Should I forgive my best friend for taking advantage of me being intoxicated?

[Anonymous]

My best guy friend and I went out for drinks on Friday. We were best friends for years and he never expressed any romantic or sexual interest towards me, and neither did I, so I assumed all this time that we are really just friends. Anyway, the bar was crowded and there was some dude in the corner looking creepy at me all the time while I was waiting for my friend. The guy approached me and asked to buy me a drink which I politely declined. I was drinking my own drink. So my friend came and we continue drinking and talking, and at one point we went outside to have a smoke (leaving drinks).
And then everything became blurry for me. I am 100% positive that someone (maybe that dude) put something in my drink because I'm used to drinking a lot more, and now I only had 2 cocktails. I remember in short flashbacks that my friend and I were kissing... and I have no idea how it got there! Then the next thing I remember is my friend taking off my clothes in my bed (I guess my intoxicated self just thought he was putting me to sleep and I remember feeling so grateful that I'm home and safe). But then the next flashback is that my friend is having sex with me... And then I wake up in the morning. And he was there too, naked. I was hit with shock and woke him up. I yelled and screamed and threw up. Then he told me "what happened", apparently I was "drunk" and I came on to him. Like I started kissing him and telling him I want him. He said he was wasted too and that I didn't seem "that drunk" like I was stumbling a bit but I could talk clearly. He said he really thought I was serious and he was up for it. Then he just wanted to take me home, but I dragged him into bed, and told him to undress me completely and fuck me. And so he did...
I am so depressed and can't believe what happened. I'm also very angry with him, because even if I was really drunk on my own accord and seduced him that way, he should know better that it's alcohol and I am not conscious! It's not a valid consent

Updates

1 y

I just think that a true friend would notice that I'm "different" (we're used to drinking together) and even if not, true friend would take me home safely and not take advantage of me like that.

[boggboss]

Not even sure how to verbalise this as essentially if you say u was not capable of giving consent he didn't take advantage of you he raped u simply put but equally if he was truly drunk and not attempting to take advantage of you he wouldn't have been able to think logically as he was also intoxicated guess u have to decide if his intentions where to take advantage off you or equally a drunk mistake

[boggboss]

And this is not me defending him also I think this whole situation is fucked up

[boggboss]

Essentially you will have to work out if your friend knowingly fucked you whilst u couldn't give concent and he knew this or if u where both not capable of making that consensual choice

[Asker]

How can I know that?

[boggboss]

Honestly I dont know how long has it been since it happened is it in the time span where u can get a test done to see if u was spiked

[Asker]

I went two days after and they told me that if I was spiked it would be out of my system already...

[boggboss]

That aside I would say its a judgement call I don't know the guy or was there to see what happened this is the issue with situations like this as u have black spots in your memory that means that anything could have happened from u passing out and him fucking u when u was out cold or you trying to flirt and seduce him and being fully on bored whilst drunk the problem with saying he should have known better being your friend is essentially saying I was drunk and not capable of making logical choices but he should be able to make these choices for me but he was also drunk so he clearly wouldn't have been able too

Again I don't want this to sound like me blaming u I'm not I'm just willing it over in my head

[boggboss]

Shit so that makes it even harder no way to know if u was drugged or just drunk this is truly a shit show I'm thinking he though u gave concent only because he stayed and told you what happened in the morning instead of denying ot or telling u he didn't remember but then equally could he be lying I'm really not sure

[DJB72]

You just described date rape.

You were incapable of consent because of your intoxication. That's rape

At the very least talk to a counsellor about it. I'm sorry you've been through that.

Oh, and he's NOT a friend of he's capable of what you describe.

[pleasestopthis]

"I just think that a true friend would notice that I'm "different" (we're used to drinking together) and even if not, true friend would take me home safely and not take advantage of me like that"
But you said he was wasted too, how was he to know in such a state? There's no way to know for sure unfortunately.

[CoolGuy7532]

You were both wasted. You both made the decision to get to that point. It does sound like he took advantage of the situation. I would not talk to him for a while and think about whether you still want to be his friend or not.

[Recurrence]

That’s fucked up. If my friend did that to Someone Else, I’d not be their friend anymore, let alone me

[Jouth]

you should get him drunk and take advantage of him, then it would be even