Those are the words that I said to my friend one night we were texting. I state to her " why are we so hard on ourselves? Why do we judge ourselves harsher? Why are we our worse critics? and finally Why are we our worse enemy? I really want to talk about this and I can share a bit about my story and some of my past struggles in the process.
I want to share like I wrote in a similar post that you are not alone in this thoughts and in this topic, many people struggle with seeing themselves in a positive light and seeing themselves as people with self worth. maybe in your life you were coming up in a tough enviroment, were punches and yelling and put downs happen. altercations took place or serious abuse and that change the way you saw and think about yourself forever. I have read a lot of posts on this website related to some serious things and situations. there are things that happen in everyday life that can easily happen next door to you without you or I realizing. so many things can happen to someone without your knowledge or awareness. you never know what might be happening in someones life. you might see them smile but not knowing what they hide behind a smile. a rough environment can change so many things in you.
I grew up living as an immigrant and Hispanic. many challenges I faced growing up did affected me how I viewed myself. I want to share how growing up I would see my parents lead a lifestyle and how it changed as we moved to the States. From managing many people in their job they both worked for, to be reduced to working for other people that in the past would be working for them, that is not bad but it was difficult for them to adapt and going back to the "bottom" if I could say that. I saw how in Texas we struggled to make ends meet. how we had to walk as if we were in a very short and thin rope constantly sort of speak. I quickly and harshly noticed many people had better things then us and how accommodated many people around us were that I start to wonder and questioning a lot as a kid. why don't we have this things and luxuries? I asked myself. I remember how back home we had mostly everything we wanted but here it apparently it reversed for us to having much less.
I constantly asked myself why do we struggle to pay rent while I see friends of mine have big houses in great neighborhoods and own new cars on their driveways and we barely had a two bedroom apt and a beat up 1987 Lincoln? I saw how my friends wasted food at their house and seeing my parents worked long hours to bring food to the house. it upset me how wasteful people were and I saw how we could have used a lot of things they were throwing away and misusing and they never cared. it disappointment me how many people took so many things for granted. I felt bad about myself that we had less than others. I felt embarrassed and uncomfortable that I had to get clothes from our church charity drives and hand me downs from others. and food from the church food drive. we benefit from it even till this day. and God Bless all the people that helped us and it helped me grow humble and appreciate life better and to accept all life challenges and make the best of what we had for the future.
I was a shy kid by nature and had a difficult time talking to girls. I remember how bashful I was and how I would see many girls pass by in middle school and I never said a word or anything. in 7th grade I went to the principals office one day because my mom was there to give me a book I forgot at the house and as I picked it up my mom says goodbye to me and this girls were there walking by saw me with my mom and I overheard them say something like, "ugh look at this guy he is so ugly but his mom very pretty" this girls chuckled and laughed at me and continued on talking and I went back to class. well from that day on I wasn't the same, I saw myself as ugly from a small comment and this insecurity build up in me and this thing in me that I was "ugly" and not knowing any better I kept that on and later on in life I realized it wasn't true.
In high school it wasn't any different. girls were meaner and more aloof than ever and I was pretty much ignored for the most part. I hardly talked to girls in high school for this exact thing and deep down I felt so insecure about that girl from 7th grade that I didn't want to risk being called names or I just left this girls alone. I saw how many of my friends had girlfriends and I was just 'there' seeing people hook up and guys getting more attention and I just lived through high school like that until my senior year were I gained some better confidence but it wasn't enough to erase memories from the past or overcoming my shy nature.
fast forward to now, I learned and grow a lot as a man and became more centered and I'm totally in a different place from those days. I didn't want to be anyone else but me. I didn't want to look like anyone else but me. I'm more happier with myself and I'm overcoming more obstacles being immigrant and the challenges that come with that. my friend was texting me one night. then I was airing out some of this same frustrations that I had and she message me saying "you are more than you think you are"
That is my message to you, you are way more than what people told you or made you feel, you are more than these bullies say or done to you. you are more than this insecure person due to your health issues or any other personal issues you might face. you are way more than what you think you might be. we all have this treasure within us that we miss or do not see or surfaces at times, but is there. and you are a treasure! Thank you!
What Girls & Guys Said
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I really did enjoy reading this I almost cried. Sometimes people make us try to feel less then because they are insecure. They need to put others down to feel better about themselves. I have had struggles myself in life growing up but I told myself it only makes me stronger. Everything you went threw made you humble and myself as well. So happy you realize being yourself is more important then to be a copy. Remember there is only one you and it's good to be different. :-)
Hi there : )
I felt great to see you enjoyed my Mytake and I appreciate taking the time to read it. this little bit of my journey I wrote helped me to grow as a person and get closer to God. I have forgiven many people that did me like this and that girl I mean who knows where she is now but all I do is wish her the best. I later on realized as you mention that people have to put others down because themselves are insecure and it took me a long while to figure that out, I kinda always looked back and said 'is there something wrong with me?' but learned that there is not and there is not really something wrong in us. Thank you so much : )
You Welcome :-)
Good read.
My advice? Take it easy.
Idiots are everywhere. You have to simply judge a little whether you can take an opinion from a decent person or a moron.
As for me, girls and women didn't do anything to me or much but I can see where you are coming from.
But the best part is becoming better than your enemies :) That will pay off big time in the future - just accumulate and keep adapting positive traits. You may at the end thank your enemies for your improvements but you don't really have to ;)
Dear gods, man, I didn't think I'd find anything this deep on here. This was a wonderful read, and more people need to realise the truth in this message. Thanks for providing.
Thank you for reading Darklord! I feel humbled by your comment and I Thank you for your kind words and time!