I'm writing my personal experience, since I want to know what others think, feel and how they see and what would say about my instance and I couldn't ask it as a question, since I don't have a question to ask.
I know this guy for 4 years. I'm 9 years older than him. He said that from the first time we met he knew we're going to be friends, and he "led" us to where we're now (very close friends). He is a "player" (in none sexual meaning) in all his social contacts, with men and women. He is setting the pace and intensity of the contact between him and the person he is friend with and act as if it is mutual arrangement ( I told him he is a peice of work and he said he is)
Our interactions are very personal and I dare to say intimate. He is very attentive and caring to me. One woman even thought we're siblings, since we spent whole weekend together (with our kids) while we were on the road trip with our group . Last year we shared room where we were accommodated (it happend this year again). Whole weekend I felt as if I was with husband and not friend. He took care of my things, help me carry my bags (even though my 16 and 7 year old sons were with me and I had help), and talking abot kids as "our" kids (his 2 was with him). He woke up my older son in the morning (I didn't hear him leave the room) and they went to the store to by things for breakfast. Some other guy went with them too, but when they got back, we ate in our room, and he didn't tell that guy to come and join us. He offers to pay for most things when we're somewhere with that group where we met (and he would pay if I let him). He saw my windshield wipers were bad and he offered, casually, to buy them for me (he is mechanic and has his own garage). I wanted to see if he realy is going to do that and didn't want to call him to remind him. He did buy them and changed them for me and didn't charge full price for them. He said he has discount as a buyer, but the discount wasn't shown on the receipt so I don't know if he has it and how much I actually had to pay him. He flirts a lot with me, even with sexual undertone (very shy at first, but more and more freely with time). He told me he didn't know how would I react and he didn't want me to get mad and that he lose me. He is always around me, trying to make me laugh and to listen when I have problems. He said that he is here because of me and what I need and that he will always be here for me and that I'm very important to him, that he doesn't want our friendship to end (we share love for music). There were so many more things that happend over this 4 years that I can't even remember, that was slowly bringing us closer.
We know eachother spouses and they both know that we are "together", but they can't know how close it all felt/feel like even though they know all that happend. He never talks about his wife, not good, not bad. He mentions her as something he needs to "get done" (like, he called her first day and after he hanged up, he said: ok, I've done my moral duty). But I know he always talk about me to her. I know it because she tels me: "my husband told me you said this.... you said that.... you do/done this/that." "He told me to call you and ask you...." "He told me to arrange/agree with you...." (about that free activity group of ours where I'm president of that group now). But they never did it with old president.
I know his wife is very jealous and she herself tells me that she is relaxed with me and has trust in me, but I know that I would tell my husband to stop talking about other woman so much if he does it. I know he outplay her many times since I was there when he did it. He played it as if she gave him permition for something, and he was the one to arrange everything to have it his way.
I realy don't know what to think about him and our friendship. He seems so hung up on me. It looks as if he tries for me to be friend with his wife, and I know he tells her when we're together, but at the same time he doesn't share the full intensity of that friendship (he never flirts and joke with me in front of her, like he does when she's not there, and he avoid being around when I'm with her). I realy love spending time with him and have our laughs, but he is making me be on the watch all the time, and making me questin motives behind every single thing he does. Every other guy from our group doesn't make me feel so insecure and I don't doubt their motives, just his. I over analyse everything about him. For how long can this friendship go on like this, or should I end it? Is there a real danger of me or him catching feelings and get hurt or am overreacting about everything that is going on?
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