Introduction to my "I Reckon"
So, I thought I'd have a stab at one of these MyTake thingies, which I've always thought should be called an "I Reckon".
To Build, Not Destroy
"I reckon" that people who want to pull themselves out of negativity should start by refusing to join in with the negativity directed towards them, whether implicitly or by inference. If someone doesn't respect you that does not mean that you are not worthy of respect. If someone doesn't value you that doesn't mean that you aren't valuable. If you assign yourself a low value you will be treated with low or no value. Everyone likes to take advantage of something that is given for free.
Consider people trying to break into your home. You value your home, you respect your home. The people trying to break in don't value your home. What do you do when you have an attempted break in? You invest in defence. You improve your security. Maybe you arm yourself. What you don't do is to leave your doors and windows wide open or to assist the burglars the next time they come to visit.
Self Destruction is My Friend
So why is it then that so many people are so inclined to join in with the attacks on themselves rather than to build up their defences? Why are people prepared to take action to protect objects but will happily take no action to protect themselves? I am a firm believer that you should always be your own best friend first and foremost. You shouldn't assist others in tearing you down. You shouldn't take negativity and use it to destroy yourself. You should be bold enough and brave enough to say no, fuck that, fuck your opinions, I have my own opinions. What is the real risk of doing so? That you might believe in yourself and still fail? How is that worse than where you already are?
Acceptance of all of your perceived flaws, and of all the flaws that others identify in you, achieves nothing unless it is turned into posivity. You don't fix anything by merely accepting that it is broken and sitting on your hands and you certainly don't fix it by breaking it yet further. The only criticism that is worth your time is constructive criticism and the only value in considering that criticism is if you turn it into positive action. Laying down and dying is just handing victory to those who are incentivised in seeing you fail and why would you want to give them anything?
I've Tried Though
One of the key reasons why this kind of approach is rejected is because people will believe that they have indeed tried but have continued to fail. Hope is futile because they have hoped before and got nowhere. Well, consider that what you are doing is akin to saying that there is no point in you trying to be an astronaut because your attempts at building a space shuttle from soap bottles and cardboard have failed thus far. To have failed doesn't mean that you have tried all that can be tried, it might simply mean that you have tried all that you know. The extent of your knowledge is not the extent of possibility. You can always, always learn more and particularly from those with a far greater field of knowledge and experience than yourself. Your best friend in most situations, other than yourself, is strategy. It is not the sum of your physicality. If you are smart enough you can be good enough to achieve most things.
So What Should I Do?
Well, what you should NOT to is to join a group of self appointed social outcasts who affirm their own failure status and accept it as an unavoidable conclusion. Nobody wants to buy a product that markets itself as a piece of crap. Giving up on yourself is not failure, it is social suicide. It is not the world confirming that you are worthless, it is you stating that you are worthless. Nobody is going to buy the car that is advertised as worthless. When should you stop trying to succeed? When you are dead, that is my honest opinion. You have not tried all that there is to try, there is always more and there are those who can show you what more there is to try. Never give up on yourself and if you have to fake it until you truly believe in yourself then do that. Play the role, thicken your skin, take chances. When it doesn't go right for you, treat it with humour. Laugh at the brutality of it. Don't curl up and kick the shit out of yourself. The world will happily do that for you at times, you don't need to assist. Fight back, refuse, deny, reject. Create your own narrative. People will very often follow your lead in terms of how they feel about you, guided by how you feel about yourself. Show them that what they should feel is something good because YOU believe something good about you.
Are You Done?
Yes, I'm done, here endeth my "I Reckon". As with all subjective pieces I am very sure that some of you will want to tear it apart and that's all good. If you have a better method then awesome, I'm pleased for you. If you don't believe that anybody could possibly understand your struggle and that only people who've had easy lives could trivialise that struggle, climb out of your own ass for a moment or two. It will honestly do you some good. It makes no difference to me either way, but you might just change your own life for the better. Everything starts with something.
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