He has a girlfriend but....

[Anonymous]

so I met this guy at the beginning of the year, he's really nice and we started studying together. we would always tend to flirt but I thought it was just normal. Until we added each other on facebook and I found out he had a girlfriend. I never brought it up and neither did he. We started studying more and more and he would text me. I would never text him first. Long story short I have really really started to like him. me and him are so similar and we get along great, he is seriously my definition of perfect guy. My friends would tell me that I needed to tell him I liked him but I am way to shy for that and I don't see the point in telling him since he has a girlfriend. one time we were studying we just talked the entire time and hit it off perfectly. there have been people in my class that ask me if me and him were dating since we look at each other during class a lot. the one and only time he brought up his girlfriend was when he was saying he was mad at her for something. since we are on Christmas break I have not seen him and he told me he wouldn't be in the next semester class with me. I thought I could get over him since I wouldn't see him during break or in class anymore but one time over break he called me at 1 am asking about a class to take. he told me that he signed up for 2 of the classes I am in. we had a short convo then he texted me. we were talking till about 245 in the morning when I asked him why he was still awake. his reply was very flirty and we continued to flirt he surprised me by saying something somewhat dirty. he suddenly said he needed to stop before he got in trouble, I asked him stop what and he said we both know. he ended up saying since he had a girlfriend he shouldn't say stuff like that to other girls. he apologized and said he felt like a jerk and he didn't want me to stop talking to him. I don't understand why he brought his girlfriend up at that moment and not before. I haven't talked to him since and I feel awkward since I'm going to have him in my classes next semester. I like him a lot and I don't want this to end. I know he has to have some feelings for me but he has his girlfriend. what should I do to remain friends with him and avoid awkwardness. I'm confused of why we have flirted half the year, then he texts me and all that happens he tells me he has a girlfriend but he doesn't want me to stop talking to him. I would really love guys opinions on this as well as girls! thanks :)

[alexis7]

I am going to be 100% honest here, and please don't take offense to any of this. I am really trying to help. But a guy with a girlfriend NEVERRR ends well. I know this from not only my personal experience, but from the experiences of friends of mine. I have also been on both sides of this situation, and really at the end of the day, it only ends in pain.

i fell in love with my best friend (who was a guy with a girlfriend.) things were getting shaky between them, and he began to have feelings for me. she ended up dumping him, and he said he would have picked me anyway. but after everything, he ended up cheating on me with her, and left me for her. another time, a guy I was with left me for a girl he barely knew but "texted a lot." I am also guilty of doing this to a guy, and I felt completely horrible.

do not ever get involved with a guy who has a girlfriend. he should like YOU and ONLY you. another girl in the pictures makes everything complicated and ultimately leads to heartbreak. keep being nice, but start drawing the line. don't text until all hours of the night, and the second anyone gets flirty, end the conversation. you need to respect his girlfriend as well, because if you were her, you would be pissed.

bottom line, there is someone out there for everyone. you shouldn't have to start off knowing that they wanted someone else to begin with. even if you and him get together, you can never trust that he won't meet another girl and do it all over again, but leave YOU in the dust.

it's just bad news. you will find someone else who won't even consider being with another girl, and that's what you deserve! until then, remain only friends with this guy.

[Asker]

thank you so much for responding. I understand what your saying about think about his girlfriend too. I was cheated on in a relationship and it hurt so bad. I would never do this to anyone and I think that's why this is so weird for me to know what to do. when he texted me that late I knew something was up and as soon as he said he has a girlfriend and couldn't talk like that I became super guilty. I never want to be the girl who broke someone up (not that that would happen) but I like him alot.

[alexis7]

Well I respect you for choosing not to act on it! So many girls (like me in the past) would have just gone for it, and it just sucks. You are sparing yourself! Plus who knows, if he chooses that things with her don't work out, down the road, you and him could have a shot together! You seem like a very nice girl and I know it hurts, but if it doesn't work with him, it will always work with someone else!

[Asker]

i hope so! but you never know! well thank you very much for commenting :)

[italykam]

Wow, quite the story. I would say to just talk to him normally when he talks to you, but nothing more than that. If he started to talk dirty, then he may want to do other things as well and then he'd be in big trouble. It's a bummer that you like him and that he has feelings for you, but I think that it would maybe not be the best idea to continue studying with him unless he is single. And for the awkward factor, just play it cool like as if nothing had happened at all so as to not get more people talking about you guys, ya know?

[Asker]

Yes that makes so much sense and that's what I'm planning on doing, but it suck that I like him alot. oh well. thank you so much for responding! :)

[italykam]

You're very welcome. Ah there will be another guy, an even better one at that! so keep your head up and keep on lookin forward!

[Smiley10]

Please don't ever go for a guy with a girlfriend. I have been a girlfriend in this position before but my boyfriend decided to hook up with that other girl and they kept doing it until recently when I found out by her. I was so hurt and wanted to die. now there are bad stories going on about my boyfriend and that girl. Slut/home wrecker/ whore are all names you do not want to be said about you. please girl don't do anything. for everyones sake

[Asker]

Ive been in that same situation too. I've been cheated on and I agree it makes you feel horrible. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. and I have decided to just let it go. Thanks for your comment!

[CowboyJedi]

I realize that you and this guy have a thing going and the girlfriend is holding you up but I want you to stop and think for a second. If he is going behind his girlfriends back to flirt with you, what would stop him from doing it again if you were his girlfriend? I feel that this guy has no clue what he wants and wants to have his cake and eat it too. Find a man who will commit to you 100% you will be so glad you did.

[Asker]

i totally understand that and that's what I'm wondering about. I've been cheated on in a relationship so I would never be that girl who would get in the way yet I feel that's what I'm doing