Whats the youngest you would’ve liked to had a kid? And the oldest?

[DizzyDesii]

So im not asking how old you were, but more so whats the youngest you would’ve been comfortable having a kid? What age would you have been freaked out having a kid? What age do you feel is a good place to stop having kids?

I personally would’ve been comfortable having a kid anytime after graduating high school, so 18+. Back then the goal was to have 12 kids haha. I think 24 would’ve been the perfect age to have a kid and i would’ve been most comfortable at that point because i for sure would’ve had the finances. I’ve always hoped to conceive before I hit 30 because I’ve never had intentions of birthing in my 30s. But I’d love to have one other kid through adoption later in my 30s.

My first boyfriend kept threatening to get me pregnant in high school, and even though I’ve wanted to be a mom since age 3, having been a teen mom would’ve freaked me out. I knew I wasn't ready physically nor financially back then and needed to wait. But had it happened, I would’ve womaned up and took care of the very thing I always wanted. In fact, I went to a school where most got pregnant between 14-18 and the ones who gave birth did well balancing work/parenting/school. They even married at 18 and went to college and are now on like baby 3. As for the rest, they either miscarried or aborted. #FeelFreeToList #BabyFever

[Anonymous]

Well, believe it or not, I would have like to have been a father when I was 16. Don't get me wrong, I know what the data shows about teen parents and their kids. That is also why I have such huge respect for those teen fathers who stay with their child and, if possible, the mother of their child. These are good, fine upstanding young men and if my own sons ever find themselves in that situation, I hope that they act with as much integrity, even though the road will likely be a hard one.

That said, my high school girlfriend and I had a pregnancy scare when I was 16. There is no doubt, it caught be by surprised and I was not carefree about it. However, here's the funny part. I was psyched! I was going to be a dad and I knew I was young but I was ready.

Of course, when it turned out that it was a false alarm, there was a little sense of relief, to be sure. Still, I have to admit, I was disappointed. I was all set to hold my son or daughter in my arms and when I found out that it was not going to happen, there was a sense of letdown.

Still, I know in a way that I was ready and - again, at least for me - that would have been a fantastic age to become a dad. Since then, I have gotten four women pregnant. One had a miscarriage. The second had an abortion without telling me and I won't lie. I was 24 and when I found out what my ex had done, I sobbed. To this day I miss my little angel in heaven that I never got to know.

Of the other two women, I had one son with a one night stand whom I only learned about two years ago. Then there is my girlfriend of almost 11 years with whom I have had three children - two boys, both unplanned, and my little princess who was planned.

In the case of my son by a woman with whom I had a one night stand, she opted not to get in touch with me to tell me she was pregnant and raised our son on her own till about two years ago.

Then she decided, as our son was 12, that as he was becoming a teenager that he ought to know his father. So she tracked me down and a test confirmed it. It was a shock, no doubt. However, I am getting to know him and I love him as much as I love my other children. My only regret being that I missed so many years of his growing up. He is an amazing young man and although he does not live with us full time, he is as much a member of our family as my other three.

As to the three - two boys and my little princess - that I have had with my girlfriend, they (and she) are the center of my universe.

Our oldest - currently 9 - is a live wire. His life's motto seems to be - "Why walk around obstacles when you can just walk through them?" We are pretty sure that he was the first second grader ever to apply to join the Marine Corps and we are pretty sure he was on the team that took out bin Laden.

He is also ferociously protective of his younger brother and sister. When once his younger brother was crying, saying he was being picked on at school, older brother said, "Don't worry (name), I'll protect you." We were pretty sure he would, too - with a tank.

Younger brother is his older sibling's temperamental opposite. So much so that I've asked my girlfriend what the mailman was doing the week our second son was conceived. He is our little cuddler.

When I get home and the other two are flying around the house, he will climb into my lap, look at me very earnestly, and say, "Did you have a good day today, daddy? I was very busy today..." "Oh were you?," I reply, to be then regaled with the days doings at school. (He loves school and he loves his teacher.)

CONT.

[Opinion Owner]

Our youngest, our daughter, is my little princess. That does not mean though that I am not as tough on her as I am the boys - Not!

Our conversations go something like this (or some variation on the theme):

Daughter/Princess: "Daddy, I want a pony."

Me: "You want a pony? What kind of pony? How about two ponies? We can put them in the backyard, the neighbors won't mind. Want to get the ponies this weekend? How about three ponies."

At which point my girlfriend rolls her eyes - she has to do that a lot with me - and says, "You're not getting her a pony!!"

Suffice to say I am currently covertly searching for the perfect pony to live in our suburban neighborhood backyard. As I say, the neighbors won't mind.

As to how old I would be willing to still have children, all I can say is that if my girlfriend told me tomorrow that she was pregnant, you would not be able to wipe the smile off my face. I'll have as many as nature and God see fit. They are all the most beautiful gifts a woman can give to a man.

[DizzyDesii]

This was long as hell but really refreshing to read. You’re rare

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks so much. I wrote a lot because you had an excellent question. It brought up a lot of thoughts and some happy memories.

[JustinTheGreat]

My daughter was born when I was 19. I love her and wouldn’t change a thing, but It’s definitely not the most ideal age to have kids. I wish I was just a tad bit older so that way I was more finically stable and mature (however having a kid definitely helped me mature faster and work harder. It gave me motivation to make something more of myself)
At 19 I was barely able to support myself, much less a child. I made it work though and I’m lucky to have a family who didn’t hesitate to help me when I needed it.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea 18 wouldve been my comfort age but 24 was my ready age

[MCheetah]

If I lived in a perfect world and had a perfect body and had perfect love, I would've wanted to have my first child (a daughter) at age 27. So she would come out healthy from the mother, and we wouldn't be too old by the time the child graduated high school (I'd be 45 by this point). Second child would probably be at age 30 or 31 and it'd be a son. I wouldn't want any more than two kids.

Oldest age I think a woman could birth a child healthily is 35, but then, she'd be 53 by the time the kid was done with high school, which is too damn old, in my opinion. So I'd say the upper limit is more like 32. I wouldn't want a woman older than 32 having my children.

Of course, in reality, I have a better chance at winning the lottery than finding a woman who likes me, and I'm also already 35, AND I have absolutely abysmally sh*t genes that I have no intentions on ever passing on to another life, so I don't want to/won't have any kids, in this lifetime.

Even if I could have any, look at the world they'd be entering. I feel sorry for sane decent parents trying to raise their children in a world of Joe Biden, Critical Race Theory, Wokeness, and a bill needed in Florida telling teachers not to brainwash and indoctrinate toddlers with LGBT horsesh*t. I think I would've rather raised a child during the Black Death than in 2022.

[exitseven]

Yes, I have a cousin who is my age and deferred having kids. He will be paying college tuition well into his 60s. I am done with all that.

[Sarahr123]

At 16 I wanted to have a kid by 22 or 23 and then at 20 it went up to like 25. By 21 I was thinking 25-27 and 27 would be the latest but now it is looking like 29-31 is most likely for the first one.

Ideally if I were very wealthy and had a life partner I was 100% happy with I would love to have been married by 21 and had my first kid by 22 and then probably one or two more. Having one early would give me flexibility to wait a few years and have 5-6 year gaps between kids so probably like 22, 27 and then 32. Or if I just wanted two then 22 and then a last child at 31.

As of now it looks like I’ll probably have one at 31 and one at 34. Since I love kids, if I feel broody then probably a last one at 37 haha.

[DizzyDesii]

But what makes you feel you have to be wealthy for at least one kid

[Sarahr123]

I just wanna give them the best life possible in every way and I think to an extent that requires having a healthy bank balance to be able to give them the best start. I don’t want to be unprepared in any way for the child because it would be unfair on them.

[DizzyDesii]

I agree but i just dont think you need to be rich to have one kid. Many, maybe but one can be done with just a good salary

[t-8900]

I wanted the have kids my whole life but the issue was I hit some road blocks with my health in my 20's. Now I'm hoping ill get one of two but I'm not holding my breath. I wanted 2 biological sons but I likely won't have them without medical intervention. Which my girlfriend is fine with but the issue is we both worry about a pregnancy they ends in stillborns. And I'm worried I might be putting her through too much and she's always been good to me, really good. Best relationship I ever had, wouldn't want to compromise it because I hurt her. But we'll certainly see. If we can she wants them both back to back year over year then she wants to stop. God willing and fingers crossed we'll have two healthy children in the coming 2-3 years. I think for me I'm done looking to have kids before 40 on general and I don't like the trend of having kids later and later. Infact I absolutely hate it

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i never wanted back to back babies. I was hoping they’d be 2 years apart. And now that im so close to 30, i’d except only being able to pop out ine biological and adopting the second

[t-8900]

Eh you'd be surprised but you need to keep up with prenatal vitamins and do things right. Stay hydrated all the time, get lots of sleep, increase red meat intake... Eat organ meat if you can stomach that sh*r... But me? Do not put liver on front of me 🤢

[Jamie05rhs]

I would have been fine having a kid at 28 (if I had married at 23).

Right now I'm okay with having a kid in theory, but I still wouldn't want to have one until later on in the marriage.

Which probably means I wouldn't try to get my wife pregnant until I'm 42 or 43. ... Which means my sperm would also be 42 or 43. ... Which means we should probably just scrap that whole idea lol. We can just adopt. (Or just skip the whole raising a child thing altogether.) I have nothing against special needs people, but I don't want to create one.

[Jamie05rhs]

by the way, @DizzyDesii You ask the best questions. I really do appreciate your questions. They really make a person think.

[Jamie05rhs]

(Also, that number I was trying to write was 23. Not 2. Lmao)

[DizzyDesii]

Thank you for enjoying them :) and dang you need your wife to yourself for about 10 years before conceiving? Lolz yea maybe adopt

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii Where did I ever say 10 years? Lol

[DizzyDesii]

you're 35 and said you woukd try until about 42/43 so i said about 10 years

[Jamie05rhs]

@DizzyDesii No; 5 years. I have to find someone first. Then I have to meet them. By that time I'll be at least 36. Then 2 years of dating at the minimum. I probably won't get married until age 38 at the earliest, best case scenario.

[Jamie05rhs]

Also, it's kind of bold of me to assume that I will find someone this year. Seeing as how I've been looking for 25 years (since I was 10) and I haven't had any luck yet. 😆

[Jamie05rhs]

But then again, you never know... 🤷

[Uptowngirl88]

When I was more naive 18 because I was convinced ," like omg I can just drop the kids off to my aunt and my husband's families house". 😆💀 oh how delusional I was. Once I became a nurse at 19 I worked geriatrics. Then I worked pediatrics aka infant to teen. I loved it but then reality set in of how much responsibility kids are, how annoying they are, the life of single parents, the family struggle for sitters , watching the lack of support for the parents or parent, the kids turning out special needs. Nah I'm good😆💀

[DizzyDesii]

Lol i know a lot of teachers and pediatricians who love their job but dont want kids forreal haha

[DarkCarousel]

It would worry me to have a kid at my age just because I’m not as limber and athletic as I once was. I want to bounce back and look good for both myself and my husband. I also want to have a healthy child birth. Stay active throughout and be an example of health for my child.

[DizzyDesii]

Sounds wonderful

[FancyPantz]

Well, If things had gone according to "plan" I would've wanted to have my first baby at 26-28. I wanted three kids with adequate birth spacing. Now, I want to start as soon as possible with the man I'm 🙏🙏to marry and be open to surprises with the number.

[DizzyDesii]

I hope everything goes well for you

[jennifer_bloom]

I wasn’t mature enough to be a mother when I was younger because I grew up with parents who never cared about or tried to protect my feelings and I spent decades trying to relearn the virtues other parents taught their kids when they were five so I avoided men because I did not want to be a mother or care for a husband.

[DizzyDesii]

Aww well im sure you’d do a better job then your parents

[Chris_8876]

I started seriously thinking about being a father at 23. I had a job, I was already living with a woman, it would've been fine I think.
We didn't have one until we were married at 26, 27 years old.
I did want us to maybe have another baby in our early 30's so we might possibly have a boy and a girl, but our relationship wasn't going that direction.
Now at 42 I have no interest in taking care of anymore babies, lol. I need my sleep.

[DizzyDesii]

I mean 40 is like the perfect resting stage. You shouldn't have to run around anymore so thats good tou got started early

[Chris_8876]

Yeah, I never regret doing all that stuff early.
If your marriage doesn't last forever, it's nice to be single again still be in your 40's when I can do whatever I want.
Raising babies is really cool, but it requires a strong bond between partners so they can do it together and it isn't so hard. It was also nice to be 27 when I had to work 2 jobs and help with the baby etc.
It was definitely tiring, but I loved my wife and child so you do whatever it takes. When marriage doesn't work out it can be discouraging and make a person not want to invest that kind of energy into a relationship again especially at 42.
I'll always be thankful for our son though.

[DizzyDesii]

I dont feel having a partner to assistbwith coparenting is a NEED in terms of having a kid but i do feel its a WANT and likely the better path to success

[Chris_8876]

Well, I'm thankful that my ex and I were together when our baby was small. I would've struggled to work and try to raise a baby on my own. It wasn't until he was 8 or 9 years old that we started living separately and coparenting. By that point it's definitely easier to care for a child on your own.
You can take cars of a baby by yourself 24 hours a day if you have some kind of income, but it is what it is. Definitely difficult.

[AviatorTom]

As a male...

Youngest... 25. You're pretty independent and able to take care of yourself by then.
Oldest..50. Not a good idea to attend college graduation at 71yo, nor your child's wedding at around 75.

My suggestions for a female are different...

Youngest... 21. You're in your prime sexually and emotionally.
Oldest... 35. Older than that increases the probability of a birth defect or difficult pregnancy.

[DizzyDesii]

50 year olds can still get around good but thats still old. Could risk disabilities/down syndrome just like when women are 34+ and at greater risk.

[AviatorTom]

@DizzyDesii With all due respect, older men do not increase the possibility of disabilities. FYI... my father was 67 was I was born, and I and perfectly normal.

[DizzyDesii]

I didn't say its not possible to have a healthy kid. Im just sayin both put the kid at risk. I know some old men who got with young women and the kid was affected. Sure it could be something else in the genes but i believe age is part of the issue. You can even google that and see that the older mens sperm can affect that. But alright i’ll leave it be

[AviatorTom]

@DizzyDesii Age is less problematic for men than it is for women. Abnormalities are generally caused by faults in the DNA of the egg or the sperm. As people age, the chance of a fault in the DNA increases, that's true for men or women. However, women only have one egg at a time, so if that egg's DNA is faulty and becomes fertilized, there's a high probability of an abnormality. Men, on the other hand, produce lots of sperm, and any sperm with a DNA fault generally lose motility and don't have the energy to reach the egg, let alone fertilize it, thus resulting in a low probability of an abnormality.

[IveGotNoName]

Youngest is probably 27. Oldest? Well, depends on your question. Are we talking about the first kid? Because I'm pretty sure I want more than one, and if I choose the absolute oldest age I would consider having a kid, I wouldn't be able to have another one. Let's say it's oldest age I would have my first kid, then it's probably around 33-34. If it's oldest age I would have my last kid it would be 37.

[DizzyDesii]

Oldest for the last kid

[Tjw78]

I used to tell myself if I didn't have any kids by the time I was 30, then I didn't want to have any. When I turned 30 I kinda changed it to 35. I'm already 32 and haven't even dated anyone in a decade, so I'm starting to think I wasn't meant to be a father.

[DizzyDesii]

Im glad you pushed your limit. If you really want something, you shouldn't give up. My reason for wanting to stop before 30 was just because i felt 30 was old to run around with an infant and i also felt it was heightening the risk of possible disabilities/down stndrome

[Tjw78]

I'm not really sure what I want at this point. I can be content being a stepfather or adopting. I am starting to believe that age isn't really a good factor to go by when it comes to having children though. I am healthier physically and mentally at 32 than I was a decade ago. I feel like I'm growing younger, not older

[DizzyDesii]

Of course health is the overall deciding factor bt age still plays a part too. I wouldn't want to be birthing at 34+. Im not going to intentionally put the kid and i at risk

[Tjw78]

I believe that the age range is a little different with males and females. That's probably why statistically there is a few year age difference with relationships, with the male being older. Or that could just be an absurd assumption since I don't have much to base it on lol

[Anonymous]

I woulda really liked to have one at 23. I think I had a lot of stuff going right then and having a kid would have kept me focused. I was happy, I had my shit mostly together. Would have been cool

I'm so worried about how I'm going to start a family.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea 23/24 are the best ages to start in my opinion. And yea im trying not to worry. I just wanna get myself in shape for giving birth lol

[Likes2drive]

Probably 25 would have been the youngest and 38 being the oldest, too young and you’re not financially or mentally ready, too late and you’re getting too close to a retirement future still raising a kid on limited income. Of course those are responsible ages, but poor people don’t care and just let the government pay for them instead

[DizzyDesii]

I wouldn't say all poor people do that but the ones who are too comfortable living off the gov do. There are some poor people who just know how to work, farm and budget to support their family

[Likes2drive]

Yeah but very few , but they are the ones that have kids too early and don’t care, responsible people wait until they can afford to have kids and mid to late twenties seems to be a good age

[DizzyDesii]

I don't know i dont see it as a bad thing unless its someone whos having more than one kid after already struggling to support one kid

[Likes2drive]

Yeah that would be dumb but it happens so often and the guy usually leaves too

[DizzyDesii]

Thats why i waited til i had the finances and have prepared to have a kid, man or not

[Likes2drive]

Good move, i’m sure you can get plenty of guys

[DizzyDesii]

Probably but im not going to be seeking then out once im a single parent. I see it as end up with one before the kid or accept beint without one after. And i’ve come to accept the possibilities

[Anonymous]

Had my son at 37, wife 32 and we had been together for 7 years…. Very happy.

We were financially stable, we had traveled the world, my wild days were behind me… it felt so right. I’ll be an older, which means I need to take care of my health for my Son, extra incentive isn’t a bad thing.

We had a life people dream about for retirement before starting a family, zero regrets.

[DizzyDesii]

Long as you're happy :)

[babz21]

If I was stable financially then 25 would be the youngest to have a kid. The oldest I think it is acceptable to have a kid for me would be around 37 because after that it becomes more dangerous for the kid and mom but sadly I don't think I will be having kids even though I've always wanted some. No female has ever been interested in me as far as I know

[DizzyDesii]

34+ Not just 37

[babz21]

I was going to put 40 originally but then thought it could be too dangerous for the kid and mom so I put it down a little. The age is if both me and the female are about the same age.

[DizzyDesii]

But even an older man is risking affecting the kid in terms of birth defects. So both should be well under

[babz21]

My uncle was around 40 when had his last kid and as far as I can see my cousin has not birth defects unlike my parents had me around 33 and I had birth defects. So yeah I do understand but 37 is not that old to have a kid. My reason for the higher number is because I really want kids but have never found a female interested in me and i worried I won't get the opportunity to have kids ever

[DizzyDesii]

No i was saying 34+ is old and thats where the birth defect risks start. Of course we can still love someone with defects. I just wouldn't intentionally put my kids at risk so i’d rather try in my 20s

[babz21]

I would like to try to do it before my 30s but atm it doesn't seem like it will. I would never intentionally put my kids at risk either but sometimes you don't always get what you want sometimes accidents happen

[Guido]

I think ideally youngest would be early 20's and oldest should be around 30. I do not think it is ideal to be dealing with teenagers and menopause at the same time. Also having kids younger, you are in better shape to do a lot of things with them. I have noticed older parents are not as active with their kids compared to younger parents.

[DizzyDesii]

I fully agree

[Harleigh90]

I always said around 28, because i had goals to achieve. Every year since iv added a year 🤣🤦‍♀️ Now I've hit the point where it plays constantly, body clock is ticking etc. What will be will be.

[DizzyDesii]

Lol i couldnt keep adding a year

[Harleigh90]

@DizzyDesii lol didn't plan to! 😅 Think 33/34 is my cut off, need time to actually find a guy first 🤦‍♀️🤣

[LovingLoverReturned]

25 is the youngest. Thirty something is the oldest. That is the age my mom had me and I don't want my kid to feel they lost me too early :') Amma tear up

[DizzyDesii]

Lost you too early how? Like if you had them when older?

[LovingLoverReturned]

Yes. I was gonna say 40 at first... and maybe it won't be bad as long as I'm fit and healthy.

[LovingLoverReturned]

But I don't want my kid/kids to lose me too early

[LovingLoverReturned]

Do tou know the awesome teen mom? I think think name is Maddie... I used to watch her and admire that she took responsibility for her actions.

[DizzyDesii]

Yea i started watching a few of the Teen Mom reruns but i dont know the characters too well

[LovingLoverReturned]

Maddie Lambert has her own YouTube channel.

[Jeremy123g]

All the men seem to be like 25 to 30ish on when they wanna have kids. Let me tell you your all amazing cause the thougth of me having a kid at age 18 is scary af even when i work my ass off and dont pay any bills