Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

So this is an interesting topic I actually have had on my mind for some time now and wanted to talk about, but because of how busy my life has been lately I have little time to myself or to really get in depth on GaG these days. But I made the time to specially post this and was given the motivation and final push to after seeing @PoliceLivesMatter post his own question on this subject some days ago ,Why do men seem to have more meaningful friendships and camaraderie with each other, as opposed to women? which I also answered.


Men’s friendships seem to be more real…

I will say right off the bat that I do believe men’s friendships tend to be more real than women’s, yes. As I explained in my own answer to PoliceLivesMatter’s question, a lot of times when men really like a person or see some kind of value in them, that’s when a true friendship or connection can be developed. Men really don’t just try to make friends out of everybody or every association like women are prone to doing, and I think most men need to bond with somebody over time before we can feel good enough about making them an actual friend.

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

Women think this means that men are socially inept or less socially intelligent when in actuality it makes it the very opposite: men are smart enough to think about themselves and are aware of how people are, so most of us are not quick to invite just anybody into our lives. And when we do, it has to be more than just being based on chit chat. A vibe has to be felt where we feel pretty good or comfortable about somebody.


No doubt you’ve got guys with sporadic, shallow friendships, but I honestly believe that is much more common with women than men.


Taking time...

I can say with confidence that I believe most men have only one or two very good/close friends in their lives as opposed to women who may have 3, 4, or more “friends” in theirs. And I honestly believe that having fewer very good/close friends is smarter and better than a wider circle. Men are more often aware of how people can be fake, false, insincere, or judgmental, we watch the way people are and how the world works, and generally don’t want to invite them in just for the sake of “having a social life” like women are more often desperate for and can be fake to appease people.

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

I myself can say that I really only have one very good friend in my life, which I am very comfortable with and not exactly looking to jump on another one without time and trial. This guy has been my “later in life” friend you could say for the last 3 years. We met when I was going through an extremely traumatic time back then. Although we don’t agree on quite a few subjects or faith (and at the time he was agnostic) what makes us great is that we still both can have discussions, share interests in the strange things happening in the world, and can talk about our lives and paths we’re going on.

Since I’ve moved, occasionally we will send emails to check this or that out, or texts, or comment on Facebook, and we’ve wanted to get back together for a long time but I’ve been so busy. Some nights ago was the first time in a long while that we talked on the phone for a few hours too, and it was great to catch up and hear his stories.

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

I’ll admit that I have many female associations, phone numbers, and connections, but none are exactly my friends and I honestly wouldn’t want to go that far with most of them. Or the few male ones I have either. In order to really be friends with you, there has to be something concrete there for me to chew on, give me a good vibe, or connect with you on, and I’d rather have few or no friends than try to just buddy up anybody for the sake of it.


Women’s friendships are often more short-term and need-based...

Throughout my life I have to say that I’ve never really been particularly impressed by women’s sociability or social connections. It seems to be that most women are desperate for a social life, to have friends so they can seem liked, popular, and not feel lonely and unloved. It’s pretty much expected for women to be that way with interaction, so it has never really struck me as meaning that women are significantly more socially intelligent than men in any way.

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

And honestly? I actually tend to think a little less of females who have several friends because it means they don’t know how to value being alone and must not have a lot of personal, inner cultivation and development. And women who have all female friends or more female friends than males are an enormous red flag for me. Women like that really often are the gossipy, backstabbing, Bitch Group types.

I’m not saying that women never have real or long-lasting friendships, but I do think on average men more often have more sincere ones than females. A lot of times women want somebody to fill their emptiness, be a shoulder to cry on, or to feel like they’re cool just cuz they have a buddy. Females also have a tendency to use people for status, end friendships as often as they form them, and cut people out way more than men, and bonding with their own gender is still challenged because many tend to prefer having male friends instead. So when any woman is ready to argue with me about what “studies show” between gender bonding and comraderie, I’m generally not gonna take you seriously.

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

I think women don’t know how to sit still and be content with themselves, so are constantly trying to have a connection to avoid The Self, yet are just as often cutting people out way more often than men as I mentioned, and they even do it with their own actual romantic and sexual relationships with men. They’re dealing with some kinds of inner discontent, emptiness, self-hate, or frustration that they will not get to the bottom of, but think isolating this or that person is the answer because they perceive them as “negative” or “toxic” instead of tackling the toxicity within themselves.


Females judge and diagnose guys about friendships…

I have noticed that quite a few females do have this thing in their heads about liking guys who have friends or wanting to know a guy has friendships. I get it that they like men with social skills and are outgoing, but for a lot of these types of females it’s about being attracted to a guy’s status. And that’s just uncool for me. And is why you have some of the young guys out there feeling insecure and like they need to go get friends in order to be appealing to women.

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

Some of the females who answered at PoliceLivesMatter’s question were also trying to say how men having fewer or no friendships in their lives also means that men are at more risk for loneliness and suicide because they have no support groups and can’t confide in anybody about their problems, mirroring what any study would tell us, when in truth there are still many men with friends, girlfriends/wives, and family who have still ended up killing themselves because of their problems, and the people who knew them didn't understand it. Why? Because they obviously weren't there for them as much as they thought.

Women are blaming men for not talking about their issues instead of blaming themselves and others for choosing not to be receptive to men and their problems when they actually do voice them more than people care to hear. It’s true. So many guys - including myself - have been judged and scrutinized by not just guys but also many women for talking about what we’re dealing with, and women are defiantly refusing to see how they fail men.

Want men to have a support group? Then actually be one for him.


Conclusion…

Are Women's Friendships Closer Than Mens'?

So I think PoliceLivesMatter raised an interesting question, or at least stimulated me to voice what I’ve been thinking about for a long while. Whether you have friends or not or whether you have many or few really should not even matter to people or dictate how they’re going to value someone, or if their social status decides whether or not they’re going to kill themselves or be isolated later in life - according to some of the women’s responses on that question.

I feel that certain individuals need to take a good look at themselves on this subject.

#MenAndWomensFriendships


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ManOnFire is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
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Most Helpful Girls

  • I think that there's a degree of truth to that.
    I think that women will generally have more friends than men and a lot of those will often be more or less superficial. Comparatively, men have will generally have fewer friends but the friends that they do have will be close, lasting friendships. However, I don't think that the close, lasting friendships that women do have are particularly different from those men have at least in the depth or quality of the friendship.

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  • it was the opposite for me. When I was younger, I had more guy friends and my supposed bff was a guy, but with only one fight they left ( cuz I straight put said that when I needed them in a situation they left me). While afterwards I had a female bff and she has been with me through everything.

    I would not say a friendship between men is stronger than women, but that men usually don't tear down each other, and don't gossip behind each other so even between strangers you are cool, while women do so with girls outside of their 'tight circle'.

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    • Feel the same. I really hate those girls' talks behind their supposed friends. The jealousy and hypocrite in those conversations make me stay away from them (women). Men seem to be cool with other's achievement, or they will tease/challenge their friend upfront for fun.

    • I think that's simply because men are a lot more brutal with each other. We aren't afraid to tell someone to fuck off, and we also tend to forget a previous fight once it's resolved.

Most Helpful Guys

  • How do you measure the closeness of friendships so that you can make a comparison? Does the measurement take into account that what women want on friendships is different than what men want in friendships? Finally, doesn't the result of the comparison depend upon the gender of the person making the comparison?

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    • "How do you measure the closeness of friendships so that you can make a comparison?"
      - By the fact that women break up with people more often than men, which tells you how much or how little they really value the person or the friendship.

      "Does the measurement take into account that what women want on friendships is different than what men want in friendships?"
      - I explained this. Women want friendship more often for status reasons, wanting to be liked, not wanting to be lonely, etc. What men would want in a friendship is realness and closeness as people.

      "Finally, doesn't the result of the comparison depend upon the gender of the person making the comparison?"
      - Not necessarily.

    • You are unaware of your biases.

    • I told it as I think about it. I noted that there are false friendships but that I also think that's more common among women.

  • I would tend to agree. While guys are competitive, it's sporting based, and ego. Women carry the competitiveness for dating and guys to the extreme. But they do tend to stick together, it's all based on the FEELZ.

    And then there's this...
    Men love idealistically.
    Women love opportunistically.

    They're in love as long as their needs are being met. If you get sick or injured, or lose your job, she's highly likely to bail or cheat. It's just reality.

    Or this one...
    If a woman cheats or bails it's because her guy is an asshole. Even her friends and relatives will tell her so, and that she 'deserves to be hhhhaaaappppyyyy'.
    If a man cheats or bails it's because he's a COMPLETE ASSHOLE.
    Just ask them!! It is NEVER the fault of the woman. EVER.

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    • "And then there's this...
      Men love idealistically.
      Women love opportunistically."
      - This is so fucking true. You said it better than I ever could.

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    • being a "professional man" isn't a job title, regardless being a "professional fuckwit" is a far more accurate descriptor.
      LOL do you even know what anecdotal means? You attempt to insult me by claiming my "simple anecdotal experiences" (anecdotal already refers to personal experiences, so saying "anecdotal experiences" is redundant) is no match compared to what you know about women while failing to realize that everything you know about women is ALL anecdotal. Shit like "I've been with women in committed relationships for twice as many years as you've been on the planet" indicates that you base your (flawed) "knowledge" of women on your personal experiences. You're contradicting yourself and it's so stupid, it hurts hence there's nothing to learn here besides how moronic you really are. by the way, go ahead and be a fuckin coward by blocking me, I don't expect anything else from you at this point.

    • @Volvagia There... that was easy. GTFO. LOL

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What Girls Said 15

  • I've been friends with my best friend for 11 years. She's like a sister to me. Yeah, women can make friends fast but it takes years to find a true friend for anyone. All men have is the no b. s. or emotional shit that women have, which sounds nice. I used to have a guy friend and they can be really cool, laid back and you can talk about anything interesting.

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    • All cool but you'd be wrong to believe that we don't have the B. s. or emotional shit too, we get into fights with each other, they can turn physical, we argue frequently and sometimes it's the only way we can share how we feel with each other because sometimes words just won't do.
      Obviously not all guys are like this but then not all girl relationships are like that so :)

  • I've had one female best friend for around 16 years or so and I think one of the things that made our friendship last so long was that I did not think of her as a woman or a smart person or a successful person or a chinese person or a beautiful person or a fit person or a rich person - all I saw was her heart and the fact that for 16 years I believed I had a friend who loved me unconditionally. I would imagine she viewed me the same way.

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  • For us women, it seems we are always tearing each other down in a passive agressive way. One girl leaves and then the remaining ones talk about her.

    I hate it. I have always preferred being around boys/men. So sick of the catty games.

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  • I often was the loner type growing up do to devoloping slower in certain parts of my brain. Whenever girls try to make your their friends they try to change you. All my girl friends wanted me to be a loud mouthed , man hating , musically obsessed person. If I didn’t comply they left me. I simply could not keep up.
    My Mom forced me to go to stupid sleepovers to this day. The only friends I’ve actually had are kids in my special ed class. (Mostly boys). But I still prefer to be alone.

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  • I don't think so. Friendships happen between persons, not genders.

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  • ... i dont think so, i have had two close friends since i started elementary school and the three of us keep each other together

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  • No i think men have closer relationships with their friends than women for friendships

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  • maybe but friendship goes both ways so I don't know

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  • Nice take

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  • I find it very true.

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  • fuck friends

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  • Nice take

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  • Nice one

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  • every "friend" i had slept with my boyfriend behind my back

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  • Yes, definitely!!

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What Guys Said 24

  • Put 5 girl bbfs in a room and lock the door. Wait a couple of hours and see them transform into demons. Then put 5 already guy enemies. You ll open the door and 5 bffs exit in laughter and teasing.

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    • Not sure about demons lol, but the last part is definitely true.

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    • Yeah, I knew what you were saying lol.

    • This Opinion Nailed it..
      just modify it.. with
      ::: Then put 5 already guy enemies, with a crate of beer.. ::

  • No. Women hate each other. Talk to any girl and she will talk shit about all her friends. Men are the only gender who is capable of unconditional love towarsd women, kids and friends). Women will only truly love their children, no one else.

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  • It really depends on
    How long the person has known each other
    How close they are (As in how similar they are to each other)
    Their personalities (Can effect your behaviour to each other)
    How frequently they get to see each other

    And more factors.

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  • No. All women’s relationships are shallow and materialistic. Hence most women having guy friends. Now men can generally have a good group of well trusted males bc unlike women men are logical and not offended by truth. Truth makes us stronger but to women truth is hate. The only way women can be real friends again is the same way they did it in the past under polygyny.

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  • There are pluses and minuses for each. Men, in general are simply better people than women. And when we form friendships, we do so with no ulterior motives. Women, on the other hand are superficial creatures who only form relationships when they see a specific benefit to themselves. But on the other hand, when women are friends they do slumber parties and stuff where they wind up eating each others pussies. That's pretty cool. Guys will never do something like that.

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  • Hard question, my first answer, and i think i read this somewhere too.. that men have stronger/closer friendships, then girls. It could be true, i can see that.
    But on the other hand girls friendships are very different, they can be close to each other too, but maybe less strong of an actual friendship?
    Just my opinon tho, don't have real answers, only based on observations.

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  • On average, probably. Women share clothes, do each other's hair, etc.
    Men are more socially expected to do everything themselves.

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    • Sharing clothes and doing hair aren't exactly friendship.

    • I share my hoodies with my friends and give my mates my top if he got wet on his way to college in the rain, it's pretty normal for my friend group ^_^

  • This is a good question and I appreciate the insights.

    In my experience, Women's friendships are more intense than male ones, and more ridden with jealousy. I have to think about why that is.

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  • Seems like m'en have better relationships. I mean we can insult each other tell each other off, physically fight, and still remain friends. But in my opinion if women would do any of these things it's over lol

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  • The spirit of brotherhood..
    and being a band of brothers..
    is what makes men perfect for army and other part of system where tearing down each other is not a choice..

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  • From my experiences , yes they are , there seems to be a stronger inter female , own gender solidarity , than males have. Men , however , do have less complicated friendships , and can easily pick up from where they left off , often years , if not decades later. Men can also beat the shit out of each other , and be besties again minutes later , which puzzles women !!

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  • Oof. I've definitely seen a lot of that short term stuff firsthand.
    I do appreciate my few close friends very much, but that doesn't stop me from feeling like they'll stab me in the back whenever convenient for them.
    But hey, par for the course, right?

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  • I've always gotten the impression it's hard for guys to have the same kind of serious and meaningful conversations that girls have in their friendships. As soon as you want to talk about what's on your mind, assuming it's actually connected to what you're feeling people start seeing you as less manly or potentially even just gay. I think with the LGBT movement it's become harder in many ways for guys to have meaningful and serious friendships with other guys.

    There's a risk of your close friend thinking you're gay when you try and open up to him. In that sense I think women have more freedom to be serious in their relationships. With that being said I get the impression guys tend to have more lasting friendships and even after not being around each other for a long time it can be easier for guys to just kind of pick up where they left off. Even so I do think it's possible women have closer friendships for a time than men do.

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  • Hard to say, I haven't had any for almost 12 years now.

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  • I liked to think that, but I believe that anyone can have a close and meaningful friendship, if they put their heart into it :)

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  • Its a much better support network than a guys friendship

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  • You might be right

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  • Changeable to people

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  • Women maintain close friendships as they age. However male friendships start to fade after age 30.

    I saw this firsthand in my own family. My dad had no friends to hang out with when he got his 30s and 40s. He was 110% focused on supporting the family.

    My mom on the otherhand has friends she kept in contact with well into her 50s.

    Men are more worried about being independent and having a good career. But they say this lack of male companionship contributes to higher suicide rates among men.

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  • Nice take...

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