Ladies, Do Female Dumpers Expect Guys to Come Back?

My ex girlfriend dumped me, said she wanted to remain friendly, which I did months after NC following the breakup.

Bu then she went frigid and even rude on me when she found out that I started dating again.

What gives? Some friends speculated that she was upset that I dated around again rather than crawl back to her, but does this make sense? Doesn't the dumper have to come back to the dumpee?

Thanks...I did wait almost three months before I brought a date around. It was not in front of my ex, but I knew it would get back to her. Perhaps that was not the best move if I still wanted my ex back. However, I did not know whether to interpret my ex's cordiality as just her being friendly in front of our mutual friend
friends or her wanting me back. If she wanted me back, should she have not been more direct about it. I know she is used to guys chasing her, and she did hurt me during the break up when she told me that, while we could be friends, that she would never call me for coffee (I could call her) because she "had a full life". I thought this was a selfish, arrogant thing to say. This comment and the fact she broke up with me made me reluctant to call her. Was I being too prideful, ladies? (and gents)


Most Helpful Guy

  • First of all, neither the dumper nor the dumpee have to come back to each other. Nobody has to be "first".

    You can't expect her to be direct in telling you anything, as this seems to be the kind of woman (not all women are like this) that expects you to read her mind. Communication is important, and if she doesn't like something, she should tell you about it instead of just reacting, which is just confusing you.

    Whether or not she is used to guys chasing her, it's your choice if you want to be with someone else. It sounds like she's either jealous, or angry that you would move on, because by taking the first step, she probably feels like she has lost dominance.

    You shouldn't get back with this woman because after the break up, she hurt you by attacking your feelings, ignoring the good times you had, saying that she would never call you, but that you could call her. It does sound like she's selfish and arrogant, because no nice person would say "I have a full life", not wanting to spend even a little amount of time with an ex (in this case you).

    You're not being prideful. You have no obligation to be with her if you don't want to, and she's likely acting the she's acting because by you taking the first step in moving on, she feels like she is not the main attraction anymore.

    • Thanks, Confucius. Your advice makes sense. I wish she was different, but it does seem that she is upset that I am getting better from the breakup. How petty! I would give her the benefit of the doubt that perhaps she was having a bad day. But now, all I want to do is stay away from her.

    • You're welcome.

      Yeah. Stay away from her. it seems that she's the kind of person that thinks she's royalty and everybody else is trash. You are equal to her, so it's downright disrespectful and degrading for her to think that you're not worth her time. That speaks of arrogance.

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What Girls Said 3

  • sounds like her ego got hurt when she found out you moved on. you probably did the best thing if that's the way she wants to play. take care and good luck! hope you meet a nice new girl.

  • it really depends on what your relationship was like...and what she's like...i think sometimes girls do that to gain attention - it's definitely unmoral and WRONG to hurt people like that but maybe she's immature and thought that was the best way to gain attention from you...or "test" you to see if you would beg for her to get back with you...personally its a very Asian thing girls wants and expects guys to chase after them all day

    • Thanks. I think she is used to getting attention from guys and perhaps the fact that I did not continue chase bothered her. Maybe, maybe not. I did run into her in the street recently and she saw me first. Had I not made eye contact, she probably would have kept walking. I decided to take the high road and smiled and waved at her. She returned the wave with a reluctant/pained smile.

  • i think the dumper should always come back as well. But I have dumped guys in the past and they have came back to me. However, it was the sex they missed not me necessarily.

    She probably had some problems and got rid of you. Now she feels like she is still missing something and you are happy she wants you back again. Be her friend and tell her you not interested in seeing her again


What Guys Said 2

  • I don't think every female who dumps a guy expects them to come back.

    I DO feel however, that a girl who had an ego or emotional problem would dump a guy and hope that he suffers so much from his loss that he goes back to her. Some do it for attention and others are just immature. I have had a girl before dump me after a 6 month relationship and she called me about a month and a half later and was "disgusted" that a "pig" like me was dating other girls. Uh, hello? YOU dumped me!

  • You did good man. She was the one who dumped you. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Haha so you burned her eh when she found out you're dating other girls.

    • Thanks, dude. I wish she had been more direct about her feelings. If she expressed an interested in reconciliation, I would have stayed away from other women like the plague. After all the hurtful things she said and did (although I was no angel and I did take her for granted), I just couldn't bring myself to call her first. I guess I will never know what would have happened if I did not move on. Oh well, such is life.