My dad says he won’t pay for my college if I go out of state. What do I do?

[saturnnn]

so we live in washington state and i reallly wanna go to university of houston in houston texas. we used to live in texas and i have mentioned in the past that i want to return to texas for college. He says he will be too worried about me yada yada but i think it’s more of a control thing? the tuition for out of state in houston and in state in washington (WSU) is almost identical. i’m not sure what to do because i really don’t want to go to wsu bc it will be like high school 2.0 because a lot of people from school are gonna go and i’ve already expressed my need for diversity and washington lacks that. and i honestly just want a change and to go somewhere new. what should i do?

[OfMiceandMen]

Did your dad go to college or university? Did his parents pay for it, where did he go? If he went away to school and didn't stick close to home, then you may have to remind him of this.

I know dad's try to be protective and all, and trust me, we do have your best interests in mind, but we shouldn't try to keep you close, for our sake. You have to start making life decisions and those decisions mold the person you become. Moreover, we should never treat a daughter any different than if we had boy in these situations, either. So if you have a brother who is allowed to go out of state, that sends a bad message.

Regardless, if you do talk to him about it and try to convince him to let you go to Texas, let him know you appreciate all he is doing and that he cares enough about you to be concerned. Some young adults don't get this type of opportunity and it is a privilege not a right, so he is doing you a huge favor. Some of the things you may want to remind him is he should be proud his daughter is brave enough to be that far away from home. Not a lot of young adults your age could do that. He obviously raised a confident woman.

I always go back to put yourself in their shoes. Believe me, It is tough to let your kids grow up. You may very well experience the same thing some day, so go easy on him and keep your cool when you're trying to rationalize going. If you yell and scream, and carry on like a child rather than an adult, then you'll only further convince him your not mature enough to be on your own and that far away from home.

Anyway, that is my two cents worth. Good luck, and remember, it is a good thing he worries/cares.

[saturnnn]

this was very insightful thank you so much but to answer your question, my dad did go to college or university. He got his PhD. He was an immigrant, and his parents did not pay for his college because he had a full scholarship for everything. He has never had to pay for college and he used to go to college in Texas before we moved.

[OfMiceandMen]

You're welcome. Hopefully he see's the woman you've become, and not the child he raised the past 18 years.👍

[OfMiceandMen]

Thanks for MHO, cheers!

[SnowedIn]

Welcome to the club, my friend. I had this exact same situation, just substitute Florida for Washington. Thinking my only option was to take what dad offered, I went to Florida State for a semester. I was miserable and left before Thanksgiving of my first year.

So, you can take you parent's money and go to school in Washington, or you can move to Houston, get a job, grants/scholarships/student loans and call your dad's bluff. It might not be a bluff.

There's pros and cons to both courses of action. Not gonna lie, it was hard. But everything I have in life right now has to do with my sweat and my wife backing me up, not because my parents sent me to college.

Here's the thing: a "free" college education from your parents might be worth putting up with Washington. This isn't trying to make it on Broadway -- there's no substitute for that. I'm not dismissing Houston but my point is that although it's a want of yours, and I hear you when you say high school 2.0, think long and hard before jettisoning the safety net of paid for college and home for a few years.

[SnowedIn]

Thank you for MHO!

[saturnnn]

this most definitely touched me and was very insightful so thank you!!!

[StrongBad84]

Have you visited both schools? What do you plan to study? It's sad to say, but we are in a student debt crisis and your degree of choice may largely define your quality of living after school if you decide to take out loans to pay for school yourself. Unless you get a full-ride scholarship (unlikely for 99% of people), you need to know how much you can expect to earn after you graduate.

I chose my university (in-state) based on cost AND diversity and I'm grateful for that choice. I largely paid for it myself, but even with an in-state engineering degree it took me several years to pay the loans. Now I'm in my thirties and still can't buy a house. My friends who earn less are even worse off and still paying their loans. Debt has stunted our lives in many ways.

An offer to pay for your tuition is no small thing. That is a cost that could follow you for decades otherwise. Perhaps there are other schools in-state you could consider? You can also compare the degree programs at both schools (graduation rates, overall quality, typical earnings after graduation). You can also supplement your studies by studying abroad. This could be a good way to stay in-state and still experience the diversity the world has to offer.

Good luck

[jennifer_bloom]

I know a guy who teaches at the university of Texas and he is a fraud, he will randomly assign you a grade based on how skinny and rich you are and won’t change your grade because he thinks he can get away it. Texas might not be the dream school you think it is, even my uncle was scammed by a racist professor who refused to grade him fairly which is why he works as a Chinese medical herbalist and acupuncturist and not an American MD, while living in America. He was a medical professor in China, but the racists did not bless him with an American MD.

[lightbulb27]

you could pull a trick a relative did... go to Washington and fail every class due to the social distractions.

The solution thus being, go to Texas. problem solved.

How about find out what his issues are and address them?

beat him at arm wrestling?

[saturnnn]

his issues are like “no one will visit you” “i want you near home” “you won't keep up with your work” “what if something happens to you” stuff like that

[lightbulb27]

yea, I can relate. depends on how he knows you and his fears.
I'll let you two fight it out. like I said, take each issue, try to mitigate it. Or propose a year and if doens't work transfer.
absolutely no drinking or else you get a beating...

[Tyrael]

Student loans are a huge hassle and you should be extremely grateful that your dad is offering to pay for your college. You're in a very privileged position and you should take advantage of that.

By all means debate the merits with your dad, but if it comes down to it, you should just bite the bullet and go to WSU and save yourself the tens of thousands of dollars of debt.

[Anonymous]

You either go along w his plan or make your own which means being an adult, paying for it some how. Be a strong, independent women as the saying goes these days. It’s a shitty situation but not the worst. You always have options, even if someone puts a gun to your head there’s always choices. Besides how much better would it make you feel in the end if you could achieve this on your own?

[inhua]

what degree are you looking for in texas that washington doesn't offer?

[saturnnn]

they offer it but it’s just the school, like a literal murderer just came out of the washington school and there’s no diversity here i just feel like i’d feel out of place and dread it

[Guy13]

Get a loan for the difference of state rate and out off state rate?

[saturnnn]

what does this mean

[Guy13]

Research tuition rates. It will make sense. Do leg work for dad….

[alice55]

You do what you want, are you willing to work to pay your college? Or are you not motivated to do it?

[saturnnn]

i’m willing to do whatever it takes at this point, i literally cannot stay here

[alice55]

Then work and pay for your college

[LiamJHayden]

Unless you want to pay your own way, you stay in Washington.

[saturnnn]

i think i might end up paying for it myself at this point i cannot stay here

[In_Trance]

Figure out another way to pay for it if this is what you're gonna do

[JamesDiaz11]

Pay for your own college.

[saturnnn]

this is a good idea how would i go about this in a smart manner?

[JamesDiaz11]

First, apply for admission at the Texas School. After you are admitted they will send you a link for FASFA. When you apply for this it may help to select that your parents will not be supporting you financially (I'm not sure the exact form number, but an academic counselor will). Meet with a counselor to review degree plans, so you can know how much each semester will cost. THEN, assuming you don't have any other income, you may want to search apartments and fit that cost into your per semester budget. After your FASFA application is approved (they all are) you should select the loan amount that fits with your budget- do not take out more than this.
For example, they will approve you for (for example) $15,000/ semester, and if you don't limit this amount to the (for example) $8000 you need for that semester (tuition, rent, etc.) you'll be accruing 6% interest on this loan until you graduate.
Tip, if you get a job/ internship, start paying on your loan before you graduate. Even if you can't, immediately refinance the student loan upon graduating at a lower interest rate, for a 15 year period (up from a standard 10 years).
If you have other questions I'd be more than happy to help, including with major selection (since I work in Human Resources and know how much everyone makes).

[gorydetails]

You either go in state or pay for your own way.