If you want to give some good or valuable information, just try to convey it to your kids as politely, and even more strategically as possible.
See, for any information to be successfully conveyed, understood and applied by your kids, you need two things-
- A strategic way of communicating the information. A clear idea in your head.
- Valid information with homework done on it. The homework includes just the source of that information and expected questions from your kids, so they get satisfied and really think about what you say.
Just like you need a pair of hands to get a clap.
But what if they do not listen even after multiple attempts? Well, in such a case, let them learn through their own experience. Sometimes, it is better if things are learnt through experience only. Especially if the person is of the type to not learn from the experience of others.
But don't let them suffer alone. Try telling them what you wanted to tell them, again, but without trying to be high and mighty. If you act like this, it will send the wrong message of you being happy from their suffering.
Now I will tell you what happens when you use tools like ranting, anger, belittlement, and a negative attitude overall. This is from my own experience.
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My mom is a wonderful woman. But the way she conveys what she wants is so full of belittlement, hatred and anger, that the useful information she conveys has literally zero effect on me.
It is as if +1 = the information, but since the way of telling that information/advice is so full of things I mentioned, -1 = the way she conveys that information. The end result is?
+1-1 = 0. No effect at all...
And when you get the same treatment over little things, then even the worst happens. You start drifting away from your parents. Stop believing them. Verify and reverify each and everything they say to you. For me, that is the internet. And I fear that this may lead to trust issues. The internet becomes your everything. It is my everything at the moment.
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Financial support alone is not everything. For those, who believe that "I am earning money for him/her, and that is enough". In this case, your children will create a fake persona just for you. Just the way you want them to be. But deep inside, it is very much likely that they are planning to get away from you as soon as they can.
Another consequence is, this also affects their important future choices. For example, I am seriously contemplating whether it is worth it to have a girlfriend or not. Whether it is worth it to have a wife or not. Because there is no way I will prefer a wife like this. I can understand uncommon outbursts. But when they are consistent, it is just the personality.
I become so exhausted by the repetitive ranting, making a big thing out of small things, and giving the same instructions multiple times within a span of seconds, and then expecting to have them carried, like magic, that I actively wake up early, get myself ready, and go cycling (around 10 to 15 km overall, 25 to 30 minutes tops). Sometimes, in the evening too.
Essentially, I try to avoid her as much as possible, with the help of legitimate reasons. I don't try to push back, because there is no discussion, only arguments. Look online to know the difference between them.
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As you can see, a small thing can spiral into something that can easily go out of control. And common sense is not common. Even that needs to be taught to many. Your child is like a blank disk. And it will give output in ways you cannot imagine and even expect. And the input depends entirely on you, the parents.
Also, expect realistically. Over-expectations will only bring and represent you badly. And after some time, when you and the kid(s) are habitual with your rantings and all, it makes no difference at all. You are just shortening your lifespan like that. And your kids will not even point that out. Because, it is not a discussion, but an argument with you.
The takeaway---
Just be strategic in your personal life too. Apply the methods, principles and whatever you use in your professional life to handle people, in your personal life also. Because, your house, sooner or later, will just be like a small company/department, whatever. Your investment in your children needs to be paid back by them in the way you want(Or maybe not. Depending on you).
It is really that simple! Not too difficult. But many do not seem to understand it. Or fail at it. Sometimes, even miserably.
I apologize for posting this myTake on Valentine's Day. But I felt it is quite important. Happy Valentine's Day!
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What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
Great tips. My mom is the same way. She can’t get a message across without trying to yell or get physical or make a jab to feel better about herself. But i never let that stop me from getting my point across
you make a lot of good points. I'm not a parent and I don't know if I ever will be but from being a kid myself at one time, I can tell you yelling never worked if anything when I got yelled at the antics just went up more.
Solid and you think would be common sense but apparently not.