Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

Gaslighting is used to describe emotionally abusive behaviour, specifically when an abuser manipulates information in such a way as to make a victim question his or her sanity.

Gaslighting intentionally makes someone doubt their memories or perception of reality.

What makes gaslighting worse is that society often engages with the perpetrators view of the world. It is so much easier to believe that the world is safe and predictable when we side with the idea that the victim has done something to cause the abuse—in that way we get to believe that if we just don’t do what the victim did, we won’t get treated like the victim did.

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

Gaslighting manipulates the victim into thinking that their perception the abuse is inaccurate. The victim comes to see themselves as incompetent and believes that they can neither trust themselves nor the world.

This involves displacing the blame of the abuse onto the victim. The victim sees the abuse as their fault. They are told 'you are too sensitive, you are mentally unstable, I never said that, or you provoked me'.The abuser may deny any memory of the abuse. Frequent use of these phrases after the narcissists’ abusive outbursts are common and are used to gaslight you into thinking that the abuse is indeed your fault or that it never even took place.

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

If you're uncertain about how to know if you're being gaslighted then here are few points to look out for:

Doubting your perceptions.

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

One of the most powerful impacts of gaslighting is that the victim begins to doubt their perceptions. You may find yourself wondering whether you saw what you believe you saw, or heard what you thought—or knew—you heard.


Feeling foggy or confused.

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

Feeling oddly foggy or confused is one of the most common symptoms of being gaslighted. For example, you’re talking to your friend and in the middle of the conversation you begin to feel confused or fuzzy. You might even describe the way you feel as “crazy.”


Outsized responses to trivial matters.

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

Sometimes we all over-react , which is fine. But if you experience a situation where people always tell u things like "What’s wrong with you? Why are you always breathing down my neck?” to ordinary events.Then these kind of over-the-top responses on a regular basis, maybe a reason of gaslighting.

Conversations go nowhere.

Do you often have the experience of being in a conversation with someone where you either can’t follow the meaning of what’s being said, or the conversation seems to have an endless, repeating loop that never reaches a conclusion or resolution? Gaslighting may be the culprit.


Deliberate Change of focus/topic.

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

Changing the subject is a common strategy used by most people from time to time in relationships.

But when gaslighting is the problem, it happens on a regular and relentless basis.

You feel like you’re on a relationship roller-coaster.

You may feel like you’re walking on eggshells or you have difficulty staying up-to-date .

Unpredictability is one of the most effective ways to destabilize a situation and cause another person to be in a constant state of uncertainty, stress, and hyper-vigilance.


Words and actions don’t match.

Beware the Gaslighting: How To Recognize When You Are Being Gaslighted

When a person’s words and actions don’t match, it can be truly crazy-making. If someone says to you that they loves you while being blatantly abusive, cruel, or hurtful—you are being gaslighted. So you should be alert as it will save you from additional pain and disappointment by paying more attention to the person’s actions and behavior, rather than their words.


So the bottom line is: If you find yourself in a situation where each question you ask seems to be met with an answer that's completely off-base, and the more you probe the more that person puts the blame back on you, you might be in a situation where you are getting gaslighted.

Thanks for reading!😊


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Most Helpful Guys

  • Good and well-organized points about what is really a form of psychological terror, and it's great to know what to be on the outlook for.

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    • Thanks for reading 😊

    • When they are always right. When they make decisions for you. When they cannot appreciate what you give them. When they constantly demand more. When you are late they shame you for being late. When they make you wait on them. (They can be late, but you can not be late.). When they have to have specific brands of clothes, makeup, a certain house or apartment, a certain brand or type of car and you are buying them. When “quality” matters to them but they are happy if you sacrifice so that they can have “the best”. Shall I go on?

  • That made my head hurt. How do you know all that?
    I'm familiar with the concept but didn't know there was a specific term for it.

    So if you tell a Muslim that Islamaphobia exists because there's a terrorism problem within their community, would that be considered gaslighting?

    Or if you tell blacks and Latinos that people are racist against them because they cause crime, would that also be gaslighting?

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Most Helpful Girls

  • 1. doubting your perception:
    when I say that my sister did something mean to me, my mom would say that I was evil... and I was the bad one. If I was nice than everyone would like me but I'm mean and bad and evil... and my feelings are evil. but my sister slapped me and makes me clean our room all the time because... well I'm just evil so I need to shut up. and my sister is perfect.
    2. feeling foggy or confused:
    when I feel like I do all these nice things (I'm the only one who tries to listen to my parents...) my mom says I'm the evil one. I clean the toilets and I scrub the kitchen, and my mom says my sister did it. My sister is the nice one who always cleans up and helps around the house. But I cooked the meal and washed the dishes. NO, my sister did that too.
    3. conversations go no where:
    I should have said this or that to my sister. It's all my fault that my sister's life is the way it is. It's my job that my sister has the perfect life but I screwed up. That's why she took someone else's husband, that's why she had a child at 17 out of wedlock that's why she ran away from home. DUH. It's because I"m an ugly person, who is evil and that's why my sister's life is so messed up. It's me.
    4. words and actions don't match...
    my mom and sister say they love me so much but they just "use" me all the time, and all the things they say about me... and talk to me like I'm the most evil, stupid person ever (while they use me)... and they say stuff like "we love you, but you hate us" while she is calling me names, putting me down, and stealing and destroying all that I have...

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  • I knew a guy like this. If he ever did something questionable towards me, and I brought it up and said that it wasn't cool of him to do that, he would do these mental backflips and try to spin around so that I was the one to blame, I was the one who was overreacting, nobody else had ever reacted the way I did when he had treated other people the same way etc. The most memorable time was when we had made plans to hang out. Like we had specifically chosen a time, date and place. I showed up right when I was supposed to, as we had agreed, but he wasn't there. I kept trying to call and text him for almost an hour but he didn't answer. Then I went home, because I had no idea where he was or if he was even going to show up. Later he said that it was my fault that I ended up waiting around for him, and that I should have checked with him if he was still coming before the time we were supposed to meet. Like as if I should double and triple check that he can keep his word and that he will show up at the time and place we had already agreed on. Apparently he had been stuck in a meeting. And apparently it wasn't his responsibility to let me know he was going to be late. He tried pulling that shit with me all the time. Sometimes I'd truly fight with him and be like "no, you fucked up and I'm not accepting this", whereas other times I was just too tired of fighting that I didn't even care. In the end I got tired of the entire dude and decided to drop him. Didn't find out until a few years later that he had been gaslighting the hell out of me. So, great take. People really need to know about this.

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What Guys Said 31

  • They just tell you you are insane and try to prescribe you medicine and pretend to have said things that they never said so they can accuse you of not listening.

    They also might leave stuff out and re arrange things and say that you left it out so that you think you can't remember.

    They also try to make you think that any lapse in your memory is evidence of a mental disorder and/or retardation.

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  • I am mentally quite immune to the stuff as i am true to myself and very aware of brainwashing tactics in general. I would place the issue with them or see it as a sign of incompatibility. If they dont change it won't last long if i judge its not my fault.

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  • Yeah it's more common than you probably know, and the tactics vary depending on what the stakes are and who the perpetrators are, their skill, and training, for example militants minds are very dangerous particularly when groups of people are involved, the end can be motivated by a political goal or even the death of a victim in extreme cases.

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  • Interesting that in all of your mytake photos you portrayed women as the victims and all the men as the gaslighters.

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  • Good Take. The more people who become aware of this, the better.

    Worth mentioning, we've got the odd amateur gaslighter in here, too.

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  • We had a classic narcissist in our home. He demanded that everyone adopt his opinion on every issue, even when we didn’t agree with him. He shouted family members down in argument. He forced us all to his will. My wife was ready to move out. We celebrated the day he moved out after graduating college. We love him very much as our son. But he was very difficult to deal with from mid-adolescence until he got a job. Funny, many of the things we argued about, he’s come around to my point of view on once he had to pay his own bills.

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  • #1 method a cheating spouse will use to get you to fuck off...

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  • The problem is that most people misuse the term gaslighting. It is a thing. But I've heard girls claim a guy was gaslighting them, when they merely disagreed on a situation. You only see the world through your own perception. So it's good to cuss out whether or not someone is "gaslighting" vs just legitimately disagreeing.

    It's like confusing lying and just being wrong. Maybe they are 100% convinced, but just factually incorrect. A good thing quote to remember is "I may be wrong, but I'm not lying".

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  • Finally, the number one sign someone is gaslighting you: The person you suspect of gaslighting is a woman!

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What Girls Said 19

  • Sounds like you were a victim of your own making. Did you make this up? I've never heard of it. I thought gas lighting was when you light your own farts.

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  • Manipulation in its highest, purest form. I know a guy like this. Master of manipulation. It was amazing how he could flip things and make me feel guilty about stuff that he'd done.

    Good Take.

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  • If you are being gaslighted dump them. Why waste my time on them>

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  • lol so I am extremely manipulative?
    I can't say I'm suprised

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  • I know about this. I'm a targeted individual and the people around me do this to ne ALL THE TIME, even my own parents. It is horrible.

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  • great my mum does all these things to me... i'm being gaslighted by my own mother, that's nice :(

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  • Good Take!

    I'll be honest, the whole way through it I was just thinking back to a play i did lighting for... it was called Gaslight.
    Basically it was set in the 1800s the husband had the wife convinced she was crazy. Paintings would go missing from the walls (but were always back by the time the husband finally looked) his stuff wouldn't be where she put it, her stuff would be moved etc. etc.

    I'd explain further, except my memory mixes it with the plot of The Inspector beyond what I've already said. Similar plays, though completely different genres.

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  • Thank You for this.

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  • thank you, this was a needed to read by me

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  • Nice take

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