Why is it so impossible for me to get a date?

[Alonso14]

I've tried meeting girls in bars and clubs with no success, I get violent aggressive responses more often than I even get a number. I've tried online, I can barely even get replies let alone dates. None of my female friends ever introduce me to girls and all of them have boyfriends. None of my male friends are in a better situation than me, in fact most of them are still virgins and don't know any girls. All the women at work are 30+ and most of them have kids. Anyone got anywhere else I should look or anything else I can try?

Or should I just give up until I can afford plastic surgery, then take some steroids to get a good body and try again after that?

I'm just worried I'll spend years depressed while earning money to get surgery, damage my health with steroids and then still be hopelessly alone. Is dating supposed to be this difficult?

I'm not asking for a supermodel, any girl who isn't obese will do.

[pickledxtofu]

I think you need to ask yourself a few questions:

-Say you get plastic surgery and take steroids until you get a "good body"--What more do you have to offer?

You seem to have a misunderstanding of what chemistry entails. YES, women and men have preferences. YES, women and men have standards. YES, women and men are all individuals and you cannot generalize individuals.

You have this idea in your mind that women only like a certain type of guy. Which leads me to my next question:

-Why do you want to please "girls" and "women"? Why would you rather attempt to please an entire group of women instead of waiting until a woman who likes and prefers you the way you are comes along? Since when are all women the same? Since when do we all like he same things?

Is that a hint of sexism I sense? Because women aren't exactly fond of a sexist attitude.

-Now I must ask, after the surgery and steroids, what else would you have to offer? This is where your misunderstanding of how relationships begin comes into play.

Dating is mutual; relationships are mutual.

Man sees woman>>>Man finds woman attractive>>>woman sees man>>>woman finds man attractive>>>Man and woman make eye contact>>>Woman/Man proceeds to introduce him/herself>>>Woman and man proceed in conversation and discover mutual interests and likes>>>Woman/Man asks woman/man on date>>>Man finds woman attractive and enjoys being in her presence>>>Woman finds man attractive and enjoys being in his presence>>>Woman and man enjoy date>>>Woman and man continue to go on multiple dates>>>Woman and man become official couple

Now, this scenario is not set in stone and I'm not setting any particular guidelines for who should approach or ask out or initiate an exclusive relationship.

You add in "I'm not asking for a supermodel, any girl who isn't obese will do." which leads me to believe you misunderstand that at some point within introduction or date, compatibility is determined.

If two people love the way they look but can't stand being the presence of one another, they're not going to date let alone end up in a relationship together.

You need to focus on YOU because there are a lot of issues that can't be resolved by asking questions on here. You need to work on your self esteem and confidence.

Then re-evaluate your approach and how exactly you're going about showing interest in women.

Of course, finding hobbies or joining a local club is always an option.

[Alonso14]

I don't even know where to begin with this. Lets st

art with your allegations that I am sexist. I also think men are generally attracted to conventionally good looking women, is that sexism? No, of course it isn't.

You think that I should not improve myself and wait for whoever already likes me. Maybe there is someone who does but my chances are much better of finding someone who likes me if I make I make myself attractive to a larger group of people. Or should I stop showering, cutting my ...

[Alonso14]

... nails, styling my hair and brushing my teeth? After all someone might like me without all that. The problem witht this thinking is I'm more likely to find someone who I am compatible with if I am attractive to a larger proportion of the female population.

As for the flowchart I am aware how dating and relationships work but the whole thing falls apart when no woman you meet is attracted to you.

[pickledxtofu]

Wow, you so you think I extremes?

Who said anything about not grooming yourself or basic maintenance?

And since when do women prefer men with plastic surgery and steroids?

[Alonso14]

Women prefer men with normal sized noses and defined jawlines. I have a big nose and recessed asymetrical jaws. Plastic surgery would alter these issues. So in my case women would likely prefer me if I got plastic surgery. Women generally also prefer muscular men to skinny men. This is where steroids would help.

[pickledxtofu]

No, a high protein diet and heavy weights will make you gain muscle mass.

And not obsessing over a jaw and nose would also help

[Alonso14]

I've tried natural bodybuilding it just made me fat. The proportion of weight gained that would be muscle would be significantly higher with an atrificially raised level of testosterone.

Its not me that obsesses over people having perfect facial feautures, its the women who refuse to date me because of these imperfections.

[pickledxtofu]

Right

That's why women refuse to date you

[acka72]

First off, women are not that into looks as men are, so you should be thankful about that. Second, focus more on building a social life. Talk to men and women and open up your social horizons. Third: get help in the self esteem and dating skills área and learn not to take it personal when a woman rejects you when she asks you out. There are no short cuts to life, some of us are talented others need to work harder and if you are in the "Not getting any" category, you have to get your act together.

Hope this works and don't loose hope in yourself.

[acka72]

*when a woman rejects you after you ask her out.

[Alonso14]

1. I disagree completely but its completely irrelevant to this anyway so its probably better we don't get into that.

2. I have a social life, it just doesn't involve any single women.

3. I don't think 'dating skills' even exist. Its just something that has been invented to market to people. I don't take individual rejections personally but I'm at several hundred for the last month (including online dating though). How can that many girls be wrong?

[acka72]

I knew you were going to give this response. All the loosers who never get dates repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat and are too f***ing proud to get any help. Its OK to get dating help and it doesn't make you less of a person. But sometimes you do need to take a really really good look at yourself no matter how much it hurts and fix things. Life is tough and if you can't deal with it, be responsable and own up to your dumassery, you will continue living in that dumbassery

[Alonso14]

I was into PUA for about 4 years so its not like I haven't tried dating advice. Thanks anyway.

[abundantlyrich]

Wrong places to meet them...

You look fine. Not average joe blow for sure

You just need to build up your charisma. Talk to them normally (inject a bit of humour) and not like you're coming on to them and don't work up your hopes trying to get a date just for the sake of talking to them.

[Alonso14]

Where is the right place? Everywhere is the wrong place according to people on here haha!

[abundantlyrich]

i think it's the (I need a girlfriend asap) vibe you give off to the girls in general that mistakens you as a sex fiend... esp in Night clubs lol or maybe they are just shallow bitches looking for rich dudes to saddle on.

Have you tried randomly striking up a basic conversation with the cash register girl at the shops?

[Alonso14]

Its not really possible to chat someone up in that way. First of all there is a cue behind. Second of all she is unlikely to be both available and interested, most girls aren't going to be no matter what guy it is.

[abundantlyrich]

Hey it's a 3 minute chat if you're just buying a few items. 5 minutes more if you 're buying loads of stuff. Look, she could either say nothing or just blush if you smile at her and look her in the eye. No gain, no loss. But you learn to how to make people feel comfortable around you instead of seeing you as a creepy guy who just need to fulfil their urges

[abundantlyrich]

I see the same people once a week. I'm not a guy but I could easily start a random convo with them(girls) if I wanted to, when they say "Hi, how are you?". Of course I ignore them most of the time lol.. Take it from there.

[Alonso14]

Oh so you mean like over time? I assumed you meant chat them up as a one off. It would be a bit difficult as I would have to start going to a shop weekly and buying something just to chat up the girl working there, sounds a bit too creepy haha.

[Alonso14]

Also most people meet their partners through mutual friends or in a social venue, I've never heard of someone getting a girlfriend by chatting up a cashier. Will she even be able to give out her number while working?

[abundantlyrich]

Don't think of your intent like that. You're putting too much thought into it. You have to be easy going and not expect too much about it...and just accept any outcomes you get...just depends how the conversation you started went and what you know about her. (single? around this area? does she study too?) . You have to give it time too to see if she warms up to you each time you spoken to her. Do some preening first lol.

[Alonso14]

What do you mean by preening?

Also this is only going to get me a polite conversation for all the reasons I listed below lol.

[abundantlyrich]

make yourself slick, prepared..etc

[abundantlyrich]

like what you could say to her that's casual and random

[Anonymous]

You're "only currently" unattractive. I personally think your face and body have a great foundation for being a very attractive and masculine guy. There's not much you can do about a slightly modest jaw size, but I think if the same face were on a more built body, it would be the right marketable mix of strong manly guy with sensitive personable facial features.

Get: link and link (the only two things you'll need to stimulate muscle growth).

Next, get two apps for your phone: link (track what you eat), and link (track your workout routines and progression).

Next, link no more than 40 min before you start working out; link no more than 15 minutes after you finish working out; link no more than 30 min before you go to sleep. Also, please get a 27oz. shaker: link Do not work out for more than 45 min (after that, your body is breaking down muscle and producing cortisol).

Next, 24g minimum, 60g maximum of protein for breakfast in the morning (Casein won't last you until lunch).

Next, build your body so that it's attractive to women: link link not to gay men: link link nor to heterosexual men: link

Get your body in shape and the rest will follow.

[Alonso14]

... I stalled on the bench and overhead press almost straight away and was never able to increase them again. Basically my arms won't grow. I saw some progress in my core and legs though.

Also even if I do put on quite a lot more muscle I'll likely still look small because of my narrow shoulders, below average height and small bone structure.

[Alonso14]

The jaw is actually one of the things I intend on fixing if I ever have the money. My jaws aren't actually that small but too far back, particularly my lower jaw. I might be able to get this fixed in a couple of years, depending on whether I can be bothered to continue saving.

As for the working out, I've been going to the gym for 6 months and seen little progress. I put on around 20 pounds but most of it was fat. I did a 5x5 (squats, deadlifts, rows, bench press and overhead press)...

[Opinion Owner]

You're focusing on the wrong areas of your body. You need shoulder muscles, neck muscles, back muscles, and triceps more than biceps. Maybe you're not working out properly. Working out the wrong way can do more harm to your muscles than good. I recommend you get: link for your phone and read it! No pictures, just words.

[Alonso14]

None of the exercises I mentioned focus on biceps.

[Opinion Owner]

"and triceps more than biceps" ... I wasn't suggesting that something you're currently doing is focusing on biceps more than triceps. I was just saying that "when" you start working out, make sure to focus on triceps more than biceps. The biceps are easy to train, which is why guys go crazy with biceps. But triceps fill up shirts, make for bigger and stronger arms, and make it easier for you to be on top of a girl effortlessly.

[FiveFingerBroFist]

As far as looks go, you seem like a decent guy so I don't think your appearance has anything to do with not being able to get a date. It's most likely how you're interacting with them that's causing you to have an unlucky streak, or as you said the opportunities for an attractive (in your eyes) yet available girl just aren't there where you live.

[Alonso14]

I find about 90% of women around my age attractive enough to date so its nothing to do with my standards.

Also I had no trouble getting women to agree to dates using a dating profile with someone else's picture.

[FiveFingerBroFist]

Yeah but if they see you as someone else in real life as opposed to what you have on your profile, I don't see how the dates are going to last long.

Ok, so as far as looks and standards are concerned there's no issue, which is good. I think it's just how you carry yourself, dude.

[Alonso14]

What I meant by using someone else's picture was that it can't be what I'm saying to them... as it worked fine when they thought I looked different. I didn't actually meet up with them after that haha!

[Anonymous]

"I get violent aggressive responses more often than I even get a number." That's a sign that those women don't respect you. Even if a girl didn't like you, she wouldn't dare to act aggressively towards you if she respected you as a man. Unfortunately, coming across as too nice or weak does anger a lot of women. Women want strong, confident men. And some women will unfortunately 'punish' you if you're not that way.

[Alonso14]

They don't even know me. I don't usually get much further than hello before I get told to f*** off. What should I do slap her with the back of my hand to start the interaction to prove I'm not weak? Don't think the bouncers will like that.

[Opinion Owner]

No, it's all about body language. You should try getting someone to video you making an approach. Then watch the video yourself.

[Anonymous]

don't be so desperate. find osme hobbies and meet someone that way

[Alonso14]

I can't help being desperate its a normal response to having 0 options.

What sort of hobbies? I already play football and go to the gym along with working full time and studying so I'm a bit stretched for time. I'd give it a go if someone can come up with something that will allow me to meet girls without having a huge time commitment.

[Anonymous]

maybe you are not charming or have a nice personality

[Anonymous]

Talk to my friend Kamielia Rambrich search her up in Facebook shea from queens ny she a cool gyal

[Anonymous]

Stop trying so hard.Distract yourself with a hobby you meet someone there

[Alonso14]

Any suggestions of hobbies which will allow me to meet girls that aren't too time consuming or hard to pick up?

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's your personality

[Anonymous]

because you don't have game

[Alonso14]

Define 'game'.