Uncertainty about friendship with married man (friend) becoming emotionally too close?

Uncertainty about friendship with married man (friend) becoming emotionally too close?

I didn't think about it before, since I had great time with this married man (I'm married myself), and as he is great joker, I always thought he was just teasing me with everything he does and says. We know eachother for 4 years.

He always asserted that we're friends and I kind of believed him, but not completely, again because of his frivolous nature. He offten tells me that he is always there if I need something and that he want's our friendship to never end. He's teasing me that he has to prepare for when I turn 50 (that is 5 years from now) to celebrate it big. All of that I thought as nothing more than him being himself, all talk and no doing, since he's like that with everybody else. When I ask him about how can he say something to someone and do other thing, he just laughs and says "so what, who cares". And I always thought he is like that with me too, but I was ok with it because I never expected anything from him.

First thing that made me wonder about our friendship and relationship was him offering (out of the blue, we never talked about it, I never mentioned it by any word) to buy me windshields wipers for my car (which is something my husband should normally take care of). He bought them, changed them, and didn't charge me full prize for it. He said he has a buyers discount, since he is owner of a car mechanic garage, but it was nowhere to be seen on the receipt (only full price that was almost double than what I payed him). I chose to believe that he is telling the truth (about the bill) and that it is something every friend would do (offer to help, moreso it was his profession).

The group we know eachother from offten goes to some road trips and he always drives me, since I don't like to drive to unfamiliar destinations. One time I had to go by my own car since he was afterwards going to meet with his family. I was still on the road when my phone rang. His wife was calling from his phone (they were also still in the car, driving home) saying he told her to call me and ask if everything is ok and if I made home safe. That too I attributed him teasing me about being insecure (because I could hear him telling her in tesing manner to ask me if I have lost).

Last thing happend today. His wife sent me message yesterday evening, but I didn't answer since I saw it late. In the meanwhile, during the night, my husband ended in hospital. Today I texted her back apologizing about not returning her text and told her about the situation. Before I could answer her what happend, within that same minute, he was calling me (I realized she told him about what happend). When I answered the call, he sounded genuinely concerned, just said "tell me, what happend?". We didn't talk long. He was without words for the first time I know him. He only told me: "I'm not going to tell you anything", he repeted that he is here if there is anything I need and to hang on (called me by the nickname he always calls me by). Later I realized that his wife didn't know he called me, since she texted me again, asking what happend.

Although I was very thankful for his support and concern, that really made me start thinking that he really cares for me, and I'm not "everybody else" to him. But also if that care is appropriate or it overcomes the friendship boundaries, but I never realized it until now (rather I never acknowledge it as something that might be a problem), thinking that he's just messing with me, like with everybody else.

Uncertainty about friendship with married man (friend) becoming emotionally too close?
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  • Anonymous

    This is a close call. It's difficult to tell if he is just a genuinely caring friend, or is he has feelings for you. The other issue is, if he has some feelings for you, he has apparently never made any overt act to indicate he wants the relationship to be more than friends. However, as I said, it's a close call, meaning I'm not sure if he is trying to be too close or not. The fact that you are feeling uncomfortable indicates the likelihood of him going a little beyond, or at least getting very close to, being too emotionally close. I have a couple of female friends that I am close to. With a couple I have no problem at all with maintaining a good balance. With one in particular, I have to be a little careful with, as I have a tendency to want to be more emotionally close to her. I have even told myself, she is a friend. I want her as a friend, and a friend only, so I will act only as a friend, so we can have a friendship. I can say that, at least so far, this has worked, as I do value her friendship. And fortunately, she is a good friend, who has not interest in having an affair. I am happy for that. Your friend may be in a similar situation as I am, only with you. He may feel some attraction. Again, that you are concerned, is good reason to be watchful and careful. Even if he does have some feelings of wanting to be emotionally closer to you, it's what he does that tells the real story. If he can put the friendship first, and keep it that way, then there is no problem. If not, then something will need to change.

    Is this still revelant?

What Girls & Guys Said

  • godfatherfan

    Here is yet another woman that thinks they have a male "Friend". Sorry ladies, that "Friend", if the circumstances are right, wants to have sex with you. Or might want you for a girlfriend or wife even. You can have a relationship with a man that is friendly... but men and women are not "friends". As long as your ok with him thinking about screwing you or you giving him a blow job... etc... even if he never acts on it, then "friend" lol away...

  • leslieberry

    There’s probably something going on between you two, but I don’t think anything serious is going to happen

  • pleasestopthis

    If you're asking this question, it means you already noticed this is getting weird. Be honest with yourself and start drawing boundaries if you don't want things to go the wrong way.

  • Friends get close emotionally. That's kind of the point of many friendships. What's the issue here?

  • jadoe

    Could become an issue when hubby finds out married friend is handling things. But other than that, it's fine as long as u dont give him pussy

  • Go ahead and have your affair. Everyone reading this knows that's really what you're after.

  • WhiteShoulder

    It’s fine. Just don’t get sexual with him.

  • violet2

    you should stop the friendship

  • harishSimbu


    • Anonymous

      Ok, why? I would like to know how does all I said looks to an impartial observer.