So this is an interesting topic I actually have had on my mind for some time now and wanted to talk about, but because of how busy my life has been lately I have little time to myself or to really get in depth on GaG these days. But I made the time to specially post this and was given the motivation and final push to after seeing @PoliceLivesMatter post his own question on this subject some days ago ,Why do men seem to have more meaningful friendships and camaraderie with each other, as opposed to women? which I also answered.
Men’s friendships seem to be more real…
I will say right off the bat that I do believe men’s friendships tend to be more real than women’s, yes. As I explained in my own answer to PoliceLivesMatter’s question, a lot of times when men really like a person or see some kind of value in them, that’s when a true friendship or connection can be developed. Men really don’t just try to make friends out of everybody or every association like women are prone to doing, and I think most men need to bond with somebody over time before we can feel good enough about making them an actual friend.
Women think this means that men are socially inept or less socially intelligent when in actuality it makes it the very opposite: men are smart enough to think about themselves and are aware of how people are, so most of us are not quick to invite just anybody into our lives. And when we do, it has to be more than just being based on chit chat. A vibe has to be felt where we feel pretty good or comfortable about somebody.
No doubt you’ve got guys with sporadic, shallow friendships, but I honestly believe that is much more common with women than men.
I can say with confidence that I believe most men have only one or two very good/close friends in their lives as opposed to women who may have 3, 4, or more “friends” in theirs. And I honestly believe that having fewer very good/close friends is smarter and better than a wider circle. Men are more often aware of how people can be fake, false, insincere, or judgmental, we watch the way people are and how the world works, and generally don’t want to invite them in just for the sake of “having a social life” like women are more often desperate for and can be fake to appease people.
I myself can say that I really only have one very good friend in my life, which I am very comfortable with and not exactly looking to jump on another one without time and trial. This guy has been my “later in life” friend you could say for the last 3 years. We met when I was going through an extremely traumatic time back then. Although we don’t agree on quite a few subjects or faith (and at the time he was agnostic) what makes us great is that we still both can have discussions, share interests in the strange things happening in the world, and can talk about our lives and paths we’re going on.
Since I’ve moved, occasionally we will send emails to check this or that out, or texts, or comment on Facebook, and we’ve wanted to get back together for a long time but I’ve been so busy. Some nights ago was the first time in a long while that we talked on the phone for a few hours too, and it was great to catch up and hear his stories.
I’ll admit that I have many female associations, phone numbers, and connections, but none are exactly my friends and I honestly wouldn’t want to go that far with most of them. Or the few male ones I have either. In order to really be friends with you, there has to be something concrete there for me to chew on, give me a good vibe, or connect with you on, and I’d rather have few or no friends than try to just buddy up anybody for the sake of it.
Women’s friendships are often more short-term and need-based...
Throughout my life I have to say that I’ve never really been particularly impressed by women’s sociability or social connections. It seems to be that most women are desperate for a social life, to have friends so they can seem liked, popular, and not feel lonely and unloved. It’s pretty much expected for women to be that way with interaction, so it has never really struck me as meaning that women are significantly more socially intelligent than men in any way.
And honestly? I actually tend to think a little less of females who have several friends because it means they don’t know how to value being alone and must not have a lot of personal, inner cultivation and development. And women who have all female friends or more female friends than males are an enormous red flag for me. Women like that really often are the gossipy, backstabbing, Bitch Group types.
I’m not saying that women never have real or long-lasting friendships, but I do think on average men more often have more sincere ones than females. A lot of times women want somebody to fill their emptiness, be a shoulder to cry on, or to feel like they’re cool just cuz they have a buddy. Females also have a tendency to use people for status, end friendships as often as they form them, and cut people out way more than men, and bonding with their own gender is still challenged because many tend to prefer having male friends instead. So when any woman is ready to argue with me about what “studies show” between gender bonding and comraderie, I’m generally not gonna take you seriously.
I think women don’t know how to sit still and be content with themselves, so are constantly trying to have a connection to avoid The Self, yet are just as often cutting people out way more often than men as I mentioned, and they even do it with their own actual romantic and sexual relationships with men. They’re dealing with some kinds of inner discontent, emptiness, self-hate, or frustration that they will not get to the bottom of, but think isolating this or that person is the answer because they perceive them as “negative” or “toxic” instead of tackling the toxicity within themselves.
Females judge and diagnose guys about friendships…
I have noticed that quite a few females do have this thing in their heads about liking guys who have friends or wanting to know a guy has friendships. I get it that they like men with social skills and are outgoing, but for a lot of these types of females it’s about being attracted to a guy’s status. And that’s just uncool for me. And is why you have some of the young guys out there feeling insecure and like they need to go get friends in order to be appealing to women.
Some of the females who answered at PoliceLivesMatter’s question were also trying to say how men having fewer or no friendships in their lives also means that men are at more risk for loneliness and suicide because they have no support groups and can’t confide in anybody about their problems, mirroring what any study would tell us, when in truth there are still many men with friends, girlfriends/wives, and family who have still ended up killing themselves because of their problems, and the people who knew them didn't understand it. Why? Because they obviously weren't there for them as much as they thought.
Women are blaming men for not talking about their issues instead of blaming themselves and others for choosing not to be receptive to men and their problems when they actually do voice them more than people care to hear. It’s true. So many guys - including myself - have been judged and scrutinized by not just guys but also many women for talking about what we’re dealing with, and women are defiantly refusing to see how they fail men.
Want men to have a support group? Then actually be one for him.
So I think PoliceLivesMatter raised an interesting question, or at least stimulated me to voice what I’ve been thinking about for a long while. Whether you have friends or not or whether you have many or few really should not even matter to people or dictate how they’re going to value someone, or if their social status decides whether or not they’re going to kill themselves or be isolated later in life - according to some of the women’s responses on that question.
I feel that certain individuals need to take a good look at themselves on this subject.