I could never adopt a kid. Even if I tried to get that thought out of my mind, I would still know that my daughter wasn't my daughter, that my son was actually the son of someone else. I wouldn't be a father, I would be a fake father, I wouldn't have a child, I would have a fake child. It wouldn't feel like he/she was a part of my family. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it's how I feel, and I wouldn't want an innocent kid to grow up with a father who didn't really want them.
Those thoughts disappear when you become a parent to a child - any child, birthed or adopted. So says all the parents that do so. I dunno, I never adopted. But the love for a child, the bond that forms, it's irrelevant how they got there.
@Browneye57 I'm not willing to risk it, though. I don't want to adopt a kid with the assumption that my mindset will change, because if it doesn't, it won't be fair to the kid.
No, please don't. I'm just telling you that you're not mature enough to even understand. Get back to us in another ten to fifteen years.
I never intended to have children either. Thought the same as you. My first didn't come 'till I was thirty. I have three now, all grown and gone, all highly successful adults. They are the joy of my life.
@Browneye57 Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll want kids in like 10-15 years. I just hope that I will be able to have kids of my own in that case, but that could be a problem since I'm not a big fan of relationships in the first place, or physical intimacy for that matter.
Some people are more selfish than others so they don't want kids. Fair enough, your choice. I am glad some people don't want kids. Most people make rotten parents anyway.
Adopting an older kid, you might face problems with the child's past. Older adoptable children are often hurt, with deep psychological problems. I've know a few cases who drove the adoptive parents mad oby despair.
1
0 Reply
Anonymous
(25-29)
+1 y
Well as a mother I'd say rasing a kid isn't easy and needs a lot of work. If you don't want kids that's fine and you just be happy in your life.
@SarahsSummer Incorrect. SUFFERING is the other thing that is guaranteed (both emotional and physical such as physical pain) and then death. Unless somehow someone was born with a complete defective nervous system at birth maybe and is always numbed out like they are permanently on painkillers and anesthetics.
The thing with suffering is simply that IT IS REQUIRED for us to have purpose and meaning. Otherwise, there would be no point of us ever having to do anything at all! Think about it, if we never starve, feel thirsty, feel tired, feel bored, etc., then what would then be the point of eating, drinking, sleeping, the things we do to curb boredom, our hobbies and interests, etc. They can't possibly work the same way they normally would IF SUFFERING NEVER EXISTED.
How very selfish of you, only care about you, you, you. Let's see what happens when you are one day old and alone or even sick. There will be no one for you
It's not selfish of her, it's her life her choice. There's a thing called adoption that she even mentioned in her take. You it's where you many one of the many thousands of orphans in the world? Not to mention there's also this saying not sure if you know, to get others to love you, you have to love yourself. Nothing wrong with doing what you want, it's your life and your body. And there's also this beautiful thing called love, you where you date and marry another human being and are there for each other. You take care of each other. Don't be trolling just cause you're narrow minded
Selfish? That applies to all of us. Because when somebody creates someone new, are they creating that new person for that new person's best interest (s)? Or entirely for themselves? Do you really believe that if you were to create someone new, you are acting in the best interest for that new life you are creating? Or are you merely just creating that new person for yourself?
@Nxtawm Some people just don't get it. Selfish argument is pointless, humans and humankind IS selfish in general either way. How often is it that humans don't act in one's very own interest (s) more than anything else? I mean do you think people create new people for the new people that they'll create? Or are they merely creating new people for themselves more than anything else?
@JudgmentDay I get where you're coming from, cause like you said humankind is selfish. There's not anyone who isn't selfish. I don't think people are creating new people for the people they'll create, cause they're creating those people for themselves. They want children, they want someone to rely on in old age.
@Nxtawm It's the typical thing, reacting to fear, when they overlook the fact and reality. In actuality it's ultimately a gamble, a big one that is. What guarantees are there if any, that one's own offspring (s) (are) is going to outlive oneself? What guarantees are there that one's relationship with one's own offspring (s) are gonna be good enough that they'll even bother to come back to look after oneself and take care of oneself when one has become elderly, sick, and dying? The worst part is, that this becoming old and dying thing can happen to everybody, and thus you put someone else new into the same kind of potential harm and suffering as well.
If one wants a "guarantee" they might as well build, and assemble a fucking robot altogether and program it that way with those specific directives to ensure it would always comply and fulfill one's own wishes, to ensure that one will always have a something to look after oneself when one is NO LONGER ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF ONE SELF.
@JudgmentDay but while it's a gamble, it's the easier and less troublesome route. People just like taking the easier route, you just have sex and get pregnant. The robot route while being less of a gamble, it takes more work and effort. I mean the way society is, everything is built on comfort and ease, no one wants to assemble a robot just for old age. They'd rather just pay people to take care of them if they didn't have kids.
Also who really wants to dedicate their life to building a freaking nursing robot which they probably would die before finishing which is less of a guarantee if you think about it more realistically than hypothetically.
In the end like you said this is call caused by fear, really most of the actions in our life vest are cause by two things, hiding from fear and searching for happiness.
Anyways babies, it's your choice whether you want them or not, we both agree on this. Don't want to get deeper into this and turn it into a mess lol
@Nxtawm "They'd rather just pay people to take care of them if they didn't have kids." Eventually that might become automated, even if partially. In general, most aren't capable of building and assembling their own robot, especially for that kind of purpose. But that's why nursing companies might eventually staff and have contracts and pay manufacturers to provide those kind of robot units to provide those kind of services. Maybe it might cost less and cheaper than normal regular human provided services, since there are fewer to no labor costs. No wages and benefits required for a robot nursing unit.
This one is the most interested in regards to how inconsistent and contradictory it is with religions that insist that we should bring more people into a world and yet preach about a horrible and terrible place one can end up in after death:
@Anonymous Nobody is ever guaranteed to even live to old age, have you ever thought of that. People die all the time, completely and unexpectedly, in fact, inevitably. You will never know when your time in this world is up, and your time could be up even before you ever become a parent, or even when you do become a parent, your own child (ren)'s time can be up before yours. How much control do you believe that you really have over what can and will actually happen eventually?
@Opinion Owner you know that people can be happy without having kids or a man? I'm really happy with my life right now and I don't have an empty space or whatever, me, my family and my friends are totally enough
@melanieeeB From my perspective, ultimately nobody really is exactly "happy" at least in this kind of a world. Keep one thing in mind, if you don't have any children, you can't and won't lose any children or ever worry about any and all of the bad and horrible things that could potentially happen to them. Also, you don't and won't have to worry about how and what your children would turn out to be and greatly disappoint you and let you down since you'd have no expectations of them or expectations of yours for them to meet. More often than not, they're going to disappoint you one way or another, either more or less. But the worst of the worst is if you raise someone and they turned out to be a horrible monster, such as some criminal thug, murder, rapist, psycho, pervert, etc. that cause terrible harm and suffering to others. I'm sure you wouldn't want to face such an outcome. Many don't believe their own children can turn out that way and yet, IT DID HAPPEN.
And if that became part of your reality and your future, are you willing to face such a terrible and horrible outcome, that you've enabled and created great harm and suffering for others? Can you face it? If so I wondered how any parent is able to face the horror of what their children had turned out to be in those case scenarios. You have to understand that ultimately we only have so much control, if any control at all over what happens in reality, and we simply cannot control another person's thoughts, feelings, desires, actions, decisions, choices, etc., etc. Thus, that's why bad and horrible things can happen completely unexpectedly. My point is that it's ultimately a gamble, do you believe you'd be willing to risk even more unhappiness and miseries for yourself and others, or is whatever you currently are feeling, whether it's happy or misery that you currently are feeling is already enough? And that you don't need to risk somebody else's existence to satisfy what others and
FINALLY! YES just cauz you're a woman doesn't mean you want to be a momma
3
0 Reply
Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Couldn't agree more people always think I will change my mind the motherly instinct is just built inside me
1
2 Reply
Opinion Owner
+1 y
I don't want kids I have seen my mother cry and suffer over my brother and I can only imagine having a baby for 9 months raising them teaching them everything and for them to end up in jail or do something dumb no thanks also my mother says once she had kids her life was over her life was now my siblings and I I am also too selfish to dedicate my life to kids the rest of my life because even when they grow up you still worry about them and if they are born with a mental Illness or get into an accident even more stress I am not mentally strong I don't think my heart could take it I also want to do so much without kids that I can't see a future where I have any maybe 40 or 50 but is that even possible I can see the other side of course people wanting a copy of themselves and there loved one which I never understood continuing there generation something I never cared about and creating something from love bringing someone into this beautiful world like "god" intended also not som
also not something I want to be responsible for there are so many horrible parents that mistreat their kids or are just horrible people so there kids turn out horrible (not all but the environment does play a big role) some become bullies cause suicide kill etc or continue the cycle of having horrible kids but there are also amazing parents that have kids like Albert Einstein Freddie Mercury , but even great parents like my mother can do everything in her power but the child still does awful things I don't want the possibility of being one of them I am not strong that's why I admire people who are
Ok then Not everyone wants to Some of those who don't want to don't even change their mind though a lot do See if you are still firm on it in 10 15 years
I'm glad that somebody isn't completely blindly optimistic. Her number 7 item on this list shows clearly that she is FULLY AWARE of all of the problems, the catches, the risks that are involved. Because if one isn't then they are only going to learn it the hard way, especially if they didn't bother to take any precautionary measures, proper planning, etc. Didn't get life insurance for their family and children and as well as for themselves. That's about all one can really do though. If they didn't bother with any of those things and never bothered to consider all possible outcomes in reality, INCLUDING the bad ones, then it's like one might as well be OK for the next person (s) to come here and suffer and die also just like the rest of us currently can and will eventually.
I don't know about that, it doesn't seem that way to me, especially about number 7, that's the most important one. One should not just bring someone here into this world and not recognize the harm, suffering and pain that someone newly brought into existence would be exposed to and possibly have to endure and go through in their lifetime. If one has a child, their own child most certainly can and will suffer in their lifetime, they can and they will also become sick, ill and inevitably die some day like everybody else that had passed away, and just like how we all eventually will, once our time is up. There's virtually very little to no control at all over what is going to eventually happen in our lives in our entire lifetime.
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
58Opinion
I could never adopt a kid. Even if I tried to get that thought out of my mind, I would still know that my daughter wasn't my daughter, that my son was actually the son of someone else. I wouldn't be a father, I would be a fake father, I wouldn't have a child, I would have a fake child. It wouldn't feel like he/she was a part of my family. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it's how I feel, and I wouldn't want an innocent kid to grow up with a father who didn't really want them.
Those thoughts disappear when you become a parent to a child - any child, birthed or adopted. So says all the parents that do so. I dunno, I never adopted. But the love for a child, the bond that forms, it's irrelevant how they got there.
@Browneye57 I'm not willing to risk it, though. I don't want to adopt a kid with the assumption that my mindset will change, because if it doesn't, it won't be fair to the kid.
No, please don't. I'm just telling you that you're not mature enough to even understand. Get back to us in another ten to fifteen years.
I never intended to have children either. Thought the same as you. My first didn't come 'till I was thirty. I have three now, all grown and gone, all highly successful adults. They are the joy of my life.
@Browneye57 Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll want kids in like 10-15 years. I just hope that I will be able to have kids of my own in that case, but that could be a problem since I'm not a big fan of relationships in the first place, or physical intimacy for that matter.
It’s not a sacred duty or anything to have kids. lol Women can choose to avoid it as much as they want. (I do however not support abortion.)
Some people are more selfish than others so they don't want kids. Fair enough, your choice. I am glad some people don't want kids. Most people make rotten parents anyway.
How is that selfish? What is truly selfish is the people who have 12 kids. "My genes are so special I'm going to overpopulate the planet".
Parenting is NOT for everyone! Good that you are clear about what you want!
Too late, I've impregnated you
Everyone is different in life, we can't all be the same
Adopting an older kid, you might face problems with the child's past. Older adoptable children are often hurt, with deep psychological problems. I've know a few cases who drove the adoptive parents mad oby despair.
Well as a mother I'd say rasing a kid isn't easy and needs a lot of work. If you don't want kids that's fine and you just be happy in your life.
Don't worry, plenty of guys (myself included) would be thrilled to find a girl that hates kids as much as they do
I get it. I maybe would want children at some point.
You’re still young. You may change your mind. Once you find the right guy, you may reconsider.
No guarantees though.
@JudgmentDay there is only one guarantee in this world. Death.
@SarahsSummer Incorrect. SUFFERING is the other thing that is guaranteed (both emotional and physical such as physical pain) and then death. Unless somehow someone was born with a complete defective nervous system at birth maybe and is always numbed out like they are permanently on painkillers and anesthetics.
The thing with suffering is simply that IT IS REQUIRED for us to have purpose and meaning. Otherwise, there would be no point of us ever having to do anything at all! Think about it, if we never starve, feel thirsty, feel tired, feel bored, etc., then what would then be the point of eating, drinking, sleeping, the things we do to curb boredom, our hobbies and interests, etc. They can't possibly work the same way they normally would IF SUFFERING NEVER EXISTED.
@JudgmentDay suffering is not a guarantee in this world. Move along now please.
Suffering generally occurs prior to death, how often do you hear others die easily and comfy and quietly in their sleep?
@JudgmentDay your words “generally” and “often” negate your premise of a guarantee. Now again, please just move along.
Even then, it's very few rare exceptions. I count all of those things (feeling hungry, tired, thirsty, bored, pain, etc.) as being suffering.
How very selfish of you, only care about you, you, you. Let's see what happens when you are one day old and alone or even sick. There will be no one for you
It's not selfish of her, it's her life her choice. There's a thing called adoption that she even mentioned in her take. You it's where you many one of the many thousands of orphans in the world? Not to mention there's also this saying not sure if you know, to get others to love you, you have to love yourself. Nothing wrong with doing what you want, it's your life and your body. And there's also this beautiful thing called love, you where you date and marry another human being and are there for each other. You take care of each other. Don't be trolling just cause you're narrow minded
Selfish? That applies to all of us. Because when somebody creates someone new, are they creating that new person for that new person's best interest (s)? Or entirely for themselves? Do you really believe that if you were to create someone new, you are acting in the best interest for that new life you are creating? Or are you merely just creating that new person for yourself?
@Nxtawm Some people just don't get it. Selfish argument is pointless, humans and humankind IS selfish in general either way. How often is it that humans don't act in one's very own interest (s) more than anything else? I mean do you think people create new people for the new people that they'll create? Or are they merely creating new people for themselves more than anything else?
@JudgmentDay I get where you're coming from, cause like you said humankind is selfish. There's not anyone who isn't selfish. I don't think people are creating new people for the people they'll create, cause they're creating those people for themselves. They want children, they want someone to rely on in old age.
@Nxtawm It's the typical thing, reacting to fear, when they overlook the fact and reality. In actuality it's ultimately a gamble, a big one that is. What guarantees are there if any, that one's own offspring (s) (are) is going to outlive oneself? What guarantees are there that one's relationship with one's own offspring (s) are gonna be good enough that they'll even bother to come back to look after oneself and take care of oneself when one has become elderly, sick, and dying? The worst part is, that this becoming old and dying thing can happen to everybody, and thus you put someone else new into the same kind of potential harm and suffering as well.
If one wants a "guarantee" they might as well build, and assemble a fucking robot altogether and program it that way with those specific directives to ensure it would always comply and fulfill one's own wishes, to ensure that one will always have a something to look after oneself when one is NO LONGER ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF ONE SELF.
@JudgmentDay but while it's a gamble, it's the easier and less troublesome route. People just like taking the easier route, you just have sex and get pregnant. The robot route while being less of a gamble, it takes more work and effort. I mean the way society is, everything is built on comfort and ease, no one wants to assemble a robot just for old age. They'd rather just pay people to take care of them if they didn't have kids.
Also who really wants to dedicate their life to building a freaking nursing robot which they probably would die before finishing which is less of a guarantee if you think about it more realistically than hypothetically.
In the end like you said this is call caused by fear, really most of the actions in our life vest are cause by two things, hiding from fear and searching for happiness.
Anyways babies, it's your choice whether you want them or not, we both agree on this. Don't want to get deeper into this and turn it into a mess lol
@Nxtawm "They'd rather just pay people to take care of them if they didn't have kids." Eventually that might become automated, even if partially. In general, most aren't capable of building and assembling their own robot, especially for that kind of purpose. But that's why nursing companies might eventually staff and have contracts and pay manufacturers to provide those kind of robot units to provide those kind of services. Maybe it might cost less and cheaper than normal regular human provided services, since there are fewer to no labor costs. No wages and benefits required for a robot nursing unit.
@JudgmentDay I'm pretty certain it will be automated like that in the future too with the advancement of technology.
How did the topic switch to robots? 😂
Imma stop talking about this topic lol, just gonna go creep around in "how do I look" topic XD
@Nxtawm Perhaps you'll be interested in my earlier topic questions:
How come you don't want kids? How do you know that having children is not for you? (ChildFree or Anti-Natalist)? ↗
Who believes that LIFE IS IMPOSED because NONE OF US HAD EVER ASKED TO BE BORN AND COME HERE INTO THIS KIND OF A WORLD? ↗
This one is the most interested in regards to how inconsistent and contradictory it is with religions that insist that we should bring more people into a world and yet preach about a horrible and terrible place one can end up in after death:
If you believe that Hell exists and is real, then what do you think of what is said in these articles says about it and procreation? ↗
@JudgmentDay sure seems interesting, I only really come here to look at mostly mindless questions anyway. Would be cool to check out those topics
@Nxtawm It's still her problem when she will be sad and alone. Shame
@Anonymous Nobody is ever guaranteed to even live to old age, have you ever thought of that. People die all the time, completely and unexpectedly, in fact, inevitably. You will never know when your time in this world is up, and your time could be up even before you ever become a parent, or even when you do become a parent, your own child (ren)'s time can be up before yours. How much control do you believe that you really have over what can and will actually happen eventually?
@JudgmentDay She will still be a sad lonely thing
@Opinion Owner you know that people can be happy without having kids or a man? I'm really happy with my life right now and I don't have an empty space or whatever, me, my family and my friends are totally enough
Keep telling yourself that hun, it won't last forever
@melanieeeB From my perspective, ultimately nobody really is exactly "happy" at least in this kind of a world. Keep one thing in mind, if you don't have any children, you can't and won't lose any children or ever worry about any and all of the bad and horrible things that could potentially happen to them. Also, you don't and won't have to worry about how and what your children would turn out to be and greatly disappoint you and let you down since you'd have no expectations of them or expectations of yours for them to meet. More often than not, they're going to disappoint you one way or another, either more or less. But the worst of the worst is if you raise someone and they turned out to be a horrible monster, such as some criminal thug, murder, rapist, psycho, pervert, etc. that cause terrible harm and suffering to others. I'm sure you wouldn't want to face such an outcome. Many don't believe their own children can turn out that way and yet, IT DID HAPPEN.
And if that became part of your reality and your future, are you willing to face such a terrible and horrible outcome, that you've enabled and created great harm and suffering for others? Can you face it? If so I wondered how any parent is able to face the horror of what their children had turned out to be in those case scenarios. You have to understand that ultimately we only have so much control, if any control at all over what happens in reality, and we simply cannot control another person's thoughts, feelings, desires, actions, decisions, choices, etc., etc. Thus, that's why bad and horrible things can happen completely unexpectedly. My point is that it's ultimately a gamble, do you believe you'd be willing to risk even more unhappiness and miseries for yourself and others, or is whatever you currently are feeling, whether it's happy or misery that you currently are feeling is already enough? And that you don't need to risk somebody else's existence to satisfy what others and
society insists that you conform, expects of you to, or because it's the "norm"?
FINALLY! YES just cauz you're a woman doesn't mean you want to be a momma
Couldn't agree more people always think I will change my mind the motherly instinct is just built inside me
I don't want kids I have seen my mother cry and suffer over my brother and I can only imagine having a baby for 9 months raising them teaching them everything and for them to end up in jail or do something dumb no thanks also my mother says once she had kids her life was over her life was now my siblings and I I am also too selfish to dedicate my life to kids the rest of my life because even when they grow up you still worry about them and if they are born with a mental Illness or get into an accident even more stress I am not mentally strong I don't think my heart could take it I also want to do so much without kids that I can't see a future where I have any maybe 40 or 50 but is that even possible I can see the other side of course people wanting a copy of themselves and there loved one which I never understood continuing there generation something I never cared about and creating something from love bringing someone into this beautiful world like "god" intended also not som
also not something I want to be responsible for there are so many horrible parents that mistreat their kids or are just horrible people so there kids turn out horrible (not all but the environment does play a big role) some become bullies cause suicide kill etc or continue the cycle of having horrible kids but there are also amazing parents that have kids like Albert Einstein Freddie Mercury , but even great parents like my mother can do everything in her power but the child still does awful things I don't want the possibility of being one of them I am not strong that's why I admire people who are
Ok then
Not everyone wants to
Some of those who don't want to don't even change their mind though a lot do
See if you are still firm on it in 10 15 years
Cool. All the power to you.
I'm glad that somebody isn't completely blindly optimistic. Her number 7 item on this list shows clearly that she is FULLY AWARE of all of the problems, the catches, the risks that are involved. Because if one isn't then they are only going to learn it the hard way, especially if they didn't bother to take any precautionary measures, proper planning, etc. Didn't get life insurance for their family and children and as well as for themselves. That's about all one can really do though. If they didn't bother with any of those things and never bothered to consider all possible outcomes in reality, INCLUDING the bad ones, then it's like one might as well be OK for the next person (s) to come here and suffer and die also just like the rest of us currently can and will eventually.
@JudgmentDay Thank you
Not everyone is fit to have kids or even should have any , it’s no big deal, the planet is overpopulated anyway
ONE LESS BIRTH MEANS ONE LESS EVENTUAL DEATH AS WELL.
@JudgmentDay That’s one way of looking at it
I don't want children either. They're annoying little things who steal your money and time
tl;dl
But as Jordan Peterson would say: "You know nothing!"
You'll change your mind latest by the age of 35, as something like 95 % of women with your views, that you currently are holding, do.
You do realize no one cares about you and you're baby-hating, toxic viewpoint. Literally.
Haha this is why you're lonely, you're very mean.
@azzntittiz she's very mean.
I don't know about that, it doesn't seem that way to me, especially about number 7, that's the most important one. One should not just bring someone here into this world and not recognize the harm, suffering and pain that someone newly brought into existence would be exposed to and possibly have to endure and go through in their lifetime. If one has a child, their own child most certainly can and will suffer in their lifetime, they can and they will also become sick, ill and inevitably die some day like everybody else that had passed away, and just like how we all eventually will, once our time is up. There's virtually very little to no control at all over what is going to eventually happen in our lives in our entire lifetime.