My boyfriend slept with another girl, do I break it off?

Question

Me and my boyfriend are in a long-distance relationship. We got together in Turkey, I was with him for two days, so it really wasn't serious. I went back again for a week, so we got a little more serious. Then I had to go to New York for 3 months, I really didn't know how it was gonna work for us, but I really liked him and he wanted us to keep up a serious relationship. I wasn't so sure, so I said I wanted to leave things open, I'm young, I'm still 19 (at the time 18), he's 26. I felt I still wanted to be free and experience more before commiting especially to a long distance relationship, but then we were talking everyday and I started to really feel for him. Eventually we agreed to make it a proper relationship. Now 9 months on, we're both crazy in love, we even talk about marrying, I've been to see him again for 2 weeks and I'm going back again soon. I really trust him, but today, he told me that while I was in New York, he slept with another girl... This was after we'd decided to make it closed. He said he had to be completely honest with me because he couldn't lie to me anymore. Thing is, when I was really drunk one night in NY, a guy who'd been trying it on with me for a few weeks kissed me. He wanted to go further but I stopped him. I felt TERRIBLE about it. And I really mean that, I was on the phone to my mum crying for hours the next day.- Doesn't justify what I did, I know, but it was nothing compared to what I now know he did.

I know that once a cheater, always a cheater thing, but I'm trying to figure out how serious it was what he did. Thinking about it, even under the circumstances, makes me so incredibly angry. believe me if our circumstances had been different it would be over without question. Though I feel like I can really trust this guy, even despite knowing what happened I feel like it wasn't all that bad, considering it was when I was in New York and we weren't that serious... It's all really complicated but I feel so confused. I tried to break up with him today and he said he would never leave me, and that he would die without me. Then he started crying and it killed me, I just thought, am I a complete bitch for doing this when I really don't even want to? I don't think it will happen again, as we are more serious, but I know that if we did get really serious, I will always remember he slept with someone else and it's gonna hurt every time I think about it for at least a few years... I know this was a lot of crap about a couple you don't even know, but please give me your opinion. I feel so confused and I can't believe I'm resorting to this but I need help from someone!

Answer 1

Light_Yagami

Xper 6

lol what do you mean trying to figure our how serious what he did?

I'll elaborate what you mean, your hoping that someone will conjure up a magically answer to justify or lessen the extent of what he did too you. So you can use that answer to cover over the stark reality of the situation and carry on obliviously walking down the yellow brick road to the happy ending your hoping for.

It personally just sounds like your living in abit of a dream world and your trying desperately to keep the bubble containing that dream world from popping.

Your young and with that your nativity is pulling you into a situation where you will end up heart broken. If that's today or another couple of months down the line that's upto you but I don't see much of a future in what you have.

sorry

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Asker

+1 y
not really... I'm not stupid, I'm genuinely trying to think if it was that bad given the circumstances. cheating is NEVER acceptable, but I'm trying to figure out to what extent that was cheating. yes we were together, but considering it was only physically together for a week and two days, and the rest of the time we were talking over Facebook, and then a week before this happened we started talking on the phone, it somehow didn't feel like a normal relationship. he also got at me for
Asker

+1 y
neglecting him when I first got there, as I was so short on time we were only talking maybe 3 times a week over Facebook... I mean I would never have slept with someone even under those circumstances. kissing someone made me hate myself... I don't know I can't rightly justify what he did but I still felt given the situation that it wasn't like normal cheating and I should give him a second chance..
Light_Yagami

+1 y
I'm not call you stupid, I wouldn't call anyone in love stupid for the choices and decision they make. Love throws out all rationality and common sense, infact love probably can't exist in most circumstances if you don't throw them out. However you trying to claw at so called exceptional circumstances to reassure yourself that this won't happen again if you give him another chance. Your in a long distance relationship so everything you just said shouldn't have been a surprise and it shouldn't
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Light_Yagami

+1 y
have been a catalyst for him to go out and sleep with another girl. I mean start as you mean to go on, if you cheating at the start of a relationship its hardly a good sign is it.

Answer 2

Asker

not really... I'm not stupid, I'm genuinely trying to think if it was that bad given the circumstances. cheating is NEVER acceptable, but I'm trying to figure out to what extent that was cheating. yes we were together, but considering it was only physically together for a week and two days, and the rest of the time we were talking over Facebook, and then a week before this happened we started talking on the phone, it somehow didn't feel like a normal relationship. he also got at me for

Answer 3

Asker

neglecting him when I first got there, as I was so short on time we were only talking maybe 3 times a week over Facebook... I mean I would never have slept with someone even under those circumstances. kissing someone made me hate myself... I don't know I can't rightly justify what he did but I still felt given the situation that it wasn't like normal cheating and I should give him a second chance..

Answer 4

Light_Yagami

I'm not call you stupid, I wouldn't call anyone in love stupid for the choices and decision they make. Love throws out all rationality and common sense, infact love probably can't exist in most circumstances if you don't throw them out. However you trying to claw at so called exceptional circumstances to reassure yourself that this won't happen again if you give him another chance. Your in a long distance relationship so everything you just said shouldn't have been a surprise and it shouldn't

Answer 5

Light_Yagami

have been a catalyst for him to go out and sleep with another girl. I mean start as you mean to go on, if you cheating at the start of a relationship its hardly a good sign is it.

Answer 6

Brando

Xper 3

I think the kissing another guy was wrong on your part, but not anything like sleeping with someone else. I think it really depends on how you think you can go from here. If he slept with a girl because he's that kind of guy, then my advice is that he's probably not the best of partners. But if it happened after you decided to get serious, then that's sort of a spit in the face.

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1 Person

Answer 7

Anonymous

If you really feel you are vested in this relationship, and that you CAN eventually forgive him (not forget) --- stay. 'Gonna take a whole lot of trust, though. Been there, done that; it's possible, but you are VERY young ( which usually means impatient).

If you DON'T feel you can ever forgive him (which means get back to trusting him) --- get out of it, give yourself some time to yourself (without diving into another relationship right away) and eventually start fresh with someone else.

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1 Person

Answer 8

Anonymous

Drop him like hot coal. If he thinks he can get away with it once he'll do it again.

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1 Person

Answer 9

Shaun

Xper 3

He was wrong for using the fact that you kissed another man as an excuse to sleep with another woman.

He should have used it as an excuse to break up with you.

BTW I'd never consider staying with a cheater and I wouldn't obsess about my decision to quit the relationship.

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1 Person

knowmeyourself

+1 y
This. +1
Asker

+1 y
he didn't know I kissed someone, so he couldn't have used it as an excuse to break up with me

Answer 10

knowmeyourself

This. +1

Answer 11

Asker

he didn't know I kissed someone, so he couldn't have used it as an excuse to break up with me

Answer 12

Anonymous

You deserve someone who wouldn't even THINK of cheating on you. Take some time away from him. Give it a week or so, and see how you feel then.

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1 Person

My boyfriend slept with another girl, do I break it off?

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