Do you think tough love is bad parenting or good parenting?

[depeche2015]

Do you think tough love is bad parenting or good parenting?

Bad

Good

[rjroy3]

Contextual. It's all about the relationship, the individual kid and situation.

I think back in highschool I had an instructor who was a little rough around the edges, gave some tough love and gave you (atleast me) some shit. I responded well to it and he became my favorite instructor whom I was closest with. He's was a guys guy. Busted balls with his friends and so on.

A friend of mine who had the same instructor absolutely fell apart under that same pressure/treatment and almost left school. He hated how the instructor was always giving him shit. He just responded differently to the same treatment, because he's a different person.

I think a lot of times tough love is the answer, but it's generally specific to the person, the specific situation and why that person is acting in a particular way. Sometimes saying "suck it up" is the right answer. But if you're talking to someone you know is strong, you know isn't just pussy footing around and that they have a more genuine concern that isn't fear based. Then telling that person to suck it up in the same situation is the wrong answer.

[SuperTroll]

I would say "good" overall, but depends how we define "tough love". If that means being mean to a child for no good reason, I'd just call that "tough" with no love.

However, let's say we're firm with a spoiled child who cries for attention, but we're not doing it to be mean, we're doing it to help them grow into accountable adults, and studying optimal psychological techniques for such situations. I'd say that's a pretty good thing. Cognitive/behavioral therapy fundamentally rests on disagreeing and reframing people's thoughts when they become very counter-productive; it is based on "tough love" in the sense that a therapist who just agrees with everything their patient says would not help them at all.

In general the worst kids I've seen who misbehave and walk all over their parents had parents that weren't strict enough, and while they're spoiled that child from a place of compassion and love, that's not a true kindness as I see it in the sense that they're not adequately preparing that child for the real world they will have to live in as an adult.

[SuperTroll]

[...] and while [they've] spoiled that child from a place of compassion and love, that's not a true kindness as I see it [...]

[btbc92]

Tough love is good parenting, what the heck? An abusive parent is just abusive. There is no LOVE there. The world is a tough place and you have to understand where your parents are coming from and not be quick to judge. You may come to find out that you are the problem with your problems. You don't discipline, you don't love. Look at all the people who party, drink have premarital sex, cheating on each other, cheating in life, cheating at school, etc. Because nobody taught them better or reprimanded them. It requires balance with parenting. You must know when to use the rod and know when not to use it depending on the child's personality type.

[Anonymous]

Tough love is a phrase that has been used to describe many things, varying from just not giving a child every little thing they ask for, to straight up child abuse. I have chosen not to use the word in my life because I don’t know what people will think I’m saying. What exactly do you mean by the phrase?

[morimeme1]

I was raised on tough love, while I believe it was beneficial to grades and development career wise, it did make me a rather frank and unemotional person. I do not properly express my emotions but pile them up inside me, I never recieve a proper amount of emotional comfort so it did result in several mental issues that I struggle to overcome. So I would say that there have to be limits and balance between genuine affection an support and tough love when absolutely necessary.

[NearlyNapping]

It has it's place, but it shouldn't be the normal way of doing things. Tough love has a specific purpose and most people shouldn't need it. It's just a way of breaking through defenses when the person's defense are so strong that they wall out everything else. Sometimes it can be the exact opposite of what's needed. It's a case by case thing.

[Hidden_P]

I voted bad but it really depends on how extreme and the situation. My mum abused me because I wasn’t Male; don’t think I deserved a life of abuse and her constantly calling me fat and worthless. However my troublesome brother went to college army and was better off.

Swings and roundabouts.

[Soft4u]

If good and bad being the only choices it has to be good, the only way it can be bad is when parents have no idea what they're doing and call everything mean they do tough love.
Some parents can go from one extreme to the other, uncertainty in what they're doing can cause more harm than good.

[Browneye57]

Good. We have a whole crop of special snowflakes that simply cannot compete in the real world today, cannot stand any adversity, and whine a lot. The product of over-protective helicopter parents that believe in 'participation' trophies, awards, and recognition. They really never do much of anything but play video games and text on their phones.

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

I think tough love is good parenting. My Mother didn't spare
the rod , see if you spare the rod you spoil the child my parents
never spoiled me. I grew up with hardly anything i had to fight
for everything i am still fighting even the utility companies and
my mom left me no money cause she was poor.

[MoodyMommiesBoy]

I kind of think It's 50-50, having a strong boundary for certain things is generally good, but if you're too strict with your kid, you have a good chance of them turning out to be the opposite of what you were encouraging.

Have a few important rules that you are very strict on, but let them make their own decisions and mistakes with everything else.

[ThisAndThat]

I'm sure it's suppose to be good parenting, however I have admit I would have a very hard time administering tough love because once I see something like this, that's it it's over I am had big time.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bAVFFg9tDtc

[I_smell_Ducky]

Depends on the kid. A good parents knows their kids well enough and is flexible enough to find the most effective way to help them grow into a successful person.

[boggboss]

Depends on the factors around it what I see was the best way to raise me may have been abusive to others and visa versa although if I didn't receive it I know I would have ended up in the streets or in prison so I'm greatful my mum raided me that way

[dragonfruitA]

It's not love if the child doesn't FEEL like it is. It doesn't matter if it's for the good of child or if it's "tough love". It doesn't count if the child doesn't feel loved.

[DizzyDesii]

Parents need to remember that theyre parents first and stop trying to be friends. I dont really agree with physical punishment but i definitely think parents have the right to lecture

[DizzyDesii]

And i prob will be a helicopter parent until they turn 12 😂🙈

[Everydayshumpday]

If they are parenting because they love their child. Some parents are just mean and call it “tough love”. If they are beating you down with words then it may not be love at all. If they are trying to help you grow and even while practicing tough love offer much encouragement then it’s a good thing.

[Anonymous]

When both parents are soft the child is usually a spoilt little shit, who has everything they want, doesn't know the value of things because they've never had to struggle, has no appreciation for anything, less discipline, higher chance of mental illness, obesity and all the diseases associated with that, so yeah tough love is important

[jrome1]

All I know is, the jerks I meet every now and than is a by product of bad parenting. You have to be able to identify bad behaviour in children and Adress it. Or else it will follow them in adult hood. Failing to discipline (show tough love) your child is where most parents drop the ball. Showing affection and reward have their place. Balance is the key

[dtweed96]

Well it depends really love has it's positive and negative precaution like it can be completely good 1 minute, then it could go bad the next. Either way if you are willing to accept this then you have nothing to worry about.

[ecfresh]

It’s absolutely needed and encouraged at times. Kids crave discipline and a lack there of only sets them up for failure down the road.

[GraveDoll]

Not up for me to judge. You got some hard-headed kids and some good kids that get the first time.

Parents know their kids.

[lostMahou]

"It's not your fault that you failed, it's our fault for expecting anything of you"
You do need some toughness in parenting, else they'll look to you to calm them down if anything bad happens, even if they could've solved it themselves.

[Ámayas_20]

There has to be a mixture, your kid has to know they're loved and cared for but also that they won't be coddled by the world.