Stop the Cycle of Abuse

[Anonymous]

Silence and ignorance are two things that most often allow abuse to continue on in victims lives. Silence on the part of the victims, and ignorance on the part of the families and friends. People have in their minds, the image of an abuser as an outsider; someone else, a stranger, who would come into their family and do bad things, or someone who already has some sort of rap sheet, but frighteningly enough, most abusers are parents, close family friends and relatives, men AND women, young or old, and/or respected members of their community. The face of an abuser can literally be anyone.

When someone comes to you with allegations of abuse, often times they are not believed, especially if the victim is young or perhaps seen as "a bad kid." Kids lie, don't they? Those bad kids or adutls, are always in trouble and some believe, create an environment that is conducive to abuse, but abuse is not something a kid on up to an adult asks for or creates. Abuse is about control and power over victims. Young children, and those so called bad people, are especially vulnerable because abusers know they can take advantage of their situations.

Who's going to believe you? You already have a rap sheet . You try to rat me out, I'll call your probation officer and have him put you in jail.

You tell anyone, and I'll make sure I do this not to just you, but both you and your little brother.

I'm the board president, you tell anyone what's going on, I'll fire your dad and ruin him and make sure you and your family are out on the street.

Under this level of control, people are silent because they fear what their abusers will do. So imagine, you work up the courage to finally tell someone, and they then turn it back on you and accuse you of lying, or asking for your abuse, or ignore you, or don't believe you. It is a knee jerk reaction for some, especially if the abuse is coming from a family member or close friend, but you have got to believe them because more often than not, what they are saying is the absolute truth and by attempting to shame them, or ignore their cries for help, you...yes...you...are ensuring that the abuse is allowed to continue and often under your own roof.

Again, abusers, aren't just bad men that lurk in the shadows; these are people who often make it a habit to present themselves to the outside world as loving, caring, responsible, upstanding citizens. This is why time and time again, when crime happens, the first people who are questioned, are the ones who have been in any type of trouble before, not ones who say stand at the pulpit and preach every Sunday, or faithfully babysit your kids, or have been working with college boards for 20 years with a history of excellence.

If you have been or are being victimized, tell someone. You cannot continue to live in a situation where you fear for your life, continue to endure abuse, or with the knowledge that your abuser, may be abusing more than just you or will continue to abuse say, other friends or family that you know if nothing is done about it. If someone does not believe you, even if you are afraid, go to someone else you think you can trust, go to the police, go to another friend/family member, get help from a hotline or shelter.

[Anonymous]

My mom (age 15, when I was born) and grandmother (age 32 when I was born) were prostitutes, and they shoved me in a cabentit when they had guys over (ie, all of the time) and used up all of the money they got on drugs. SO I was neglected and starved. Then I was taken to my father (who was 36 when I was born) who screamed, beat me, and forced me to give him oral when I was five. Then he would leave me in my room for hours. WHen they found me, I was six and only 32 lbs and had glass in my hair and head, I was all black and blue and had a lot of problems (PTSD, RAD, and every time someone made a quick move I'd cringe, I hid food in almost impossible to find spots so I wouldn't starve, I was afraid to talk, tell people I was hungry)
Today I still have PTSD, which involved into conversion disorder. When people fight I get instincively terrified. My mom (adoptive) will go to high-five me or something and I'll flinch.

SO please, if you EVER suspect anyone going through abuse, tell someone.

[burpzzzzz]

Wow that really sucks. That's nothing compared to what I went through.

[Opinion Owner]

@burpzzzzz what hapened with you? and it certainly wasn't nothing, it was a lot to go through

[burpzzzzz]

i was abused by my father. Physically, emotionally and mentally. i was molested by a family member. I went through racism where guys would beat me up.

[Frosteh]

It's also worth noting that abuse is a cycle, if it happens when the victim is young they'll often develop anger issues and issues of self control, even socioathy if it's really bad all sorts of other problems. These are the people much mor elikely to go on to abuse their own children/partner or whatever, which causes the cycle to continue.

One way to break that cycle is for people who are the victims of abuse to seek therapy and to deal with their trauma, I know that sounds weird and that victims deserve our sympathy. But you have to project your thinking backwards as well as forwards. Most of these abusers would have not become like that had their parents sought therapy to deal with their anger issues.

If you're friends with someone who is the victim of abuse, encourage them to see a professional and help them deal with their experiences, that can really help bring an end to the cycle and reduce the total amount of abusive relationships in future.

[FakeName123]

Victims are questioned, because innocent until any reasonable doubt. If you accuse someone, you need to prove it. At least in an ideal world.

This is necessary and perfectly reasonable - because the accusation of abuse is a really big one and can kill a persons entire social life, reputation, etc.

Yes, it sucks for the victim - but it is a necessity. Especially since abuse is also a fairly common wrongly accused crime.

[myTake Owner]

I am by no means saying, just because someone accuses you, they are automatically guilty, but the hard truth is a lot of times the victims who do come forward to family/friends are not even given the benefit of someone saying, let's call the police and let them investigate this, and then in some cases how do you prove molestation for example, if it's something that happens in private without putting the victim at risk again for more abuse?

If that were your kid coming to you, do you just keep the alleged victimizer in the house if it were someone who lived with you, or do you at least send them away until you can figure out what's what. For me, I wouldn't want to take the chance that my kid were telling me the truth and I ignored it or wanted, what, visual confirmation of the abuse. It's a hard edged sword here and a lot of fine lines.

[404filenotfound]

The best way to stop the cycle is for people to deal with their trauma and their past because, a lot of times, people that were abused become abusive and people that are abusive were abused.

That's not even touching on the fact that if someone was abused they're more likely to end up with an abusive partner as well. It's a vicious cycle indeed.

[JustJules]

They talked about it in a psychology class I took. It goes deeper then some people think.

[jacquesvol]

https://i.imgur.com/gUrk5An.jpg

http://i.imgur.com/HAtlWIN.jpg

[Anonymous]

My sister once accused my dad of beating us. We were removed but allowed back after a month in the care of our mother while my Dad had a restraining order against him for 6 months. My sister eventually relented and went to the police to admit she made it all up.

[razor97]

haha, what a nice story

[FreedomByChoice]

this is off topic but the guys hands in the first picture look really nasty.

[myTake Owner]

I think it's meant to be a striking visual metaphor for abuse.

[FreedomByChoice]

I would say putting dirty hands on someones face should be considered enough abuse for a lifetime. Seriously, imagine the smell of that guys hands

[John_Doesnt]

I don't abuse because of ability. Abuse is about reality.

[razor97]

nice philosophy

[razor97]

how is this going to stop abuse? people do it because they like it, no word can stop them

[Anonymous]

That's really horrible i am sorry

[Player9606]

Thanks for your take

[Anonymous]

great