In University I held myself to an excellent standard and I rarely felt good enough cause if I got 97 I wanted 98 and if I get 98 I wanted 100. If I got perfect As with 4 classes I would blame myself for not getting perfect As with 5 or 9 classes. I always felt like I was presenting myself as more intelligent than I was and trying to pretend I was a genius when I was just a normal person and trying to get the success of a genius was tough. I ghosted everyone for around 6 years cause I was embarrassed I was not an engineer or a banker or a doctor. Now that I believe I might make millions with my book ideas, I feel comfortable showing my face in public again. I would not say I'm intelligent but I spent so much time exploring book ideas that I believe I've come up with the perfect idea. It was like I had good intentions but I was ashamed I did not make enough to impress others.
Why was I so ashamed before and why is my shame disappearing now?
