I've seen many, many takes and opinions written about both genders, from the perspective of the other gender, usually pretty damn negative. This is different.
As I'm sure many of you gals that grew up with an abusive father learned to distrust the male gender because of your father, whether or not you realized that not all men were like him. I'm going out on a limb here and guessing you guys that had abusive mothers probably have a distrust of the female gender stemming from that. Hell, I'm pretty sure I've seen a few takes about how the opposite sex parent really fucked you up and fucked up your view of the opposite sex. I have yet to see a take on how having an abusive parent of the same sex fucks you up. That's where I come in.
My mother isn't exactly your classic abusive parent, drinking or getting high all day and abusing or neglecting me, or leaving me to fend for myself, chasing deadbeat men out on the streets. I actually have a pretty good family, with a dad that loves me unconditionally, two siblings that are occasionally little devils (whose siblings aren't?) and have some trust issues or are willing to sell people out to please authoritative figures (that's my mom's fault) but are overall wonderful little beasts, a great boyfriend who loves me for who I am, and some pretty sweet extended relatives (and some bastards, but again, who doesn't have relatives like that?)
My mom doesn't beat me or neglect me, but instead she alternates between loving me (or acting like it) and hating me (or acting like it) and when she loves me, she wants to help me get ahead in life and helps me with my mistakes and is super sweet, but when she hates me, she screams bloody murder, tells me I'm worthless, that I shouldn't have been born, that I have no friends because I'm a terrible person and drove them all away, that I'm greedy, ugly, selfish, lazy, stupid, and that she spends too much money on me. I honestly wish she would just beat me instead, at least then I would have the scars and bruises to show for the pain I'm in, and I wouldn't have to be screamed at all the time. I'm not even sure that she really loves me, I just think that she's too polite to always tell me what a fuck up I am and is just waiting until she can't contain it anymore.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a fuck up. I do drive people away because I'm sarcastic and bitter (I'm simply fulfilling my half of the Golden Rule, treating others like I'm treated) and that I'm ugly and shouldn't have been born, and that as she says "you can't do anything right." I don't know how much of that is true and how much of it is me being told that by the woman who's supposed to love me when no one else does. I feel like I must really be a terrible person if one of the people who is supposed to unconditionally love me hates me most of the time.
Now, I do have to thank her for being nice sometimes, as it almost makes me forget how much she hates me, but makes the insults sting more. She's also taught me that people will believe a happy face, and if you are nice to people that they won't believe how horrible they are to others, and how to lie to authoritative figured to get out of trouble (I'm sure many people can sympathize with that bit.)
She's also taught me what I don't want to be; someone who makes their own children miserable and makes them turn on each other to get out of punishment, and who insults their children every chance they get. I'm terrified of turning into her, one of my main reasons for not wanting kids is the terror that comes from the idea of continuing the cycle of abuse, and seeing that I'm already turning into someone like her, even as I try and stop it. I put my sister down constantly because it makes me feel, in the moment, like I'm actually an ok human being who's better than someone, anyone, but just makes both of us feel worse in the end. It sucks. I don't know how to stop it, and I really don't want to parent a child and raise them to be the type of people that fall in love with song lyrics like
"I'm just a stupid motherfucker, can't figure it out." - Floral and Fading; Pierce the Veil
"Arrogant boy, love yourself so no one has to, they're better off without you. Arrogant boy, cause a scene like you're supposed to, they'll fall asleep without you, you're lucky if your memory remains." - Therapy; All Time Low
"To be hurt, to be lost, to be left out in the dark. To be kicked when you're down, to feel like you've been pushed around. To be on the edge of breaking down, and no one's there to save you. No you don't know what it's like, welcome to my life." - Welcome To My Life; Simple Plan
"I wish I was as invisible as you make me feel" - Pros and Cons of Breathing; Fall Out Boy
because those lyrics describe their life. I don't want my child to have to rely on music to get them through life because I make them feel so worthless and terrible that they don't have anyone to turn to, or feel like they don't deserve help.
How does this fit in with the theme of this take? Well, knowing how horrible my mom is, and how I'm seeing myself begin down that same path, I've developed a mistrust of women. "Haha" I hear you laugh "this one can't be serious. She's a chick herself." Please, finish laughing. I'll give you a minute.
We good now?
'Kay then, now that that's out of our system, we can resume. I find it hard to see the good in other women. I actually don't like most girls my age, I prefer the boys for the simple reason that I'm not afraid of them stabbing me in the back or trying to tear me down for fun. They're just nicer people. My favorite people, save for the occasional exception, are all male, from my coach (best. guy. ever.) to my teacher (funniest person I've met in a while)
I can't be the only person who's going through this, who prefers the opposite sex because they're afraid of being treated just as badly by the same sex like they were by their parent. I always assume that if someone is having trouble with a parent it's the mother, not the father, and am often surprised when they have a better relationship with their mother over their father.
So the next time you see a woman criticizing other females or a guy criticizing his fellow men, talking about how cruel and terrible they are, please take a step back and realize that they may not just be irritable people, or bitter gay people, but someone who is afraid of the same sex because they've been burned in the past by people that were supposed to love them, and instead treated them badly.
On the other hand, they may just be irritable, bitter gay people.
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