My friend puts me down in front of other people to make herself look good!!! ?

Question

This friend of mine, I have always been there for her no matter what; family problems, illness, struggling with uni- you name it. Thing is around other people she will try to belittle me to make herself look better. 

She will call me names or point out my faults when people are around. Some people have noticed this and stuck up for me and she will argue with them about it. Others just laugh with her and I feel really awkward and confused. Why does she do things like this? How should I deal with this situation?

DaveyYourFavey · Accepted Answer

Tell her she's racist and stick up for yourself. Tell her you want her to stop. But if she continues to do this in front of others then ask her in front of others "Why do you feel you need to put me down in front of others?" That will make her feel really awkward, embarrassed and like a bitch and any good friends around will look to her for the answer and ask her too. If she doesn't respond in a way you'd like ask her again and again and ask her why is she always showing off to everyone. She will begin to appear very uncomfortable. Then ask her what kind of friend is she, putting you down all the time. This will humiliate her, which is exactly what she deserves.
If you don't usually behave like this or say things like this then even better. You acting is such a surprising way will confuse her, show her she's pushed you to far and she will realize she needs to stop this.
Oh and its really important to get the others on your side.
If she still continues this, then break off all contact with her and refuse to hang out. It would be great if you could get other friends to hang out with you without her. And you could maybe even try turning them against her by explaining the things she does and how you do great things for her.
You don't deserve racial abuse from people like her. She's just feeding her ego and has a low self esteem and thats why she feels she needs to bring good people like you down.

meowcow · Accepted Answer

Your friend does not put you down to make her look good.

Your friend puts you down to make herself feel good. From her point of view, it makes her look better than you. However, just because it makes herself feel good about herself, does not mean that other people see what she sees.

The fact that others are willing to defend you shows that people do not agree with her point of view.
If you have a friend that you think is the most awesome person in the world, and someone else spoke poorly about them - you would probably come to their defense too. In the end, you would probably think lesser of the person who insulted your friend, don't you think?

Every time your "friend" puts you down, and your real friends come to your defense, this "friend" actually hurts her own standing among others.

Fictional_Thoughts · Accepted Answer

Ah, don't think about her too much! I went through this before, and once another friend came by, all three of us became best friends! I don't know when this started to happen, but if it's recently, try being patient or if you can't put up with it, just talk back to her! Tell her that human are a bit different from animals and that there are no such thing called a "half-breed" in humanity, we are ALL equal, no matter which race. If you just can't deal with it and it's been quite a while since this started, then you can just tell her that you're done with it! But keep in mind that doing the same thing back to her is basically a risk, she might do it more to you! Also, there might be something she's going through if being your friend and having you as a friend isn't enough to make her feel good about having such a good friend like you!

lola5 · Accepted Answer

I used to have a 'best' friend exactly like this whom i soon realised took me entirely for granted and would simply only ever talk to me about herself or when she needed me. She was never there for me. Either you need to confront her and tell her she can't do this, if she argues back then you need to ditch her and move on as you are clearly her 'bitch' in her eyes. If she is sorry it could be that she genuinely isn't aware that's she doing it, maybe its a nerves kind of thing/ego boost. Or she might think your cool with it. You need to tell her or if you've already had enough ( like i had) just walk away from your friendship with no words and move on, and if she is worth being friends with then she will be sorry and come running.

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

That's not right at all. She doesn't sound like a true friend, more of an envious snake who needs to be cut from your circle. You seem to have a lot of positive things going for you and she's probsbly intimidated and feels insecure around you, that's why she seeks to bring you down. I suggest you stop hanging with her. She's not a true girl who has your best interests. I've seen so called "friends" set their girl up to be raped over their hatred and jealousy. At the very least I doubt she'd look out for you if you really needed it. She's no good!!

khalid-taekwondo · Answer

am sorry to hear that.. i had the same exact problem.. during school i had this friend he is my nabor and class mate plus we played football at the same team and were there for each other when ever we had any problem wither it was financially mentally or emotionally.. any even though he was a real man but still when ever i was with him will go throgh lots of problems he will do crazy things and am stuck with him.. and infront of people when ever we talk he will make fun of me just to make other people laugh.

one day it hit me i said why do i have to through all of this shit its not like i signed a contract so i just stopped hanging out with him.. we are still friends we meet up some times we talk and chat sometimes too but to tell you the truth my life became much more different i felt better as if he was holding down my self-estime.

maybe 5 years passed since that happened so when i see him now even though he changed in the appearance but still he is still the same guy.. i feel i grow a lot when he is still stuck in the same bubble

Anonymous · Answer

Well it sounds to me that she is racist against white people, people come to categorize whites and blacks by the way they live, the things they do, the way the act... And that's the huge problem we have today... That's why racism is still a problem to this day... By saying "omg your so f*cking white, she is saying that white people send flowers to opoligize, I mean what else are you supposed to do to opoligize for missing it? Fried chicken? I guess that would have been the "black" thing to do... But you see how I come off racist now? I'm not, but by me saying that it would sound like it... And that's the problem... I know plenty of black people that would send flowers as an opoligy.. It sounds like she has a certain mindset about how blacks and or whites should be and act... Which only goes to show her level of class.. And it sounds to me like you have way more class than she does... For you to do the work you do and help others... And for her to belittle you, I would say that she isn't a true friend... A true friend would support you and not belittle you..

caesar1000 · Answer

It sounds like your friend is still fifteen years old... that's the kind of behaviour expected from a high school juniour. Most people who try that shit find out that they lose friends fast, so they correct it before making their way in the real world.

by the way, working at the orphanage and sending thoughtful flowers to a friend's mother makes you sound like an awesome, mature person. Also, just for the record mixed-race people are often the most beautiful blend of features... your "friend" is likely just envious of you. Cut her off like a cancer, and tell her you don't need that negativity.

MariellaRo · Answer

She is not a bad person, but she seems to have some big issues and a lot of anger that she likes to wreak on you. She is, apparently, racist to some degree, and might have self-esteem issues since she likes to make herself look better in comparism to you. I acknowledge that she has helped you a lot during your course of life, and I think you do, too, but that doesn't mean you have to hang on to her forever. People do good things, and they do bad things, and if the bad things clearly outweigh the good things she has done for you, you are very much allowed to let this person go for your own good.

JGutierrez · Answer

You should get away from her. If she continues to belittle you like this, it will wear you down.

She might look good on the outside but her inside is rotten with selfishness and self praise.

I always went by this saying
"Return her kindness with kindness, you will be viewed as a humble person
Return her Kindness with hurtful doings/sayings, you will be viewed as an ungrateful person
Return her hurtful doings/sayings with hurtful doings/sayings, you would be no better than her
Return her hurtful doings/sayings with kindness, you would always be seen as the bigger person"

Please do keep that saying in mind. Which path you take will give you both consequences and benefit you in a way. but will change how people view you. it may be good or bad, it's up to you

GamingMouse · Answer

It's all I can suggest. But if you are more of a peaceful person then be like:

beautifulangel76 · Answer

You call this girl a friend? It seems like she has something against white people which I'm black but I grew up with and around tons of white people so it annoys me to hear people say stuff like she said. People say that about me and say that I act white and stuff. I don't have a problem with it but she could be jealous of you or like I mentioned before she could have something against white people

SamiDunlap · Answer

A friend wouldn't put you down like that. I mean I have never heard of friends refer to each other as half breeds. That is beyond insulting. Have more respect for yourself and tell them that it is not okay for her to say the things that she does, and if she doesn't stop then she obviously is not a very good friend to begin with.

Anonymous · Answer

Shit rolls downhill, same with sewage - don't have to be plumber to know this

Therefore she's been treated to a daily dose of shit, even if only vicariously
and this will explode if not drained away
but where to dump?
Strangers - would kick her ass
Family - will tolerate it, those that are not dumping on her
Friends - of course, the easiest target... somehow she does nice things to keep these around as "friends"? Wonder what she could do to keep friends that have shit all over them?

We all feel better after taking a shit.

LOSE THIS LOSER - she will be OK w/o you to kick around

Anonymous · Answer

I told my friend I wanted to be a lawyer, (in front of everyone), and she was like, yeah I see you in law, I mean not necessarily as a LAWYER, but yeah, (pretty much implying I couldn't become a lawyer).

I gave her the nastiest look ever, and said why would I want to go to law school, if I wouldn't want to be a lawyer; I want to do Tort Law, do you know what that is? And she was like no.

I smirked and explained.

Moral of the story: people who talk shit, don't know shit. Listen through one year, and let it go out the other.

Trust me, this is the best and easiest way to live life.

Hannah_112298 · Answer

I have a "friend" like that. She acts like I'm her best friend when it's just us, but as soon as there are other people around she either completely ignores my existence or makes fun of me. My advice would be to dump her as a friend, she clearly isn't helping you out at all in life (no offense) and you seem like a pretty nice person who could find better friends.

I didn't mean to sound rude at all if I did, good luck though :)

JackKerouac77 · Answer

grapes grapes grapes

Queen_naki5 · Answer

I just dropped a friend for behaving that way. It's funny how they all come crawling back. My friend was very similar to yours and eventually I saw the forest from the trees and dropped her. I'm realizing that I don't even miss her. She was holding me back and now I'm an individual. I've met some new people and making new fiends. Let her go. You won't regret it.

hswhis · Answer

I had a friend who did this. I used to make excuses for her because I knew she was very insecure about her looks (she was quite overweight). It finally got to a point where I got tired of making excuses for her and just gave up on our friendship, despite years of being friends.

Probably saved my sanity.

bryon · Answer

Not trying to be hurtful but if a so called friend of mine dissed me like that it would go one of two ways , an ass whipping or hit the dang road ; and don't bother to look back. In my opinion a friend is supposed to build you up with support not tear you down with insults

latina28 · Answer

There is absolutely no reason why you would need this so called "friend" in your life. A real friend doesn't ridicule and insult you in front of others to intentionally hurt you. Yes, sometimes it's just playful fighting but not in your case. She is belittling you and you need to put a stop to it. If she doesn't appreciate everything you've done for her then you must move on. It's better to be alone than with the wrong company.

Anonymous · Answer

First of all as a black female, dont give us all a bad rep by talking about your friend.
Sometimes, a lot of people were raised in areas where being mean to people is how they bond... tell her you dont like it and let it be. If this is how she is and you decided to be friends with her dont be suprised and dont be insecure because i am sure she is not serious. Also you can joke about something back with her and be just as douchey like oh "Youre just mad because I...(w/e)" Or like yeah I am biracial and so is Halle Berry. OR speak of good qualities or things you like about being biracial.

Dont be like oh my black friend is telling me Im doing white people ish... you can get away with a a lot if you are mixed so dont feel like you can't respond remind her that youu are also half black (DUH)

BreatheMusicToLive · Answer

Honestly, you need to let that "friendship" go. She's not worth being called a friend, maybe not even an acquaintance. People are labeled friends for the reason of being there when you need them, uplifting you when you're down, and all that other good stuff. What she's doing isn't being a friend and obviously doesn't know how to be one. The only thing she's gonna bring into your life is stress and low self-esteem. It's better to push her out of your life sooner than to deal with all the hurt she's probably causing for as long as you live.

skullly · Answer

With friends like those, who needs enemies? :]! I think she is not your friend... and is actually jealous of you for some reason, which she will never admit to, but instead she chooses to criticize what she is jealous of. I could be wrong, but either way, that is not what a friend does... so my advice is to find another friend and leave this one behind... :]!

Reneesusan · Answer

She's not your friend. But, try and tell her how you feel. If she stops then stay friends if she doesn't stop, then confront her as soon as she does it, " I don't appreciate they way you make me feel, it brings me down and it's not what a true friend does." If then she still doesn't stop please don't be her friend anymore

jaisea · Answer

A girl who was like 17 when i was 15 I used to be friends with. I was always so nice to her, and was always there when she was sick, sad, in a bad situation. Our age difference never really mattered, but what did was our physical difference. I am like 5 4, 110 pounds, athletic. This girl was literally 5" 9' 260 pounds. She would always make fun of me, she called me Brooke because all of our friends agreed that i look like Blue Lagoon Brooke Shields (not that offensive but when she said it it hurt like hell.) Told me i was to fat to wear things, that my chest was too small (being a b cup i was overthrown by her DD's), being a whore, and a prude (a whore and a prude?). I just kinda got over being a door matt for whenever she needed help and advice, I found some good friends and got over her all together.

DiggerForTeal · Answer

Wtf!!! She's a terrible friend! I've had something similar happen but when I told her how I felt she got mad at me and didn't talk to me for weeks. Which was a breath of fresh air but did talk to me eventually. If she's like my friend then you should probably just end it now because we ended up getting in numerous fights adding tons of stress to me. I wish I would have ended it long ago. We don't speak anymore.

urgarlayessica · Answer

Bullies need friends too.
But you need to stand up for your self and let her know that you are done with this bullshit she calls friendship.
Be proud that you help people (we need more of you) but you are getting broken by someone that is just plain stupid. its like she hasn't grown up yet.
In the other hand my solution to that problem will be to punch her on her throat when she start talking about you.

rihannanavy · Answer

Call her out on her behavior in front of others too. Don't throw shots at her likeshe does just stick to what your there for. Tell her you guys aren't friends so she can stop talking to you and about you. Then ignore her. She'll likely apologize then repeat it again. I love ignoring people.

ElleMohican · Answer

She isn't your friend. To me it is obvious she so sort of insecurity about her race or faults. Nobody's perfect and it seems like she thinks she is, if she has to constantly point out your faults. I had a ex-friend (NOTICE THE EX) like that and I asked her about it. She couldn't give me a straight answer, so I told her we couldn't be friends anymore because I felt like she wasn't acting like a true friend. I would ask her what the problem is? But it's up to you if you want to stay friends with her. I hope all goes well.

TannerBear · Answer

Oook, first off this "woman" is no friend of yours. A friend is supposed to give as much love as they are given, if you spend all your time being there for her and all she gives you is grief it's time to drop her. My best friend is mixed and if anyone ever called her a "half breed" I'd probably kill them 😈 that is highly unacceptable and you shouldn't have to put up with such a pig headed jerk. So please for your own good cut her off.

LeatherCombatBoots · Answer

Dear Anon,
The first step I would suggest is taking to her in a civil way, however judging by the person you've described it's best distancing yourself from her. Do you really want to be around such a negative aura? I personally wouldn't. You've done so much for her and it seems like she doesn't value you in the same way. Don't say you dislike her or tell her you don't want to be friends as this will cause anger. Spend less time with her but still try to appear amiable. The last thing you want is for your relationship to end disastrously!
I hope all goes well for you and you discover true friendship.
Nicolex

Random_chick_2384 · Answer

She is a bitch. I HAD friends like that.
And u never lose friends u only find who your real ones are.
So u can stop being her friend
Or
U can play the game to. Laugh when she says something like that. then just start making fun of her like she does to u. When u find a good time don't do it right after.

Yellowbone · Answer

Because she's insecure & jealous of you. She feels the need to put on a "show" in front of other people at your expense because she has nothing interesting to say about herself alone. I've been through this a couple of times before so I already know the drill. Drop her ass, because I can already guarantee you that she's not gonna listen to you trying to talk to her.

CHARismatic110 · Answer

She's not your friend. Girls that usually do that have some hidden jealousy issues or insecurities about themselves. A person that does anything to make themselves look better at your expense is not someone you need in your life period. Especially not under the disguise of being your friend.

swolebookworm · Answer

And you call that "a friend"? I dumped everyone that made me look bad in public.

I used to have a cocainoman as a friend and he always felt invincible, he always was trying to grab all the attention. I got pissed off over time, even by telling him it disturbed him.

You know what, you choose your friends, make a wise choice out of each decision!

Nik1hil · Answer

Well you are her permanent wingman. Trust me and get separated from her for a week. She will understand how many places she will collide and fall without you. She will get your importance. Because if it continues people have a wrong personality of you. And you will have to leave that place or town. Because you cannot change everyone's opinion at once

CaliKay · Answer

You're too nice, find new friends who won't put you down because their obviously jealous in a way. It's really themselves that look like a jerk!! Who would want to hang around someone who's so negative! Doesn't matter your race, and if it does to her, then shows how shallow she is..

ThisDudeHere · Answer

In your title and text you misspelled friend with cunt.

Alicietta · Answer

That's REALLY rude. She's a terrible friend to you and doesn't appreciate or respect you, and she sounds insecure. Do not have anything else to do with her and tell her why you don't want to continue being her friend if she asks. Do not let someone else treat you that way. I know you care for her, and it proves that you are a great person to be able to see the good in a person like that. You deserve so much better friends.

Taraborelli1997 · Answer

I use to have a friend like that and well I'm not her friend any more and if she's like that with you tell her and if she carries on stop being friends with her. It's not about how long she's been their for you, it's about how she treats you and if I was you I wouldn't put up with it :) hope this helps

Anonymous · Answer

A friend? Last time I checked a friend supports me and helps me up. NOT put me down. This is clearly no friend. You need to tell your friend to stop and or ignore her. She is just causing drama and looking for attention. I have no clue why your putting up with it. I mean your complaining about it yet your still associating yourself and not dealing with her. Deal with her and avoid her or tell her to stop. But don't stoop to her level, that wouldn't make it right either. Good Luck

Schnurri · Answer

Honestly, that's awful and racist. I don't know how long you have known each other, but I think that the way she belittles you is toxic. I would suggest that you talk to her about the issue and if she doesn't change her behaviour cut her out of your life. You don't need friends who would have negative things to say about something like working in an orphanage.

kellytheman · Answer

I say tear up. your friend card and throw it im her face. That is no friend friends stick up for u and make u feel good and don't belittle. she sound like a bad person even though she had a tough life i am pretty sure if a friend or girl did that kind of stuff to me i get rid. of that person from my life fast.

SamTagget · Answer

She sounds like someone you should cut out of your life, if at all possible. what possible redeeming quality could she have that makes you want to keep her around? Loyalty is great but don't be socially suicidal.

confused1966 · Answer

She's probably and I know she is jealous of you! Get away from this loser and find yourself some good Friends. Friends do not put each other down lke that! She is using you to make herself feel better and if you stay you're allowing the abuse!

Donimyc · Answer

Either a very controlling friend or you're her friend and she's not yours, if you get what I mean.

domguy4subgirl · Answer

First of all. thats not a friend but if u wanna stay friends with her, do it back to her and see how she likes it and if she says anything about it tell her thats what she has been doing to u.

MrAtticusLebowski · Answer

Couple of things that seem obvious. She's kinda an asshole. Friends support you, they don't put you down. Anyone that respects you as friend wouldn't say these things to you. She sounds toxic.

JustinCaseUDontKnow · Answer

I'm sorry your friend is the way she is but you need to grow some backbone and find other friends to hang out with, Hun you can do more better than her...

_itsjessii · Answer

It is clear, that you still want to be her friend, so you either have to talk about how she is making you feel or just deal with it. Unless you are willing to stop surrounding yourself by "friends" who make you unhappy, you only have two options.

Anonymous · Answer

My friend also call me names in front of many people i talk to them and said that they shouldn't call me like that i was angry back then but they dont listen they still do it i also dont know what to do it was so upsetting that your own friend lets you down i just sometimes pretend not to hear anything

SweetSruthi · Answer

She doesn't treat you right! Tell her how you feel when she says those things. Just tell it. Is things continue like this, break your friendship with her. Afterall, one of the beautiful qualities of friendship is to understand and to be understood!

leonia · Answer

Have an open-hearted conversation with her, tell her that those things she says hurt you and explain why. If she's a true friend, she will listen and you can work it out together. If not... time to find new friends.

dazedandconfused22 · Answer

Um she doesn't sound like a "friend" then. Cut your loses and move on. If you want to keep her as an acquaintance than do so but make sure you stop hanging out with her as much.

Why do you want negative people in your life?

britttybear · Answer

She does this because she obviously isn't a true friend and don't hang around with people like that. Remove her from ur life and find better friends. You'll enjoy that more in the long run. Hope this helped.

xkellier94x · Answer

I had a "friend" like that through primary and half of secondary school. The best thing I ever did was to drop her. I found a nicer group of people and they never put me down infront of others and I never felt insecure either.

UnknownXYZ · Answer

She does these things because she is a prick. Stop being her friend!

ArchDruidMordred · Answer

She sounds like one of those black supremists. In all seriousness though you should make it clear to her that you're proud of your heritage and that being only partially negro doesn't put you below her.

Najii · Answer

One word, she is a bitch. I suggest you to cut it off with her, those kind of people are fucked up and won't stop. If you wanna continue with what you call "friendship" with her then go ahead.

Your_boss · Answer

I hve a friend who did this. Stand up for yourself and gur enters she will feel bad and apologize and never do it again... Unless she's a bitch with no feelings

523206720 · Answer

She sounds like she is jealous of you. Why are you friends with her? You are a good person who is doing legitimate things with your life and she is a leech. Drop her.

steviepic · Answer

It seems that your so called friend is unsecure in herself and for some reason jelous of you. But make no mistake this person is no friend. You shud either confront her in private and see what her problem with you really is or end the friendship

NotYourAvgTomboy · Answer

She is an insecure person who doesn't deserve someone like you. You are obviously a thoughtful, caring person who wants to do things that improve the world, not just benefit you.
You can tell her that her comments are hurtful, that she needs to respect you, your interests, hobbies, etc... or she will no longer be welcome in your life.
Regardless of your heritage, sexual orientation, beliefs, etc, a friend will support you, tell you when you messed up, but won't put you down.

ColdestWinter · Answer

That is NOT a true friend. She's insecure, and putting you down makes her feel better. If you're really trying to keep her in your life since you say she's been there for you too call her out on it when she's being rude. But honestly, I've had this experience and held on to the friendship, hoping it will work out but it always takes a turn for the worst. I understand you value her, but maybe you should start thinking of dropping her.

My friend puts me down in front of other people to make herself look good!!! ?

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