I saw this archived subreddit post where it was basically a bunch of girls talking about how once they hit puberty it kinda felt like their parents just disowned them. I’m wondering if this is normal or not normal.
Looking back I feel a bit betrayed. I always never thought of it like that until I saw the thread but now it feels very messed up to me that I had a mom that could’ve been helping me in a serious period of my life but instead ridiculed me and made fun of me for changes i was going threw that I couldn’t control?
She even says stuff that really hurt my feelings like saying I’ve always been difficult and she could never make me happy when I try to explain to her my feelings.
Is this now a universal experience for girls to have to go threw? It really reminds me of the movie Carrie (1976)
Is it normal for moms to start hating their daughters when they hit puberty?
My mom is exactly the same. Honestly, I feel like she hates me. I felt like my mom and I had a better relationship before. All the hell broke loose when I turned 15. She started saying some pretty hurtful things, my parents started fighting more and more, she wanted me to take her side, when I just wanted to stay neutral. She told me that I looked like a monkey, and that I was not pretty. She called me a slut, whore and a bitch and I haven't even had my first kiss yet. She justifies her name-calling by telling me that whenever I make a small mistake, or any mistake at all, she would retort with name calling so that I'd learn to be more obedient.
I'm not a dog! She expects me to listen to her all the fucking time. She NEVER takes my opinions into consideration. I don't party, don't have guy friends, don't sneak out, am not on social media (except GaG), and I've never had a boyfriend. I've never even hugged a guy in my entire life. Yet, she says mean things about me. She bitches about me to everyone, her friends, relatives.. you name it. She has breeched my trust many number of times. She jeopardized my relationship with my brother and everyone else. My brother and I once had a strong bond, now we can't even talk to each other properly and he lives in England. I'm so done with her bullshit. My dad's worse. He sent a picture of my diary entries to my whole family. My mom and I had a huge fight and I wrote how I felt about that, but he literally sent a picture to everyone and my brother read it out aloud to my mother. And my mom is undergoing chemo. She thrashed me with my dad's belt every day for a week. She expects me to be religious and think God is everything when I couldn't care less. She wants to control every aspect of my life and its irritating. When will she ever realize that I'm my own person? Its not like I'm drinking and partying. I get straight As.
I agree with DonkeyDan. Puberty makes kids awful. Parents are the ones having to put up that mess and trying to talk sense into teens can easily end in a "you're ruining my life" moment.
Don't get swooped into the negativity of the thread and retroactively resent your mother if you didn't before. What good would that do? Does it serve any good to be angry about it now?
Maybe that thread showed you that you have ups and downs with her, but not all downs. Keep it in perspective.
I think parents do get worried when their daughters hit puberty. Girls that age catch the attention of boys who are only interested in sex.
If I ever have a daughter I would be worried as hell that some boy would get her pregnant even if she is the best daughter around.
You are a good looking girl. I can't imagine how your mother can criticize the changes you went through.
You have mentioned before that she won't let you wear certain clothes. I think that's her just trying to be a good mother. She doesn't want boys checking out your body and getting any ideas.
Exactly and I forget what theory it was called but there’s this theory we’re basically a person reaches a point in their life where they’re starting to form their own beliefs and etc which may deviate from their parents beliefs which might scare them and cause conflict and I think that’s the case too
I'm sorry that your Mom was hard on you going through puberty yes some parents are not fair to be hating their child/teen I know my life was miserable I was bitched by my Mom ( late) what hurts is she wouldn't go see a doctor and it was too late she was full of cancer and It makes me wonder about things I believe all parents should tell their teens/ child about the birds n the bees and I believe some parents should realize how lucky they don't have a child/ teen that runs the streets and go drinking, smoking pot
It’s not hating, it’s love they aren’t old enough to understand.
You will understand this when you are older and a parent, puberty is a time when teens’ independence and parental guidance clash, this is because teens are able to think on their own with an attitude that they know better than their parent forgetting they still live with their parents who love them (not the way they want to be loved, their kind of love at that age is to be allowed to be lazy doing whatever the fuck they want), have rules and expectations for them. Teens don't necessarily reason as their parents, and their goal is to have fun and experiment while with their parents’ goal to guide them to be responsible humans and keep them safe.
I know, but my mom made me insecure and made me feel very bad about myself during that time. She never talked to me about stuff that could’ve been very helpful
You gonna let the past go and move on, parenting is never easy, am not talking about parents who hurt their children leaving them traumatized or parents who had serious marriage or financial issues, where there were fights or alcohol/ drug abuse. Those are wrong and failed in their parenting knowingly or unknowingly. Am talking about ordinary stuff that teens complain about, like being grounded, or phone being taken away, or no party, or house chores. Etc.
All parents dislike their kids during puberty, but it's not them it's you, not you specifically but all teens in puberty. When people go through puberty they become very moody and huffy, and basically turn into someone else, they become argumentative and rebellious, you basically turn from this sweet child into something possessed by the devil 😂. It's all part of growing up and finding yourself but everyone goes through it. You won't see it in yourself at the moment but when you are older you'll understand what I mean. Teens are a pain in the ass.
I think hate is a very strong word to use but I have seen a lot of parents struggle with their kids starting at age 11. It's all about the kids trying to form their own identity. Parents can't let go of the control and it creates major problems. I think Parents don't want or don't have time to take with their kids due to working or smaller children. Those puberty years are difficult for both and a lot of harsh words get said that I'm sure aren't really meant but do hurt. For a Parent to hate their child I'm sure it's rare.
Oh trust me you'll kn it he difference. My mom was a real screw up of a woman. At least she did kick you to the curb at 11. If you are having friction you're like 3 years away from independence. My advice? Take that job you want d at McDonald's and just start saving now. Keep up with your school work too though.
Yes I’m 24 and no longer have contact with my mom. She fights me every time I try text her. She says mean things to me. She wants me broke never live alone no job she didn’t want me to save or have boyfriend. She is jealous person too. She hates me as I’m independent & pay for my own things and drive.
This is your time for you to find yourself if your mom's not going to be there the way you wanted to be then you're going to have to figure out things on your own you have a good foundation you have a good heart if you have to accept your mom how she is are you don't you have to remember your mom only knows is who and how to be because she was treated the way she she was treated it doesn't make sense to me but because I was treated bad but I was there for my kids
Keep in mind that a lot of parents see their children as an 'extension' of themselves. When a child turns into puberty - they start to change a lot, and when there's change comes a LOT of changes such as behavioural changes, preference changes, mind changes etc (only talking about psychological aspects here)
The child may turn into someone that their parents might be jealous/disgusted/disappointed by because they had unrealistic expectations from the beginning!
Maybe they get disgusted... Depends on what type of shitty parents/mom u have... when I hit my puberty and my body started to change my mom supported me... I was so scarred when I saw blood in my pants first time, but my mom assured me that it was common among girls and that she also had it...
It's common in parents with low self-esteem. They're intimidated by the fact that their child could someday outperform them. I also suspect some parents are lonely and rely on their children for company and emotional support. This manifests by the parent giving bad advice, sabotaging relationships, or by encouraging dependance. Though, this happens subconsciously, so not even the parent is aware they are doing it.
I think it honestly depends on the parent. There are some that either through frustration, or maybe jealousy will treat their kids more harshly at the teen stages. However that's not always the case. My mom and my step mom didn't treat my sister's any differently once they hit puberty, and if anything was probably more loving and nurturing as they went through this phase. That said, the sad reality is that some people simply can't handle being a parent
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
It’s another thing exacerbated by modern technology and society. We can see the issue more obviously in men’s experience with women in that this world of technology and dating apps, etc, young women hold enormous power over their lives and the desires of men. So a mother and father could also be exposed to such feelings of jealousy and resentment seeing a young girl coming into immense power that grossly overshadows everyone else.
I still feel like my mother treats my brother better than she ever did to me she even tells him that she loves him and gives him affection sometimes she never did that to me except for when it was my bday
First stages of leaving the nest. Child starts to show natural need for independence, which can cause friction with once solid rules, trust, etc. if neither side handles it well.
I don’t think that’s the problem, I think the problem is that my mom wishes I was a little girl forever but because I’m not she is more distant and we fight almost everytime we talk
@15_Debo @somegirl408 means that, all girls and even boys go through changes in their bodies, and sometimes, the mother may feel jealous and not pretty compared to her daughter, but that is uncommon, and I think if a mom is jealous of her daughter, then its the definition of a toxic relationship
Yes; It may depend on how old the mother is at the time. If going through menopause while the daughter is going through puberty, there will 100% be fireworks.
She doesn't hate you. Teenage years are weird and neither parents or teenage themselves like them. I can promise you she loves you. She just has a hard time connecting with you right now.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
Yeah moms dont want there kids to grow up. When my 70 year old grandma inherited a bunch of money she wanted all of her kids to move back into a house with her and most of them are married and have kids
Moms don’t hate their daughters it’s the daughter is that turn around and turn on their mothers and then later on in life they start understanding their mothers and build a better
That doesn’t make sense. She’s a grown woman and I’m still her child, there’s no competition. That would be like a 5th grader competing with a college student
"There's no competition" not from your part, but from her part you can only go up and she can only go down. Your mind can go sharper, hers can only decay, your beauty will flourish, hers her only decay, your sociability can go up and she can only grow more jaded, etc...
And such competition can be healthy, but humans aren't made to be all that healthy... There's no need for very good next to "survivable".
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