I am 26 years old, and people always say the same things to me:
1. You're so quiet.
2. Why don't you talk to people?
3. Why don't you open to people?
4. Why don't you ever ask for help on anything?
When I was a kid, I was a pretty social person, had a lot of friends and wasn't afraid to open up to people. Maybe it's perhaps that kids are less judgmental and become more judgmental as they get older. However, I slowly started closing myself to the world when I entered middle school.
Going through life, I have had a lot of bad experiences with people. However, if I outline everything I remember in this Take, it will be endless. With that being said, I will just outline a single story through each phase of my life. I don't want people to think these single stories changed the course of my life, because a lot of events in my life made me the way I am today. I am just merely describing one incident in each phase of my life that I clearly remember.
Note: Before I continue with this Take, I will have you know that I am perfectly fine mentally. Lol. In actuality, I am not shy at all. I do have a small group of friends that I do things with and communicate with; however, I am not open to everyone because of what I've experienced with people.
Middle School:
I remember one time in middle school, I was sitting in science class and we were going over plate tectonics. During the last 30 minutes of class, my teacher handed out a worksheet for us to do. I recall that the worksheet was 10 questions long, and she stated that it was due tomorrow, if we didn't finish it in class. I looked at all 10 questions on the worksheet, and then I said, "I have a quick question". I remember my teacher had a disgusted look on her face, and she instantly shot back at me, "NO! No questions! Just work on it!"
I was confused, because my parents always taught me not be afraid to ask questions and that people respect you more if you ask for help when you need it. However, I asked for help, I asked a simple question, and I was instantly shot down in rage.
Other events happened in high school as well... like, I remember people would get annoyed with me for asking for help, or they were becoming judgmental over little things or they would ostracize me for being a nice person. During my middle school years, I started to shut down from people, and I started keeping to myself a bit more.
High School:
During high school, I noticed that people were becoming less and less accepting and more crueler.
-For example, my "friends" used to poke fun at me because I was in geometry and they were in advanced math classes, like calculus.
-When I would talk to people about things going on in my life, they would go around and tell everyone else and then people would randomly ask me about things going on in my life... people I never told these things to.
-Even at work, my first job, when I would make a simple mistake, my boss would always bring it up during random conversations and hold onto those mistakes and magnify them.
During my high school years, when I would go to people for help, they would treat me like I was an idiot for asking for questions or they treat me like I'm weak for seeking help and advice. When I would open up to people about me, they would start judging me and my life and go around and gossip. Or, when I made mistakes, people would magnify them and point them out continuously.
I remember at my job one day, while I was working, my older co-worker didn't take a liking to me at all. He said that I was too quiet, shy and that I never had an opinion on anything and that really pissed him off.
During college, I moved to a different state with my family, so I was in a whole new environment and was feeling pretty good about people again. I went to 2 colleges when I moved. I went to a community college and a university, and I remember I was driving a pretty crappy car as well.
Since I was in a new state, I tried to get out there and meet people... but it never worked out. When I would try to get to know people, they were mum and didn't want to really converse with me. When I tried to get to know people, they would instantly shut me out or treat me different (in a negative way) than other people. As a result, I stopped trying to get to know people and started to keep to myself and became more withdrawn.
Here are some events that I remember:
-I remember one time my car broke down on the side of the road. Instead of people coming to my aid, people would slow down, point and laugh at me or they would take pictures of me with their camera phone or honk and flip me off.
-Community college was pretty good overall; however, there were times in some classes that I was super quiet and people would randomly talk about me in the hallway or just stare at me with disgust.
-I also remember at my college job (I was a package handler), I couldn't even ask questions and I'm pretty sure my boss didn't like me much. Every time I had a question or a concern, he would quickly shut me out or he would get kind of annoyed at me for being vocal.
-I think the thing that really annoyed me the most during college is when I transferred to a university. During my university run, I tried again to get to know people. I would try to talk to people, try to socialize, but people would shut me out and wouldn't give me a chance. I remember that this was annoying me a lot, so I tried to set an appointment with a guidance counselor so I can talk about my feelings (I just wanted to talk to someone about my feelings)... however, we had to make an appointment by phone call. I tried to call set an appointment 3 times, but the receptionist was always rude. She would always something like, "there's no appointments this week. Bye". Then she would instantly hangup. So, I stopped trying to talk to someone and just kept to myself. I ended up make a few friends at university, but for a lot of it, people were always cold towards me and didn't want to get to know me.
Present Day:
Life is pretty good right now, don't get me wrong. I finished college, I have my own place and a car and I have a job. However, I feel people are still cold. During my first week of work, I tried to get to know people and open up, but I feel like I wasn't accepted.
Everyone at my job seems to be friends with each other, but I am never really acknowledged. I share a office with another person. When he comes into the office in the morning he doesn't say anything to me at all and he gets right to work. However... he will slowly start talking during the day (sometimes). However, when I try to greet him in the morning, he seems annoyed.
Also... sometimes, other coworkers will pop into the office and chatter amongst each other and everything seems fine; however, they always whisper around me.
As a result, I usually just keep my headphones in, don't talk to anyone and never ask for help or give status updates on my work. It seems when I try to get help or talk to people, they get annoyed.
Conclusion:
As I stated before... there is nothing wrong with my psychology. I'm a really hardworking person, I am kind to people, I am patient and I try to get to know people... but it seems that people these days are cold, and I just don't understand it.
Has this kind of stuff happened to other people? Am I alone in this?
Well, through elementary, middle school and half of high school I dealt with bullies and had no friends. I didn't know how to talk to people, either. I was basically a kid on her own. The last two years of high school I was in another school and I just kept to myself. Two years later I met an amazing guy who I pray I will marry someday. He's the light in my life I've been waiting for so long.
He understands me, loves me and everything. One night I came out to him about a wise I'd had since I was four. I loved dogs, mostly German Shepherds... to the point I wished I was one.
He laughed at first but I told him I this was something I actually wanted and he helped me. He got a surgeon and we saved up, Before I new it, two months later, I'm a dog. A German Shepherd. My odd child hood dream as come true because of him and he loves me and my new canine appearance.
I haven't been so happy in my life and I have him to thank. I feel I can finally make my mark in the world. It'll be tough but I know he'll be there to help me :)
It's easy to say my life is finally looking up. I've got a boyfriend, I'm finally a German Shepherd, so all I have to do is go out there and make a living
Similar stuff has happened in my life and I've had similar reactions. I don't feel like disgussing my life, it takes too long; Summary: Born in Africa, lived in 3 countries, moved around lot, took a while to pick on cultural differences and how to adapt, been picked on, been ostracized a lot, lost friends for reasons I didn't understand, been manipulated and gaslighted, had my goals shut down. My philosophy: People are fucked in the head. The whole situation, everything, is fucked. We're all inherantly alone, partially in control of our lives and partially not, then we die. Just look after yourself, make your life pleasant, find what you enjoy, find people you trust but don't rely on others. This life and everything in it, everything in your life will come, change and leave; you, others, likes/dislikes, personality, will change. Have faith in yourself. Goodnight
I think you're incredibly strong for not taking all this personally, because in short, yes, you are alone in this, a minority. People do treat you differently, much worse, than they treat each other, and it is meant to be personal. People don't like you, for no logical reason, and yes it is just you (and a few others). There is something, I don't know what, that people sense and jump on like vultures, even if they are normally good to others. I relate to a lot of this, my life has been very similar in a lot of the aspects of being rejected/treated differently, judged for both trying or not trying to be social. I think there are certain personality types of people that the world does essentially set out against. I am very different from you in that I am no longer hard working, patient, etc, but I once was. I probably have a totally different outlook, and definitely have grown mentally ill, but there is something to this. A very few people will always be treated this way. I have put a lot of observation into this, I am pretty sure it is not just paranoia. People do care about others in general, and make a special exception to not care about me, you, others that have whatever it is. A sign on our head that says "I don't deserve the same respect as other humans". We are meant to take it personally, meant to be rejected, outcast, and die off. We do not deserve it, but very few people will recognize us. I have not been so optimistic about the whole thing, and have really let it get to me, and change my very core and degrade my self worth beyond repair over the years. It's supposed to get to me. Our culture is trying to rid itself of people like me.
Can you explain me the difference between being at math class vs. geometry? We in my country take both geometry, advanced calculus, analytic geometry, etc. etc. and I don't get why Americans make so big of a deal out of their shitty high school education.
I guess some people don't recognize that some people don't like interacting with others. Glad that you were able to make it through college and get your own house, car and job. Your never going to satisfy everyone in life, just ignore the people that can't accept you for who you are as a person.
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