Am I asking for too much at my baby shower?

[Anonymous]

So I'm having twins and my baby shower will be in October, one of the ideas I thought was really cute was to ask guests to bring a book instead of a card. Then I also thought about doing a diaper raffle game, which is optional, but I feel that's asking for too much? I'd really like books for the babies but I'd also really need help with diapers as there are two of them. I just don't want people to feel obligated to bring diapers on top of a gift and book. I think I'd be having two baby showers as Bubby is going to be locked up and will be out in November and he wants to invite his side of friends and family that I really don't want to mix with my friends and family. If we don't have one from his side that's totally fine, but if we do then I could always just do either the book or diaper raffle at either one. But doing both at one shower would be too much right? I'm not just expecting to receive because I want to have games so people can win prizes. I'm inviting about 40-50 people all whom are very close and I keep in touch with all the time. I'm not too reliant on having two showers as I'm not sure Bubby will still be in the picture once babies are here. Any thoughts Please? And ideas for prizes? Also for baby showers are there just finger foods or an actual filling meal?

[baphomet-chan]

i think that you're totally fine asking for that, its understandable since you're having twins. but some guests might bring just diapers or just books, so be open to that too, just remember to thank everyone, especially those who bring both!

[Asker]

Cool cool

[Anonymous]

Really would be too much for both at the both. Although 2 showers does seem greedy too as might raise questions

[Asker]

Well I wouldn't ask for both at both showers. It's just bubby wants to invite his family and friends but he won't be attending the baby shower so if he really wants to we can have a second one with only his family and friends (because I'm not really close to them so wouldn't mix them with my family and friends) I don't really care much for having a shower with his side but to not ask for so much at mine I would ask for diapers at one and books at the other.

[Opinion Owner]

Well then you kinda need 2 as can't really say your ok to invite all your friends/family but not invite his friends and family as your not close to them.

[Asker]

Yeah but he might not even stick around which is why I'm not worried about inviting his family. I just want to be surrounded by people I love and I get support from at the shower.. Even if I wanted to throw 2 showers, I'm the one planning everhthing and paying for everything..

[Asker]

But if I did both at one shower it would be too much right?

[Opinion Owner]

If you did both at either will be too much. As they'll feel obligated. And how'd you end up with a baby your not sure the father's sticking around?

[Asker]

Ah gotcha! Well we always sort of have problems, I'm still trying to figure out what the main problem is but i know I have a lot of anxiety and my mind plays a lot of tricks on me and I start acting out based on my emotions and it gets really dangerous and i only get this way because of how he makes me feel but most of the time it's in my head and I'm still learning that. But I'm stuck between believing it's all in my head while blaming myself and him actually treating me like shit. So I'm secretly kicking him to the curb because of my own anxiety? It sounds stupid now that I write it out. The other half of me wants to get counseling for both of us (I'm getting it regardless) and then just sticking together but then then my anxiety takes over and I start believing things will never change he will always be the horrible guy I imagine him to be. I don't know how I got this badly. I swear I was fully sane.

[Asker]

That's why I'm not sure if he'll stick around, because I'll cut him off completely because I "believe" that's best

[Opinion Owner]

Well surely you need to get help yourself then?

[Asker]

Yeah but everything gets worse when I'm with him. When we get in a fight and i decided we have broken up (which has happened twice) and we don't talk, I am absolutely fine. I have a lot of insecurities that I never really know about until I started dating him over a year ago. I'm trying to get to a counselor asap so I can get better. I put Bubby in jail because I overreacted and attacked him and he fought me back. So he'll be in for 3 months but I can choose to ask that the restraining order be removed. Otherwise we won't be able to move back in together when the babies come. This is all so stressful and I just feel I'm getting worse. The only thing that wakes me up is that I have to think for my babies too..

[Opinion Owner]

Well that's the thing. Even you've said you put him in jail. And yeh but relationships make people crazy. So you need to help yourself, if not for him but for you and the babies

[Asker]

That's why I'm trying to get help. I don't want my babies going back and forth from mom and dad and I also don't want them to grow up seeing their parents always fighting and mom acting like a crazy bitch. Everything is just so hard because I have no one's support in staying with him. Mainly why I am having a separate shower for his family. My parents offer all the support as long as I stop seeing him because I made the mistake of always saying all the bad things about him that I made up in my head. Same with my friends they all think I haven't spoken to him after the last incident, and everyone thinks I am 100 percent innocent. I just got myself into a huge mess.

[Opinion Owner]

Well you need to face it though as how can you help yourself when there's more drama with friends and family? Your having his baby so they need to support thst

[Asker]

Sometimes I just want to run away and start somewhere new with Bubby and the babies :/

[Opinion Owner]

Well they're supposed to support you not make it worse

[LastNightmare]

wow, seems pretty much program

[Asker]

A program? What? So no, it's too much?

[LastNightmare]

too much