I don't do cohabitation with bfs, is this weird to you?

[Anonymous]

I'm 23 and live with my family consisting of:
- My parents
- My two younger siblings (a 20 year-old sister and a 17 year-old brother)
- My maternal grandmother
- My maternal great-aunt

I've dated two bfs in the past but never lived with them. Both relationships ended in a break-up so it would've been a waste of time moving in with them. I don't like the idea of being the typical ''modern'' girl that had 4-5 bfs (a bunch of strangers basically) she lived with and they all ended in break-ups, all for nothing. Nothing stable, no timeframe, no chance of forming a family, no nothing.

[Xoxocutekitty]

23 is still on the younger side of those couples who have ever lived together.

While, being a serial cohabitator is not ideal, I think it's a good practice to live with someone before you marry them, if only to figure out who they really are, and how accommodating they can be in the worst of times.

You don't know a fight until both parties have 'no where to go.' Does he still give you the bed while he takes the couch? Are YOU throwing things or acting abusively because you are disappointed and angry? Is there always one person apologizing or do you take turns based off of who is hurt more by a particular topic?

What you learn with cohabitation is that there is no right and wrong, there is only what you can agree to fight about/fix and what you can agree that's not worth the effort.

Pick your battles they say, but you also have to learn how to plant your seeds. Marriage is the long game, you have to grow your own garden together because no outsider is gonna plant it for you.

[CrazyGirl2]

No! Not at all. You are only four years older than me, that’s not that much, I KNOW that I’m nowhere where near ready to live w/ a guy yet, I’m just not! It’s not strange, it’s not weird, it’s just a part of whom I am as a person, and whom we are as a society. We are cohabiting later and later, lagging behind our parents by ten to fifteen years in some cases! It honestly has nothing to do with you or your past dating history.

[Lonewulf57]

I'm going to be the radical devil's advocate. You say " Both relationships ended in a break-up so it would've been a waste of time moving in with them" but you don't KNOW it "would've been a waste of time" because you didn't TRY anything further. Maybe it might have brought out a commitment side of the boyfriend that would have caused your relationship to go to another level. As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

That said, don't jump at the first guy that asks you to move in with you. Do it with intent and much fore thought. Some people (people, not only guys) like to know what a person is like when you start living with them. You might scoff that it is like test driving a marriage, but here's the thing, dating is test driving a marriage too. Just think about it, instead of looking at it like a deer looks at oncoming headlights.

I'm not trying to bully you into a decision you don't want to make, just trying to bully you into reconsidering with a more open mind.

[Kabluie]

it's not weird, cohab is not for everyone as every situation is unique. You can have successful relationships living solo.

The last time we did it was convenient, she was living with her parents temporarily after living in another city on her own, so that was natural decision to move out again.

[WhatTheHeckkkk]

I think it’s pretty normal. No one wants to pack their shit, devastated, and lost when a breakup occurs.
I think for me, I’d be willing to move in after getting engaged, live together for a bit and see if we are compatible, if yes, then get married, if no, talk things through and see what we can do…
The thought of living together and then break young up is just so saddening lol. Especially if you have pets and shared items etc. It complicates things.

[Dojaphat456]

You never really know someone... until you've lived with them. But hell I agree wait until marriage or at least engagment.

[Asker]

Indeed. Otherwise if we live with them without any timeframe, purpose and give them all the sex they want (or even cook for them), he's getting it all without anything in return, LOL.

[Anonymous]

Not weird of course, the best. Family is a more important and secure institution than a boyfriend. There are two things that I find strange. 1. Where is your father? 2. And why does your mother's aunt live with you? Of course, these do not interest me, I just asked because I was curious.

[Asker]

I live with both parents. My mom and dad are still happily married. My mother's aunt has been living with us for 8 years ever since her husband (2nd husband; not family related) passed away of cancer. She had no one else to stay with and both of her children live on different states.

[Opinion Owner]

Why is her 2nd husband not from the family and she has no one to stay with and she has two children, hmm

[TrueConfection]

Awesome! My husband asked me to move in with him when we were dating and I refused. He asked me to marry him less than 2 months later. That was almost 21 years ago. Stuck to your guns! I'm proud to tell my children that we were married first.

[Asker]

Exactly. If you would've moved in with him... there would've been no proposal. You would've been still his girlfriend after 5+ years.

[abc3643]

That's fine and - the best part - many young men will not be fine with that, but the ones who are will "get it" and be potential husband material. This is a great way to filter out assholes before you date them.

[Jasmine-Darkfire]

Not at all, I will not live with a man romantically either. I do not mind the occasionally non-sexual sleep over but not going to live with him before I am married to him.

[Jintendo18]

If you’re engaged then I don’t see anything wrong with it. I mean it’s better to know if you’re compatible with someone else before you actually get married. They say you never truly know someone until you’ve lived with them anyway.

[Asker]

That's different. I know where the relationship it's heading, there is an engagement ring and the wedding date has been established. I'm referring to the couples that moved in after just dating for a couple months or so and live together without any established goals nor any timeframe... basically living together for the sake of it. Now that would be a real waste of time for me.

[Jintendo18]

Been there done that. Get the wrong person and you could end up wondering why you ever started dating at all. You’re basically living the married life without even being married.

[Jamie05rhs]

How is that weird? I don't, either. I think you should only move in together when the relationship becomes permanent.

[Staximus]

You shouldn't move in with some guy until the relationship is serious. You should definitely move in with him for a year before you get married to know if it's going to work or not.

[Asker]

Actually the only way I'll move in before marriage would be if I'm engaged.

[CallmeTheKnight]

Shacking up as boyfriend and girlfriend is always bad idea

[Asker]

Exactly. If the right man wants to ''snatch'' me out of my house, take me away from my family (in the good way), it's going to cost more than just being his ''girlfriend for 4+ years''. He'll have to do it the old way, marrying me.

[European4Ever]

It's very uncommon but I think it's perfectly fine.

[Anonymous]

At your age it’s not weird at all, you’re still very young, maybe when you are with the guy over a year and in your later 20s you might move in or get married. Nobody wants to keep moving out with every break up

[Asker]

I want to eventually get married when I find the right guy. I don't want to be another one of those ''girlfriend that lived with a man for 5 years and no proposal''.

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah you could do that too since there will be more of a commitment

[OddBeMe]

I would understand that. Get some alone time in your apt. But when you find the right guy, you’ll want him around 24/7.

[Asker]

When I find the right guy, I would want to form a family with him, not just be a girlfriend for 4+ years.

[Twalli]

If we're dating for about a year and a half and we don't have problems I would like to discuss it. Fact is, if I don't live with a girl I probably won't propose to her.

[jasco]

Basically you want to be married when you live with someone

[Asker]

Off course. Why would want to live with a man for years and then either desperately wait for a proposal I'll never get or the relationship ending in a break-up? Waste of my time.

[awkward_author]

There’s nothing weird about that. It’s just personal preference.

[najekim]

No, but when you find the one you would want to marry, live together for at least a year to be sure you're totally compatible.

[Anonymous]

You are smart, woman. It’s a total waste of time shacking up with someone who can leave at any time.

[Asker]

Exactly and it's sad many women my age don't get that. They waste their time and youth on that. That's just another way the guy can have free access to food and sex; he can then BS her with the ''I love you forever'' promises meanwhile she never gets proposed. By the time she realizes she's been treated like a FBW (the girl a guy wants to have fun with but never married, with just the slight difference of him going with the ''boyfriend'' title) and not a future wife whom he wants to marry... she already wasted 4 or 5 years of her prime years.

[Anonymous]

Not weird and nothing wrong with it.

[Waldoe]

NOT weird... do whatever is Right for you.