My sister is saying I’m being judgmental of our cousin and her boyfriend’s age difference. Do you think I am?

[Anonymous]

I’m going to make this short and sweet. Okay so my cousin is 27 and her boyfriend is 35 and that’s an 8 year difference. That’s almost a decade! He’s too old for her and she should find someone that is around her age. I told my sister my opinion but she told me, “Oh come on. It’s not that serious. They’re both adults so there’s nothing wrong with it, so no I don’t agree with you. I think you’re judging them too hard.”
I disagreed and said I’m just being honest and it’s kind of strange to do that, she’s making a huge mistake and he isn’t the right man for her. My sister cut me off and said, “Once again, they’re ADULTS. So what. Stop being so judgmental. I think you’re just jealous because she has a tall boyfriend (he’s about 6’4” and she’s 5’3”) and he treats her right.”
Not true. I’m 5’9”. I’m not jealous! I’m NOT.
I told my dad and he said, “Oh it’s not that bad. As long as those two are in love and treat each other right, who cares about their age? Quit trippin.

Is there anybody who agrees with me?

[Oliverlogan263]

Based on the details you've shared, I do think your reaction comes across as a bit judgmental. Here are my thoughts:

• Your cousin and her boyfriend are both adults capable of making their own decisions about who to date. An 8 year age gap at their life stages is not inherently harmful or inappropriate.

• While a larger age gap may be unusual to you, as long as their relationship is healthy and mutually fulfilling, it's not really your place to criticize it. Adults get to choose their own partners.

• Your focus on their ages, rather than on whether the relationship is positive and caring, indicates a somewhat superficial viewpoint. Age alone should not determine relationship "appropriateness."

• Your comments that she's "making a mistake" and he's "not the right man for her" are judgmental. You don't actually know if that's true - you're making assumptions based solely on their ages.

• Your sister and father's reactions suggest they see the relationship more positively and don't share your fixation on the age gap. They've judged the couple based on how they treat each other, not chronological age.

• Your insistence that you're "not jealous" only further draws focus to your judgment. A more compassionate stance would be to wish your cousin happiness and trust her ability to choose a partner for herself.

In summary, while you're certainly entitled to your opinion, I do think a more open-minded and less critical viewpoint would be less judgmental. The key question is whether the relationship makes your cousin happy and fulfilled - age is a secondary concern at best.

Hope this perspective provides some useful self-reflection! Please let me know if you have any other questions.

[Pyrofox]

I feel like people who try to use age gaps as being too old or too young just come off as genuinely just jealous of people getting a earlier start to love even if its blind. Its like let the couple THEMSELVES figure out if the love works or not. Just remind them to keep it civil if it doesn't work out. Otherwise ya just come off as probably overly protective or just a negative nancy that is making up excuses cause it didn't work for you.

[Pyrofox]

I've always lived with the idea and belief that lifes best lessons are learned FIRST hand!!! Not Second or Third hand. Society is made on fake beliefs of whats right or whats wrong with most of the time subjective made up claims that really only exist. To further a clearly negative bias. Human kind dwells and loves the single phrase "suffer with me.." You can tell often the quality of someone by the way they look and act around others. Do they actively support others or are they just selfish.

[Asker]

Okay but my sister didn’t have to say I’m jealous which I’m not.

[Asker]

Yeah probably. I think it’s pretty weird but my family disagrees and told me it isn’t to bad and if I cared about my cousin I would be talking behind her back. I’m not! I’m just being honest.

[XXblack88]

Sorry but I'm going to have to disagree with you on this one. Lots of people have partners who are 5 - 10 years difference. my sister's guy is 14 years older then her.

[Asker]

How old is she? Even my best friend is calling me a judgmental jerk. Rude

[XXblack88]

she is 32 but she met him when she was 18

[Asker]

Wow seriously

[Asker]

The stupid things is my sister thinks I’m jealous. I’m not

[XXblack88]

yeah. probably cause your making a big deal out of an 8 years age difference when it's very common to have 5-10 years age gap with your partner.

[Asker]

I am not jealous! She thinks it’s because I can’t find a tall man and I’m always hung up on only dating tall men and pissed when average or short women date then. Love is love. I am not jealous of their height differences. I just like tall men because I am 5’9” and I wanna look up to my man so he has to be 6ft and over. I’ve only dated guys my height or shorter than me.

[XXblack88]

Wow! your tall for a woman. sounds like your dating pool is small if they have to be at less 6ft.

[Asker]

Everyone says “wow you’re tall!!” Like they’ve never seen a tall woman. I’m sick of it. If you’re go mock me for being a tall girl, don’t! I hate being tall and I don’t understand why most women and girls wanna be my height. Men don’t like tall women.

[XXblack88]

I have no intention of mocking you. I know there are tall women out there, but I personally don't see mine of them.

[DaBiggestBird]

That’s actually not too bad. At least she isn’t one of those, uh….. people who be dating folks from the Paleozoic era. L + ratio.

[Asker]

But he’s too old for her

[DaBiggestBird]

I dont think he’s too old