I have a friend who drains my energy so bad, I want to take a break from her but apparently I’m her only friend. What should I do?

[Anonymous]

I have this friend who keeps pushing people away from her life. She has a bad attitude towards people and is very judgmental. The only reason why I stick around for so long is because she has anxiety as she’s afraid of potential health issues. (so do I) and I feel I inclined to listen to her vent because I know how important it is to have someone there. But, on the other hand, she puts herself into situations over and over again that makes her get in trouble and she runs to me for help. She also never sees that she’s in the wrong Also, the thing that irks me is the fact that she’s so judgmental. The funny thing is that the hates introverts, and I’m an extreme introvert lol. When I told her that I’m one, she said that I’m not, like she actually is trying to make me believe that I’m an extrovert like her (?) Anytime I try to stand up for myself, she says stuff like “I’m so glad we are friends”, “I don’t know what I’ll do without you” out of the blue. Those things make me feel guilty and as if I should stay. But the truth is, she really drains my energy. Even my family noticed that I’m not myself when I speak to her. I have to do something to protect my peace but I don’t know how. At the moment, I’m her only friend, or at least that’s what she makes me believe. She’s 27 and we knew each other for a Couple years, but she actually doesn’t know me. She has no idea of my favorite food, my favorite band etc, because I can’t be open to her because of her attitude.

Ps: I’m sorry if this post came across as a jumbled vent, I needed to let this out of my chest. Thank you to chose who read it. I appreciate any advice😊

[Anonymous]

I was friends with a girl for over 10 years who was the exact same way, and feeling guilty about leaving is the #1 reason it took so long to cut ties. She also struggled with mental health, at one point was even hospitalized for suicidal tendencies. Things like that make it so so so hard to step back when you know that need to. All I can really say is to protect your peace first, not hers. Start setting some healthy boundaries and don’t back down.


If you’re like me and just extremely polite, non confrontational and afraid of hurting her or making her feel abandoned then this will be hard, but it’s important to remember that you aren’t punishing her and genuinely care/love her. Setting boundaries is the only way to service the friendship without ending it, and you’re not doing it out of anger and malice.


Your friend is used to you behaving a certain way so you’ll have to retrain her by repeatedly and consistently maintaining said boundaries. Give yourself credit along the way for being courageous enough to advocate for yourself and sticking to those limits. You’ll have moments of doubt, nervousness and guilt but keep in mind while you’re doing it. At some point she will get it, it if not then she never will, and it’s probably time to come to grips with her real limitations, and let the relationship go.

[Anonymous]

Have u tried to distance yourself from her without making it too obvious? I know u have empathy for her being an anxious girl but u have to set a limit for that. you're not even yourself when you're talking to her, plus she's treating u like an emotional dumpster. That’s her problem if she keeps pushing people away, and for extroverts i think it should be easier for her to make friends. Just distance yourself from her until she noticed that youve had enough with her

[Zenpanda]

It may sound harsh, but she's not worth a decline in your mental health.
It may be hard since you're her only friend, but if someone drains you more than they lift you up they're not much of a friend.
You shouldn't let her situation stop you.
There is only one number one in your life and that's yourself.
There is nothing more important than your health and wellbeing.
So if she drains your energy and you literally have a change in personality around her just to accommodate her, she's not worth it.
Cut her out of your life or at least lessen contact with her so she's not a burden to you.

[Summeroflove]

Sometimes you need clear boundaries with people. If they keep crossing them. Sometimes you have to cut people out of your life.


Energy vampires.

[Fromdusktilldawn]

I feel like I am such a friend. I have like only 1 person I feel comfortable with. I am very antisocial and have no social circle, people avoid me.

I sometimes feel like I only annoy that person

[Nomina]

Take a break. She'll figure herself out eventually.

[Nomina]

To elaborate a little bit. Tell her the truth. If you want to remain her friend, tell her that but that you can't be there for her if she doesn't make better choices for herself. "Help me love you", kind of.

Maybe she needs a wake-up call, I don't know. But if you can, find the strength within to let her know what bothers you and let the chips fall where they may. She might get pissed, she might not. Don't know.

Also figure out whether you want to be her friend because you genuinely like her or because you feel sorry for her. If it's the first, tell her but she kinda needs to shape up. If it's the second, you may need to distance yourself a little and only be there for more superficial things until you can be there for deeper things, but it will depend on whether she shapes up.
Keep it superficial, then.

This is all from my perspective, based on what I'd do. You do you. But every time she would vent and complain, I'd tell her "you'll have to figure this out on your own".

[skyee_727]

if she creates problems for you, then it's better to just drift apart. tell her you're not interested to be friends anymore. this might need lots of guts but you'll be thanking yourself later.

[Anonymous]

Take a break. Her lack of other friends is her problem not yours. Maybe having no friends will finally give her that motivation to assess why exactly that is.