My friend puts me down in front of other people to make herself look good!!! ?

Question

This friend of mine, I have always been there for her no matter what; family problems, illness, struggling with uni- you name it. Thing is around other people she will try to belittle me to make herself look better. 

She will call me names or point out my faults when people are around. Some people have noticed this and stuck up for me and she will argue with them about it. Others just laugh with her and I feel really awkward and confused. Why does she do things like this? How should I deal with this situation?

DaveyYourFavey · Accepted Answer

Tell her she's racist and stick up for yourself. Tell her you want her to stop. But if she continues to do this in front of others then ask her in front of others "Why do you feel you need to put me down in front of others?" That will make her feel really awkward, embarrassed and like a bitch and any good friends around will look to her for the answer and ask her too. If she doesn't respond in a way you'd like ask her again and again and ask her why is she always showing off to everyone. She will begin to appear very uncomfortable. Then ask her what kind of friend is she, putting you down all the time. This will humiliate her, which is exactly what she deserves.
If you don't usually behave like this or say things like this then even better. You acting is such a surprising way will confuse her, show her she's pushed you to far and she will realize she needs to stop this.
Oh and its really important to get the others on your side.
If she still continues this, then break off all contact with her and refuse to hang out. It would be great if you could get other friends to hang out with you without her. And you could maybe even try turning them against her by explaining the things she does and how you do great things for her.
You don't deserve racial abuse from people like her. She's just feeding her ego and has a low self esteem and thats why she feels she needs to bring good people like you down.

meowcow · Accepted Answer

Your friend does not put you down to make her look good.

Your friend puts you down to make herself feel good. From her point of view, it makes her look better than you. However, just because it makes herself feel good about herself, does not mean that other people see what she sees.

The fact that others are willing to defend you shows that people do not agree with her point of view.
If you have a friend that you think is the most awesome person in the world, and someone else spoke poorly about them - you would probably come to their defense too. In the end, you would probably think lesser of the person who insulted your friend, don't you think?

Every time your "friend" puts you down, and your real friends come to your defense, this "friend" actually hurts her own standing among others.

Fictional_Thoughts · Accepted Answer

Ah, don't think about her too much! I went through this before, and once another friend came by, all three of us became best friends! I don't know when this started to happen, but if it's recently, try being patient or if you can't put up with it, just talk back to her! Tell her that human are a bit different from animals and that there are no such thing called a "half-breed" in humanity, we are ALL equal, no matter which race. If you just can't deal with it and it's been quite a while since this started, then you can just tell her that you're done with it! But keep in mind that doing the same thing back to her is basically a risk, she might do it more to you! Also, there might be something she's going through if being your friend and having you as a friend isn't enough to make her feel good about having such a good friend like you!

lola5 · Accepted Answer

I used to have a 'best' friend exactly like this whom i soon realised took me entirely for granted and would simply only ever talk to me about herself or when she needed me. She was never there for me. Either you need to confront her and tell her she can't do this, if she argues back then you need to ditch her and move on as you are clearly her 'bitch' in her eyes. If she is sorry it could be that she genuinely isn't aware that's she doing it, maybe its a nerves kind of thing/ego boost. Or she might think your cool with it. You need to tell her or if you've already had enough ( like i had) just walk away from your friendship with no words and move on, and if she is worth being friends with then she will be sorry and come running.

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

That's not right at all. She doesn't sound like a true friend, more of an envious snake who needs to be cut from your circle. You seem to have a lot of positive things going for you and she's probsbly intimidated and feels insecure around you, that's why she seeks to bring you down. I suggest you stop hanging with her. She's not a true girl who has your best interests. I've seen so called "friends" set their girl up to be raped over their hatred and jealousy. At the very least I doubt she'd look out for you if you really needed it. She's no good!!

khalid-taekwondo · Answer

am sorry to hear that.. i had the same exact problem.. during school i had this friend he is my nabor and class mate plus we played football at the same team and were there for each other when ever we had any problem wither it was financially mentally or emotionally.. any even though he was a real man but still when ever i was with him will go throgh lots of problems he will do crazy things and am stuck with him.. and infront of people when ever we talk he will make fun of me just to make other people laugh.

one day it hit me i said why do i have to through all of this shit its not like i signed a contract so i just stopped hanging out with him.. we are still friends we meet up some times we talk and chat sometimes too but to tell you the truth my life became much more different i felt better as if he was holding down my self-estime.

maybe 5 years passed since that happened so when i see him now even though he changed in the appearance but still he is still the same guy.. i feel i grow a lot when he is still stuck in the same bubble

Anonymous · Answer

Well it sounds to me that she is racist against white people, people come to categorize whites and blacks by the way they live, the things they do, the way the act... And that's the huge problem we have today... That's why racism is still a problem to this day... By saying "omg your so f*cking white, she is saying that white people send flowers to opoligize, I mean what else are you supposed to do to opoligize for missing it? Fried chicken? I guess that would have been the "black" thing to do... But you see how I come off racist now? I'm not, but by me saying that it would sound like it... And that's the problem... I know plenty of black people that would send flowers as an opoligy.. It sounds like she has a certain mindset about how blacks and or whites should be and act... Which only goes to show her level of class.. And it sounds to me like you have way more class than she does... For you to do the work you do and help others... And for her to belittle you, I would say that she isn't a true friend... A true friend would support you and not belittle you..

caesar1000 · Answer

It sounds like your friend is still fifteen years old... that's the kind of behaviour expected from a high school juniour. Most people who try that shit find out that they lose friends fast, so they correct it before making their way in the real world.

by the way, working at the orphanage and sending thoughtful flowers to a friend's mother makes you sound like an awesome, mature person. Also, just for the record mixed-race people are often the most beautiful blend of features... your "friend" is likely just envious of you. Cut her off like a cancer, and tell her you don't need that negativity.

MariellaRo · Answer

She is not a bad person, but she seems to have some big issues and a lot of anger that she likes to wreak on you. She is, apparently, racist to some degree, and might have self-esteem issues since she likes to make herself look better in comparism to you. I acknowledge that she has helped you a lot during your course of life, and I think you do, too, but that doesn't mean you have to hang on to her forever. People do good things, and they do bad things, and if the bad things clearly outweigh the good things she has done for you, you are very much allowed to let this person go for your own good.

JGutierrez · Answer

You should get away from her. If she continues to belittle you like this, it will wear you down.

She might look good on the outside but her inside is rotten with selfishness and self praise.

I always went by this saying
"Return her kindness with kindness, you will be viewed as a humble person
Return her Kindness with hurtful doings/sayings, you will be viewed as an ungrateful person
Return her hurtful doings/sayings with hurtful doings/sayings, you would be no better than her
Return her hurtful doings/sayings with kindness, you would always be seen as the bigger person"

Please do keep that saying in mind. Which path you take will give you both consequences and benefit you in a way. but will change how people view you. it may be good or bad, it's up to you

GamingMouse · Answer

It's all I can suggest. But if you are more of a peaceful person then be like:

beautifulangel76 · Answer

You call this girl a friend? It seems like she has something against white people which I'm black but I grew up with and around tons of white people so it annoys me to hear people say stuff like she said. People say that about me and say that I act white and stuff. I don't have a problem with it but she could be jealous of you or like I mentioned before she could have something against white people

SamiDunlap · Answer

A friend wouldn't put you down like that. I mean I have never heard of friends refer to each other as half breeds. That is beyond insulting. Have more respect for yourself and tell them that it is not okay for her to say the things that she does, and if she doesn't stop then she obviously is not a very good friend to begin with.

Anonymous · Answer

Shit rolls downhill, same with sewage - don't have to be plumber to know this

Therefore she's been treated to a daily dose of shit, even if only vicariously
and this will explode if not drained away
but where to dump?
Strangers - would kick her ass
Family - will tolerate it, those that are not dumping on her
Friends - of course, the easiest target... somehow she does nice things to keep these around as "friends"? Wonder what she could do to keep friends that have shit all over them?

We all feel better after taking a shit.

LOSE THIS LOSER - she will be OK w/o you to kick around

Anonymous · Answer

I told my friend I wanted to be a lawyer, (in front of everyone), and she was like, yeah I see you in law, I mean not necessarily as a LAWYER, but yeah, (pretty much implying I couldn't become a lawyer).

I gave her the nastiest look ever, and said why would I want to go to law school, if I wouldn't want to be a lawyer; I want to do Tort Law, do you know what that is? And she was like no.

I smirked and explained.

Moral of the story: people who talk shit, don't know shit. Listen through one year, and let it go out the other.

Trust me, this is the best and easiest way to live life.

Hannah_112298 · Answer

I have a "friend" like that. She acts like I'm her best friend when it's just us, but as soon as there are other people around she either completely ignores my existence or makes fun of me. My advice would be to dump her as a friend, she clearly isn't helping you out at all in life (no offense) and you seem like a pretty nice person who could find better friends.

I didn't mean to sound rude at all if I did, good luck though :)

JackKerouac77 · Answer

grapes grapes grapes

Queen_naki5 · Answer

I just dropped a friend for behaving that way. It's funny how they all come crawling back. My friend was very similar to yours and eventually I saw the forest from the trees and dropped her. I'm realizing that I don't even miss her. She was holding me back and now I'm an individual. I've met some new people and making new fiends. Let her go. You won't regret it.

hswhis · Answer

I had a friend who did this. I used to make excuses for her because I knew she was very insecure about her looks (she was quite overweight). It finally got to a point where I got tired of making excuses for her and just gave up on our friendship, despite years of being friends.

Probably saved my sanity.

bryon · Answer

Not trying to be hurtful but if a so called friend of mine dissed me like that it would go one of two ways , an ass whipping or hit the dang road ; and don't bother to look back. In my opinion a friend is supposed to build you up with support not tear you down with insults

latina28 · Answer

There is absolutely no reason why you would need this so called "friend" in your life. A real friend doesn't ridicule and insult you in front of others to intentionally hurt you. Yes, sometimes it's just playful fighting but not in your case. She is belittling you and you need to put a stop to it. If she doesn't appreciate everything you've done for her then you must move on. It's better to be alone than with the wrong company.

Anonymous · Answer

First of all as a black female, dont give us all a bad rep by talking about your friend.
Sometimes, a lot of people were raised in areas where being mean to people is how they bond... tell her you dont like it and let it be. If this is how she is and you decided to be friends with her dont be suprised and dont be insecure because i am sure she is not serious. Also you can joke about something back with her and be just as douchey like oh "Youre just mad because I...(w/e)" Or like yeah I am biracial and so is Halle Berry. OR speak of good qualities or things you like about being biracial.

Dont be like oh my black friend is telling me Im doing white people ish... you can get away with a a lot if you are mixed so dont feel like you can't respond remind her that youu are also half black (DUH)

BreatheMusicToLive · Answer

Honestly, you need to let that "friendship" go. She's not worth being called a friend, maybe not even an acquaintance. People are labeled friends for the reason of being there when you need them, uplifting you when you're down, and all that other good stuff. What she's doing isn't being a friend and obviously doesn't know how to be one. The only thing she's gonna bring into your life is stress and low self-esteem. It's better to push her out of your life sooner than to deal with all the hurt she's probably causing for as long as you live.

skullly · Answer

With friends like those, who needs enemies? :]! I think she is not your friend... and is actually jealous of you for some reason, which she will never admit to, but instead she chooses to criticize what she is jealous of. I could be wrong, but either way, that is not what a friend does... so my advice is to find another friend and leave this one behind... :]!

Reneesusan · Answer

She's not your friend. But, try and tell her how you feel. If she stops then stay friends if she doesn't stop, then confront her as soon as she does it, " I don't appreciate they way you make me feel, it brings me down and it's not what a true friend does." If then she still doesn't stop please don't be her friend anymore

My friend puts me down in front of other people to make herself look good!!! ?

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