Boyfriend took another girl as a "date" and I can't let it go?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I were on a 'break' for a while, but still exclusive...as far as I know.

We still acted as though we were a couple, just without the title.

Well, he ended up taking a girl with him to his Military Ball. A few days before the ball, he told me he wasn't taking anyone, and left me to believe he was going solo.

After about 8pm, he stopped replying to my texts. The next day, I found out via facebook that he took a girl with him to the ball. When I confronted him, he didn't deny it, but I could just tell that he was hoping I would not find out, ya know?

Well, I can't get over this.

He's been in the Military for 5 years now. In those 5 years I was the first and only girl he took with him to a ball because he said "no one else was worth taking" basically. Yet, he ended up taking her this past year...

So, I feel really hurt & betrayed. I felt special that I was the only one he had taken, it meant a lot to me. He knew that.

But he still took her claiming "he didn't want to be the only one dateless"...

It may seem like I'm over reacting, but this girl pops up every now and then, and him and I are in an LDR. I'm really not sure what they have done/if they have done anything. He continues to claim she is only a friend and is friends with all his friends.

I really don't know if I should be concerned. He accidentally called me her name during Christmas when he was visiting and completely wasted, and I saw an email from her on his phone that said something along the lines of "hey, I miss you, come to my birthday shindig..."

But, since then he has made us "official" again, got me a nice, meaningful Christmas gift, and has casually began mentioning me moving down there. But it's all talk as of now.

I don't know how to tell if his heart is honestly into our relationship, or if there is something going on with this other girl or just with him in general.

How do I tell? I don't know what to think and it's beginning to destroy my emotional stability because I always assume the worst and convince myself it's true with the littlest bits of evidence.

What do I do?

[Anonymous]

That totally sucks that he took another girl, knowing that you guys are only on a brief date. If you are really concerned about his relationship with this other girl, why don't you just ask him straight up to reassure you? Just be like, hey hun I love you and all and I want to make sure you promise to never cheat on me. Some thing like that. and you can reassure him that you would never cheat on him either just to keep it equal. If he is defensive and doesn't deny that he and her have something, then you should go with your gut instincts that he might have a more than friendship relationship with that other girl.

Or if you are really concerned and you are close friends with his other military friends, you can ask one of them. Like for me, I"m also married to a soldier and dated him for a while but all his friends tell me that he only talks about me and he is obsessed and really really likes me. If his friends tell you the same thing that my guy's friends tell me, then I think you should have not much to worry about. If I ever suspect my guy cheating, the first thing I would do is email/facebook message one of his friends or his commander (but then I'm married) so as to find out the truth from them if he is or isn't cheating. But I would ONLY do this if he would not open to me honestly about him possibly being with another girl.

Anyways, long distance is kind of hard if there is no trust. And I get it, I had a long distance with my guy too. He was in fort bragg and I was in charlotte (3.5 hr drive). The best thing to do is write a lot of love letters, skype a lot and send stuff in the mail. That's how it was with me. Especially when he was sent overseas. You have to have that communication going.

Now the other thing is, why were you on a break? What kinds of issues do you have? Have you guys resolved it? Is he happy with your relationship and how it is going? Because my husband and I had issues too and I wanted a break all the time, but he refused to give me one. so we never went on a break, but some times on certain agreements by both parties, breaks means that it is OK for you to see other people. Why do you think he went on a break with you? Is it so that he can try out a relationship with that other girl? Think about it.

Well, that's all the advice I can give you. Good luck

[izwoot]

Hi, what you're going through is not easy especially you were together for a couple of years and all those years you have given your trust and had faith with your relationship and all of a sudden you get this jack from him and now things get shaky and you start to doubt some things more, also because you guys were in an LDR.

Don't do anything drastic as of now. I suggest, you sit down and talk with your man. Pour your heart and tell him everything you feel and think. Sometimes when you feel unstable with your partner, it helps if you guys talk it over and don't do anything or take another step with your relationship. After you guys have talked, think about the pros and cons of your relationship with this person if you decide give it another shot. Always remember, sometimes in an LDR, it's not just about love that makes you strong and stronger, it's also about trust and faith and the connection you guys share. It's not about one person that works it out, it takes two and if one partner doesn't help working, it's better to take someone else who's more willing.

[toosexualcat]

LDR's are tough things! Especially in the military when you know he's with people who share something so deep in common. She's a military chick, you aren't. Right?

The thing is, you guys were on a 'break' which means you WEREN'T exclusive... not sure why you thought so...

You can be mad that he took that girl if you want but it has no basis. You weren't dating. Isn't that what a 'break' is? IMO and experience, a break means I want to date someone else but if it doesn't work out I'll come back to you. It's a cop out, really. Why people accept it, is beyond me.

If I were you, I'd date someone closer to you or someone who isn't in the military and 'gone' for long periods of time. Usually gut instincts are right. Don't doubt yourself.

[PHILR]

most people should tell you honest communication is essential in any relationship , let him know how you feel about him ?(if you love him tell him that mostly 1st thing to tell him also)

let him know also that in previous times you felt special because he would always up until this last time and he hurt you when he said he was going stag then had to find out by Facebook otherwise. . you feel as though he's trying to say he doesn't want to be with you as much or any at all now. yes I'd feel alittle insecure to by his actions if I were you.

its seems as though at preent time his loyalties are or may be divided. you as a person have the right to know were you stand with him. I guess 5 years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone and poossibly see it go up in smoke.

by what you hgave I can make a possible judgment that his feelings for you have changed wiether for good or bad I can't tell you. but they have changed. and because of that you need to know and know now. let hom know that in the last 5 years you've thought that he cared about you so if his feelings has changed you don't want to be in a relationship that is going to keep you an emotional wreck from here on out. (he needs to believe your willing to risk those 5 years and walk if he doesn't come up with some common sense answers and means what he says . you're being honest about how you feel you want him to dio the same. if he does then plan accordingly

[Quadrophonic84]

Sounds like he's pretty close with this girl but he's entitled to have friends. Girls are going to be pretty jealous anyway so you should consider how much is just your natural tendency to be jealous of any other women near your man and how much is justified.

As for this "break" crap - it's gotta be one of the dumbest thing couples do. A girlfriend once asked for a break and I told her to grow up and ended it. As far as I'm concerned it's binary - you're either together or you're not. If you weren't, he could do whatever the hell he wanted to.