And he should know that too.

    So just tell him that up front. It's about time he learned! It dosn't make you look insecure, just real;istic, imao

    • This depends on what she is telling him; she shouldn't say she is uncomfortable with her body.

      How would she feel if her date said he was uncomfortable with his body? It's a turn-off.

    • If reality is a turnoff, then there's a problem! There's nothng wrong with being honest..

    • Two up arrows, must be best Answer!

  • Don't downplay yourself at all. Just go out to the beach and be yourself. F***'em if they don't like it.

  • You could tell the guy that you don't like going to beaches for the first date and suggest a different activity. As much as I've been trying to ready my body for going to the beach, I wouldn't want to go on a first date to the beach either (unless it was the unlikely day that I was the sexiest male on the beach -then it would be like a power fantasy come true)!

    And to all of you ladies out there:

    As a guy it I find it a turn-off when a girl complains about her body -it totally kills the mood and I find myself thinking "if she can't be comfortable with her body around me, then she will probably never get naked around me; she'll never want to sleep with me and we will end up as 'just friends' after all." The more nervous you are, the more nervous it makes me feel. STOP WORRYING; confidence plays a big role in sexiness. Also get used to touching each other a lot (hand-holding, leaning your head on his shoulder, hugging, etc.) -it will help you two to get comfortable with skin contact and push you away from the friendship zone and make him more attracted to you. It might help with body issues if you know a guy is attracted to you, right?

  • Telling the guy is a bad idea, because no guy wants to hear a girl tell him how bad her body looks.

    It is a practical guarantee that she is much tougher on herself than he will ever be, so the very best you can hope for is that you come across as needy, insecure and desperately fishing for compliments.

    Not a good look for any girl.

    The guy will not have his expectations up in the sense that he is expecting a supermodel or something. You judge yourself way harsher than he will.

    Do you think he's spent 10 seconds wondering if you're expecting him to have a chiseled 6 pack, and emerge from the waves looking like James Bond / Daniel Craig in speedos?

    I can promise you he hasn't.

    • I agree, the absolutely best thing you could possibly do for this date is to stop worrying about how you look, because then you'll ACT like the fun, confident, sexy person that HE sees, and not the imperfect person that YOU see.

      Unfortunately, I know that's harder than it sounds, but do try.

What Girls Said 4

  • Here's what you do:

    -Find a bathing suit that looks good on you. Put that on :) Make sure it's in a nice color.

    -Get a pretty cover up. There are so many out there that are really nice, even sexy! So get one of those! It will make you feel more comfortable for the date because you are more covered, but at the same time it's giving him an idea of what you look like underneath ;)

    -It's okay to feel a little self-conscious. Heck, I'm overweight and have gone to the beach many times. I always feel self-conscious at the beach. But I put on the "I don't care" attitude and go anyway. Confidence is sexy, and not giving a damn about what other people think is good for your mental health :)

    -I'm pretty sure if this guy is taking you on a date, he already thinks you are attractive. I don't think things that you think are a big deal, will be a big deal to him :)

    -Flaunt what you've got! Have great boobs? Flaunt those. No one will notice what you are insecure about when you are highlighting your good features :)

  • You can get a cute one piece if you're self conscious about your stomach. I have a very feminine one piece swimsuit that I still get compliments from guys on.

    I wouldn't warn him about your body issues. In my experience, guys don't notice our physical flaws nearly as much as we do. Like you, I'm not fat but I have a belly (I call myself "fluffy). Guys still tell me I'm hot and sexy and all that.

    Just wear something you're comfortable in. :) You can't have fun if you're too busy worrying.

    • "In my experience, guys don't notice our physical flaws nearly as much as we do."

      Very true. We are attracted to women A LOT more than women are.

  • i wouldn't tell him all that . don't you think EVERY girl has the same thoughts in her head when she is at the beach in a swimsuit .. most females now days do have some tummy on them its not a big deal and if someone does so happen to point it out to you that your not in great shape then that person is a big a**hole . I'm I big girl way bigger then you I'm sure , I know how you feel but just be confident in yourself and embrace your curves and what tummy you have . you will be fine promise . never point out your flaws to someone . my advice to you is to pick out a swimsuit that hides the tummy a little .. if you can't find one then wrap the towel around ya .. wear something that makes you feel good about yourself in it . that's the key really . they have some really cute swimming clothes and beach wear that is just right for us ladies who have a little meat on us . go and have fun ! if someone does point out your pale skin or your body not being perfect just joke it off don't worry about it ... your ability to not care what people think is way sexy and he will like you more because of it .. like if someone said anything about how pale you are just tell them your going for the twilight look :)

  • I've been in the same situation. But my guy took me hiking... I HATE everything about outdoorsy stuff! I was gonna cancel on him but I decided to give it a chance and we had so much fun. Anyway, my point is, don't worry about all that stuff! He's going out with you! Those things shouldn't matter to him. He should consider himself lucky that you're giving him a chance to see you in a bikini! From my experience, guys don't really care about the silly things that we girls are worried about! So don't think about it too much and just try to have a good time with him!