Why do people only remember the good memories of their deceased parents?

[Bethany22]

Why is it that when parents die of people who never got along well with their parents, that these people all of a sudden stop complaining about how controlling and narcissistic their parents were, and now only talk about how well-intentioned they were? Is it because they start embellishing the past (and why does that even happen, anyway?), or is it because of the sudden powerlessness they feel now that they have no one to play the cat and mouse game with (it's like, the parents have subconsciously given up chasing kids that don't want them, and the kids feel guilty about that)?

[RolandCuthbert]

Because they miss them. My father wasn't the best. But it was only after he passed away did I realize how much he loved me.

He just wasn't raised in an environment that was very expressive. He showed his love by being a provider. I never went hungry, without shelter, or clothing a day in my childhood. He was there for every graduation. To see me off to college, he was best man at my wedding. And I realized after he died, that I was looking for stuff he could not provide. So I began to appreciate the things did do. He led by example.

[exitseven]

I try to remember the good things but I have never forgotten some of the crap they both put me through,. They had a difficult divorce and I could not show favoritism. It was always a nightmare for me at Thanksgiving and Christmas especially after I had kids. Even though they have both died I still hate Christmas.

[exitseven]

Thanks for the MHO😎

[nolabels]

I'm not representative of those you mention in your question as we were as close as can be, but I'll share my experience.

I lost my dad to cancer when I was 11. I loved him dearly and was inconsolable for a very long time after he passed. He was not perfect, but I loved him with every ounce of my being. I can remember him being angry at times. It was OK, I loved him. I can remember him working long hours in the basement with his accounting papers spread out all over the ping pong table. That was OK, I loved him.

I loved him. I know that he loved me.

[ArrowheadSW]

Probably a good thing, that they now realize that they were well intentioned. A lot of times, parents just don't know any better. Most people are only parents during one timeframe in their life (unless they start another round of kids later), so they might not have had a chance to "do it right". Anyway I was lucky to have had wonderful parents in spite of them not being perfect. And whatever shortcomings they had weren't really that bad.

[Sixgunsound]

Because it is cognitively easier and more convenient than voluntarily reliving pain. People also enact how they want others to treat their memory when it’s their turn.

[worldscolide]

I don't.. The only thing I will remember about my mother is that she chose drugs and prostitution over being a mom to me.. And the only thing I will remember about my dad is that he sexually abused me as a child.

[FunkyMonkee]

Not me, I still remember a lot of the bad times! Especially with dad!! It'd be PRETTY HARD for ME NOT to remember them!! They WERE the bulk of my life!!

[GoodGuyBreakingBad]

My mom passed away 11/10/2003, but I still remember the good points about her

[peedy]

Oh they remember the bad its not polite to say it its out of respect you don't say bad things about someone when they can't defend themselves
You've heard politically correct well this is socially or morally correct things you just don't do or say, your parents should have thought you these things

[BLP11520]

My Mom sacrificed for her kids, worked and kept up the house cooked cleaned loved us when we were sick. I refuse to have negative thoughts concerning her. My wife is nothing like her, my Mom never bitched.

[Bklynbadboy12]

I remember everything but I have mostly good memories about my mom she was the most amazing woman I've ever known but don't get on her bad side she was only 4'11 but she was no joke 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Utopia1]

I believe they do this because they have no one to argue with or blame them for how rotten their life is.

[Summeroflove]

Because. We honor the dead especially those we love and care about. We remember and cherish the good times.

[KrakenAttackin]

Not true. People only talk about the "good things", but they remember the toxic shit.

[Anonymous]

Will you marry me?

[pizzalovershouse]

I rember the dumb things they do

[LavLavLuv]

My father was funny and chill af so ya

[lpoots]

dont think of them