Why is she so hesitant to go out with me?

I got to know to this girl last year at college and at first she didn’t talk but eventually she did mainly to me. The first time we talked her eyes lit up. We walked with eachother after class twice a week. We always talked about our lives and she would ask questions about my life and how I was doing and would even sit by me before class. We would walk together and she was always bumping into me and asking what I was doing over the weekend. I was hesitant and I waited months before I asked her out. When I did she got red in the face and had a smile and asked when. Her nervousness made me panic and I failed to set a definite time. I know I got her off guard and she is a very shy girl. She never did get back to me so I figured whatever.

What’s weird is I had no contact over 4 months and then one day I got on the shuttle and she happened to get on too. Which was rare because it is such a big campus. She sat right next to me asked questions about how I’d been and what I’d been up to, she kept good eye contact and was smiling. Even when we got off she asked if I was walking the same way as her and when I told her I wasn’t she was like oh OK. It seemed like she was into me but I never saw her see her so I added her on Facebook and we sent 2 flirty messages and then I asked when she was free to get together. NO RESPONSE. What the hell? Then I was working in the college main building and I saw her sitting clear on the other side. I did not approach her. I don’t think she even saw me but coincidently she ended up walking by and stopping smiling and chatting with asking what I was doing. She was facing me and her body language was open.

So I don’t understand what is happening it would be easy to blow me off but she always makes an effort when she sees me but is hesitant when I ask her out. A little background on her she is 19 shy and her father for whatever reason isn’t in the picture. I believe he left them when she was young because has a younger brother that is about 7 years below her.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It's quite obvious: you sort of blew her off the first time and now she is afraid to say Yes in case you're gonna blow her off again.

    I'm almost 99,9 % sure that is the case, since I have behaved similar on numerous similar cases when the guy asking me out seemed a bit undecided (that's how you would seem to her). Plus, asking someone out via e-mail, text, FB, etc sort of gives similar impression.

    Now most IMPORTANT: don't you see what you are doing wrong? You are asking her out in such a way that she has to say Yes to you BEFORE she even knows where and when are you going or what you are going to do together! Which might make her uneasy. It also gives the impression that you don't really want to go out with her.

    I have said No several times to guys I really liked because of that reason- I didn't know what we were to do, and since he didn't say exact date I thought he wasn't sure if he really wants to go out with me.

    You think you asked her out, but she may thing you said that to be polite (it's like when you meet a person you haven't seen for ages and you don't know what to talk to them and then when you say "Bye" you also say "We should meet and talk more SOMEDAY)

    So my advice- ask her out in person, and when you ask her out- be specific where and when. Like: "If you're free this Friday, perhaps you'd like to go with me to..."


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What Girls Said 1

  • I think she is way too shy to accept the date so she is just waiting maybe to get to know you even more or whatever..


What Guys Said 1

  • I would take it as she likes you, trust you, comfortable with you, but as a brother, not a possible lover. I had girls that I hung out with just like that. They wanted to be friends and that was it.