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Why Are You Always So Distant?

Why Are You Always So Distant?

Introduction:

I am 26 years old, and people always say the same things to me:

1. You're so quiet.

2. Why don't you talk to people?

3. Why don't you open to people?

4. Why don't you ever ask for help on anything?

When I was a kid, I was a pretty social person, had a lot of friends and wasn't afraid to open up to people. Maybe it's perhaps that kids are less judgmental and become more judgmental as they get older. However, I slowly started closing myself to the world when I entered middle school.

Going through life, I have had a lot of bad experiences with people. However, if I outline everything I remember in this Take, it will be endless. With that being said, I will just outline a single story through each phase of my life. I don't want people to think these single stories changed the course of my life, because a lot of events in my life made me the way I am today. I am just merely describing one incident in each phase of my life that I clearly remember.

Note: Before I continue with this Take, I will have you know that I am perfectly fine mentally. Lol. In actuality, I am not shy at all. I do have a small group of friends that I do things with and communicate with; however, I am not open to everyone because of what I've experienced with people.

Middle School:

Why Are You Always So Distant?

I remember one time in middle school, I was sitting in science class and we were going over plate tectonics. During the last 30 minutes of class, my teacher handed out a worksheet for us to do. I recall that the worksheet was 10 questions long, and she stated that it was due tomorrow, if we didn't finish it in class. I looked at all 10 questions on the worksheet, and then I said, "I have a quick question". I remember my teacher had a disgusted look on her face, and she instantly shot back at me, "NO! No questions! Just work on it!"

I was confused, because my parents always taught me not be afraid to ask questions and that people respect you more if you ask for help when you need it. However, I asked for help, I asked a simple question, and I was instantly shot down in rage.

Other events happened in high school as well... like, I remember people would get annoyed with me for asking for help, or they were becoming judgmental over little things or they would ostracize me for being a nice person. During my middle school years, I started to shut down from people, and I started keeping to myself a bit more.

High School:
Why Are You Always So Distant?

During high school, I noticed that people were becoming less and less accepting and more crueler.

-For example, my "friends" used to poke fun at me because I was in geometry and they were in advanced math classes, like calculus.

-When I would talk to people about things going on in my life, they would go around and tell everyone else and then people would randomly ask me about things going on in my life... people I never told these things to.

-Even at work, my first job, when I would make a simple mistake, my boss would always bring it up during random conversations and hold onto those mistakes and magnify them.

During my high school years, when I would go to people for help, they would treat me like I was an idiot for asking for questions or they treat me like I'm weak for seeking help and advice. When I would open up to people about me, they would start judging me and my life and go around and gossip. Or, when I made mistakes, people would magnify them and point them out continuously.

I remember at my job one day, while I was working, my older co-worker didn't take a liking to me at all. He said that I was too quiet, shy and that I never had an opinion on anything and that really pissed him off.

College Years:

https://www.pomona.edu/sites/default/files/styles/home_page_slide/public/images/paragraphs/burke-classroom.jpg?itok=wJ2bfbaV

During college, I moved to a different state with my family, so I was in a whole new environment and was feeling pretty good about people again. I went to 2 colleges when I moved. I went to a community college and a university, and I remember I was driving a pretty crappy car as well.

Since I was in a new state, I tried to get out there and meet people... but it never worked out. When I would try to get to know people, they were mum and didn't want to really converse with me. When I tried to get to know people, they would instantly shut me out or treat me different (in a negative way) than other people. As a result, I stopped trying to get to know people and started to keep to myself and became more withdrawn.

Here are some events that I remember:

-I remember one time my car broke down on the side of the road. Instead of people coming to my aid, people would slow down, point and laugh at me or they would take pictures of me with their camera phone or honk and flip me off.

-Community college was pretty good overall; however, there were times in some classes that I was super quiet and people would randomly talk about me in the hallway or just stare at me with disgust.

-I also remember at my college job (I was a package handler), I couldn't even ask questions and I'm pretty sure my boss didn't like me much. Every time I had a question or a concern, he would quickly shut me out or he would get kind of annoyed at me for being vocal.

-I think the thing that really annoyed me the most during college is when I transferred to a university. During my university run, I tried again to get to know people. I would try to talk to people, try to socialize, but people would shut me out and wouldn't give me a chance. I remember that this was annoying me a lot, so I tried to set an appointment with a guidance counselor so I can talk about my feelings (I just wanted to talk to someone about my feelings)... however, we had to make an appointment by phone call. I tried to call set an appointment 3 times, but the receptionist was always rude. She would always something like, "there's no appointments this week. Bye". Then she would instantly hangup. So, I stopped trying to talk to someone and just kept to myself. I ended up make a few friends at university, but for a lot of it, people were always cold towards me and didn't want to get to know me.

Present Day:

Why Are You Always So Distant?

Life is pretty good right now, don't get me wrong. I finished college, I have my own place and a car and I have a job. However, I feel people are still cold. During my first week of work, I tried to get to know people and open up, but I feel like I wasn't accepted.

Everyone at my job seems to be friends with each other, but I am never really acknowledged. I share a office with another person. When he comes into the office in the morning he doesn't say anything to me at all and he gets right to work. However... he will slowly start talking during the day (sometimes). However, when I try to greet him in the morning, he seems annoyed.

Also... sometimes, other coworkers will pop into the office and chatter amongst each other and everything seems fine; however, they always whisper around me.

As a result, I usually just keep my headphones in, don't talk to anyone and never ask for help or give status updates on my work. It seems when I try to get help or talk to people, they get annoyed.

Conclusion:

As I stated before... there is nothing wrong with my psychology. I'm a really hardworking person, I am kind to people, I am patient and I try to get to know people... but it seems that people these days are cold, and I just don't understand it.

Has this kind of stuff happened to other people? Am I alone in this?

Why Are You Always So Distant?
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