My Mother in Law is driving me nuts. How can I keep the peace until she moves out?

My husband the first time he held KJ
My husband the first time he held KJ

Okay so I used to be okay with my mother in law until I had a baby. All through the pregnancy my husband and I kept having to deal with her pushy behavior. It started off small with wanting to see him be born. Then wanting to go to all the appointments and such. However we told her no. Then as I got more near the due date she kept trying to get us to change the name and saying she was gonna take off work and be in the delivery room. She actually got upset when we told her that she would not be in the delivery room.

She threw a fit about how she wouldn't get to see any of her grandchildren be born. As my sister in law only had the father of her children in the room. We also struggled with trying to save some things about the pregnancy to tell my own mother first as his kept pestering about everything. She was first to know I was pregnant, therefore I decided it was fair that my mother be the first to know the gender. To make sure my mom knew first besides us I had to video chat with her during the ultrasound.

Eventually it all came down to the last month of my pregnancy. She conveniently gets into a fight with my sister in law and is kicked out. She has no where else to get so of course we take her in. She took over the room meant for the baby, and instantly started being nosey. I have to hide my things because she goes through them and moves them. The month goes on and she keeps saying that she's going to be at the hospital with me when KJ is born, even when we say no. Due date comes and no show, doctor scheduled an induction for March second in the evening.

We tell her that I'm going to be induced but not when, we just kept telling her the doctor hadn't picked a date yet. March 2nd comes and I actually go into labor a couple of hours before I'm scheduled to go in. The hospital calls and tells me not to come in because there is no room. So I ended up waiting for quite a while. I ended up finally going in when my contractions were 3 minutes apart and a minute long. Of course she came home from work and knew I was in labor. My husband told her that she couldn't come.

We get to the hospital and we turn off all social media as we decided so that family wouldn't bug us as I did not need the stress to delay things. This woman decided to constantly call and ask for way to much information. I actually made it through almost all of my labor without cursing until I got pissed off in the last half hour of my pushing stage which was very painful ( I had tearing) and 4 hours long as KJ got stuck. I finally lost it and cursed at my husband to not fucking touch me because his mother chose then to call and he answered it to tell her about it. Like for real you ass I'm in pain and trying super hard to get your child out and your going to answer your phone to give your fucking mom a play by play after I specifically said I didn't want that because her behavior stresses me out. (Yes I'm still angry about this)

I then only had a couple hours to recover before she decided to come visit. Which I was okay with at that point. However I was not expecting her to bring his cousins girlfriend with her!!! I was not happy about that at all. She even had the gall to say it was stupid that I got an epidural. Then I only got that one day to recover in the hospital because she doesn't take care of our dog properly and my husband wanted to go home because otherwise the dog will start being difficult again.

We get home and here's a quick list of things I've been dealing with since:

1.) Her moving mine and the baby's things without permission and putting them God knows where.

2.) Her constantly taking our dishes and leaving them in her car. These are my dishes and very special to me as they were from my hope chest. They are very nice and expensive.

3.) Her making our house a mess and her disgusting methods of "cleaning".

4.) Her constantly doing things that make me uncomfortable with the baby. For example covering his face with a blanket.

5.) Her way of "helping" that always somehow manages to make me feel like she's trying to take my baby away/replace me.

6.) My husband always wanting to take her "advice" or for me to let things go because "she's raised like a hundred kids". Normally advice would be welcome however telling us to give our 3 week old baby tea made of star anise (which is highly toxic for baby's and can cause seizures) is not.

7.) Her constantly coming into our room.

8.) Her keeping my baby way to long when she's allowed to watch him. To the point where I have stopped pumping bottles of milk for her to use in case he gets hungry. We are never gone long enough for it to be necessary anyway. If I do then she will just grab the bottle of milk from the fridge and feed him instead of giving him to me to feed from the breast. Which then means she holds on to him for 6 hours instead of the 3 she's currently stuck with.

9.) Her calling him "my baby"

10.) Her putting her cigarettes out in my cups.

My Mother in Law is driving me nuts. How can I keep the peace until she moves out?
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Most Helpful Girls

  • weasley8
    If your husband won’t kick her out, I’d say you need to up the anti. Take the baby and go stay with your mother, or with a friend. Tell yourself husband that you’ll come back when his mother is gone. He can see you and the baby if he wants in the meantime. Tell his ahead of time and make it clear that you’re not taking yourself or the baby away from him. You just can’t be around his mother.

    It sucks that it needs to be this extreme, and I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this, but it doesn’t seem like she’s going to leave without being forced to.

    If you and your husband both agree, and she just won’t leave, you could also have the police remove her from your property. I’d warn her beforehand. But if she doesn’t take the hint and get out it’s her own fault.

    She also sounds like she’s dangerous for the baby. The smoke in the house is awful for babies, especially this early on. And if she doesn’t listen to you, I’d worry about her feeding him something dangerous when you’re not around.

    Also, congratulations on the new baby! The picture is adorable!
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  • divspppp
    Wow, she sounds like a complete bitch and the fact that your husband is enabling her doesn’t exactly make things better. She sounds kinda harmful to the baby and toxic to you too, so I would suggest that u talk to your husband to get her another place perhaps like a hotel or apartment if possible. If that not possible, maybe try talking to your husband and her about how she’s making you uncomfortable and tell her to stop, but I have a feeling u may have done that already. At this point, I would just move out and live with my family members until she gets her own place.
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    • MrsCortes

      I would have gone to stay with my own mother if that were an option but with lockdown and my family being states away it's just not possible for the moment.

    • divspppp

      This might not sound right, but for the safety of your baby and your own sanity, you might have to scare her a bit. Tell her she will NEVER see her baby ever again if she doesn’t follow your rules. Print out a rule sheet if you have to. If you’ve ever saw the show “Strictest Parents in the World” where they send unruly teens to strict families to straighten them out, you’d get the point. After all, I feel like dealing with her isn’t much different than dealing with an unruly teen. Ofc it’s up to you whether you want to actually go through with the threats or just say them to get her to stop. I would go through with them at this point.

    • MrsCortes

      Honestly I'm just trying to keep the peace until lockdown is over so that I can convince my husband to kick her out. She's supposed to be saving for her own place anyway because she's not helping pay any bills while she's here.

Most Helpful Guys

  • Anonymous
    This is obviously competition over female territory. In certain cultures this can be more profound. The MIL is laying claim in hopes the DIL fails to defend her territory, in which case she forfeits to the MIL.
    The MIL is either observing a custom or is acting on insecurity of being usurped as the primary female in her son's life. When a baby came into the picture, the commitment and love of the parents became manifest, and the MIL will not let go of her son.

    So, the wife must show her MIL that she will take good care of her son, so she doesn't need to worry. At the same time, the father must defend his wife, and put his Mother in her proper place.
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  • Browneye57
    Blah blah blah... TLDR. Quit whining, set your boundaries, and stick to it. Who exactly is in charge in this household anyway? Ya got WAY bigger fish to fry.
    If she's toxic kick her out. If she's not just ignore it. Come on honey, take charge!
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What Girls & Guys Said

  • Hermes-Paris
    Its gotta be hard on your husband as well being caught in the middle. I was there and it ain't easy. But he has to deal with Mom. Only he can do that. Endure it as nothing lasts forever. She will be gone in a little while. If not move to Portugal.
  • Ratmuffin
    Try board games. They bring the most different of types together. Or cards. But pick something u r good at but not too good. I've gotten along with plenty of people i dont really care for through cribbage.
  • msc545
    You need to have a very serious talk with your husband, and tell him that either she leaves, or you and the baby leave. And - you need to mean it. Neither of you can or should have to control her.
  • Jmmmfi4
    First of all... the hell is up with that dudes hair? He looks like the guy from the Simpson's that's always trying to kill Bart. & second she needs to move out. This won't end well.
  • loveslongnails
    Put valium in her food.
  • 1828avaava1828
    Good luck 🤗
  • Matt57
    She sounds horrible
  • Mrswright077
    Tell your man to tell her to but out