I feel like I have been seeping into depressive states more and more now, I used to work myself to death with school to stay away from the feelings, but it has gotten to a stage where I feel like this is getting to be more chaotic. I am 20 now, and I have probably been undergoing immense forms of anxiety and even depression since I was 10. over the last few years I met people I truly found to be great and mostly a lot of people who hit me down. Though I have been a honors student, and have tried recently I have met a class that brutalized me in college. I failed it a few times, but my issue is I took on so many hard classes and the depression I felt got in my way. I am ashamed to even say that. But, at home and all I deal with a brother who is in his midteens who constantly curses at me, uses me to do his work, and sometimes even picks up his hands to hit me. My parents try their best, I will not lie, but they have more and more come to see him as someone who uses others and forgets about people who tried. Even with reprimands he still sees me as a homework machine, while insulting about weight and all sorts of things. Some of my friends have been notable for using me, and dishonest, I try to stay away--i can never ask for their help and assistance, the few who try do their best. Sadly,, one of my best friends and I are distanced rn. We have always liked each other, but knew our friendship mattered above all. Anyways, he comes from a family that is extremely backwards lets say. They dont like him talking to women. His sibling got married and their homeland, and their spouse basically added my best friend--who believes in being nice to everyone regardless, to a point where he gets used to do homework, etc (kind of like me, though he is more so naive). His family is one to arrange their kids, and only maintain culture, and sadly his sibling's spouse exposed his friend list on social media to his family and he went off the grid.
Updates
1 y
He told me he was seeing someone, which was later verified as untrue, everyone knew he did this so his family would never get a bad name. His family hasn't protected him much, and with the loss of a parent at a very young age, he has been a fish out of water. His parent who is alive, and siblings tend to be oblivious to his needs. He started to smoke when he got to college and all to get his mind off stuff, and it got better, until huge hardships were faced. but just not having my best friend
Updates
1 y
sucks tons, we would always open up and all. some days he really helped me see through a lot and vice versa. When he spoke to me via phone about this there was so much guilt, and even a few tears he tried to hide--he just emphasized his family tons. But it sucks because all this happened at once with the class, minimal support, anxiety, and more. What would you guys do, am I silly for feeling all this?
