Am I mentally crazy? What do you call this feeling?

[Anonymous]

My family own a business that I'm learning to run while managing some project for the company. My responsibility toward the company is quite moderate. A role that I often find myself in denial- it really feel like I have imposter syndrome whenever I talk about the company and what I do...

The degree I studied is not the career I wanted. But since I failed at the required course and my parents is financing my education. I ended up listening to their suggestion to study business or accounting. Even when I prepared my backup plan to study another career.. My idea was turn down quite quickly.

I managed to graduate with a degree in business. However, realistically I felt I learned nothing. Whenever I brought up the stuff I learned to expand or support the company I immediately receive criticism from my parents. With the added title of being naive, spoil, stupid, etc. Until the situation later reveal true from my previous statement. In which I recieved either praise or lecture on 'why' I didn't said so earlier etc...

It has gotten to the point that I have raised my voice to be heard. Only to get verbally torn from my brain etc. I have also found myself crying when I try to sleep, drive, or after a 'business meeting'. My anxiety is flipped from my own career to actions. I get irritated more easily. The mocking voice they taunted (either unintentionally or intentionally) has tied down my tongue to the point I can't express much positive- just negative. Just so they can stop with their 'ideas' that they installed in my brain...

It doesn't help either that if I don't chatter like a decapitated chicken. Then my family will begin to 'interrogate' me. Until I 'return' to normal. Or if I don't speak up my mind of the business. I get scolded that I am not serious about it... Or care to invest in it...

I don't feel well... I feel sick whenever talk of the business or myself is discussed. I'm split from wanting to run or cry until I feel nothing..

[N192K001]

😬 Not nice.

No, you seem normal. This is a natural feeling.

And ideally, it would be best if you left and got another job with a non-hostile work-environment.

You were given training, but cannot even use it without being shot-down. (Never mind constructive criticism, but what you're description doesn't seem to fit that.) That's not normal. (Under normal circumstances, either you'd be fired or you leave… and that's the end of it. This prolonged treatment… is not good for you or the company. They should hire someone whose vision is closer to theirs, and you should find a job that fits you. It's the basic concept of job-fit in H. R.-class.)

Maybe, you can support the family-business in other ways, like financially from your pay, but not the way you're doing not. It's not positive for either party. (You're both training each other in harmful behaviors and treatment of each other. Does anyone want this to spill into non-business family-matters, too? Is this really what everyone wants?)

[SufiLux]

Identifying yourself by what you do for work isn't necessarily a bad thing, But identifying yourself only by your job is. Remember who you are outside of your job, and be aware of the narrative you're telling yourself. Break things into more manageable pieces and don't make it such that it's all consuming. Job brings money and respect on the table. Post covid era to have any kind of job is a blessing. Have a targeted approach to where you want to be. With some luck and dedication and sheer will life will smile at you. :)

[Pranav2244]

Happens when you go against the what you like to do. I feel you should follow your passion first and talk to your parents about it. It's a small time we have got in this world, you can't waste it on something that you dont like