Is it acceptable to befriend a girl who has a boyfriend?

[Anonymous]

[TruthBringer]

This is often what losers do. And I'll explain.

A wise G@G user once saying that heterosexual guys who befriend girls, who already are in a relationship, are often losers who cannot get their own romantic relationship and therefore choose to leech off of the backs of people who are involved in their own relationships. They do this if it means avoiding being (completely) disconnected from the opposite sex.

And frankly, I agree with him 100%. I've made a Take on why men and women can rarely be platonic friends which for anyone who is interested can read it here:
Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends”

As mentioned in my Take, the reality is that way too many guys want more than just friendship. This has lead to problems for MANY people who are already in a relationship. If you are the type of person who "befriends" someone in hope it becoming something more down the line, then you're exactly the type why so many people have issues with their significant others having 'friends' of the opposite sex. And you should better stay away.

Self-respecting men with options aren't going to waste their time "befriending" women who are in relationships if they want to get to with them.

[TruthBringer]

I forgot to mention that women who have (lots of) guy friends are often insecure and by having male "friends" around them, they can feed off of their attention/validation to boost their confidence without giving them any piece of her in return (something she gives in a relationship). Not to forget to mention that many of them use them as a 'backup' when shit hits the fan with the actual boyfriend.

Women with integrity and respect for their man won't allow (potential) orbiters (so-called male "friends") when they are in a relationship.

[EmbraceThePain]

No, I don’t think it’s practical or realistic.


Evolutionarily speaking, there’s all sorts of reasons why men and women platonic friendships haven’t and don’t currently workout in the end.


It’s best to keep things polite between you two, but I wouldn’t befriend a woman who has a boyfriend since I don’t see the reason for such a thing.


A straight man befriending a woman who is in a relationship, where her boyfriend is effectively her best friend.


Do you find her attractive at all?
Could something intimate form in the future?


These are a few questions to consider and a few to wonder as to whether or not truly platonic friendships amongst heterosexual men and women do exist or can exist under normal circumstances.

[desidoll]

Yes, but do not step the boundary like most guys do. This is what I have experienced where I have to distance myself from some of my guy “friends” who pretended to be nice at first.

[globetrotter22]

Guys should never look to become friends with taken girls they find attractive OR girls who have obviously have no interest in.

It’s okay to be friendly in these scenarios. Just saying hi and engaging in small talk. But actually staying in legitimate contact (hanging out) is a no win situation for men.

I know you like having “guy friends” but the ones who actually like you are fools to keep orbiting around you.

[TruthBringer]

@globetrotter22 Very well said!

[globetrotter22]

@TruthBringer it’s just sad that women 30 and older are still confident and adamant it’s okay to play dumb because they like attention/benefits of having a “guy friend”.

I admit when I was much younger (late teens/early 20s) I sometimes acted manipulative to get my ends. But when I got older I showed more respect for being honest. One girl I hooked up 4 years ago really thought I was going to be her boyfriend. I straight up told I wasn’t interested in that and she stopped sleeping w/ me. I knew that might happen but I respect her enough to be honest.

But women 30 and older doing this manipulative friéndzone bs. Smdh.

[TruthBringer]

@globetrotter22 Funny isn't it? We are lead to believe that women are very good at reading people and their intentions, but for "some reason", they are very "unaware" of their guy friends trying to get with them. They think that just because THEY don't want to get with them romantically, that the other side feels the same way. Or because nothing romantic has happened between the two, that the other person doesn't desire it. But in reality, nothing happened because the women never allowed anything to happen except this "friendship".

Like you said, they're in it for the free attention/validation. The reality is that at least half if not most women with male friends KNOW their guy friends try to get with them. They just don't want to admit it to themselves and especially not to others. They thrive off of the validation they receive.

How many times did a female friend get jealous when their guy friends started to shift his interest to other women? You know how many lose their minds, because they feel like they are about to lose their narcissistic supply

[PrettyPriya]

Yeah. Girls with boyfriends are allowed to have guy friends.

[Still-alive]

Love you friend ❤️

[PrettyPriya]

@Still-alive ❤️❤️❤️

[MCheetah]

Kinda. It really kinda just makes you come off like a cuck if you do. Maybe only if you both have partners. Otherwise it's clear she's using you. You'd be doing all the negative boyfriend stuff without any of the boyfriend benefits. There's no reason for anyone to make opposite gender friends if they're already dating someone.

I guess it's different for everyone but for me, I strongly avoid befriending someone if they're already dating someone. Although my female friend and male friend back home ended up dating each other, and as much as I was against the idea and how it'd ruin our friendship, even I can't deny how natural the chemistry was there. It's like they were made for each other, even though I hated becoming the third wheel as I was her friend first. Last month, the guy told me they're engaged to be married now.

[Datboi65]

I know why you're asking that question. The answer is HELL TO THE NO. So check this out, there was a dude who made a video of himself having this very argument with his girl and told her to call her best male friend and tell him she wants him to smash. The dude first asked if it was a prank, and then when she told him that it wasn't, he didn't hesitate to say that he was down. If you want to be a girl's friend that has a boyfriend, you are probably doing so in hopes that you will replace him one day, which I don't advice you to. Would you want someone to damo that to your girl? Nope. Then stay away.

[Twalli]

Yeah, there's actually a girl on here I'd love to be friends with. Yet even if she was married or had a boyfriend my desire to be her friend would be unchanged. I already know we don't jive romantically. We have some of the same views but she wants kids, she doesn't really like pets, my nickname is one of her deal breaker names, and I don't think we're each other's types physically (I'm not her type, but I don't know if she's mine). So I would gladly befriend her regardless of her relationships because we both know that nothing sexual could ever happen with us. So I see no downside, I like her as a person and I think we'd have a lot of fun together.

[Anonymous]

It depends on her boyfriend and on the girl herself, some girls would say no because she don't wanna make her boyfriend mad or jealous, me as a boyfriend i don't like to see guys around my girl, i trust in my girl that she won't cheat on me but as a man i don't like any other guy try to get in our life and act that i'm just a friendly guy but he just wanna make us break up because he has a crush on my girl, you don't know who can trust in these situations, specially when you love your girl and you wanna marry her in the end, i know i'm a jealous boyfriend but that's the normal thing, have you ever seen a lion letting his wife to go and be with another male?

[ManOnFire]

I think it depends. I usually don't even have friendships with women who are already in a relationship, most times that just doesn't really work for me but there are special situations of course, like if the woman is older than me and already married. That doesn't bother me at all.

But I mostly prefer to be friends with women who are single, not because of the possibility that sex can happen but because it feels more appropriate to me.

[Moose304]

I have MANY friends who are females. MOST are married. I just am not as close to them as I am to my male friends. Before covid, some of us would go hang out at a sports bar and have fun. I will sit and listen to a male tell me things that I would never let a female do. You have to respect proper boundaries. Don't send messages that conflict and for gosh sake have some respect for the relationship they are in.

[globetrotter22]

For what purpose?

If you feel no attraction towards her then it’s perfectly fine. But if your interested there is no way this will end well. By default you are (rightfully) friéndzoned. However if she likes you too and decides to cheat with you then are both scumbags. If she will cheat on her boyfriend she will cheat on you by the way.

If you are interested just stay friendly but not friends. There is a difference.

[designer1]

Depends on ur intentions and self control. Some people have no boundaries when it comes to respecting relationships. If you think you could cross the line than I’d say no it’s not acceptable in my opinion.

[globetrotter22]

The fact he even asked this question tells me he’s interested in her. Bad idea. Definitely no harm in being friendly with her but being actual friends is a different story.

[designer1]

I literally have been in 3 different situations where someone has tried to ruin my relationship and was successful. THREE different girls lol! So this opinion was honestly a very watered down version of my actual opinion lol. I honestly have a hard time believing that a single person has the best intentions when they try to “befriend” a person in a relationship (of opposite sex).

[globetrotter22]

That’s why it’s a bad idea. Most likely he will never get what he wants and even if he does it shows she isn’t trustworthy. Huge drama price to pay for a quick victory.

But bottom line is straight guys don’t go out of their way to just “befriend” women. We might become friends by circumstance (at work, school, etc.) but virtually none of us seek that out. I have been real vocal on this because I self tortured myself for a year snd half doing this with a girl i had a huge crush on college. Don’t want to see him repeat the same agonizing mistake i went through.

Also I am very sorry about what happened to you. It’s just so frustrating that women find taken men more attractive. But you deserved better than that to happen.

[TruthBringer]

Glad to see two more people share the same views as mine. I've actually made a very detailed Take about this too
Why it’s almost impossible for men and women to be “just friends” ↗

[Paul09]

Weak minded people will say no. I say, yes, it is possible to be just friends. As long as you're not trying to get with her. But people are jealous and selfish. Did she ask You, or You are asking her? We are all suppose to be grown ass adults. Maybe we should act like it.

[Not_Average]

Are you married?

[Paul09]

@Not_Average Hell no.

[Not_Average]

I think it’s sheer arrogance when people say they would never cheat. There are ebbs and flows to monogamy. I personally eliminate temptation so that I don’t ever fall into that trap. I believe in protecting the relationship in this way. Usually people who are single say these things are fine, and people who married say there are limitations and boundaries.

[Not_Average]

There’a an entire book written on this if your interested

[Paul09]

@Not_Average It's all about maturity, self control, respect, loyalty, communication. I treat people the way I want to be treated. If You can't do any of those, don't be in a relationship. Plus, I'm not attracted to every single woman in the planet lol. I have single female friends.

[Not_Average]

Would you fuck those friends given the opportunity? If they came onto you?

[Paul09]

@Not_Average maybe one of them. But hard to say, I don't want to fuk up a friendship.

[Sincerly_KittyCat]

Sure its okay, ONLY if you have the motive to JUST BE FRIENDS and be able to respect both her and her spouse's boundaries.

[alexses]

Yeah, that doesn’t sound bad or wrong. In a friendship between guy and girl there are so many useful and positive things to talk about or live together, even if without having sex together.
If she is a good friend she can also give him good advices and help him get to introduce the most suitable girl for him!

[SmokyOne]

Depends on your intention I suppose.
If your intention is to genuinely be friends and if you catch feelings you cut yourself off then that's fine.

If your intent is to fuck up their relationship at the slim chance you can be her rebound fuck then no it isn't acceptable.

[KatieB713]

As long as you don't cross any boundaries, go for it... there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone with a partner, friends are nice

[_lost_soul_]

That really depends... are you interested in her or feel she might be interested in you? I truly believe men and women weren't meant to be just friends. Not to say there aren't men out there with female friends, but it's not uncommon for male and female friends to become fond of one another. Personally I don't have many or any female friends for that exact reason.

[CherryK]

Yes. I had guy friends after i was in a relationship and it was the best thing. Cherished the memories and laughs with those guys. And no romantic feelings!

[globetrotter22]

And I bet it felt great to these guys knowing they will never get with you. Their foolish choice but I bet the ones who actually liked you don’t see this as a “cherished” memory the same way you do. Not that you owed them anything (you rightfully didn’t) but just saying.

If he’s interested the right thing is to stay friendly but NOT friends. There is a difference.

[CherryK]

@globetrotter22 uh they had their own love lives going on bro bro. I even drove one of them to their girlfriends house so he could see her.

[globetrotter22]

Oh that’s different then. I don’t have a problem with that.

But let’s be real. This guy is likely single and more likely into her. He’s taking her friendly vibes as an opportunity. He will most likely be (rightfully) friendzoned. Even if she does break up with her boyfriend she will get used to just seeing him only as a friend. OR she’s morally flexible and if that’s the case they are both scumbags. He might get a quick victory but the price of the drama will not be worth it.

Anyway don’t mislead guys in these scenarios. It’s a no win situation for him and a ALL win situation for her.

[strawhatEli]

@globetrotter22 I would have to disagree with you, I've had female friends who were in relationships from before I met them, and I was single, even though I became very good friends with them, I never developed any kind of feelings, aside from friendship for any of them.

[globetrotter22]

@strawhatEli if you are not interested in them to the point of feeling jealousy than it’s fine. I’ve had one long time female friend who I have shared a bed with in many occasions. Thought never crossed my mind. I even saw her topless once. I didn’t care.

But I bet you a million bucks this young guy is interested. He would of never of asked this question otherwise. He’s just seeing himself up for a world of hurt.

[globetrotter22]

*setting himself up

[strawhatEli]

Yeah I get what you're trying to say, if he has feelings he should stay away.

[globetrotter22]

@strawhatEli yeah I admit I really went off this one. But I was given lots of bad advice at his age (especially from women). Wished someone would of pulled me aside and slapped some sense into me.

[strawhatEli]

Ik ik, I do agree with you that there needs to be someone to slap you.

[globetrotter22]

@strawhatEli haha man. But for real I made my point. I figure this guy will end screwing it up anyway.

[InYourHead]

Most of my friends are guys and I have a boyfriend so I think it's fine

[godfatherfan]

ahhhhhh... common now. As a guy, you know damn well men don't have women friends. We have women "friends". Women we are friendly to. Very big difference. The answer is a big NO.
Ladies, stop thinking you have men friends.

[Mofunfour20]

No, never. You have nothing to gain unless she likes you more than a friend. Even then it's a waste of time. Why would you try to rationalize putting yourself in the friendzone? I don't see the point but maybe you can elaborate.

[TheorionMage]

Ask yourself HONESTLY... do you want platonic 'friendship' or are you sniffing around seeking to find a way to undermine her PRESENT boyfriend? You're only 'bullshitting' yourself--- ; )

[Danish87]

If you don't like that girl, or having attraction toward her it's fine to be her friend.
Else don't go for it, you will be like gutter where she will only flush her sad emotions she had because if her boyfriend.