Family & Friends

Uncertainty about friendship with married man (friend) becoming emotionally too close?

Uncertainty about friendship with married man (friend) becoming emotionally too close?

I didn't think about it before, since I had great time with this married man (I'm married myself), and as he is great joker, I always thought he was just teasing me with everything he does and says. We know eachother for 4 years.

He always asserted that we're friends and I kind of believed him, but not completely, again because of his frivolous nature. He offten tells me that he is always there if I need something and that he want's our friendship to never end. He's teasing me that he has to prepare for when I turn 50 (that is 5 years from now) to celebrate it big. All of that I thought as nothing more than him being himself, all talk and no doing, since he's like that with everybody else. When I ask him about how can he say something to someone and do other thing, he just laughs and says "so what, who cares". And I always thought he is like that with me too, but I was ok with it because I never expected anything from him.

First thing that made me wonder about our friendship and relationship was him offering (out of the blue, we never talked about it, I never mentioned it by any word) to buy me windshields wipers for my car (which is something my husband should normally take care of). He bought them, changed them, and didn't charge me full prize for it. He said he has a buyers discount, since he is owner of a car mechanic garage, but it was nowhere to be seen on the receipt (only full price that was almost double than what I payed him). I chose to believe that he is telling the truth (about the bill) and that it is something every friend would do (offer to help, moreso it was his profession).

The group we know eachother from offten goes to some road trips and he always drives me, since I don't like to drive to unfamiliar destinations. One time I had to go by my own car since he was afterwards going to meet with his family. I was still on the road when my phone rang. His wife was calling from his phone (they were also still in the car, driving home) saying he told her to call me and ask if everything is ok and if I made home safe. That too I attributed him teasing me about being insecure (because I could hear him telling her in tesing manner to ask me if I have lost).

Last thing happend today. His wife sent me message yesterday evening, but I didn't answer since I saw it late. In the meanwhile, during the night, my husband ended in hospital. Today I texted her back apologizing about not returning her text and told her about the situation. Before I could answer her what happend, within that same minute, he was calling me (I realized she told him about what happend). When I answered the call, he sounded genuinely concerned, just said "tell me, what happend?". We didn't talk long. He was without words for the first time I know him. He only told me: "I'm not going to tell you anything", he repeted that he is here if there is anything I need and to hang on (called me by the nickname he always calls me by). Later I realized that his wife didn't know he called me, since she texted me again, asking what happend.

Although I was very thankful for his support and concern, that really made me start thinking that he really cares for me, and I'm not "everybody else" to him. But also if that care is appropriate or it overcomes the friendship boundaries, but I never realized it until now (rather I never acknowledge it as something that might be a problem), thinking that he's just messing with me, like with everybody else.

Uncertainty about friendship with married man (friend) becoming emotionally too close?
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