And not this link
I mean if confidence is nothing but an excuse, how the hell is any guy suppose to get a date or girlfriend if the girl finds the guy not to be her type?
Let me present you a counter question.
Why do men never give average or below average looking guys a chance?
Equally preposterous, I know. But replace the word "never" with 'usually' and both questions are valid.
We're wired to aim high. Try to maximise our offsprings ginetic inheritance, and that doesn't mean going for the coals amongst the diamonds. Both sexes try hitting above their weight and then complain when it doesn't go their way and then in turn begin to blame it on the oposite sex. Eventually realism kicks in and peoples standards drop.
Yes, attraction is a fundimental building block of a relationship. But it is not the 'be all and end all' of it. No, there is much more (confidence, personality etc)
But at the same time, yes, women to spew verbal diaorehha about how its all about confidence and personality. Women are just as visual as men (if not moreso), its just not quite accepted by society yet (aka: other women) to be honest about this fact. Its just not ladylike.
If you're not succeeding, you're doing something wrong. As such, you need to work on it and improve yourself to compensate for where you're failing. Ie; a tan, new haircut, better clothes, exercise. The list goes on. Chances are the fault is with you, not with an entire gender.
Excellent answer. I cut my hair, wear clean clothes, etc but yet women look at me in disgust. I even asked out an average looking girl in HS and she turned me down. If I asked out a average looking girl and got turned down what does that say about girls & women? If their the ones who say looks don't matter then why did I get turned down? BTW we were already friends.
Out of about 3.5 billion. one billion of which will probably be within dating age of you.
Something every man needs to realize is that women find a wide range of things attractive in a man. But as far as an individual woman goes, there is very little common ground. One woman finds someone attractive while a woman of the same attractiveness will find the same guy unattractive.
LOL did what I say really sound that bad? The problem was I had a crush on her and knew she had a crush on me so why did I get turned down? I'll admit I'm really shy so just imagine my nervousness when I asked her out? I haven't asked a girl out in over 5 years the last one I did turned out to be a big Bitch. She triggered something in me to never trust women and girls again.
You probably fell into the same trap I have countless times. You took too long. Either she lost interest or another guy moved in on her.
You need to take rejection like dying in a video game with infinite respawns. You're alive to try again.
Trust me man, this chick was straight up crazy lol. I was at a Sears store and she was one of the workers there, she started flirting with me so I, took that as a sign a girl actually liked me. Man was I wrong she was a nut but I was so happy I even have a girl like me, I took as a sign.
In that case it sounds like she was just a flirt. You get those.
Watch how they behave towards other guys. If they act the same around them as they do you, then she's a tease. Only interested in the attention
I did get her phone number we chatted few times but she had a really busy schedule and I couldn't call her all the time. Then one day I called her up just to say hi and her douche bag Boyfriend answers the phone and of course before I, can even explain myself, this douche started making threats. If he just let me explain who I was everything would of been cool.
Thats one unlucky situation, you shouldn't let it stop you from trying sgain with different girls
I hear what your saying but after that BS I went through, I don't know who I can trust,
@adamfk1 exactly lol
Don't you think you'll find your poll a bit skewed by not having a "women don't only want good looking guys" option? During my dating life I gave average or below average looking men more attention than the good looking men. In my experience, most every good looking man that I dated was an a$$hole, thinking they could get away with anything because they believed a woman should be honored just to be seen with them. I avoided these preening d!cks after learning how it was with them. It took me quite a while, but I finally found a man with a soul. Is he good looking? To me, he's gorgeous. Would other women think so, I don't know and I certainly don't care. But his looks are secondary to the fact he's just what I was looking for.
Ok I'll admit the poll question could of had other options but A) It was all I can think of and B) I don't believe women on here would of voted for I would a average, below average or ugly guy unless he was rich.
TBH, women have different tastes. For example, there are some guys that I find attractive that my friends think aren't, and there are some they find attractive that I'm not really a fan of. So there's that for physical attraction. And also, personality, sense of humor, and interests matter. I know a lot of guys think that girls only use looks as basis for a relationship, but that's not true. The guy I'm attracted to right now isn't my type, looks-wise, but we have the same wavelength, the same interests, and he's really funny and sweet. My friends have been telling me he's really not great-looking, and I admit that, but we click.
That's just it if a guy isn't funny, tall, rich etc no women will date him even if he was average or below average looking. Women only want tall funny muscular rich guys, but will never admit to it.
i have NEVER been interested in "funny guys" nor muscles or money! I never even cared about height. I only chased faces I thought were pretty. please do not assume.
@CocoChanel but pretty faces on a guy usually means good looking or hot.
Question Asker, are you really asking your question to get honest answers? It just seems like you already have this fixed answer in your head, and you won't take any other response. You counter every other response even if we tell you from our personal experience that that's not the case.
If I didn't want people to answer I would of never asked ;)
But why counter our answers in the first place? Believe me when I'm tell you that not all girls look for looks in relationships, the same with guys. Don't tell me there aren't guys out there who are only looking for trophy wives or girlfriends. It's the same with girls. Some go for looks, others go for something more than that. Admittedly, looks WILL attract girls, because really, that's literally the first thing that you will see in a person, unless of course you meet the other person online.
But after that, what would make a lot of girls stay is the guy's personality. No matter how great-looking the guy is, if his head's full of fluff or if he's a jerk, I'm not going to continue seeing him. Really. I'm speaking from experience, so I'm not just pulling this out of thin air.
Its easy to say you and other girls may not go for looks behind a computer screen. For all I know you could be one of those females who do go after looks, but say you don't because your on the computer? And I agree somewhat about guys wanting trophy wifes/GF's, but lets face facts women have the last word who she dates and wants to date. For every 100 guys that gets rejected, there is a girl getting a date.
You say that you don't have preconceived notions in your head, but you still try to counter whatever it is that we're telling you. If that's what you want to believe, fine. I give up. I'm not going to try and convince you anymore. Believe what you will.
Maybe I will I've heard this from women before and its nothing but lies. I always hear women say looks don't matter to me but a week later there they are dating a really good looking guy. All women have to do is look decent and guys coming crawling at their feet. Guys on the other hand have to be good looking, tall, rich etc to even have a women look at him.
Of course women want good looking guys. Don't guys want good looking girls too?! But people's perception on looks differ a lot. Also, looks is not all that counts. Charm, brains, sense of humor, style and self care are also really important.
A guy who has a way with words, has read a lot, knows how to dress his body type, how to tell a good joke, and cares about his health and looks?! Damn, even if he's not good looking, he becomes to our eyes. And this kind of guy rocks a girl's world more than a beautiful brainless douche.
But all those traits you mentioned about being charming, smart, having a sense of humor etc are usually found in guys who are already good looking. So how are guys like me suppose to get a Girlfriend when a girl/women can just get a guy I described?
Not true. Most times, good looking guys take it for granted and do not develop those other traits, especially smartness and sense of humor. Also, maybe you are after the wrong kind of girl. Girls who find theirselves the hottest piece of meat on earth, shallow girls.
Take care of your health and brains. Eat well, work out, read lots. Charm, style and sense of humor come from that. Go after good girls, not those starving retards nearly naked on the pub.
Anytime a girl tells a guy to workout and eat well that usually means, she wants a douche bag? I'm only funny near family and friends but not girls. And I honestly hate reading find it boring lol.
Douche bag = Person who treats others badly.
Work out and eat well = being healthy and therefore sexually desirable.
I do not see how being healthy makes you a douche. This is a prejudice you have. My boyfriend has toned abs, a master degree, and treat girls like human beings, being them his lifelong love or his one night stand. Do not see the relation.
Blaming the other sex for not being interested in you is easy. But blaming yourself is harder. Hating to read, you won't develop your culture, and no smart girl will look at you, ever. And dumb girls will only look at you if you have the most toned abs. You can't be unnacultured, unhealthy and expect women to fall off trees. Just like a girl like that can't expect the same.
OK on a scale from 1-10 how good looking is your BF? And try not to be bias lol. Women are always telling guys just be yourself but yet their the ones who want good looks, money and muscles? Its easier for women to get dates because they know some guy will come to them and also know guys don't care about how smart she is or how pretty she is as long, as she's cute and funny.
So basically I'm screwed? I hate reading so women will think I'm an idiot and since I don't have toned abs. I'm back to square one? Women have no idea how lucky they have it when it comes to dating.
My man is about 9. Not to be used as example to an ugly who is charming, but as a goodlooking who is nice to girls. And getting guys is not that easy for girls, uh. You MUST be pretty. And YOU MUST take care of yourself. I only got to date a guy at my LATE 16, because I was shy, awkward, and didn't know how to dress girly. I put my chin up and learned to attract guys. Now it got easier... You act dumb and coy and there he is at your feet. Only guy who loved me for who I am is my boyfriend. I had better
looking guys but he is the only one who saw the real me and loved it, while I had to pretend to other guys, because they are interested in the dummy hottie. So, yeah, you're obviously after the wrong kind of girl.
Reread what you wrote. You just admitted you boyfriend was a 9 on a scale from 1-10 so basically your only dating him because he's really good looking. All that stuff you were telling me was just an excuse so I wouldn't feel bad. How the hell I'm I gonna feel better about myself when I feel like sh*t reading answers with no meaning?
I am SO NOT WITH HIM BECAUSE HE'S GOOD LOOKING! As I said, hon, I had better looking guys in my hand. I had a goddamn model.
He is the full package: Charming, beautiful, healthy, smart, funny... How can I resist?! Yes, I dumped the model for him. And I'd dump even if he wasn't naturally good looking, no f***ing doubt.
Can you please send me a picture of yours? Can't open the one in the question... let me try to see wtf is so wrong with your looks.
Ok will do give me a few minutes
Oh come on now your telling me you would date him if he wasn't so good looking and didn't have non of the things you described?
No. I said that with all the things I described (charm, politeness, brains, sense of humor, self care) I wouldn't give a sh*t for his natural beauty. It's just a plus.
If I'd want a dumb, unfunny, not charming, unhealthy person?! I don't see why would anyone on earth, for any reason...
Ok if you say so BTW I sent you a pic on what I look like.
Confidence sham? Nope, sorry that's not correct.
If that where true then I should of had no girlfriends when I was younger, and tons of girls when I was a bit older. Because I was extremely confident when I was young and had several GFs, but then because of life tragedies, I lost a lot of it, and even though I got better looking, what else happened? I raraly had any girls show interrest in me. Then again in the past couple years I gain much more confidence again, and am back to the good old days.
Ok so who doesn't want a good looking partner? In fantasy of course they do. And lots of women DO want a good looking guy, but for the majority or at least half it is not like that. Unless the girl herself is a model, she's doesn't want a model boyfriend because it makes her feel less attractive and self conscious.
Fact is, confidence, personality, social status, social awareness, or money, outway looks. If it didnt, then this book having helped me is just a big fat placebo that actually worked: link
But you just admitted your good looking so of course women are gonna find you attractive. Its easier when your attractive but if your ugly, average or below average your screwed no matter how confident you may seem I know I've been there.
The point is I wasn't always good looking, and was more confident when I wasn't (without realising it). I used to wearing baggy clothes, cargo pants, unfitting shirts, gelled my hair till it was rock hard.
So rediculous, yet that didn't stop me from getting girls They always commented how fun I was. Plus I'm not anything special looking, just above average when my hair and clothes are right. But I think I'm below average when just getting out of bed and not put together. so meh. It ain't the looks
Ok but what if women still don't find you attractive with nice clothes, and confidence? I still say its a made up word.
It's not just confidence. Guys are taking this like the "I just want a nice guy" So then they become p**** whipped doormats. Now its like every guy who gets told just be confident thinks "ok that's all I need and I'm gona be a ladies man!" There are SO many other things you can do to become attractive, and they all add up. Hers a list of only 100 link and Check out that book in my post.
99% Of the things on there will only work if the guy is good looking. I'm sorry but that's how I see and feel about it.
I also want to add all those things in that article as to be a joke. What good are those things gonna do if the girl still finds you unattractive? Zero it doesn't matter how nice, friendly, caring, you are or how nice you dress., what instrument you play. And the end of the day the girl has to look at your face.
You're missing the point. Those things are what MAKES you attractive. Theyre not things that only hot guys can do to be more attractive. If you want to accept your own experience as truth, your choice. But the truth is, looks are not everything. I know many bellow average guys who never had a Girlfriend untill in their 20s, but after spending a good amount of time learning and practicing and improving themselves in others way, they get more p**** than good looking guys who have minimal social skills.
The time I do or try any of those things will make me look to needy and pushy and I'll probably be dead by then lol.
judging by your poll options, it's clear you're only here to confirm your bias. Instead of doing that, I'll just ask you a question:
could your question be more accurately worded "why do above-average looking women never give average or below average looking guys a chance?" If so, I'm going to have to ask why you aren't interested in the interests of average or below-average looking women. hmm.
anyway, what people find attractive is the one thing immune to charges of racism, bigotry, elitism, and ignorance. It hurts no one to not find someone attractive, but it does hurt someone to try to force others to find you attractive.
Where did I say I wasn't interested in average or below average women?
Because SOME average or below average looking guys, don't have the personality or any other qualities to make up for their lack of good looks.
and they always have a bad attitude and disdain for women.
They themselves, wouldn't bother with an average or below average looking woman.
Guys who assume all they need is money and good looks to get a woman, fall very very short of reaching the vagina.
So basically what your saying is, if a guy is ugly, average or below average they have to have other qualities like for example playing the Piano or being a good drawer? I've been told I'm cute by a few girls on GAG but I know deep down I'm to ugly to date. I'll admit I do get upset with women doesn't mean I hate them. And I've found average looking girls attractive, but its the other way around that never happens. BTW thanks for answering without being rude.
Talents count, but you also have to have something to OFFER a partner, that another person wants. No one admits it, but dating is a trade. I give you sex, emotional support, affection, est, and in return you give the same to me. You date people to get what you can't get from friends, family, and pets. IF you're emotionally detached, bitter, poor, distant, and unattractive to boot. what do you have to offer whom? Everyone has a different definition of attractive. And no problem.
Ok I'll describe myself I bet 10 to one you'll say I'm to ugly to date. I'm 5'11 around 254lbs trying to lose weight but temptation sucks lol and live off a Social Security Income due to a learning disability. If you want to know what I look like, just send me a PM asking me.
To be honest I always see women like you described with guys? And all the women I see are usually really smart and have good jobs?
I wouldn't mind its just that I'm not good looking enough for them. I even get dirty looks from ugly women. I don't know what to do anymore.
Why would you wanna date someone that's exactly like you? You're both suppose to have something in common that's positive instead of negative. Yes, it seems like the best logical choice since they can truly empathize with your situation since they're going through the same struggles. However, it's not as simple as you think.
First of all, looks are subjective. I like "fat", blond, blue-eyed guys. Don't ask me why I don't know why but I always end up with them, and my friends think they look horrible, and then the guys that my friends go out with are really not my taste, like that guy's picture you linked, to me he doesn't attract me AT ALL. So yeah, it's all about taste really...
But if I'm completley honest, girls like a bit of cockiness in guys, more like confidence, a "hot" guy who is shy, and always miserable is not attractive in any way, even if he looks like Brad Pitt. But if a guy even if he's not that attrative, has a little attitude, and confidence, humour, gets the conversation going, and nice (he HAS to be nice),etc.. Then yeah we will be more attracted to him, and I think it's the same for girls
So like I've been saying all girls/women want jerks, douche bags and bad boys?
Oh then what does it have to do with? It can't be the attitude after all look at all those a holes with GF's they have sh*tty attitudes.
Actually, studies have shown that women have a more varied taste in what's attractive while men are more likely to agree. link link
Therefore, it's more likely that a woman will be single because she doesn't fit the perfect mold of what's attractive to men, rather than the other way around.
You and the other little boys like you on this website need to get your heads out of your asses and stop bitching about women (who are most likely really attractive and fit the male "standard") not liking you because of the way you look. It's much more likely that they don't like you because you're insecure misogynists.
Interesting links. Can't fault your first paragraph. But question asker could perhaps escape charge of "insecure misogony" IF he phrased his question more objectively. Even the lead author of the study does not think women are not swayed significantly by physical characteristics, just that that degree of significance is less than for men. These are natural facts and only the botched physical constitution of the world is to blame.
Well the last bit may have been SLIGHTLY insulting but are you any better when you refuse to engage with the argument she has offered and dismiss her for having "a vagina between her legs"? It's a shame you won't develop a more nuanced view in light of the evidence she has provided you with because you're basically right about dating being a biologically essentialist project. But I guess you don't care to learn from others and just want to lash out at them? I think you are not wise my friend.
I do like getting advice but not from some little girl calling me a insecure misogynists. I even said in my update I wasn't trying to be a jerk and was trying to show female users some respect. But that didn't last to long.
I do understand where you're coming from but have another look at what you wrote in your question and ask yourself: could I have made the same point but phrased it differently? The way you have written it makes it seem that you are angry and that your anger is directed at women. But the way the human brain has evolved to see and desire beauty is nobody's fault. And if the studies Red Smartie have shared are sound, it is especially not women's fault, they are less swayed by beauty than we are!
@noumenon I agree but once you hit that submit button you can't edit it. I wasn't even mad or upset when I asked lol. If I did hate women I would never check them out. I don't have anger towards women just the lies they tell and then they deny the truth.
I'm sorry, are you new to the world? Attraction has played a large key part on all continents since the beginning of time. You may not realize it, but we are all subconsciously programmed to find the most fit, facial proportional, sexually appealing mates. Even when babies were brought around random people, they always favored the most attractive faces. So to get back to your topic, Woman don't give average men a try because they are searching for that more proportional mate. It's not me talking, it's genetics. Why do you think so many guys get bummed out when their slammed into the friend zone? The are not attractive enough to their counterparts, that's it. Also- the Hollywood scene glorifies beautiful people constantly, making you think that these people are everywhere in society, when in all reality people are just average looking.
The simple answer? It's all about looks, as shallow as that sounds.
I have never heard of this anywhere but on this site. lol where I live if a guy has personality and/or money that is more than looks. It seems like you do not have a very high opinion on women and they can pick up on it. This will turn women away from you. I see not great looking guys get cute girls all the time.
Well no one is gonna go out in public, and ask this lol. And those not great looking guys you see with cute girls are usually a douche or rich or both.
lol I don't know about that I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years and I was attracted to personality first off. Honestly I didn't even think he was very attractive when I first met him but I became so attracted to his personality that he started to look more attractive to me. He has great confidence and personality that sets him apart from other guys. I am a girl and started dating him based on personality and I know that other girls with do the same with other guys.
But that's just it your Boyfriend has confidence I don't and never will. My personalty is dull at best. May I ask what does your Boyfriend look like on a scale from 1-10?
so, it is about personality and not looks. and when it comes to looks with my boyfriend my opinion would be biased haha. He is a good looking guy but when we first met I was not particularly attracted to his looks not to say he was bad looking just I went for a different look but I do remember feeling very comfortable around him and I though he was very fun to be around.
Come on not even number lol? And no I still believe its still about looks for women, they just use the personalty thing as an excuse sorry that's how I see it.
I feel bad that is how you see it. but I do understand because I think that it is very important for women to look attractive when it come to dating and I think it is even more important for women than men...but at the same time women have makeup, hair irons, and more tricks. I never felt it was very important for men to look good.
You should feel more sad that my ugly mug will never get a GF, No matter how nice cough cough women hate cough nice I am.
women like nice guys. lol the saying "nice guys finish last" is complete bs
Really? I beg to differ sorry and nice guys do finish last unless he's really rich, good looking or both.
you said that you do not have personality and you are not funny etc... that is why you can't get a girl. Yes, a nice guy may have trouble finding a girlfriend but that is because there are other things preventing them from getting a girl.
Thats my point I'm f***ed. I wish there was a shooting star, I wouldn't wish for money or looks, just for a women to like me but even that will never happen. Looks like I have two chooses either die alone or commit suicide? All well.
no, you need to stop complaining and enjoy life. If you find a girl than you do if you don't then you dont.
Like I said I'm f***ed its easy for you. Your female and don't have to ever worry about not getting a date. I'm not complaining just telling the truth women only want good looking guys but for some unknown reason will never admit to it. And I will never ever get a girlfriend because I'm too ugly, fat and not funny. And please don't say just be yourself bs because that never works unless the guys is good looking, rich or both.
A lot of girls are shallow, and judge a book by its cover. Not all girls are like that though, and looks are subjective. What's beautiful to one person may not be to another. But yeah, as a girl myself, I see a lot of girls picking hot douches, and then wonder why they aren't treated right.
This you see what I've been saying all this time. Girls just want hot looking douche bags nothing more and nothing less.
just to give you an example I chose my current boyfriend over a hotter guy. everyone I show pics to agrees. neither of them are tall or have money. ages 21 and 22. one is skinny without muscles and the other is a little chubby with no muscles. the reason WHY I chose my boyfriend (who isn't my type btw) is because he treats me better than any other guy and I like his personality and voice. when I met him for the first time last year I wasn't interested because his face wasn't my type but then
@COCOCHANEL if he's not your type why date him?
i fell in love with his voice and mannerisms. I started to find him attractive when I saw how cute and affectionate he acts when we are together. he talks so soft and he is shy and quiet. I have always found those qualities attractive. add that to this fed up mood I was in after getting used in my last relationship. I wanted an innocent, sweet boy.
Most women are as shallow as men. Society as a whole needs to grow the f*** up and stop being so shallow.
And be honest about being shallow*
honest about being shallow, sure, but still grow up and stop being shallow :P
this is a onesided pool.
it is true that people in general want goodlooking people to date but I've seen girls with guys who were less attractive than they were and my first thoughts are "good for him/them"
I have to see it to believe it.
I've seen plenty of girls with average looking guys. I've dated quite a few of em myself and even a couple of below average guys. So it's definitely not always the good looking guys who get dates. In fact I see more good looking women with average men than the other way around. Your problem might come from something besides looks.
Really where? When I go out its usually the good looking douche bag types with GF's. And trust me when I say I'm ugly I wouldn't make it up for sympathy.
Yes, you are trying to be a jerk and you are doing an AWESOME job of it. GO YOU.
I'm going to sort of answer you, here- and then I am going to go away and not read any more of this sh*t because it's silly. Here goes: it's not your looks. It's your sh*tty personality. You're an entitled, whining brat. You think because you are interested in a woman- ANY woman- that she owes you some attention. WRONG! Women don't owe you a goddamn thing, broseph. OH, DOESNT THAT SUCK?
I get attacked and my comments get removed? But yet your rude answer is still up WTF?
Seriously why the f*** hasn't this answer been removed yet? If I were to say something like this it would of been pulled. Bunch of feminists on this site.
Shut up already.
Her answer wasn't removed because it was (A) fucking true. And (B), you may not be happy to read this , but trust me, you needed this. Lol Wake up. You're whole sense of self worth is fucking terrible. No one on this planet who is remotely self respecting will want you. NO ONE. TRUST ME!
Women are ashamed of what they're attracted to.
There's two things:
1) What society expects them to be attracted to: Nice, caring, romancing, secure.
2) What she's biologically attracted to: Looks, money, status, power, being dominated.
For males, "confidence" is a result of #2.
In other words, women aren't attracted to confidence. Confidence is merely an INDICATOR that the male has good genes, social status, resources, and power.
Just curious...why is money in the biological department?
Because women are biologically motivated to seek men who have resources, such as money.
QA, as you can see, women have been downvoting me, but none have denied any of it. Like I said, women are ashamed of what they're attracted to. That they're selfish and that they get with whom they want to take from. It's not their fault though, it's just how they are designed.
I concede, not to say men are sweet angels.
jaded toward women much because you got rejected one too many times?
To be honest I'm really shy and only asked out three women? But its the looks that women give me when I would or use to approach them. I even got laughed at a few times.
well you can try fixing your approach? Laughing can mean they are nervous you know its not always a bad thing
Trust me dude these ain't nervous laughs I would get, These were get away from me laughs.
well I apologize if I came off as being a jerk I did not intend to. I have been rejected all people have. The best thing you can do is brush it off otherwise we fall into this anger and hatred for people and people can sense that
No need to apologize I'm glad you did, though unlike the female users on here who like to run their mouths, And then have the nerve to call me bitter, also a jerk, a hole etc. But to them its OK that I or any other guy here gets put down for asking a question? But God Forbid I or another guy on here tells a female user off because we get warnings and have our questions, answer and comments removed.
Yeah that too.
Women find you attractive...If they can get stuff from you.
Not because of looks, QA..
Guy who is ambitious = Money I can spend, be taken care of, and my offspring.
Sense of humor = Dopamine neurochemicals. You are a hit of a drug, targeting the pleasure centers of my brain.
Socially savvy = He increases my social status among my peers.
Looks play a part, but mostly women just want someone they can take from. Attain these things and you will be perceived as attractive.
In other words I have to become rich?
Money isn't everything, although a large part. If you're pulling 60k-80k a year that's all that's needed. Other things like humor and being able to converse well are very important. They can be improved but take time, effort, energy, etc.
Too bad us guys don't have overnight solutions equivalent to yoga pants, push-up bra's, and makeup.
Thats just it I'm not funny around girls I don't know and I never have anything to talk about. As for your last part lol.
Yeah I understand. That's a whole 'nother issue. If you just aren't funny around girls it's due to anxiety, which is perfectly solvable through systematic desensitization. As for having nothing to talk about, amen! I don't have anything in common with 99% of girls either. It's good to keep in mind it doesn't make you more/less of a person. If a girl was passionate about a domain you're passionate about, you'd appear extremely outgoing as you'd be enthusiastic and have lots to talk about.
Lets face it if a guy isn't funny, good looking, tall or rich or all four he isn't getting nowhere unless he's good looking.
Funny thing is, I'm tall and good looking and I have problems with women. Men severely overestimate how much women care about looks. It's because looks is what attracts US.
Good looks with a poor self-esteem, lack of confidence = unattractive
Trust me. I'm tall, I get complimented regularly, but I have nothing else to offer. I wasn't born with good looks it came later, so I developed a low self-esteem and have no confidence.
Will go sexual
But most women will still want to date you because your tall. BTW how tall are u?
All of those traits are within your control. Am I saying they're easy? F***no. If they were, I'd be getting a blowjob as I'm typing this lmao.
Also, "confidence" is the most misused term as far as male attractiveness.
When women say they want "confidence," really, they just want a man who doesn't experience anxiety. Someone who is merely "comfortable." If you look comfortable, you "appear" confident, thus the misconception.
Knowing that should bring a little relief.
Lmao, sh*t I wish that were true! I'm 6'3.
Girls give me a chance, and girls sniff me out a mile away. They can smell the lack of confidence and anxiety like a freaking bloodhound. I was unattractive when I was younger, fat, girls laughed at me, talked sh*t about me, etc. I know where you're coming from.
Are you kidding me I don't where you live but where I live I see gorgeous women with average/below average guys all the time. Not all girls go for good looking guys. And both of those guys in the picture were good looking. Some women have different tastes. Usually its the average / below average looking guys that seem to lack confidence.
Really? OK lets say you went on two blind dates. Guy A) Is 6'5 210 Pounds, really good looking and has a great personality? Guy B) Is the same height, same weight, and has the same personality only problem is he's not has good looking as guy A? In fact he's below average looking. Who do you pick? As for where I live I usually see douche bags with girls.
Are you a catholic or Christian?
If this were true, only very good looking men would have relationships. And they aren't the only ones, so...
Looks are simply a bonus, for me. They aren't a standard.
Yeah OK ha ha ha.
Some truth in what you say, but should be refined to "only very good looking men would have relationships WITH VERY GOOD LOOKING WOMEN". Which is possibly true. The best answer perhaps is to make a virtue of what you said in your last sentence and resist shallowness. Clearly you are not a shallow person and that is a virtue IMO.
Ugly guys get with ugly women.
A woman who is stunningly attractive isn't going to get with a guy who plays War craft, has no future financially, and has no real friends. The trade off isn't worth it for her.
Not so attractive women spend their lives 16-25 declining the advances of these ugly guys, until they realize they cannot attain the men they desire. The trade off isn't worth it for the attractive, successful guy, either.
Mid 20s she realizes her value -> ugly guy gets a woman
For the same reason guys never give average or below average looking girls a chance. It goes both ways.
I'm an average looking guy, always was, and I've had two really 'hot' looking girlfriends (they came asking me) and my wife always was and still is good looking. She too asked me.
I had first tried my luck with several hotties who turned me down. I turned down or simply didn't even speak to a number of nice but average looking girls. It hurt some of them.
But you must have other things going for you? I don't have anything I'm not funny around girls/women just family and friends, I'm not smart I have a learning disability what girl wants to date a guy with that? And I'm ugly as sin.
The learning disability will turn away girls who don't have a learning disability themselves. Those girls get turned down (or they're just bumped and dumped by guys whose brains are in the lower half of their body)
most men won't date below average women either. if a man had a choice between a hot chick and a OK chick, the hot chick wins every time. no matter what
Seen plenty of average/below average guys with above average women
I would like to meet these people you speak of? Because I've never seen them?
The below average guys you speak of are probably wealthy. Doesn't falsify the thesis that dating is a soulless marketplace, in which meeting certain parameters of beauty is a commodity, and that said marketplace is as amenable to economic laws as financial markets. IMO the novels of Houellebeqc flesh this idea out nicely. Well, grotesquely really, but that's the appropriate way.
I have to agree with noumenon the only way a average or below guys get dates is if he's rich.
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Hello brother. This is a valid question you have asked, and I will provide you a satisfactory solution. And I won't be rude at all, because I know very well how it feels.
I myself am a pretty average looking 27 year old guy (like I'm pretty short at 170cms or 5'7", and slightly overweight). And my face isn't what a woman would actually call attractive. And several years ago, I was in the exact same situation as you - totally depressed and unable to attract women. In fact, there was a point in my life where my confidence was so low that I even considered plastic surgery to alter the appearance of my face. And of course, I never asked any girl out because I was sure of her rejecting me. And like you, I too firmly believed that women only date good looking guys.
Then I realized that there's no use if I keep whining about my looks, and instead I have to find a way of making up for it. That's when I became a total gentleman. I began expressing a lot of kindness towards my female friends, helping them out when they had problems and lending them a shoulder to cry on. Of course, I wasn't doing this just to attract them, because I was equally kind and helpful towards my male friends as well. I completely discarded swear words from my vocabulary, and also gave up using any kind of vulgar/profane language. I also used to crack jokes often, and make the girls giggle.
Please note, I never worked in improving my looks, but instead concentrated on transforming myself into a kind and confident man, with a bit of humor. And you'll be surprised to know the result. I myself never asked any girl out, but SEVEN girls themselves asked me out at various points of my life. Out of those seven, 2 were super hot, 3 were quite pretty and the remaining 2 were above average. That means, in spite of me being average looking (or perhaps below average), the girls who asked me out were never average or below average.
I agree that some women are shallow enough to date a man only based on his looks (there are such shallow men as well), but I can confirm that such women are the minority. Most women only want a kind and confident man (sometimes with a good sense of humor), and once they get the feeling that their life will be secure with you, your job's done. It is quite easy to win a woman's heart if you just know the way of speaking with her. The most important thing here is that you have to behave in such a way that she gets the impression that your primary objective is 'love' and not 'sex'. Just be kind towards a girl, support her during her hard times, make her laugh, and treat her with respect (rather than a sexual object), and you'll melt her heart sooner than you think. And its really not as hard as it seems, trust me.
If you need any further help regarding this, you can message me on this site, or feel free to email me on firstname.lastname@example.org, and I'll gladly oblige. If you feel that I have helped you at least 1%, please select mine as the best answer.
Cheers, brother! :)
what if he doesn't have female friends ?
kallsen is right I don't have female friends because I'm to ugly for female friends. And I will never believe women/girls want a nice guy they probably all want jerks who they can change.
I just wanted to say to you and the QA, everything you just said about how you started acting towards women is EXACTLY what I and multiple girls I know are attracted to. Looks mean NOTHING if you aren't a good guy. :)
@Katy16 women don't want nice guys its all an act so, they don't look shallow. Women use nice guys to get things, but date the jerks for sex..
@QA You say you're ugly, right? Please remember, women might consider your looks only if they want to date you. For friendship, looks hardly matter. If you're saying women don't even want to be friends with you due to your looks, then I wonder which godforsaken place on Earth you're living in, where women are THAT shallow. In any case, its not that hard to make female friends. For example, you can just ask some of your male friends to introduce to their female friends.
Trust me I'm ugly I've been called cute from girls on GAG but that was a bunch of BS anyways. I only have one close friend but we don't hang out that much and when we do, women look at him because he's really tall He's 6'2 & I'm 5'11 so of course their gonna check him out first.
Well...in that case, the internet is your friend. You can have access to women from all over the world. See, when girls on GAG call you cute, you say that's BS. But when other girls say you're ugly, you believe them. Have you ever thought that GAG girls were right and the OTHER girls said BS? Look brother, your actual problem is a huge inferiority complex, and not really your looks. Please try to break your shell. Don't give up.
I feel so ugly I even thought about taking my picture off Facebook. And anyone can call someone cute over the internet but I bet they were throwing up after they saw my picture. And yes I will always believe when someone calls me ugly because I know its true. If some strange girl were to call me cute in person I would look at her like she was on drugs, and laugh. If she called me ugly I would say your right I am.