How can I stop catching feelings so fast?

[Anonymous]

I realize that I make MUCH better decisions with guys when I'm not emotionally involved with them (and this happens when I haven't done ANYTHING sexual with them)

Eg: (with guy I was NOT emotionally involved with) we were texting/calling each other for a few weeks and even set up a date but before the date, I found out he had a girlfriend so it was so easy to kick him to the curb.

Eg( with guy I'm emotionally involved with) he was sweet in the beginning but after hooking up (we didn't have sex yet though) He blatantly admitted he only wants sex from me. He dumps me then stops talking to me for weeks then comes back and apologize and act nice again then does the same thing again which hurts so painfully. Yet I found it hard to END things with him completely.

How can I make better decisions even if I have caught feelings for someone?

[MrOracle]

Very simply, when girls get sexual (even just making out), they tend to get emotionally attached. That's due to biology; females will create Oxytocin when they are sexually aroused (and more when they have sex), and that causes them to bond and get emotionally attached. That doesn't happen for guys, which is why guys can want, have, and enjoy sex with multiple girls and not get attached, but girls can't do the same with guys without getting attached. There are exceptions, of course (many being girls who have experienced abuse or trauma in relationships growing up), but as a rule, girls get attached.

So, knowing that, the smart thing to do is to insist on being in an official, committed relationship BEFORE you start getting sexual. You should be going on dates with guys where for the first couple of dates, you mostly talk to them and "interview" them and figure out if they want what you want, have similar goals and values, and make sure they are compatible with you. Many guys, including guys you find really attractive, simply aren't going to work out. Some will simply lose interest because they just want sex, and some will need to be eliminated because they don't have long-term compatibility with you, and that means you'll need to be strong enough to break up with those guys before things go very far. You won't want to, but you'll need to do it anyway.

Once you have a real relationship with a guy, and you still wait a little while after that to make SURE he's for real (at least a week or two), THEN you can start getting sexual with him, and have confidence in the relationship.

[Rgd25]

But still how does she know he's not just pretending to want a relationship & commitment, to get into her pants? Is two weeks, without sex, enough?

[MrOracle]

@Rgd25 There is no 100% guarantee, but the BEST and MOST RELIABLE indicator (which, again, is NOT 100% accurate, but maybe 85-90%) is to move slowly and make the guy wait a little while, and observe how he treats you and his overall attitude towards you during this time. If he complains or makes a big deal about it, then he's being selfish and that's a bad sign overall. If he is happy to go with the flow, then he's willing to put your needs ahead of his own (for a reasonable amount of time, anyway), and that's a keeper.

[Anonymous]

just try to see how the person is right from the start, you are just jumping into things without even trying to see if they will be good for you

[Anonymous]

well try to find their flaws first and ask people for their opinoin on the guy.

[Anonymous]

they are not true feelings, you are getting infatuated