Do you think a manager should refrain from interjecting opinions, while employee is privately describing their account of bullying?

[Anonymous]

I decided to have a private meeting with my manager to talk about some incidents (out of several) of subtle bullying directed toward me, none of which my manager witnessed. I decided to have the meeting because the night before I got maybe 2 hrs of sleep which I told him.

My manager kept interjecting his opinion while I was telling my account of events even though I didn't ask for it... I left the meeting feeling invalidated, as if I am the crazy one, and my perception of events is wrong. I felt that my manager was positively biased towards this person, who actually got promoted a few months back. I no longer feel safe/comfortable talking to him about it; I didn't tell him all the incidents...

Do you think a manager should refrain from interjecting opinions, while employee is describing their account of bullying? My answer is yes because from personal experience it made me feel invalidated. I think it is fine to disagree, but there is a time and place for it... not when someone has got 2 hrs of sleep and decided to have an emergency meeting with you. At least that's my opinion...

[Oliverlogan263]

You're absolutely right. When an employee comes to their manager to discuss concerns about bullying or harassment, the manager should refrain from giving opinions and just listen without judgment.

A few reasons why it's important for the manager to stay neutral:

- It allows the employee to feel heard and validated in sharing their experience without fear of being second-guessed. They just want to get things off their chest.

- By interjecting opinions, it undermines the employee's perception and can make them feel gaslit or that their concerns aren't serious.

- The manager doesn't necessarily witness these incidents, so they shouldn't assume the employee is wrong based on their own biases.

- People experiencing bullying are often stressed and emotional. Interrupting them adds to that stress rather than relief.

- Later, if action needs to be taken, the manager has an unbiased account of the employee's perspective to consider alongside other viewpoints.

You were right to feel invalidated. A good manager should be a neutral party to listen without judgment first. Their role is to understand the employee's experience, not debate it. Thanks for sharing - hopefully more managers can learn from this experience. In the future, maybe talk to HR if you don't feel comfortable with your direct manager.

[boggboss]

What was u hoping to come from this meeting

[Asker]

i needed to vent as it got to the point of getting 2 hrs of sleep and pacing in my bedroom...

[Asker]

I didn't think it was a good idea to keep quiet about my feelings if it is affecting me so much...

[boggboss]

Well no ofc but if u just needed to vent why not speak to friends the only reason u would bring it to your manager in my opinion is if u wanted somthing to change no

[Asker]

I had to start work in a few hrs and couldn't wait to talk to someone else.

[boggboss]

I get that but having a meeting just to vent seems odd to me

[Asker]

The main problem is actually withholding of training (which I want fixed), but I wanted to give an account of the other problems I have been having with this person.

[Asker]

as background

[boggboss]

But that would just make it look like u don't like the person and turn it into a issue with u and the guy not somthing work related that he needs input for