Family & Friends

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

Every family seems to have one or two people within it that seem like they were not raised by the same parents or within the larger family unit. They, or in this case, you, may seem totally different form everyone else in your family and they certainly let you know it. What can you do about it? Should you change?

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

1. You have a different God

Everyone in your family is one faith, and you are another or don't ascribe to any faith at all. This can cause a lot of tension especially regarding religious and cultural ceremonies.

What to do: If your religion or lack thereof seems like a problem for them, let it be. You shouldn't have to fake a religion in order for your family to love you. Stress this fact to those that insist on forcing their religion upon you, but be careful with this. Just because you are no longer or are not a part of what they believe in doesn't mean you should go off on a tangent ragging on their religion and what they believe in, but on the reverse, they don't get to badger you on what you believe or don't believe in because faith is a very personal thing and as far as I'm aware, no God wants someone faking their beliefs.

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

2. You avoid the family profession like the plague

Your grandfather was an army doctor, your father and mother are both doctors, all three of your siblings are nurses and surgeons, and you...are whatever you are that isn't in the medical profession. Their profession: you hate it, you aren't good at it, you don't want to do it. Your family never seems to let you forget that you aren't 'with them' in this realm or they are constantly dropping hints that you still have time to go back to school.

What to do: Stick to your guns. The main thing is you are happy or passionate or both with what you are doing. If it is clear to your family through your words/actions that you love your job, than they can just have several seats on the matter. You can't do something you don't love because every night and day you will be the one to have to live with your choice of job and what all comes with it. It's also good that, if something is not in your leauge or too difficult for you, that you become smart enough to know your strengths and weaknesses and focus on what you can do and are great at vs. what you can't or will simply struggle with for the rest of your life.

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

3. You don't want kids/marriage

Some families are extremely intense about this. There may also be cultural pressure for some to have kids after marriage, especially in that order and if you don't fall in line, you are considered damaged goods or making terrible life decisions.

What to do: Take a deep breath. At least in this country, no one can force you to get married and certainly not to have kids. These are two MAJOR life decisions that shouldn't be made lightly and especially not if someone not in your relationships or lack thereof is saying you have to do because they want you to or some ancient custom says this is what "everyone does." Let those family members rattle off on the virtues of marriage and kids, but know that you have every right to walk away and/or say no if it's not something that you can handle or that you want to handle.

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

4. You have your own style

Is everyone else in your family super conservative in dress and you're so not? Do you have the piercings, the weird hair, the tattoos? Does your family hate it and constantly talk about how much you should conform to their dress?

What to do: granted, for things like some jobs in life, there are uniforms and appropriate levels of dress that even the most hardened of us, need to soften to like say not wearing a sheer dress to a funeral or a mesh top to a job interview, but for your everyday life, if what you wear is what makes your comfortable and feel good about yourself, then so be it. Make sure you're not using it all as a mask to hide something else or simply doing it to get back at someone by intentionally trying to dress in a manner that's not who you are, but aside from that and certain areas where a dress code is warranted, go for it. Even when it comes to a job, if you can find one that will let you rock your style, then go after it with gusto rather than trying to conform.

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

5. You've screwed up badly before

Sh*t happens. Sometimes it's really bad sh*t that can cause rips and stress and trauma to a family. If you were for example, an addict, or if you got in major trouble with the law, or abandoned your family...any number of things can put a real black mark on you and have you labeled the family black sheep.

What to do: It's important to first acknowledge your role in everything you have personally done to get to this point, and with the assumption that you've served your time or are in recovery or have made the steps towards amends, know that it may take A LOT of time for family and friends to trust you again. They need to see through your actions, not just your words that you are sorry and that you are or have changed. It's not enough, given your history, to just say give me a chance and expect it to be given, and things to easily go back to the way they were. Sometimes in life, you really really screw up, and it will take more than a simple sorry to get the black mark off you. Be aware, and be prepared mentally to put in the work to successfully repair most of if not all the damage you've done.

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?

Ultimately you need to become very aware that you are living your life for you and as an adult in particular, you can make whatever choices you want to make, believe what you want, work where you want, and get on whatever path you want to get on. Everyone else will ALWAYS have an opinion on what you do whether they agree with it or not, so there is no sense trying to believe that you can or will ever please everyone. It's impossible. You may become that doctor or switch religions, but then it will be something else that's wrong or that others don't think or do think you should be doing. Labels mean nothing unless you subscribe to them and let them define your life.

Are You The Black Sheep of Your Family?
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