Why does my friends with benefits act so hot and cold with me? one moment he is a as***le the next he is staring at me, cuddling me, etc?

[Anonymous]

I've been sleeping with this guy for around about 3 months. the instant we met it was clear there was lust in the air. we both drunkenly jumped into some of the best sex ever and agreeing we don't like relationships at this age and are emotionally distant people. so fuck buddies seemed good. but quickly got confusing. despite him saying things like "im heartless" or " I put walls up so people can't get attached to me" he also would say how cool he thought I was or how hed never met a girl so weird as me and he liked weird. things like that. also he's very cuddly which I love but I thought 'heartless" boys wouldn't. as the months went on the hot and cold continued he'd ask to see me often but I couldn't for the last few times cause iv been working night shifts. his coldness got bigger and hotness got lesser and it threw me a bit. because I didn't really understand why he was reacting. so eventually I just thought ok this guy is just in it for sex that's what we agreed on and if he's an asshole I won't get feelings so I continue to sleep with him. casually in conversation I told him im moving countries in a months time and since then wow, he still asks to see me but he is a utter jerk but after sex he still cuddles and strokes me kisses my shoulders throughout the night. its sooo confusing. I have crush on him I just wish I knew more about him. what do you thinks going on with him lads? thanking you in advance :)

[bottles13]

He's a friend with benefits? So why do you care? It's because very few people can sever the emotional component of sex. So either acknowledge that you need more from a relationship, or find a way to shut down your emotions so that you can continue to use other people for masturbation. Good luck!

[Asker]

aha thanks. I acknowledge I am in deeper now then just a simple friends with benefits. id just like to know if he's acting so randomly because he is too? or if he just is a bit of a wishy washy moody guy to everyone aha
thank you though.

[Happyjudy]

I know exactly what your going through... It happened to me it's a really long story but anyways I think he is hurt from the past and he might me afraid to get hurt again and that's why he acts like a jerk and sometimes he act nice

[Happyjudy]

I meant be hurt not me lol

[Asker]

hey, thanks for empathizing. I really appreciate it. I was thinking the same, but then I question myself and start thinking maybe im just hoping its that he's protecting himself from getting feelings for me when really he could just be a asshole and im just flattering myself ha. its so annoying. for some reason the mixed signals he sends fascinates me which is so damn irrational and stupid. aha. thanks for your opinion though its good to know others are dealing with it too and thinking similar theories about these mystery boys :)

[Anonymous]

Your approach and line of thinking is so far from the realities of friends with benefits concept that I can't even provide an advise.

[Asker]

aha. fare call. I know the fact that I unwilling have gained a crush on him is out of the friends with benefits 'realities'but also it is very realistic to happen. but in saying that a crush to me doesn't mean I want him for my own or to be in a relationship. to me this question is not about the label of are we friends with benefits or a relationship. its what is up with this guys moods and why he's having them. but thanks for the comment :)