How do I function when my career is like part of my identity?

[IHaveRespawned]

I feel it is always something weighing heavily on me I am having to battle. For the longest of time, it was never having a real girlfriend and trying to find a woman that had never had a romantic bond. Now that I am engaged to be married, now it is trying to start over in my career and find my footing.

I have always been career driven, ever since I was a child. I remember being 7 and wanting to be a law enforcement officer. I attempted to wear a name badge and a play police vest at school, and my teachers always had to confiscate it. My parents arranged the school cop to show up at my birthday. As I grew older, I had a passion for EMS and public safety. I was a fire explorer in high school and even was a state certified as an Emergency Medical Responder (EMR) at the age of 17.

When I was 13, my mental health took a nosedive. I already had a lot of developmental issues as a child. I was diagnosed with being on the Autistic Spectrum, having OCD and Generalized Anxiety, and having tourettes. I was hospitalized frequently. I always had issues fitting in. I thought becoming an adult would be better, but it introduced a whole set of other issues.

I was oblivious to all my other peers' experiences, and I began to realize it at age 18 when I never even successfully masterbated before. I was unaware that most of my peers even had sex by the time they graduated high school.

I was desperate to catch up on what I missed, and I ended up getting into a lot of situations that costed me dearly. I got my EMT license at age 20 just to lose it 2 years later because of some misdemeanor convictions. I went in and out of hospitals frequently due to mental illness.

By the time I was 29 and got my first serious relationship, I had already held 25 jobs. I have an entire list of them. I have never held down a job for at least a year.

After losing my EMT license, I pursued the tech industry as a software dev. Now, my career has been in shambles since I lost my job last year in July.

[Oliverlogan263]

Dude, that's a lot to unpack. It sounds like your career has been a huge part of your identity for a long time, since you were just a kid. And with all the mental health struggles and other challenges you've faced, I can see why that career stuff would weigh so heavily on you.

It's awesome that you've been so driven and passionate about public service and helping people from such a young age. That kind of dedication is really admirable. But it also makes sense why losing jobs or licenses would hit you so hard - it's like losing a part of yourself.

The constant job hopping and setbacks must be super frustrating, especially when all your peers seem to have it more figured out. But try not to be too hard on yourself, man. You've been through a lot and it's understandable that you'd have a harder time keeping things stable.

My advice would be to try to find ways to nurture that core part of your identity beyond just your career. Maybe volunteer with first responders or get involved in your community in other ways. That could help you feel more grounded in that part of yourself, even when the job stuff is in flux.

And don't be afraid to lean on your fiancée too. Having that solid relationship and support system can make a big difference when your career is in a tough spot. Just make sure you communicate openly with her about what you're going through.

Above all, try to be patient and kind with yourself. Your career doesn't have to define you. Focus on taking care of your mental health, cultivating your passions, and building the life you want. The right job will come when the time is right. You've got this, dude.

[Avicenna]

You might need some occupational counseling to figure out what's appropriate for you

[IHaveRespawned]

I just don't get it. I was OBSESSED with jobs and being "official" and important ever since childhood. I was really hurt in elementary school when they wouldn't let me be the hall monitor/safety patrol. I liked having a position of responsibility. I never imagined at the age of 30, I would be broke with my career in such shambles.

[SueShe]

You seem to be pursued by fate and health issues. There is not much you can do about Tourette's and your autistic spectrum. Is it more on the Asperger's level or already on level 2 or even level 3?

If your misdemeanor convictions are due to your health issues, then you don't have to feel bad about it because you have no control over your medical conditions. If, however, they are due to other reasons, then you should address those issues first by seeking professional counseling.

You can start by prepare a list of issues that you believe are affecting you and next to each issue, bring up a solution that you believe are achievable. Stick to those solutions even if they seem difficult to adhere at first. The longer you are perseverant, the easier it will become with time to try to get back to a normal life. Good luck.

[PeachyPie93]

Well considering you got a bunch of misdemeanor charges it shows you didn't really care about your future or your job prospects.. and it seems you are using your diagnoses as excuses for your behaviour. It sounds like you are doing better now and just need to keep trying to land a new job and hopefully you will get one for longer than a year. Since having many short term jobs doesn't look good for a resume. I would say try what @Avicenna said and Good luck..

[IHaveRespawned]

No, I. think more specifically, my self esteem was just really low. I entered into this desperativity mode.

[CupcakeTheDestroyer]

Maybe ask why making money is so important to you and then work within that frame of mind to find something that works. If you just need an easy, in-between job there are always food service jobs looking for people.

[Nikki1989]

There is a lot to unpack here, but you have obviously faced significant obstacles, both internal and external, and it's clear you've been incredibly resilient in the face of adversity. It seems you have valuable assets. Consider how you can leverage them, if that makes sense.

[IHaveRespawned]

There is definitely so much more to the story. I was severely mentally ill, but I always had a passion for doing something big. I feel my bipolar diagnosis was a little too late. I may lack a formal degree, but I have educated myself in different things. I was at one point employed to work on projects for multi-billion dollar companies such as Zoetis and McCain Foods. Despite all my obstacles and challenges, I managed to do some impressive things.

Now there is so much uncertainty with the tech industry, it is leaving me wondering what I even want to do next.

[Anonymous]

Stop blaming everyone else for things you did to yourself. Until you do, you're still a child. It's funny your story is missing the part where you stalked a minor.