How do I stop being jealous of my sister?

[Anonymous]

My elder sister is the sexier more outgoing sister, all the guys are lined up for her while me, i’m the cute shy quite sister..

a couple of months ago we went on a trip with our cousins and some mutual friends that we met through our cousins. One of the guys that we went on a trip with has been hitting on me the whole trip that his eyes literally lit up whenever he looked at me talking.

Everyone on the trip kept hinting at me on how much he is into me, Even my sister kept telling me how much he must have a crush on me.

But then after the trip, my sister and the people who went on the trip went out a couple of times but i couldn’t go and i guess him and her got closer in that time (she told me that she is the one who started conversations with him and joked with him first) . Two months after that he asked her out and now they are basically dating. And i’m DYING LITERALLY DYING.
I didn’t even have a crush on him until he kept caring about me so much and everyone kept telling me how much he likes me. Now i’m left with heartache for almost 6 months now and it sucks!

What am i supposed to do? I don’t want to have a crush on or love my sister’s boyfriend!!

[joeshi]

Maybe you did find him attractive but once he was with someone else now you know you can’t have him and that makes you want him even more. Honestly if he really liked you he wouldn’t have gone for your sister, dick move. And if your sister can tell that your into him or there’s any relation between y’all she wouldn’t have ended dating him. I don’t know if it’s this type of situation but my oldest sister is the hot one and i am i guess considered the shy one. I started working on my appearance more and I’d say i look pretty ok but when we would go out if she noticed a guy talking to me or a guy checking me out she would put on a show or start flirting or try to grab their attention. It was every guy! Which i didn’t care but I don't know why her as a hot sister would go for the boys that were sometimes even UNDERAGE to get their attention. But i feel like if you and this boy started dating he’d be attracted to your sister and your sister would be attracted to him so i feel you dodged a huge bullet by getting into that relationship. My advice is just to work on yourself, appearance wise and what got me out of my comfort zone was working. I would have to talk to people eventually and i now can start conversations with anyone! It’s great honestly from getting red face when someone looks at me, to now being open! I would just be careful with your sister tho, she’s pretty but she may be insecure and her feelings can hold you back

[DianaWest]

wow, your sister sounds a bit bitchy. did you ever tell her you liked him? i mean, if she noticed, why the hell would she make a move on him like that?

[Asker]

I didn’t directly tell her but it was DEFINITELY showing on me that i liked him. She is just way too selfish and she has always been that way even when we were kids so I’m not surprised. I even feel bad for him but he will discover her true personality with time.

[GoodEnoughThen]

She may seemingly have "all the guys lined up" but that will mean the ones that truly are interested in you will be that much more special. What does it say about the guys that all want the same girl? Be open to finding someone special, and welcoming to those that are unique and different to you, to what you think you expect. Anyway, sorry about this one unfortunate happening. I know its very difficult but hang in there as over time you will move on. Perhaps there's something to be learned from the experience. You may even see that he is not as desirable as you may have thought.

[MusicMayhem]

News flash you aren't entitled to a guy just because he likes you. Life is a competition so if you sit around waiting for good things to happen guys will look for better options.

Being shy isn't an excuse. You need to break out of that mentality cause guys will go for the more social, confident girls.

[Asker]

Ok thanks

[joeshi]

She doesn’t need to completely change herself tho!

[MusicMayhem]

@joeshi guys aren't attracted to girls they can't see. So if she's shy and stays away from social events then she's not going to get guys. It's that simple!

[joeshi]

Well yeah she should go out to places that she’d want to. I’m just saying that I’m not the type of person who goes out to parties and yet i guys still end up finding me. Like I’m just saying she doesn’t have to go to places she doesn’t want to

[MusicMayhem]

@joeshi that just means you make better use of your opportunities. Just getting out there can dramatically increase the odds of finding someone though.

[joeshi]

Yeah but let’s say she goes to a party, is she going to really find her type of guy? I don’t wanna go to parties because i know prior knowledge that majority of the guys are looking for 1 night stands and i would be looking for something serious, i mean they may be a good guy or two but the drinking life is not my scene personally.

[joeshi]

Maybe it’s good for her to go out in general

[joeshi]

So she can get out of her comfort zone

[joeshi]

But also she seems young so i think she is still in hs? Maybe

[Asker]

@joeshi i’m 20 in my first year of college going into my second..

[joeshi]

Oh ok i was just wondering why you couldn’t go out with your sister and their friends when they went out , i thought it was because your young also your on anonymous so can’t really tell your age

[Asker]

@joeshi no i just had college work and midterms its ok 😄

[MusicMayhem]

@joeshi if you assume all guys just want one night stands you won't get many guys cause of your bitter attitude and generalisation of men.

Fact is bars and clubs etc provide a much larger number of guys to meet than other avenues so you're more likely to find one you like. Guys will go out to these venues with their friends yet not all of their friends are the typical party dudes. They come out to hang with their mates and meet women cause they know women are doing the same but for guys.

[joeshi]

@musicmayhem i already have a boyfriend i don’t need to be going out first of all and if i had a choice i wouldn’t even bother to because i find that generally any relationship from that is a dead end. Don’t tell me where i can find a decent guy or not based on your preference and what not. As a woman I’ve been sexually harassed and if i feel that the party scene is not for me then i don’t have to. And I’m not going to go to a party where there’s a huge chance there’s dudes trying to get laid , some perverts, just to find that small group of guys that are not “typical party dudes” it’s a waste of time and if i don’t even like to go partying why am i going to find a relationship from there? He’s going to want to go partying and I’m not. I know what i want and i don’t need some thick skull dude like you to tell me where to find men and what not. I can make my own decisions and this is all based on what I’ve been through, don’t take it to heart tho

[joeshi]

@OP focus on school till the semester ends for you and then i think you should figure this situation out /:

[MusicMayhem]

@joeshi well that escalated quickly. Interesting that you felt the need to get so defensive and try prove your worth by stating you have a boyfriend.

Thick skull dude... hmmm I like it! So what else do you like about me :p

[joeshi]

Yes because your saying that I have a “bitter attitude” and that won’t get me anywhere with men. If you want to act like a child go somewhere else, just because i made valid points on my decision shouldn’t get you to act like a little bitch 🤷🏽‍♀️your trying to get on peoples nerves online but you just seem like a bitch that’s really it

[Sonorous]

Of course you have to move on, but this happened a few months ago so it's understandable that you still hold strong resentful feelings towards her. It's messed up what your sister did! She can't help crushing but she can help acting on her feelings. It's kinda messed up to flirt with your sisters crush. That's like an unwritten rule! 😂

But who knows. Maybe they were meant to be more than you and him. Maybe they're more compatible. The fact that he did switch up so fast could possibly mean that his intentions aren't clean. Maybe he just wanted "the sexier more outgoing sister"

She's not very considerate at all. If you haven't told her how you feel (respectfully of course), now is a good time. Just so you're not holding it all in with her. If she doesn't respond in a understanding/supportive way then she's not worth your time. You should find people who will be that for you. Distance yourself from her but let her know that you still love her.

here's a video that helped me a couple years ago when I had an unrequited crush.

https://youtu.be/HKviVOv-XGU

[Pocahontas2000]

Well... I know exactly what happened. I have 2 older cousins. Oldest one were kind and attentive, middle one selfish and exactly like your sister. I was the youngest one. And I have traits of both of my cousins because growing up I was looking up at them.

She is selfish and she knows she is attractive. She likes all men for her. She might not even payed him attention but as she saw he liked you, he felt like "wth? how can he like her not me?". And that's how she got interested in her.

Now that I believe no man is worth of hurting your sister. I would never do it and not a good sister would do it. But she did. She has her power over you.
The cure from it is to become as selfish as you can. Being a shy and quiet girl, darling is amazing <3 But you will always be second after your sister. Men will always choose her over you :/ I promise you, men say they like girls like you, but they will still choose her over you anydays. Because they think they want one thing but in truth they are crazy about selfish girls ;)

And you don't want to come second right? Then play with her games, get out of your shell. You deserve to be loved, pampered and chased by many guys. You deserve that. That guy is not worth of your heartache. That silly idiot wasn't for you obviously. Maybe It was his way of coming close to your sister. But for your sake, never ever let anyone steal your men okay? Be confident and selfish. Men love women like this, I've been both shy and selfish. I know what I am talking about <3

Much love from me <3 you can message me. I have been in a similar situation and at last that guy came to me and confessed his love but I do not get traitors back.

[Pocahontas2000]

Omg sorry for typos, I was writing fast.

[SeaTurtle1]

First off, you need to stop comparing her to you. Love yourself, be confident in you, nothing else. Clearly you're beautiful too. 2nd. I'm sorry you're hurt, but you need to accept it, if he wanted you he'd be with you... no matter how perfect it seemed... its how it went. Your self esteem can not be tied up in if he wants you or not... you feel so low about you, compared to her, that her getting him, you feel stripped you of what esteem he made you feel... and you feel validated in your wrong thinking that she is better than you. If you love yourself, work on your esteem, you'll find that's what you needed all along, not so much him, and you'll be able to heal and let it go.

[NatashaJ]

Girl you need to move away from your sister and have your own friends and your own life. I am quiet in real life too the last years I talk more but I never really hang out with my sisters either lol. I did my own thing I am pretty happy. Just do your own thing and keep your lives separate and you find people who like your personality. It seems your jaded that people ignore you I am telling there are people who prefer quiet and laid back people you just need to be open and willing to befriend them.

[NatashaJ]

I had a ton of people over the last few years who wanted to either date me or befriend me it didn't matter if I was quiet at all I was still able to get people to interest in me. A good one is my longtime friend from high school, she notices me first before we actually talk and when we finally got in a class together and had presentations she went up to me and said she willing to help me out if I need help. Then ask if I want to hang out as friends I said yeah and that was a start of an friendship to this day we are friends and she literally said months the friend from high school left is me lol. So if you quiet maybe I don't know be different but keep your personality. I am very striking to people in appearance so I get a lot of attention regardless maybe with you need to dress better or have a better appearance? to have people come and start relationships with you? it sounds like you don't have a lot going on if you busy getting jealous with your sister.

[NatashaJ]

months ago*

[NatashaJ]

only friend she has left from high school*

[Sadly_it_Grew_Back]

That's a shame but it just goes to show you that all feelings are transient. Why didn't you contact him after the trip? She put herself in front of him and that is what he saw. In terms of getting over it, I appreciate its hard as you are shy and meeting someone may be harder but the best thing is to wish them well and leave them to get on with it. Say yes to any invitations and get out and be seen.

[Secret6620]

This is so sad. 😢 Don't be jealous though. He is just not meant for you.

[Asker]

I know, thank you for understanding.
I will try to just forget what had happened and try to move on with my life even though it’s really hard seeing them this close when she literally had told me before how much he likes me. I’m just really mad thay she thought i would take it as a joke and not have feelings for him.

[aquíestoy]

You should get yourself a life! Treat yourself. Go to the gym. Care more about yourself. Find a hobby and be super positive!!! Maybe it will take you a few years to blossom. You won’t be worse maybe you will be even better than her. Just love yourself.

[Logorithim]

First, stop comparing yourself to her. Second, talk to guys and get a boyfriend.

[Asker]

I dont need a boyfriend! I’m just heartbroken that everyone including my sister had told me how much he likes me and how much he actually acted and looked like he liked me. And the second i started having feelings for him he got closer to her.

[up_64]

So basically you ignored him, he moved on and your salty.

[FakeName123]

[Asker]

I didn’t ignore him at all, i was just shy and i was opening up to him as the days went by in our trip. But it’s those outings that i didn’t go to because of college work that made them get closer. Maybe they are right for each other. I’m just really heartbroken by the fact that he chose her over me that easily and how close they are right now is a torture for me because i want to have a genuine good relationship with my sister’s boyfriend, not to be heartbroken over what could’ve been.

[up_64]

Oh well tough shit you were beat to the finish line.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

There are always guys who prefer you. Stop being insecure. TBH I prefer girls like you. Remember quality over quantity.

[Aiko_E_Lara]

So don't waste your time on guys who prefers girls who are the sexier more outgoing sister. Not all guys go with someone who has a high maintenance and so full of themselves.

[Anonymous]

If he liked you, then he’d be too focused on you for your sister to take the spotlight. He’s desperate and easy.

[up_64]

Or she took too long and he went on to the next best thing. You can't expect him to hang around forever

[Opinion Owner]

@up_64 if he likes you i enough they’ll stick around for a long time

[WhoDatGuy]

I didn't even have a crush on him. Now I'm left with heartache?
Shut up.
It's jealousy pure and simple

[Asker]

Please know that we went a trip for 3 days only and i didn’t have the time to start liking him. The second i went home and took it all in and when everyone was telling me about how much he likes me i started fully realizing that i actually took a liking in him and i started falling hard for about one or two months. But then i was hit with the reality that he was taking serious steps towards her.

[000_000]

Ok no, you slept on the opportunity and it passed. But try not to worry about it. Something else is bound to happen eventually

[Landshrk0068]

Kill your sister

Or just deal with it.

Pick the answer you like best and go with it.

[Gedaria]

Is that possible, even st my age still jealous of older sister...

[clampfan101]

I love cute shy quiet girls. :)
I think cuteness is hot too. ;)

[damo1971]

its only your opinion thats she's sexier im sure you'll find someone who finds you sexy

[Anonymous]

Grow a pair (of tits) and stop filling sorry for yourself! For once!

[No_Archons]

She is essentially your enemy at this point

[Gothicwolffox]

Well I hate my younger sis

[Robertcw]

Oh don’t say that. One day you two will be all you have left. Your parents don’t live forever.

[Gothicwolffox]

Yeah but I'm pretty sure she's gonna be the reason of their passing

[Gothicwolffox]

I would rather be out of the house most of the time, like how I am now, out of state but I'm still worried there'll be nothing she hasn't broken in my room

[Robertcw]

:(. Crazy you’re out of state at 13.

But I guess girls mature faster than boys.

At 13 I was still basically a bigger toddler.

[Robertcw]

I think things could change as you get older. I am the oldest of two brothers and growing up we fought a lot, especially during puberty.

But now we are the only people in life we know we can count on to do anything for any of us.

We are bonded tighter now than ever before and I don’t see that changing any time soon.

[Robertcw]

We joke with each other that we form a 3 man secret agency. xD. If any of us need help the other two will swoop in as backup.

[Gothicwolffox]

She's 3

[Gothicwolffox]

N the 2 kids before her was miscarriage

[Gothicwolffox]

Ever since she came I've been having bad luck

[Gothicwolffox]

N getting lots of premonitions