If your FWB got pregnant?

[Anonymous]

Say you and your best friend have a little extra to your friendship. You're not sleepin with or seein anyone else and neither is she.

Oops.

You find out she's (oh no) pregnant.

Now you both are adults. (He's 26) but you aren't quite in the best position to have a family yet.

What do you do?

Do you leave? Do you stay friends and help with the kid? Do you try to tell her to abort the baby or put it up for adoption?

GIRLS: How would you tell him? What would you do?

What if you were thinking about moving (due to financial strain) back across the country to your parents (just to get on your feet)? Would you go anyway or would you stay and struggle?

How upset would you be? Would you end the friendship with her? (she was on birth control, but messed up on her days)

Any and all answers appreciated. Thanks!

Exit Stage Left: I don't want no baby mama drama!

Try and make things work. You love her anyway, now there's just more to it

Still move back home. If only just for a bit to get back on my feet. I'd send her money though

It would destroy our friendship. I'd try to help support the baby, but I could never trust her again

I'm an adult. I'd man up to my responsibilities

Updates

+1 y

Thanks JLD! I didn't even think that I should update everyone. Well, I decided to hold off telling him until after the doctors had confirmed it (all I had were the home pregnancy results) and sadly I found out that I'd had something called

Updates

+1 y

a "Chemical Pregnancy" where you miscarriage really early on. I was very upset for a while, but I'm doing a lot better now. Thanks to everyone for your answers and your help. God bless! Oh and he and I did end up having a convo like "what if" and he

Updates

+1 y

said it's something that you deal with and take care of, that he'd make it work somehow. So it's good to know that I'm not wasting my time with a loser, but I'm gonna be more diligent with my birth control until I'm ready to have a baby :-)

Updates

+1 y

I still get votes on this every now and again and I just wanna applaud all the guys that voted. The majority of them (29) would make the effort to make it work and take care of things. That's awesome! Good for the guys out there :-D

[Kickrockslosers]

Both of you made an adult decision to have sex. It was your choice to mutually have sex and possibly bring a child into this world. Having a child is a blessing as well as the greatest responsibility in the world.

Be a man about it. I don't respect men who do not spend time willingly with their children and financially support the family they have created. When you get a woman pregnant, whether you love her, like her, don't know her well or hate her you are responsible for what you have done to her life also as she is responsible for your life. Both of you are responsible for your child.

How are you demonstrating responsibility if you leave her by herself? How are you being responsible if you send some money? Raising a child is a great responsibility. If she is the only one there, she is giving 200% and you are giving 0% when it comes to raising the child. The fact that you posted your question shows that you are confused about your responsibilities as a man.

So I will make it clear, if you leave a woman to deal with this decision by herself you reap what you sow. If you leave your child to go back home with your mamma, you're a loser. If you don't do anything and shirk you're responsibilities, you are the loser guy that everyone talks about and you will suffer in all other areas of your life because it will bother you until you get it straight.

You have choices and you should take responsibility for your decision but you need to discuss this together and make a decision together.

Abortion: explore your beliefs about a woman's right and your beliefs about God.

Parenthood: Are you a responsible man or will you leave when the going gets tough? If you are leaving because times are hard financially for you, do you care that it's going to be double hard for her and your child?

Be a man and remember; 'Just because you have a penis and can create a child does not mean that you are a man, it just shows your capacity to bring life into the world'

Friends don't get friends pregnant, then abandon them. Friends also discuss things of importance and respect each other.

[kazine]

You realise it's a woman posting?

[Asker]

Wow. You go girl. But I'm a woman. I was just curious to know what guys would do so I'd have a better idea of how he might react when I tell him. I'd definitely give this to him to read if he decided to be a jerk (which isn't like him). Haha.

I love the part where you said "Having a child is a blessing" because I fully stand behind that. Thanks so much for your answer.

[Kickrockslosers]

Thanks Kazine, I just want her to have some things to say back to the guy about this. So, Yes it's a girl posting, some of my editing didn't go through. They both have choices to make that will follow them through life. I often find that women don't assert themselves and tell the man about being a man because they feel uncomfortable or unsure. But a baby is important, so they should be clear. They are both responsible for 3 lives, mother, father, baby.

[x0x-JLD-x0x]

For some reason its not letting me comment back to you so I thought I'd just write here again.I understand how hard it must be for you right now.as I said earlier I have the type of relation ship with my FWB that I can tell him everything.im not sure how he would react but I'm pretty sure he would help me out.I don't think he would get down on one knee and propose just for the sake of the baby.but I'm pretty sure he would always be apart of the baby's life.I understand how hard it must be espiacilly when you say you love him with all your heart and his not interested in anything more.this is the same situation I'm in with my FWB.and I'm sure like me you find ur self questioning his motives and asking your self why he doesn't want anything more.I wish I could give you all the answers but unfortunatly I can't.just because I say my FWB would help me out.im sure you understand that there's still a possibility that ur FWB may not act the same to mine.I don't know your FWB so I can't speak for him or tell you how he might react.I can tell you though that last year my older sister fell pregnant to her FWB and when she found out he had moved on and found him self a gf.he said he didn't want any part of the baby's life.my sister decided to keep the baby.it was hard for her at first knowing that she was going to be a single parent but she had the support of her family and friends and that's all that mattered to her.sadly my sister fell down the stairs new years eve last year just before 12 and it led to a still birth.I so hope that you have better luck and he decides to stick by your side.and if he doesn't you always have your family and friends to lean on for support.

[Asker]

Wow. I didn't realize until just now how young you are! But what you say makes a lot of sense. Thanks so much for your responses. I hope that everything works out too. You're really knowledgeable in such things for someone so young. Just take care so that you don't fall into the same position. I'm so sorry to hear about your sister. I guess everything happens for a reason (although I know that doesn't justify the heartache). Thanks again.

[x0x-JLD-x0x]

Wow this is a hard one, but yet it can happen so often, I also have a FWB but luckily have never fallen pregnant, I have thought about how I would tell him.I know that I would just tell him I need to talk 2 him asap.and then just come right out and say it.but that's the type of relationship we have.I can tell him anything.at the ends of the day its your choice whether you keep the baby or not. And it all depends if you believe in abortions or if you could adopt out the baby.he shouldn't end the friendship, and shouldn't be angry with you the you messed up your days, it could have happeneds to anyone, just like you can't prevent condoms from braking.if he ends his friendship with you if you decide to keep the baby his not worth even persuing fore child support, it won't happen.he can't blame it on you.it takes two to tango.he helped, he also has to deal with the concequences.if he runs away and doesn't support you his a coward.sorry if I didn't help much.

[Asker]

What would your FWB do? I mean, it's different for guys who are in a relationship. But you understand my situation more, you know? Cus we're not really in a relationship. We're just friends. With a little extra. So do you think that would make a difference for him?

[jacquesvol]

-She's a FWB. Thus she would necessarily be a very good friend or neither of us would have gone into the FWB scheme. Our opinions on many things would be the same.

If she was my FWB we would have discussed that before and the "benefits" could very well depend on the outcome of that discussion. (her position in regard to abortion thus)

e.g: limited to oral.

I might thus

1.

Not get into that situation

2.

Reconsider the friendship and love her and consider an union.

3.

Suggest that the real 'impregnator' take his responsibilities.

4.

Expect the abortion she had agreed with before.

[Asker]

And if she doesn't believe in abortion?

[jacquesvol]

We would have discussed that before and the "benefits" could very well depend on the outcome of that discussion. (her position in regard to abortion thus)

e.g: limited to oral or only with condoms.

[pwl0lwp]

grr - stupid pill. implanon for the win! (5-yr subdermal birth control, nothing for user to forget, lowest rate of failure)

if they decide to share the consequences, then consider that sharing responsibility for abortion and responsibility for all the child's ongoing needs go hand in hand. the girl shouldn't expect the guy to become hubby and breadwinner and sole provider - those days are over, aren't they?

if love isn't there - really there - then sticking together is as likely as not a recipe for unhappiness, recrimination & anger later on.

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

You can't get anything like that unless you have had kids first. Believe me when I was on BC we looked into it so we wouldn't get pregnant before my husband deployed. They will NOT do any kind of BC implantation unless you've had children first, there are NO exceptions. We tried.

[pwl0lwp]

Are you confusing this with an IUD? this is just a little piece of plastic inserted below the skin in the upper arm. it's (relatively) easy to remove without special procedure and easily hence reversable (although you have to be careful not to get pregnant for a while after removal). it's available in australia as a fairly standard approach - no demand to have had children.

[kazine]

She's right. I know a girl who has it and hasn't had a kid.

[Asker]

I would never expect anything from him. It's my mistake, I can deal with it myself. It'd be nice to have his support tho. He is my best friend. I don't need a hubby or a breadwinner. I can be my own sole provider. I'd figure it out. So you don't think we'd be able to stay friends at all?

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

Hmm I must be confusing it with that then. My mistake.

[pwl0lwp]

What I meant was that I think many marriages in the past that have come about because of an unexpected pregnancy end up making all parties unhappy in the end, due to recriminations & regrets. keep that in mind when you tell him, because unless you want the hubby for all the reasons that *don't* include having a child, and unless he wants you for similar reasons, then it's probably not a good idea to marry.

[ThisChick]

OH gee. Being a woman myself, I would appreciate communication with the guy. Sit down and really communicate how both of you are feeling: fear, anxiety, happy, etc.whatever it may be. Don't be too quick to say I wouldn't mind it if you wanted an abortion. Let her talk first about her feelings and say that you will support her in any decision. At that stage (I know from experience) the woman is probably really sensitive and emotional. Anything you say could be an attack to her so just be cautious.

After you guys communicate how you feel, then talk about the financial strain about how you don't have any financial means and would need to move back with your parents for awhile to get back on your feet. But, if she would feel more comfortable with you staying until she makes a decision then you should respect it.

The reason why I'm pushing for you to to be the support is because she is a Woman. She has to bear that child and whether or not she messed up on her days with Birth Control, she isn't the only one responsible. It's not just her responsibility to make sure she is cautious about sex between her and someone else. It is hers and his.

Anyway, there are my 16 cents. lol. Good luck.

[Asker]

No, I'm the woman! Haha. A couple people have mistaken this post to have been made by a guy. :-)

I agree with you though. He should be around (if only just as a friend) to help me along. I would hope he could man up to his responsibilities, but I do feel like I'm completely to blame for this whole mess. I should have told him I messed up my days and it wasn't safe. I should have done something. But shoulda, woulda, coulda, right? I just hope I don't lose him.

[darlanoy0510]

I would tell him the truth that you didn't plan it and never meant to happen. I would keep the baby and lean on my parents for emotional support. Also you have so many agencies out there that will help out the single mother and financially support them too. You never know this baby will bring you lot of joy and also help you grow up to a great adult too. As for the the guy if he doesn't want to take the responsible for this baby then let him go because he is not worth it. I mean he should used a protection too not just relied on the fact that you're on birth control. In the way is his fault too and if he doesn't owes it up to it then he is not man at all. Good Luck!

[Asker]

I just feel like I'm totally 100% to blame. He trusted me to be on top of it and due to my own mistakes (I mean, I should have told him and waited until it was for sure safe) it ended up not so good. How could he ever trust me again? I wouldn't blame him for being upset and not wanting anything to do with me. Withholding the truth is just as bad as lying, isn't it? Of course I would love my baby and be grateful, but I don't know how I could go through it without my best friend.

[katiesmuff]

I didn't do the poll because I am female and saw nothing appropriate.

You have a real dilemma here! First thing both parties have to understand it that once the penis enters the vagina, both parties have just agreed to be responsible for any and all results of this.

If the two of you love or at least think you love each other I would think you guys would work things out between you.

If this was just convenient sex it gets a bit more complicated. The daddy is financially responsible and will have to do his part either on his own or through the courts. Hopefully the first option.

Sounds as though you are both struggling financially, but maybe your parents are the type which would let the both of you move back to your home and help the both of you get a fair start for your new and hopefully exciting lives together.

People can run there mouth's all they want, but a child needs two parents, ONE MALE THE OTHER FEMALE to get a fair chance in this cruel world we live in today!

[Asker]

I think a child deserves both parents, but I think one could do it on their own. Especially if they had a big family and support system (which I do.) I'd hate to think that I'd be setting my own child up for failure just because I'm not with its father. Thank you for your answer though. I agree that it's a shared responsibility, but at the same time I feel like it was all my fault.

[katiesmuff]

You sure do sound like a very responsable person.

FIRST AND FOREVER REMEMBER THIS: IT IS NO MORE YOUR FAULT THAN IT IS THE FATHERS.

I do disagree with you on the single parent thing. Over and over again we see on TV, read in the papers of the gangs, drugs, etc and when you get into it all its kids without one or both parents around. Girls at 13, 14 wanting to get pregnant etc, and you find out they have no family life for the most part. Wish you would email me so we could chat much more.

[x0x-JLD-x0x]

Hey, sorry to hear the bad news, but I guess just like you said, these things happen for a reason.it just wasn't ment to be.and at least now you know how he would react.and I'm glad he said he'd make it work somehow.huh guys are funny.I had the same convo with my friends with benefits he said he'd punch me in the stomach-_- but he was joking.I hope.but I don't have to worry about that anymore anyway because he ended things between us the otherday='(.since we were only friends with benefits his decided he like some other girl his age.have you got msn? Id like to talk 2 you more=)

Well good luck

Merry christmas

Xx

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

First of all, I am 100% Pro-life so of course I'd tell her to put it up for adoption. I'd stay her friend and help her through the pregnancy and help her to find a good home for the baby if she does not want to keep it. If you have to move, then you have to move. Why would you end a friendship over one little mistake that has nothing to do with you?

[Asker]

I'm totally against abortion too. But I don't think I could ever give my baby up. Could you? I mean you carry it for nine months, develop a bond. How can anyone give that away? If I absolutely couldn't give the baby a good life then of course I'd consider adoption, but I think I could do it. I just don't know how to tell him. Thank you for your answer

[A-Soldiers-Wife07]

I know I couldn't give my baby up, but on the other side I'm married so why would I? But if I wasn't married and knew I wouldn't be able to give the child a stable life then I would force myself to. I'm not saying you wouldn't be able to give the baby a good life, I don't know your financial state so I can't say. But me personally, that's what I would do. I think every baby deserves a chance at life.

[blondie45]

The woos of relationships that are tagged FWB! Now.there are other things to consider. We live in a world where abortion is okay, if it isn't the right time in your life? NOT! I think its time to take responsibility for one's own actions. If you can do the deed, no matter what the age, you have to be prepared for the consequences. In this case, its a child, a human being!

The responsibility is much but the rewards are even greater.

[Asker]

I agree. I could never get an abortion. I'm prepared to deal with the consequences and I'd love my child to death. I just don't know how to tell him and I'm terrified of losing my best friend.

[Anonymous]

Hell no you don't leave you! You do what you think will be right for the baby if you can bring it up in a great home then there is no need for adoption but if you think that someone else can do it better then I would go with adoption. I would just be straight up and tell him if I'm best friends with him then he should be there for me no matter what. Why would you even want to end your friendship you need to be a man and take responsibility she didn't make this baby on her on you know she had help so don't leave everything up to her!

[Asker]

I think you know I'm a girl, but a lot of people have answered as if I was a guy. So I just wanted to let you know I am a woman. Thanks so much for your response.

I just have a really tough time blaming him at all. It was my mistake, you know? I just am afraid for the worst. He's a really great guy and he'd never do anything to hurt me. I'm just having doubts because this sort of situation makes people react differently.

[Littletad]

You should tell him, don't lie to him if he's the father, or keep it from him. Keeping the baby is your choice. I'm against abortion, but it's your choice. The one thing you should do, is accept your consequences. Not run from them.

[Asker]

I agree wholeheartedly. :-)

[emzy-89]

anyman who deserves to be called a man would front up to what they did and take responsibility. my friend was 19 and engaged then got pregnant then the guy just took off because he didn't want a baby. if you cared at all about the girl then you wouldn't leave her in that situation, there's nothing worse.

[blue-kev]

I would be upset but I think I would help raise the baby. Maybe we could take the baby to a baseball game when it got older. Maybe a carnival. So I would make sure it had a great childhood

[Asker]

But if she were your best friend...would you be able to forgive her and stay friends with her?

[Standingpretty]

I'm sorry for your loss, but I'm happy that you were able to get through this and the guy your with is a nice and honest dude. Power to you!

[Asker]

Thank you very much for your sympathies and well wishes

[EnglishGentleman]

its only ethical and you are legally bound in several cases!

[Asker]

Well I don't care about the ethics and the legalities. If he doesn't want to be there then I'm not gonna make him.

Would you stay around just because you were ethically and legally bound to?

[jacquesvol]

"If he doesn't want to be there then I'm not gonna make him. "

But reread the answers you put in your poll: they are leading.

[x0x-JLD-x0x]

Hey sorry forgot to add.if you haves msn.dnt msg me because for some reason I can't get in to my msg.can you email me on [e-mail]

Xx

[x0x-JLD-x0x]

Hey.just wondering how it all went.once again its not letting me comment back=s.did you end up telling him.well hope it all worked out for u.and thanks for making me best answer=)

[mikewnaz]

you start a family and deal with it

[Asker]

Would you feel obligated to be with her? I love him with all my heart. I always have. But he's never been interested in anything more. We're just best friends. I'd hate it if he wanted to be with me just because I was having his baby. That's not a reason to be with someone. Thanks for your answer.

[mikewnaz]

Sometimes life throws you a curve ball. he might be interested but not want to grow up. all you can do is ask him

[Anonymous]

i'd go with plan f,

And have her put the baby up for adoption.

Maybe this is a wake up call to the disadvantages of friends with benefits

WAKE THE FUCK UP

[Asker]

Wow. Um...thanks I guess. There's nothing wrong with a friends with benefits as long as you're both mature enough to handle the consequences. And a guy can't make the girl do anything such as put the baby up for adoption or abort it. He can have his opinion and voice it and walk away if she decides otherwise. For father's a baby is just a maybe.