It's been my privilege and honor to know the singularly strongest woman I have ever met since I was 14. Looking back I had no clue to the depths of her Well of Strength. At first glance she reminded me of Marcie from the "Peanuts" cartoons. She had very intense black hair that would start to curl before or after a rain. Her glasses always hid a set of, what I thought at the time and confirmed years later, piercing blue eyes. We were all short back then so I couldn't speak to her height but we always saw eye to eye. That is unless she was being capricious at the time and standing on her toes. Which would always make me laugh a little. She's very good at making people laugh. Yet like most people whom I've known that are good at making others laugh, that talent hid pain.
She lost her Mother at a very young age. Young enough to know something was wrong but unable to fully understand it. If you're close enough to her to hear the story you would probably forget the all the small details. Simply because you want to give her the sincerest hug of your life. She has very few personal memories of her Mother but those she does have, are cherished by her. The rest have been relayed to her by her sisters. Her Father... who may have his good traits but, to me, failed in his duties as such. I will assume he suffered from a crushed heart and spirit after the loss of his wife. (The only way I can make sense of his choices.) Not long after her loss he met and married a woman who was unequal to the task of not only raising another woman's kids but also jealous of those kids. She seemed to have a strong dislike to Deb from the start. Maybe because she was the youngest and therefore the closest reminder to Deb's Father of her Mother. Or maybe she just embraced the role of "Wicked Stepmother" to perfection.
At any rate this woman would systematically try to break Deb over and over for some twisted way of proving she was better than Deb's real Mother. Deb's Father at this time sat idly by. Immune to what was happening to his daughter. In the rare instance he did get involved he would side with his wife. I say his wife because there was nothing motherly about her. At first Deb would try very hard to be a good girl but as the years rode by Deb realized she was on her own. So she began pushing back in her early teens which made it worse and then started fighting back later. I can't say if she ever called her Dad on his lack of defense but I would have if I had known about it. The whole time this was going on, at school she was happy and funny. I think going to school was the only real refuge she had at the time, as long as she could act goofy she was content.
Occasionally she would be absent for a few days and school would feel more like a prison on those days. I just thought she was sick but again looking back it may have been more of a rebellion against her Dad's wife. Eventually at 16 she was kicked out of the house. I hold her Dad personally responsible for that to this Day! Imagine being 16 forced out of the house with no car to find an apartment, a job and still go to school. While most of us would love to be on our own at this time of life, most of us would buckle under this much weight. (When I try to put myself in her shoes I keep thinking I would've ended up in a ditch after being tricked into doing a snuff film.) But she survived all of that on her own. Which brings me to Kipper....his real name by the way.
Now some people have since informed me that Kipper's Dad is to blame for his son. Let me just say, at a certain point Kip is responsible for himself. I'm not sure of the initial attraction between them maybe they shared trauma and survivor stories. Or Booze. A lot of Booze. But somehow the quicksand of the relationship had convinced them both they should marry. Starting off I had hope for them. The only thing I had against him at this point was his name. Which I would've changed as soon as I hit 18. Being an "Adult" named Kipper is equal to a boy named Sue, in my eyes. But they did something most of us would not think to do and adopted 4 boys. That gave me hope and left me in Awe. Not 4 infants but kids that were in the system and had outstanding issues. Yet right away Kipper was more of a roommate and not even to the task of raising kids.
Despite this they succeeded in having a daughter of their own. The only good thing he's done to date. Now at some point after this he got depressed. Started pulling back even more than the rock he was imitating. Deb finally got tired of his moping around and asked him flat out what was going on. He said something to the effect of "I can't do this anymore." And Deb with the strength I've come to know well, simply said okay. She got the papers together and helped him gather his stuff. With that Kip was re-released into the wild. Free to become a dead beat dad who would choose his next partners from the dregs of Society. Which I can only hope is Karma paying him back for being the Lord of Fucktards.
Deb became a stronger woman/mother even with Kipper's daddy issues at play. She continues to work hard for her children and helps them at every turn no matter the issues they display. At the same time swimming through a sea of frogs looking for not even a prince, just a frog with a backbone. I would say she's my best friend but that does not do her justice. What do you call a person who makes you look at yourself and say "Wow, am I a pussy!" She inspires me to strive to be better. Her strength of character and compassion of soul is unmatched in this world. One of only 4 people I respect in this life and one of two that I can say I have an absolute pure love of. She broke the image of what a woman should be in my mind and showed me what one could be.
She is not only my Friend but she is the North Star of my friends. Because even when I'm lost I know I can count on her to point me in the right direction.
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