Boyfriend took his anger out on me after he got into a physical fight with his best friend . Should I forgive

Question

Okay it is me again sorry to be flooding this forum about this guy.

But I genuinely care about him and maybe I even love him idk.

Basically my boyfriend canceled our date while I was on my way & was very rude to me over the phone, when he said I DON’T COME OVER HIS PLACE

Yesterday evening he called to apologize, and then we sat and talk. Apparently he was taking out his rage on me because he and his best friend (he was drunk) got into a physical fight because his best friend was physically abusing his girlfriend in the presence of his ex girlfriend and he intervened.

He is friends with the guy's current girl and they all go to the same school and leave at the same apartment complex. He was beaten up badly, his cheeks, eye and lips are swollen and he also has some minor cuts and bruises.

His said he was irritated, hung over and angry and he did not want me to see him like this. Moreover, he did not want me coming around his place because he doesn’t know if his friend would have attacked me.

I mean it is all excuses, but it a good one. Nevertheless, I had him know that he cannot treat me like that and he needs to man up and stop hurting the people he cares about when he is having a temper tantrum.

I forgive him but I don’t know if I should immediately show him that I have because I need to move on with my relationship. What he did was rude and disrespectful.

He could have just told me he got into a fight the night before instead of lying about being tired from school and exaggerating on his hangover instead of being rude.

What is your opinion on this matter?

Confucius16 · Accepted Answer

Having answered your other question about this guy, I know what you're talking about. First of all, it is understandable that your boyfriend didn't want you to see him like that. He would have felt degraded or ashamed at his current state. But he shouldn't have yelled at you.

The good thing is, he apologized, so you should forgive him just this once. Make it very clear to him that you won't tolerate his rudeness, no matter what condition he is in. Tell him that you don't mind seeing him in that physical state, and make it known to him that you prefer he stood up for his friend's girlfriend rather than be cowardly and do nothing. Make it clear to him that you won't love him any less for looking like he got beaten up, because at least he tried. Make it known to him that he can be open with you about any hard times, and maybe next time, he will be able to talk to you about anything that happened to him. That's what people in a healthy relationship do. They communicate.

Let him know that he shouldn't get angry at you when he is feeling in a bad mood. He should talk it out with you. Many guys have trouble admitting they need help, so it is a natural process. It's going to take some time for him to feel comfortable with opening up to you.

madhatters4 · Accepted Answer

If this is the exception or the norm is really the question.

Yes they are excuses and we all make excuses in life (you do, I do, everyone does).

"I was late to work because their was a bad accident" That's an excuse.

"I'm sorry I can't hang out because yadda-yadda came up" that's an excuse

We all have bad days and we often don't focus that angr/irritation in the right direction. Just consider would you be very happy if he dumped you if you let your anger get the best of you and took it out on him?

We have to realize that we are all human and we all make mistakes if you expect to find a guy who never makes that mistake you are going to probably wind up alone because even the best of us have bad days and don't necessarily focus that negative energy in the right direction.

So again if you are noticing a trend of behavior where he gets angry and misdirects his anger at you then maybe you break up... but if this was the rare occurrence then give the guy a break.

bunny_luv · Accepted Answer

wow! for his best friend to be beating up his girlfriend he did the right thing by intervening. his adrelanine was probably pumped up too. I mean who wouldn't be upset to see anyone physically abusing someone else. and then throw booze on top of it all? yeah that's pretty much gas on fire.

don't be mad at him for telling you to not come over. he was probably trying to do the right thing by just wanting to be alone and think about what all happpened there with his best friend.

it is an obvious excuse why he bailed on you and I think he was only trying to protect you from the situation. take care ok? I really hope you two work things out and move on together (unlike his best friend and his girlfriend).

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I would just be more worried about why he felt like he had to lie. He can't just be honest with you? I mean if that was the truth, he got into the fight over some what of a noble cause as no one should be abusing their girlfriend or boyfriend. Why did he feel the need to lie about it? If it was my boyfriend I would want to go over there and take care of him and he would want the same. Also he really shouldn't be taking it out on you because he had a bad night. Anyways, I would try to find those things out first and would probably just let it go and forgive him.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

All excuses. You deserve better. If he does something like that once he WILL do it again. You will know wen a guy genuinely cares about you. If a guy area about you he will know that you will be his comfort to confide in and tone him down a bit. USA adios to this guy because he will only end up hurting you at some point..whether its now or soon later. Good luck an be a strong girl :) good things will come your way.

DivaMonae · Answer

Your boyfriend didn't want to see you to see him in that condition which is normal, all he did was yell or lose his temper, all of us do at one point. Plus its pretty hard to focus on something/one after something like that happens so I'm sure he was frustrated and yelled at u. Stay out of the range when he is upseg so he doesn't take it out on u. Also you should definatley stay with him he made one mistake, don't we all, he also apologized and explained it to u. And he is a good man every1 screams, but at least he didn't put hands on you like his friend does.

Hope this helps

xoxo Monae ;]

Anonymous · Answer

You take wayyy too much sh*t from this guy, you really do. He treats you like that because he (no offense) knows you're a passive pushover and can get away with it. I don't feel like he respects you.

Put him on TIME OUT and stop talking to him for a week. Let him chase after you and be full of apologies. Then when you finally do talk to him, tell him you don't appreciate being treated like that, let him know how hurt you were and that it can't happen again. That's the only way he'll know how serious it is if you lay down the law

Anonymous · Answer

I'm totally used to people taking their anger out on me, so I may be a little biased. If he apologized to you, I would definitely take him back. If you truly love him, then one little slip up shouldn't determine your relationship. I highly doubt this sort of thing will happen again, so excuse it for now. He seems like a great guy, and you know he will never hurt you. I think it's sort of pathetic that you're claiming to love him, but not standing by him when he's obviously going through a lot.

helloyes · Answer

if you think you can get someone better, yes. if you don't think you ll find anyone interested in you, then stay.

Anonymous · Answer

You're better off with another guy. Don't accept excuses.

Anonymous · Answer

Stay.

Boyfriend took his anger out on me after he got into a physical fight with his best friend . Should I forgive

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